Quantcast
RELATED

Toni Childs and Joan Clayton were more than friendship goals. They were life. I was in middle school when Girlfriends first came on the air, and in college when it ended. Growing up watching their epic friendship, it only made sense to want to have a friend like that. But when Girlfriends made its comeback on Netflix, I couldn't help but cringe at their relationship during my binge sessions. Toni's colorist remarks and Joan's self-righteous attitude were just the tips of the iceberg. They couldn't do life without each other. They were one another's soulmates. But their lives didn't complement one another. Instead, their codependency proved to be toxic to the point they would cross so many disrespectful lines, break-up, only to come back to each other again... until they didn't.

Suffice to say, it's so easy to find ourselves giving our lives to relationships. They're your person and we all need one of those. But over time, little and big things could add up to a codependent friendship that is beyond unhealthy, full of manipulation and guilt-tripping (even if it's subconscious). We all love our friends, but this type of attachment just isn't healthy. Here are the signs you could be in a codependent friendship.

1.You're A Fixer

Tumbler

One sign that you are in a codependent friendship is that you spend your energy trying to fix and solve your friend's problems, sometimes letting your own go unnoticed. You're always the first (and often the only) person they call to come and save them, knowing you'll drop everything and show up for them. You feel like you're the only person who can be there for your friend, and they let you because that's all they know.

2.You Feel Anxious If You Don’t Talk To Them

Giphy

You tend to go beyond giving your friend a side-eye if you haven't talked to them in a while. In a codependent friendship, you can't function if days go by and you haven't spoken. You feel like you need to talk to them so they can guide you through your daily life.

3.You’re Selfless To A Fault

Giphy

You find yourself sacrificing and putting your friend first with nothing in return. You rarely prioritize yourself because you're afraid you could come across as selfish. They might even say things to make you feel that way. In return, your own needs sit unmet on the back-burner.

4.You’re Jealous If They Hang Out With Other Friends

Giphy

Especially without you. You know you're their best friend, and you believe they shouldn't have their own circle outside of your relationship with them. You find yourself getting envious and feeling threatened if they get too close with another person rather than developing a community of your own.

5.You Feel Drained

Giphy

If you're honest, in a codependent friendship, you feel drained after spending time with them. Whether it's one always calling to use the other as a soundboard for their problems (big and small) or being extremely needy and clingy, making you feel guilty for having a life outside of them. You pour your life and energy into the other person, hardly ever filling your own tank.

6.Your Identity Is Tied To Them

Giphy

In codependent friendships, you don't know who are you without them or when they're not around. Your self-worth, value, and identity are connected to your friendship with them. Yes, it feeds you, but you might feel like you're starving if they're not by your side.

7.You Can’t Make Decisions Without Them

Giphy

There's a difference between wanting to share life moments with a friend, and feeling like you need their "OK" or permission to make those moments. Another sign of a codependent friendship is that you feel like you can't make any major decision without them. Taking a new job (especially in another city), dating a new guy, or going back to school has to go through their checklist of approval.

Are you a member of our insiders squad? Join us in the xoTribe Members Community today!

Feature Image By Shutterstock

 

RELATED

 
ALSO ON XONECOLE
For Us, By Us: How HBCU Alumni Are Building Legacies Through Entrepreneurship

Homecoming season is here, and alumni are returning to the yard to celebrate with their friends and family at the historically Black colleges and universities (HBCUs) that have changed their lives forever.

No matter where their life journeys have taken them, for HBCU students from near and far, returning to where it all started can invoke feelings of nostalgia, appreciation for the past, and inspiration for the future.

KEEP READINGShow less
Is Your Man 'Quiet Quitting' You (And You Don't Even Know It)?

A few months ago, I read an article on Gallup’s site about a term that is known as “quiet quitting.” Seeing that reportedly 50 percent of people who go to work on a daily basis are apparently in the process of being a quiet quitter, I decided to do some beyond-the-surface research on it. If you’re not exactly sure what it means to quiet quit while on the job, probably the best way to explain it is it’s what happens whenever someone shows up to work on time and daily (at least for the most part); however, while they’re on the clock all they do is the bare minimum.

KEEP READINGShow less
LATEST POSTS