I Attended Afrochella. And I Took 19 People With Me.
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer. If you have a story you'd like to share, but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
This is Emily Williams' story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
There is a huge void in black travel not being exposed enough in mainstream media.
I remember being in a taxi in Spain, and the taxi driver was shocked to see me. He said, "We don't see a lot of black American people travel to Barcelona, we thought you guys just killed each other."
He wasn't malicious in his intent, but he went on to say that he was told "black people are angry, they fight, and will rob you."
Hearing this broke my heart. I knew that this was the image that we, and so many others, are often exposed to. I explained to him that yes, we have our complexities, but ultimately we are educated, innovative, beautiful, and we're just like anyone else—most times, better—because we have to be.
I don't know if our talk changed his views, but it was at that moment that I was convinced that we need to be everywhere in the world, and I was going to do my part to ensure our exposure.
As a travel agent, I've come across a variety of cultures, and I never even intended to start a travel company. I became passionate about traveling when doing so with friends. I always offered to plan our friend trips because I wanted to stay somewhere I considered nice, or sometimes authentic to the culture we'd be experiencing. So, it became the norm that whenever my friends and I traveled, I would plan the trips. Eventually, my friend's friends began to tag along and before I knew it, I was planning everything for everyone.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you getting paid for this? This is a lot of work."
And that's how I started my travel company.
Been Around the World Travels is a black-owned travel community that caters to black millennials and generation-xers, providing luxe redux travel experiences across the globe. Our goal is to get more of "us" traveling to see the world so we can break racial stereotypes and misconceptions of black people. We help educate about our culture and where it comes from because, yes, we travel, we're here, and our numbers within the travel community are only growing. We've visited many countries since our launch. And after my business partner returned from her 2018 trip to Afrochella, I knew it was next.
Initially, Ghana seemed like a great idea. We knew having a trip centered around the hottest concert in West Africa would be a whole vibe. But convincing people who had never even heard of Afrochella to sign up was difficult. Trip deposits were slow coming in and the trip was far from full. But on the day we planned to cancel the remaining rooms, there was a media push across the internet and Afrochella was suddenly the buzz in the US.
Our confirmations went from 12 people, to 20 in a matter of days. All Ghanaian hotels were booked to capacity shortly afterward.
If you're unfamiliar with Afrochella, it's an outdoor festival platform for new African artists to showcase their talent. People of the diaspora from all over the world come to celebrate their African lineage openly; with no apologies, and no limitations. The music and food is amazing, the people you meet are friendly, and the art installations are phenomenal.
This is what Afrochella does well.
All 19 of us arrived in Accra on an ironically sweltering December day. We checked into our rooms, got comfortable and began our Ghana adventures.
Courtesy of Emily Williams
Home is not where you rest your head. Home is where you belong.
Being Black in America, you're constantly told you have to be twice as good to succeed. You're told to go back to Africa. You're constantly told that your life doesn't matter.
Being on The Continent, and particularly in Ghana, I finally felt like I was good enough just as I am. I felt like I was home.
My stepmother is related to one of the kings of Accra of the Ga State, so some of the group and I were able to visit my stepmother's family members and learn about a few of the king's rituals. Everyone was friendly and we heard many times over, "welcome home" and "you belong here". I've never truly felt like I belonged in America, but I felt like I belonged in Ghana.
The fashion and the art is eye-opening.
What I loved most about the culture in Ghana is the fashion; Batik prints, the Kente cloths. I purchased several yards of fabric in beautiful bright prints to make pillows, table napkins, and possibly curtains. I purchased a picture of a woman with her hair in the shape of Africa, and some earrings with printed fabric on them. These aspects of the culture are woven into every single item, whether shirts, dresses, backpacks or even something simple as key chains.
Yes, it was disorganized, but they're still working out the kinks.
OK guys, yes there were a few mishaps with the organization of the event. And to be honest with you, I think most of it was due to not being prepared for the increase in popularity, and they just simply couldn't keep up with scale. People waited in various lines for more than an hour. The staff couldn't handle the sheer volume of people, so chaos ensued just from folks trying to get into the door. If you came late to an event, you'd likely lose everything you paid for in advance, such as a table, bottle service, and food (keep your receipts). It was...interesting.
The good news is, I think that this year's event, set a different expectation for the organizers. They now know what to expect.
Also, just know that time frames are off for literally everything. Afrochella started at 2pm, and ended at 4am, although it was slated to end at 9pm. Most people in Africa do not have the same sense of urgency as Americans, even for basic tasks. So, expect to wait.
There are celebrities, don't be that guy.
I had prepaid for a cabana for our group at Afrochella. When we arrived at the location, I was told we had VIP tickets but no cabana. However, luckily, I carry receipts with me everywhere and my receipt listed a cabana. It all worked out in the end because we were seated in the "only for media" section near the stage. This allowed us to be seated among Jidenna, Yandy Smith, Boris Kodjoe, and Mama Knowles. Some of our guests even took IG-worthy photos with these celebs. But guys, limit your fandom. They are more than happy to mingle with everyone, but ultimately they're there to enjoy the festival just like we are, outside of the confines of celebrity.
—
In the end, all 19 of us left the continent so enriched. Afrochella, and the entire trip to Ghana, taught us to stand in our greatness. We saw first-hand that we come from the most resilient of people and the challenges that we face today, are nothing like those our ancestors had to endure. It was a great reminder of what we've overcome and that we as young black international travelers are the embodiment of Black Excellence.
The diaspora gap is shrinking, and we are quite literally our ancestors' wildest dreams. And if you absolutely can't think of any other reason to visit, that should be reason enough.
To learn more about Been Around The World Travel Agency, you can follow them on Instagram. You can also sign up for their upcoming adventures by visiting their website.
Featured image courtesy of Been Around The World Travel Agency. Everyone on the trip is not pictured.
Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LISTÂ HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:Â Â
​Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
​Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
​Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images