As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer. If you have a story you'd like to share, but aren't sure about how to put it into words, contact us at submissions@xonecole.com with the subject "As Told To" for your story to be featured.
This is Emily Williams' story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
There is a huge void in black travel not being exposed enough in mainstream media.
I remember being in a taxi in Spain, and the taxi driver was shocked to see me. He said, "We don't see a lot of black American people travel to Barcelona, we thought you guys just killed each other."
He wasn't malicious in his intent, but he went on to say that he was told "black people are angry, they fight, and will rob you."
Hearing this broke my heart. I knew that this was the image that we, and so many others, are often exposed to. I explained to him that yes, we have our complexities, but ultimately we are educated, innovative, beautiful, and we're just like anyone else—most times, better—because we have to be.
I don't know if our talk changed his views, but it was at that moment that I was convinced that we need to be everywhere in the world, and I was going to do my part to ensure our exposure.
As a travel agent, I've come across a variety of cultures, and I never even intended to start a travel company. I became passionate about traveling when doing so with friends. I always offered to plan our friend trips because I wanted to stay somewhere I considered nice, or sometimes authentic to the culture we'd be experiencing. So, it became the norm that whenever my friends and I traveled, I would plan the trips. Eventually, my friend's friends began to tag along and before I knew it, I was planning everything for everyone.
One day a friend asked, "Why aren't you getting paid for this? This is a lot of work."
And that's how I started my travel company.
Been Around the World Travels is a black-owned travel community that caters to black millennials and generation-xers, providing luxe redux travel experiences across the globe. Our goal is to get more of "us" traveling to see the world so we can break racial stereotypes and misconceptions of black people. We help educate about our culture and where it comes from because, yes, we travel, we're here, and our numbers within the travel community are only growing. We've visited many countries since our launch. And after my business partner returned from her 2018 trip to Afrochella, I knew it was next.
Initially, Ghana seemed like a great idea. We knew having a trip centered around the hottest concert in West Africa would be a whole vibe. But convincing people who had never even heard of Afrochella to sign up was difficult. Trip deposits were slow coming in and the trip was far from full. But on the day we planned to cancel the remaining rooms, there was a media push across the internet and Afrochella was suddenly the buzz in the US.
Our confirmations went from 12 people, to 20 in a matter of days. All Ghanaian hotels were booked to capacity shortly afterward.
If you're unfamiliar with Afrochella, it's an outdoor festival platform for new African artists to showcase their talent. People of the diaspora from all over the world come to celebrate their African lineage openly; with no apologies, and no limitations. The music and food is amazing, the people you meet are friendly, and the art installations are phenomenal.
This is what Afrochella does well.
All 19 of us arrived in Accra on an ironically sweltering December day. We checked into our rooms, got comfortable and began our Ghana adventures.
Courtesy of Emily Williams
Home is not where you rest your head. Home is where you belong.
Being Black in America, you're constantly told you have to be twice as good to succeed. You're told to go back to Africa. You're constantly told that your life doesn't matter.
Being on The Continent, and particularly in Ghana, I finally felt like I was good enough just as I am. I felt like I was home.
My stepmother is related to one of the kings of Accra of the Ga State, so some of the group and I were able to visit my stepmother's family members and learn about a few of the king's rituals. Everyone was friendly and we heard many times over, "welcome home" and "you belong here". I've never truly felt like I belonged in America, but I felt like I belonged in Ghana.
The fashion and the art is eye-opening.
What I loved most about the culture in Ghana is the fashion; Batik prints, the Kente cloths. I purchased several yards of fabric in beautiful bright prints to make pillows, table napkins, and possibly curtains. I purchased a picture of a woman with her hair in the shape of Africa, and some earrings with printed fabric on them. These aspects of the culture are woven into every single item, whether shirts, dresses, backpacks or even something simple as key chains.
Yes, it was disorganized, but they're still working out the kinks.
OK guys, yes there were a few mishaps with the organization of the event. And to be honest with you, I think most of it was due to not being prepared for the increase in popularity, and they just simply couldn't keep up with scale. People waited in various lines for more than an hour. The staff couldn't handle the sheer volume of people, so chaos ensued just from folks trying to get into the door. If you came late to an event, you'd likely lose everything you paid for in advance, such as a table, bottle service, and food (keep your receipts). It was...interesting.
The good news is, I think that this year's event, set a different expectation for the organizers. They now know what to expect.
Also, just know that time frames are off for literally everything. Afrochella started at 2pm, and ended at 4am, although it was slated to end at 9pm. Most people in Africa do not have the same sense of urgency as Americans, even for basic tasks. So, expect to wait.
There are celebrities, don't be that guy.
I had prepaid for a cabana for our group at Afrochella. When we arrived at the location, I was told we had VIP tickets but no cabana. However, luckily, I carry receipts with me everywhere and my receipt listed a cabana. It all worked out in the end because we were seated in the "only for media" section near the stage. This allowed us to be seated among Jidenna, Yandy Smith, Boris Kodjoe, and Mama Knowles. Some of our guests even took IG-worthy photos with these celebs. But guys, limit your fandom. They are more than happy to mingle with everyone, but ultimately they're there to enjoy the festival just like we are, outside of the confines of celebrity.
—
In the end, all 19 of us left the continent so enriched. Afrochella, and the entire trip to Ghana, taught us to stand in our greatness. We saw first-hand that we come from the most resilient of people and the challenges that we face today, are nothing like those our ancestors had to endure. It was a great reminder of what we've overcome and that we as young black international travelers are the embodiment of Black Excellence.
The diaspora gap is shrinking, and we are quite literally our ancestors' wildest dreams. And if you absolutely can't think of any other reason to visit, that should be reason enough.
To learn more about Been Around The World Travel Agency, you can follow them on Instagram. You can also sign up for their upcoming adventures by visiting their website.
Featured image courtesy of Been Around The World Travel Agency. Everyone on the trip is not pictured.
Amber Riley has the type of laugh that sticks with you long after the raspy, rhythmic sounds have ceased. It punctuates her sentences sometimes, whether she’s giving a chuckle to denote the serious nature of something she just said or throwing her head back in rip-roarious laughter after a joke. She laughs as if she understands the fragility of each minute. She chooses laughter often with the understanding that future joy is not guaranteed.
Credit: Ally Green
The sound of her laughter is rivaled only by her singing voice, an emblem of the past and the future resilience of Black women stretched over a few octaves. On Fox’s Glee, her character Mercedes Jones was portrayed, perhaps unfairly, as the vocal duel to Rachel Berry (Lea Michele), offering rough, full-throated belts behind her co-star’s smooth, pristine vocals. Riley’s always been more than the singer who could deliver a finishing note, though.
Portraying Effie White, she displayed the dynamic emotions of a song such as “And I'm Telling You I'm Not Going” in Dreamgirls on London’s West End without buckling under the historic weight of her predecessors. With her instrument, John Mayer’s “Gravity” became a religious experience, a belted hymnal full of growls and churchy riffs. In her voice, Nicole Scherzinger once said she heard “the power of God.”
Credit: Ally Green
Riley’s voice has been a staple throughout pop culture for nearly 15 years now. Her tone has become so distinguishable that most viewers of Fox’s The Masked Singer recognized the multihyphenate even before it was revealed that she was Harp, the competition-winning, gold-masked figure with an actual harp strapped to her back.
Still, it wasn’t until recently that Riley began to feel like she’d found her voice. This sounds unbelievable. But she’s not referring to the one she uses on stage. She’s referencing the voice that speaks to who she is at her core. “Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind,” the 37-year-old says. “It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women. I got so comfortable in [doing so], and I really want other people, especially Black women, to get more comfortable in that space.”
“Therapy kind of gave me the training to speak my mind. It’s not something we’re taught, especially as Black women."
If you ask Riley’s manager, Myisha Brooks, she’ll tell you the foundation of who the multihyphenate is hasn’t changed much since she was a kid growing up in Compton. “She is who she is from when I met her back when she was singing in the front of the church to back when she landed major roles in film and TV,” Brooks says. Time has allowed Riley to grow more comfortable, giving fans a more intimate glimpse into her life, including her mental health journey and the ins and outs of show business.
The actress/singer has been in therapy since 2019, although she suffered from depression and anxiety way before that. In a recent interview with Jason Lee, she recalls having suicidal ideation as a kid. By the time she started seeing a psychologist and taking antidepressants in her thirties, her body had become jittery, a physical reminder of the trauma stacked high inside her. “I was shaking in [my therapist’s] office,” she tells xoNecole. “My fight or flight was on such a high level. I was constantly in survival mode. My heart was beating fast all the time. All I did was sweat.”
There wasn’t just childhood trauma to account for. After auditioning for American Idol and being turned away by producers, Riley began working for Ikea and nearly missed her Glee audition because her car broke down on the highway while en route. Thankfully, Riley had been cast to play Mercedes Jones. American Idol had temporarily convinced her she wasn’t cut out for the entertainment industry, but this was validation that she was right where she belonged. Glee launched in 2009 with the promise of becoming Riley’s big break.
In some ways, it was. The show introduced Riley to millions of fans and catapulted her into major Hollywood circles. But in other ways, it became a reminder of the types of roles Black women, especially those who are plus-sized, are relegated to. Behind the scenes, Riley says she fought for her character "to have a voice" but eventually realized her efforts were useless. "It finally got to a point where I was like, this is not my moment. I'm not who they're choosing, and this is just going to have to be a job for me for now," she says. "And, that's okay because it pays my bills, I still get to be on television, I'm doing more than any other Black plus-sized women that I'm seeing right now on screen."
The actress can recognize now that she was navigating issues associated with trauma and low self-esteem at the time. She now knows that she's long had anxiety and depression and can recognize the ways in which she was triggered by how the cult-like following of the show conflicted with her individual, isolated experiences behind the scenes. But she was in her early '20s back then. She didn't yet have the language or the tools to process how she was feeling.
Riley says she eventually sought out medical intervention. "When you're in Hollywood, and you go to a doctor, they give you pills," she says, sharing a part of her story that she'd never revealed publicly before now. "[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that's not fixing my problem. If anything, it's making it worse."
“[I was] on medication and developing a habit of medicating to numb, not understanding I was developing an addiction to something that’s not fixing my problem. If anything it’s making it worse.”
Credit: Ally Green
At one point, while in her dressing room on set, she rested her arm on a curling iron without realizing it. It wasn't until her makeup artist alerted her that she even realized her skin was burning. Once she noticed, she says she was "so zonked out on pills" that she barely reacted. Speaking today, she holds up her arm and motions towards a scar that remains from the incident. She sought help for her reliance on the pills, but it would still be years before she finally attended therapy.
This stress was only compounded by the trauma of growing up in poverty and the realities of being a "contract worker." "Imagine going from literally one week having to borrow a car to get to set to the next week being on a private jet to New York City," she says. After Glee ended, so did the rides on private planes. The fury of opportunities she expected to follow her appearance on the show failed to materialize. She wasn't even 30 yet, and she was already forced to consider if she'd hit her career peak.
. . .
We’re only four minutes into our Zoom call before Riley delivers her new adage to me. “My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway,” she says.
On this Thursday afternoon in April, the LA-based entertainer is seated inside her closet/dressing room wearing a cerulean blue tank top with matching shorts and eating hot wings. This current phase of healing hinges on balance. It’s about having discipline and consistency, but not at the risk of inflexibility. She was planning to head to the gym, for instance, but she’s still tired from the “exhausting” day before. Instead, she’s spent her day receiving a massage, eating some chicken wings, and planning to spend quality time with friends. “I’m not going to beat myself up for it. I’m not going to talk down to myself. I’m going to eat my chicken wings, and then tomorrow I’m [back] in the gym,” she says.
“My new mantra is ‘humility does not serve me.’ Humility does not serve Black women. The world works so hard to humble us anyway."
This is the balance with which she's been approaching much of her life these days. It's why she's worried less about whether or not people see her as someone who is humble. She'd rather be respected. "I think you should be a person that's easy to work with, but in the moments where I have to ruffle feathers and make waves, I'm not shying away from that anymore. You can do it in love, you don't have to be nasty about it, but I had to finally be comfortable with the fact that setting boundaries around my life – in whatever aspect, whether that's personal or business – people are not going to like it. Some people are not going to have nice things to say about you, and you gotta be okay with it," she says.
When Amber talks about the constant humbling of Black women in Hollywood, I think of the entertainers before her who have suffered from this. The brilliant, consistent, overqualified Black women who have spoken of having to fight for opportunities and fair pay. Aretha Franklin. Viola Davis. Tracee Ellis Ross. There's a long list of stars whose success hasn't mirrored their experiences behind the scenes.
Credit: Ally Green
If Black women outside of Hollywood are struggling to decrease the pay gap, so, too, are their wealthier, more famous peers.
Riley says there’s been progress in recent years, but only in small ways and for a limited group of people. “This business is exhausting. The goalpost is constantly moving, and sometimes it’s unfair,” she says. But, I have to say it’s the love that keeps you going.”
“There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman,” she continues. “We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
"There’s no way you can continue to be in this business and not love it, especially being a plus-sized Black woman. We’re still niche. We’re still not main characters.”
Last year, Riley starred alongside Raven Goodwin in the Lifetime thriller Single Black Female (a modern, diversified take on 1992’s Single White Female). It was more than a leading role for the actress, it also served as proof that someone who looks like her can front a successful project without it hinging on her identity. It showcased that the characters she portrays don’t “have to be about being a big girl. It can just be a regular story.”
Riley sees her work in music as an extension of her efforts to push past the rigid stereotypes in entertainment. Take her appearance on The Masked Singer, for instance. Riley said she decided to perform Mayer’s “Gravity” after being told she couldn’t sing it years earlier. “I wanted to do ‘Gravity’ on Glee. [I] was told no, because that’s not a song that Mercedes would do,” she says. “That was a full circle moment for me, doing that on that show and to hear what it is they had to say.”
As Scherzinger praised the “anointed” performance, a masked Riley began to cry, her chest heaving as she stood on stage, her eyes shielded from view. “You have to understand, I have really big names – casting directors, producers, show creators – that constantly tell me ‘I’m such a big fan. Your talent is unmatched.’ Hire me, then,” she says, reflecting on the moment.
Recently, she’s been in the studio working on original music, the follow-up to her independently-released debut EP, 2020’s Riley. The sequel to songs such as the anthemic “Big Girl Energy” and the reflective ballad “A Moment” on Riley, this new project hones in on the singer’s R&B roots with sensual grooves such as the tentatively titled “All Night.” “You said I wasn’t shit, turns out that I’m the shit. Then you called me a bitch, turns out that I’m that bitch. You said no one would want me, well you should call your homies,” she sings on the tentatively titled “Lately,” a cut about reflecting on a past relationship. From the forthcoming project, xoNecole received five potential tracks. Fans likely already know the strengths and contours of Riley’s vocals, but these new songs are her strongest, most confident offerings as an artist.
“I am so much more comfortable as a writer, and I know who I am as an artist now. I’m evolving as a human being, in general, so I’m way more vulnerable in my music. I’m way more willing to talk about whatever is on my mind. I don’t stop myself from saying what it is I want to say,” she says.
Credit: Ally Green
“Every era and alliteration of Amber, the baseline is ‘Big Girl Energy.’ That’s the name of her company,” her manager Brooks says, referencing the imprint through which Riley releases her music after getting out of a label deal several years ago. “It’s just what she stands for. She’s not just talking about size, it’s in all things. Whether it’s putting your big girl pants on and having to face a boardroom full of executives or sell yourself in front of a casting agent. It’s her trying to achieve the things she wants to do in life.”
Riley says she has big dreams beyond releasing this new music, too. She’d love to star in a rom-com with Winston Duke. She hasn't starred in a biopic yet, but she’d revel in the opportunity to portray Rosetta Tharpe on screen. She’s determined that her previous setbacks won’t stop her from dreaming big.
“I think one of my superpowers is resilience because, at the end of the day, I’m going to kick, scream, cry, cuss, be mad and disappointed, but I’m going to get up and risk having to deal with it all again. It’s worth it for the happy moments,” she says.
If Riley seems more comfortable and confident professionally, it’s because of the work she’s been doing in her personal life.
She’d previously spoken to xoNecole about becoming engaged to a man she discovered in a post on the site, but she called things off last year. For Valentine’s Day, she revealed her new boyfriend publicly. “I decided to post him on Valentine’s Day, partially because I was in the dog house. I got in trouble with him,” she says, half-joking before turning serious. “The breakup was never going to stop me from finding love. Or at least trying. I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness, and you enjoy it and work through it.”
Credit: Ally Green
"I don’t owe anybody a happily ever after. People break up. It happens. When it was good, it was good. When it was bad, it was terrible, hunny. I had to get the fuck up out of there. You find happiness and you enjoy it and work through it.”
With her ex, Riley was pretty outspoken about her relationship, even appearing in content for Netflix with him. This time around is different. She’s not hiding her boyfriend of eight months, but she’s more protective of him, especially because he’s a father and isn’t interested in becoming a public figure.
She’s traveling more, too. It’s a deliberate effort on her part to enjoy her money and reject the trauma she’s developed after experiencing poverty in her childhood. “I live in constant fear of being broke. I don’t think you ever don’t remember that trauma or move past that. Now I travel and I’m like, listen, if it goes, it goes. I’m not saying [to] be reckless, but I deserve to enjoy my hard work.”
After everything she’s been through, she certainly deserves to finally let loose a bit. “I have to have a life to live,” she says. “I’ve got to have a life worth fighting for.”
Credits
Director of Content: Jasmine Grant
Campaign Manager: Chantal Gainous
Managing Editor: Sheriden Garrett
Creative Director/Executive Producer: Tracey Woods
Cover Designer: Tierra Taylor
Photographer: Ally Green
Photo Assistant: Avery Mulally
Digital Tech: Kim Tran
Video by Third and Sunset
DP & Editor: Sam Akinyele
2nd Camera: Skylar Smith
Camera Assistant: Charles Belcher
Stylist: Casey Billingsley
Hairstylist: DaVonte Blanton
Makeup Artist: Drini Marie
Production Assistants: Gade De Santana, Apu Gomes
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