Eclipse Season is a time when there is magic in the air, change in the air- and maybe even a little turmoil. It’s not the time to set your intentions, do any rituals, or work on your manifestations, however, it is the time to allow, process, and accept while things move around and reform in your life. The rule of thumb during Eclipse Season is to hold off (if you can) on making any final or life-changing decisions, as things will be drastically transforming over the next month.
When Are the Eclipses in October?
The first eclipse of this last Eclipse Season of the year happened on October 14, 2023. This eclipse is a New Moon Solar Eclipse and is in the sign of Libra. This eclipse is just the beginning and is a time when you are seeing glimpses of what you can expect not only over the next month but over the next six months, as eclipse energy tends to last until then. The final eclipse of this Eclipse Season is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Taurus on October 28, 2023.
This Lunar Eclipse is the Hunter’s Moon of the year, and you can expect some significant revelations to appear, especially when it comes to love and finances. Lunar Eclipses create change, culmination, and close chapters that aren’t meant to be. Overall, it’s about progress and not perfection right now.
Trust your intuition and let your internal guidance system move you through this time.
October 2023 Eclipses Horoscopes
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ARIES
This Eclipse Season has brought a mix of emotions into your world, Aries. The Solar Eclipse on October 14 helped you see the possibilities of love and where it’s headed for you, and the Lunar Eclipse at the end of October will help you find the balance both emotionally and financially. With the Lunar Eclipse moving through your 2nd house of finances, you are learning to find the sweet spot between your values and wants financially and those with whom you associate or want to create. You have a strong need for more security right now and are getting clarity on your own needs and the needs of your relationships and commitments.
TAURUS
This Eclipse Season is really hitting home for you, Taurus. During the Solar Eclipse on October 14, you are focused on new beginnings when it comes to your health and well-being and are creating a breakthrough for yourself here. The Lunar Eclipse on October 28 is happening in your sign, and the spotlight is on you right now. You are going through a lot of personal changes in life, and by the time the Lunar Eclipse comes on, you are ready to decompress, process, and accept.
This Eclipse Season has taught you that nothing can get in the way of what is meant for you, and it’s allowed you to relax a little more into your own personal knowing and confidence.
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GEMINI
Endings lead to new beginnings, and that’s the energy you are moving through this Eclipse Season, Gemini. At the beginning of this Eclipse Season, you are feeling the love and are focused on the new beginnings you are experiencing romantically. By the end of the month, you are ready for an emotional renewal and are creating more space for raw vulnerability in your life. With eclipses already being a time of major change and release, this is a big month of transformation for you.
Be patient, give yourself time to heal, and know that whatever is being released from your life at this time has its time and space in your life but is ready to be released now. This is a life-changing eclipse for you.
CANCER
Success is yours, Cancer. Although you may be feeling more pressure on you at times during this Eclipse Season, you are overall being given the opportunity to find your ground, connect to what home and safety feel like for you, and by the end of it, you are ready to claim the blessings you have been working on in your life. The Lunar Eclipse on October 28 is happening in your 11th house of friendship, hopes, dreams, and community, and you are being asked to strengthen more of this energy in your life right now.
Changes are happening, and the people around you may look different than before, but this is all a part of the divine plan that is unfolding for you now.
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LEO
This Eclipse Season is creating a breakthrough in your career life, financial world, and overall success in life. You are owning your voice and speaking up for how you are feeling, and it’s okay to give yourself time to process it all. The Solar Eclipse at the end of October is showing you just how much your efforts deserve to be rewarded, and it is the time to accept your wins.
This eclipse is here to bring to light just how much you have already accomplished in life and what your goals for the future look like now. Leo, you are evaluating your long-term goals, and life is a little more public during this time with this eclipse.
VIRGO
During this time, you are focused on where you want to grow and where you want to find your ground, Virgo. The beginning of Eclipse Season is more focused on your financial world, and a new door is opening for you here. Financial progress is being made, and it’s overall coming from the new perspective you have gained in these matters this year. On October 28, there is a Lunar Eclipse in your 9th house of travel, adventure, and spirituality, and you are closing a chapter in your life that doesn’t align with your goals here.
Keep your mind open to the possibilities, and don’t doubt yourself now. Your intuition is especially strong this Eclipse Season. Let it guide you, Virgo.
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LIBRA
This Eclipse Season for you, Libra, is all about balance. The beginning of the Eclipse Season is about you and where you are headed with the New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your sign. This is a powerful time of the year for you and a time to keep the faith with what you are bringing to fruition. You are gaining clarity on how you show up to the world and how you want to continue to.
The Lunar Eclipse on October 28 is bringing things full circle when it comes to your commitments, shared resources, and intimacy in your life, and you are ready to let go of all that no longer serves here. The slate is being wiped clean, and you are truly getting a fresh start to create now.
SCORPIO
This Eclipse Season for you is all about endings and new beginnings in love. You are emotionally going through a lot right now and can feel some confusion in the midst of the two eclipses. Know that whatever answers you are looking for will come when you need them, and trust that what has occurred was meant to. The beginning of Eclipse Season for you is about closure, and the end is about love, Scorpio.
Relationship matters come full circle on October 28, and you are getting the opportunity to let go of any unhealthy habits or perspectives in your relationships and to enjoy more of the magic that is presenting itself to you now.
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SAGITTARIUS
Your whole world opens up now, Sagittarius. You are in a space of receptivity, recognition, and getting honest with yourself. This Eclipse Season for you can bring some powerful magic in your life, especially on the 14th. Moving further into Eclipse Season, you will be bringing more of the focus to your work life, daily routine, and health. Your well-being is front and center, and it’s where you are experiencing a culmination as you begin to implement more healthy practices or routines that fit your life now.
This Eclipse Season overall is about being flexible, connecting to friends or like-minded souls, and allowing things to fall into place without forcing or controlling the outcome.
CAPRICORN
You are connecting and healing your inner child, Capricorn. During this Eclipse Season, you are asking yourself the important, sometimes challenging questions that need to be addressed. You are clearing the air for more support to enter and are gaining clarity on career matters as well. By the end of the Eclipse Season, there is a Lunar Eclipse in your 5th house of happiness, and you are seeing some of your dreams come true. You are gaining clarity on where your heart is right now, and this is a time of growth.
It’s important to really enjoy yourself right now and find ways to connect with what lights you up inside. Everything that makes you uniquely you is especially shining bright right now. Own it.
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AQUARIUS
You are in a time of surprises, Aquarius. This Eclipse Season for you is a wildcard, and you are embarking on some new adventures right now. With the Solar Eclipse on October 14 happening in your house of adventure and the Lunar Eclipse on October 28 happening in your house of home, you are finding your balance between where you want to be and where you are. Previous home improvements or projects come full circle during this time, and you will be feeling a sense of completion and satisfaction here.
Your heart is full, you have your people around you, and there is warmth and hope in your life right now. This Eclipse Season is reminding you to not count yourself out before things start to get really good for you. Hold the vision, Aquarius.
PISCES
This Eclipse Season for you, Pisces is about owning your power in life and owning your space of rebirth. Through the transformations you are seeing in your life right now, you feel freer to speak up and communicate how you feel, and in the process can grow closer to someone. The conversations you are having during this time and the commitments you are making are creating new beginnings for you and allowing you to experience mental release and rejuvenation.
You are clearing the air, doing what needs to be done, and spending less energy on what doesn’t align with the direction you are heading.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
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“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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This shift is a significant change for couples. Let’s face it: no one wants to be in a sexless marriage or relationship. But how can couples effectively confront the impact of fading physical intimacy on the overall health of their enduring partnership?
"I have found that many factors influence one's desire to dive, and it is often not a majority of just one thing. Most people assume that if they don't desire [sex], they are no longer physically attracted, but in my experience, that has little to do with it most of the time," explained Brittanni Young, LMFT, CST.
"Some of the heavy contributors that I see most often include excessive goal orientation towards orgasm, people not prioritizing their own sexuality, and the landfill of ‘should’s’ that develop from toxic sexual scripts created long ago in upbringing," she added.
Furthermore, these issues are not exclusive to any particular orientation, but it does manifest differently.
Young is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sexologist, and board-certified sex therapist who practices in Georgia and Florida. She has worked in the sexology field for over a decade. Young helps couples and individuals looking to get through challenges of all facets facing sexuality and intimacy, such as desire mismatch, over-compulsion, and dysfunctions. She recently launched a deck of intimacy connection cards called "Show Me Your Cards." Young is working on another product that helps teach children to consent and negotiate appropriate touch. She sat down with xoNecole to discuss what causes the decline in the bedroom, the myth of 'lesbian bed death,' and recommendations on overcoming "bed death."
The Decline In Intimacy
Intimacy often dwindles within relationships, a phenomenon triggered by various factors such as stress, the insidious monotony of routine, and the toxicity of unresolved conflicts, to name a few. While couples manage daily life, exchanging intimate desires and concerns may take a backseat. Sadly, this gradually erodes the closeness once shared in the relationship.
"Typically, the first thing I do when working with a couple on desire challenges is rule out medical causes by referring them to their primary care physician or other provider they are working with," Young shared. "There are times when unmanaged or mismanaged conditions factor into low desire levels. Also, many medications can wreak havoc on keeping desire levels up, such as antidepressants, SSRIs, anti-anxiety, and blood pressure medications, to name a few."
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"Next, I look at the state of the relationship. If there is dissatisfaction in the relationship, then it definitely affects how close and intimate one wants to be to another. There are also plenty of individual factors one can bring into the equation, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, feelings of shame or guilt around one's own sexuality, and external life stressors that can get in the way. I find that life stressors can be a big one for folks, as once you get in the habit of not prioritizing sex, it tends to stick," she added.
Fortunately, there are ways to prevent "bed death." It can involve prioritizing your wants and open communication about sexual needs.
"What tends to be effective for all couples is taking an inventory of how satisfied they are with their sexual behaviors and engagement. Being truthful in this vein can be the start of unlocking inhibitions that can keep you from seeking out and being genuinely vulnerable in intimate spaces," Young explained. "Next, I suggest opening up lines of communication around these truths. When people assume that nothing can be done, hope is lost."
The Myth Of 'Lesbian Bed Death'
The notion of "lesbian bed death" perpetuates a simplistic and inaccurate stereotype about the sexual dynamics within lesbian relationships. Contrary to the myth, the experience of a decline in intimacy is not universal among lesbian couples. The diverse spectrum of relationships among women challenges this oversimplified narrative, emphasizing that the complexities of sexual dynamics extend beyond stereotypical assumptions.
"The notion of 'lesbian bed death' is based on a research study done by Pepper Schwartz in 1983 that found that lesbian couplings fell behind in sexual frequency compared to heterosexual and gay male couplings," Young revealed.
"Several other studies [after] have replicated these findings but give very little information about sexual satisfaction. Despite there being more research needed overall in the sexuality field, more recent research did find that when it comes to the length of sexual encounters, lesbian couples had the longest duration of encounters. To that end, sexual quality over quantity is a better marker of satisfaction, and that is what I pay most attention to in my work. With that said, dissatisfaction can happen in all couplings over time," the sexologist continued.
Factors influencing reduced intimacy among lesbian couples may include communication challenges, societal pressures, and individual variations in libido. Menstruation can also play a role, with some couples navigating discomfort or hormonal changes during this period.
"There are certainly some nuances that come into play with lesbian couples that differ from heterosexual or other-oriented couples. As I stated earlier, physiological factors can factor into the rise and fall of libido. The hormone fluctuations that come from menstruation and menopause can impact desire levels, and it is double present in lesbian couples. Another nuance is the lack of a sexual script from society on lesbian sexual behavior. There are patriarchal roots to sexual research, which have created our societal norms that tend to leave out anyone who isn't heterosexual," Young stated.
Overcoming The Challenges
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While 'bed death' challenges couples, solutions are within reach. By identifying and addressing the underlying causes, couples can rekindle the flame of intimacy and ensure a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
"In the words of Esther Perel, another sexual professional in the field, 'love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.' I recommend keeping it in the front of your mind, prioritizing, and keeping it interesting. Be open to learning more about your own sexuality every day, as well as your partner. You are always growing; what worked for you 20 years ago may not be the same today. Stay curious with one another and be open to exploring new ways to pleasure. You deserve it," Young said.
For instance, Young advised that couples should "keep sexual encounters light and playful." And not be afraid to introduce new elements, such as toys.
"Touch often in ways that are consensual and feel safe! I made 'Show Me Your Cards' to serve this purpose specifically. Just because you do not feel in the mood to go all the way does not mean you aren't in the mood to hold hands, exchange body massages, or dance together. Connecting often in any physical form, as long as it feels pleasurable, still counts as 'being in the mood,'" she said.
Overcoming the hurdles of "bed death" and debunking myths surrounding 'lesbian bed death' offers a unique perspective for couples grappling with the difficulties of sustaining a connection. Learning the proper ways to work through a sexless relationship can help foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
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