Eclipse Season is a time when there is magic in the air, change in the air- and maybe even a little turmoil. It’s not the time to set your intentions, do any rituals, or work on your manifestations, however, it is the time to allow, process, and accept while things move around and reform in your life. The rule of thumb during Eclipse Season is to hold off (if you can) on making any final or life-changing decisions, as things will be drastically transforming over the next month.
When Are the Eclipses in October?
The first eclipse of this last Eclipse Season of the year happened on October 14, 2023. This eclipse is a New Moon Solar Eclipse and is in the sign of Libra. This eclipse is just the beginning and is a time when you are seeing glimpses of what you can expect not only over the next month but over the next six months, as eclipse energy tends to last until then. The final eclipse of this Eclipse Season is a Full Moon Lunar Eclipse in Taurus on October 28, 2023.
This Lunar Eclipse is the Hunter’s Moon of the year, and you can expect some significant revelations to appear, especially when it comes to love and finances. Lunar Eclipses create change, culmination, and close chapters that aren’t meant to be. Overall, it’s about progress and not perfection right now.
Trust your intuition and let your internal guidance system move you through this time.
October 2023 Eclipses Horoscopes
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ARIES
This Eclipse Season has brought a mix of emotions into your world, Aries. The Solar Eclipse on October 14 helped you see the possibilities of love and where it’s headed for you, and the Lunar Eclipse at the end of October will help you find the balance both emotionally and financially. With the Lunar Eclipse moving through your 2nd house of finances, you are learning to find the sweet spot between your values and wants financially and those with whom you associate or want to create. You have a strong need for more security right now and are getting clarity on your own needs and the needs of your relationships and commitments.
TAURUS
This Eclipse Season is really hitting home for you, Taurus. During the Solar Eclipse on October 14, you are focused on new beginnings when it comes to your health and well-being and are creating a breakthrough for yourself here. The Lunar Eclipse on October 28 is happening in your sign, and the spotlight is on you right now. You are going through a lot of personal changes in life, and by the time the Lunar Eclipse comes on, you are ready to decompress, process, and accept.
This Eclipse Season has taught you that nothing can get in the way of what is meant for you, and it’s allowed you to relax a little more into your own personal knowing and confidence.
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GEMINI
Endings lead to new beginnings, and that’s the energy you are moving through this Eclipse Season, Gemini. At the beginning of this Eclipse Season, you are feeling the love and are focused on the new beginnings you are experiencing romantically. By the end of the month, you are ready for an emotional renewal and are creating more space for raw vulnerability in your life. With eclipses already being a time of major change and release, this is a big month of transformation for you.
Be patient, give yourself time to heal, and know that whatever is being released from your life at this time has its time and space in your life but is ready to be released now. This is a life-changing eclipse for you.
CANCER
Success is yours, Cancer. Although you may be feeling more pressure on you at times during this Eclipse Season, you are overall being given the opportunity to find your ground, connect to what home and safety feel like for you, and by the end of it, you are ready to claim the blessings you have been working on in your life. The Lunar Eclipse on October 28 is happening in your 11th house of friendship, hopes, dreams, and community, and you are being asked to strengthen more of this energy in your life right now.
Changes are happening, and the people around you may look different than before, but this is all a part of the divine plan that is unfolding for you now.
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LEO
This Eclipse Season is creating a breakthrough in your career life, financial world, and overall success in life. You are owning your voice and speaking up for how you are feeling, and it’s okay to give yourself time to process it all. The Solar Eclipse at the end of October is showing you just how much your efforts deserve to be rewarded, and it is the time to accept your wins.
This eclipse is here to bring to light just how much you have already accomplished in life and what your goals for the future look like now. Leo, you are evaluating your long-term goals, and life is a little more public during this time with this eclipse.
VIRGO
During this time, you are focused on where you want to grow and where you want to find your ground, Virgo. The beginning of Eclipse Season is more focused on your financial world, and a new door is opening for you here. Financial progress is being made, and it’s overall coming from the new perspective you have gained in these matters this year. On October 28, there is a Lunar Eclipse in your 9th house of travel, adventure, and spirituality, and you are closing a chapter in your life that doesn’t align with your goals here.
Keep your mind open to the possibilities, and don’t doubt yourself now. Your intuition is especially strong this Eclipse Season. Let it guide you, Virgo.
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LIBRA
This Eclipse Season for you, Libra, is all about balance. The beginning of the Eclipse Season is about you and where you are headed with the New Moon Solar Eclipse happening in your sign. This is a powerful time of the year for you and a time to keep the faith with what you are bringing to fruition. You are gaining clarity on how you show up to the world and how you want to continue to.
The Lunar Eclipse on October 28 is bringing things full circle when it comes to your commitments, shared resources, and intimacy in your life, and you are ready to let go of all that no longer serves here. The slate is being wiped clean, and you are truly getting a fresh start to create now.
SCORPIO
This Eclipse Season for you is all about endings and new beginnings in love. You are emotionally going through a lot right now and can feel some confusion in the midst of the two eclipses. Know that whatever answers you are looking for will come when you need them, and trust that what has occurred was meant to. The beginning of Eclipse Season for you is about closure, and the end is about love, Scorpio.
Relationship matters come full circle on October 28, and you are getting the opportunity to let go of any unhealthy habits or perspectives in your relationships and to enjoy more of the magic that is presenting itself to you now.
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SAGITTARIUS
Your whole world opens up now, Sagittarius. You are in a space of receptivity, recognition, and getting honest with yourself. This Eclipse Season for you can bring some powerful magic in your life, especially on the 14th. Moving further into Eclipse Season, you will be bringing more of the focus to your work life, daily routine, and health. Your well-being is front and center, and it’s where you are experiencing a culmination as you begin to implement more healthy practices or routines that fit your life now.
This Eclipse Season overall is about being flexible, connecting to friends or like-minded souls, and allowing things to fall into place without forcing or controlling the outcome.
CAPRICORN
You are connecting and healing your inner child, Capricorn. During this Eclipse Season, you are asking yourself the important, sometimes challenging questions that need to be addressed. You are clearing the air for more support to enter and are gaining clarity on career matters as well. By the end of the Eclipse Season, there is a Lunar Eclipse in your 5th house of happiness, and you are seeing some of your dreams come true. You are gaining clarity on where your heart is right now, and this is a time of growth.
It’s important to really enjoy yourself right now and find ways to connect with what lights you up inside. Everything that makes you uniquely you is especially shining bright right now. Own it.
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AQUARIUS
You are in a time of surprises, Aquarius. This Eclipse Season for you is a wildcard, and you are embarking on some new adventures right now. With the Solar Eclipse on October 14 happening in your house of adventure and the Lunar Eclipse on October 28 happening in your house of home, you are finding your balance between where you want to be and where you are. Previous home improvements or projects come full circle during this time, and you will be feeling a sense of completion and satisfaction here.
Your heart is full, you have your people around you, and there is warmth and hope in your life right now. This Eclipse Season is reminding you to not count yourself out before things start to get really good for you. Hold the vision, Aquarius.
PISCES
This Eclipse Season for you, Pisces is about owning your power in life and owning your space of rebirth. Through the transformations you are seeing in your life right now, you feel freer to speak up and communicate how you feel, and in the process can grow closer to someone. The conversations you are having during this time and the commitments you are making are creating new beginnings for you and allowing you to experience mental release and rejuvenation.
You are clearing the air, doing what needs to be done, and spending less energy on what doesn’t align with the direction you are heading.
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2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
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The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
GIF by Kim's ConvenienceGiphyWhereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
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According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
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1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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