

Several months ago, I checked out the independent filmPaper Friends movie. It was about some Black college buddies who decided to reunite for a night on the town. The one who played the role of being "the selfish one"? Her name was London (played by Sharon Leal who, interestingly enough, also played a selfish character in the movie, The Last Christmas and, if we're gonna get real, Why Did I Get Married? too). London was pretentious, liked to flaunt money and was extremely self-absorbed. After about halfway into the film, I came to the conclusion that people dealt with her either because she had something they wanted or purely for nostalgia's sake.
Anyway, as the movie credits rolled, I thought about some of the selfish friends I've had in the past. Boy, short of being betrayed by a friend, I don't know if there is anything worse than trying to maintain some type of relationship with an individual who is, well, what a classic definition of selfish is—"concerned primarily with one's own interests, benefits, welfare, etc., regardless of others". So, why do we put up with it? I think a part of the reason is because we don't know how to handle someone we may like and/or enjoy spending time with who still manages to find a way to make just about everything be about them (or at least they give off the impression that they couldn't care less about you). Ugh. Just ugh.
If you know you've got someone in your life who takes more than gives; never compromises; plays the victim role to avoid responsibility or accountability; has unrealistic expectations (in general); is passive aggressive or even pouts when they don't get their way; is cool ONLY if they are doing better in life than you are; can always dish it out (advice, opinions, etc.) but can't take it to save their life (literally); sucks at listening; doesn't honor your requests or boundaries and/or always expects you to change because, in their eyes, you are the only one who really needs to—I want to dedicate this article to you personally.
Basically, if you're the Issa to a Molly in your life (if you watch Insecure,you get just where I am coming from), here are some tips on how to handle that kind of person while trying to maintain your own sanity in the process.
Ask Yourself: Did I Know They Were Selfish from the Jump?
In relationships, the topic of red flags tends to come up a lot. You know, stuff that you saw, oftentimes at the very beginning that, for whatever reason, you ignored, only for it to take a chunk out of your butt later on. Believe it or not, red flags exist in friendships too. One of the friendships that took me for-e-ver to come to terms with started by seeing them perform. Afterwards, while people were trying to talk to them, they only seemed to give energy to the folks who were basically riding their jock. Like, if someone wanted their autograph or had a compliment, they were all ears. But if someone wanted to share what they had going on in their own world, the person was basically dismissive AF.
Looking back, throughout the years, that's what our friendship looked like, more times than not. So long as it was all about focusing on their life, they had all the time in the world. But if I had a need, it all depended on if they could "fit me in" or not; or worse, if they cared or not. And yes, that is pure Grade A selfishness.
It's also a part of the reason why I wrote the article, "Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'". So, why did I keep this selfish friend around for so long? It's because, while selfish is a trait that they had, there was some good that they also brought to the table. This brings me to my second point.
Jot Down Five of Their Better Qualities
I know everyone is basically coming for Molly's neck these days, but let's not forget that Issa could be pretty selfish too. I mean, was there ever a time when they went out together and Issa covered the tab (or didn't expect Molly to)?! Plus, while Molly has seemed to lack self-awareness and she definitely falls into the "dish it out but can't take it" category, she did drive Issa home to see Lawrence in the middle of the night, only to come back over with some wine to console Issa after Lawrence did Issa dirty (or gave Issa a dish of some karma, based on how you look at it). Molly did offer Issa her crib when Issa moved out of her apartment. People have mixed feelings about Molly not telling Issa that Nathan came by on her 30th birthday, but I can see how Molly thought that she was helping at the time. I could go on and on, but the point is that, if Molly was total trash, I doubt Issa would stick around so long.
That's why, for overall perspective's sake, I think it's a good idea to jot down some of the better qualities that your selfish friend may have. In my case, mine was spiritually supportive. They were intelligent and insightful. We have similar values (other than them being selfish as hell). They could honor confidentiality like nobody's business. And yes, all those things were and are, still very important to me. The reason why it got to the point where their self-absorption outweighed everything else is because, when I would find ways to bring my needs to their attention and they continued to ignore them, their "bad character trait" started to seem more and more like blatant disrespect and who wants to be friends with someone who doesn't respect them? That said, point three.
Ponder How They Are Self-Absorbed and If/How It Is Affecting the Friendship
One of the reasons why a lot of us tend to tolerate a selfish friend far longer than we should is because it's not until we're really in some sort of pinch or bind that we realize, just how much they have a tendency to leave us high and dry. Or, another possibility is that, while they are mad selfish in one way, they might be somewhat accommodating in another. For instance, when it comes to the friend that I've been referring to, something that I recognize is they liked being an emotional caregiver. What I mean by that is, while I was trying to figure out some of my childhood trauma and baggage that resulted in some pretty toxic relationship patterns, they always had a shoulder. But once I got stronger and I was looking for their support when it came to professional achievements, growing platforms and other areas of achievement, somehow, they were always "busy". I started to realize that even their emotional assistance was self-serving; they liked it when they were put in a position of feeling like they could help or "save" me. Soon, I started to realize that it made them feel good when I was feeling bad because then they felt like they had the upper hand.
That's why it's also a good idea to figure out how your friend's self-absorbed ways are directly manifesting in your friendship with them. Are they "mildly" selfish (like maybe they are always late which, yes is also a form of selfishness)? Or are they so selfish that you feel like you are constantly getting the short end of the stick?
The one thing that you should always keep in mind when it comes to your friendships is healthy ones consist of both people meeting each other's needs.
A friend showing up 15 minutes late to a movie sucks, but they did show up. A friend continually not being there for you when you need a favor, you need to talk or you need their help—that is setting you up for being in a dynamic where you are constantly being used and taken for granted, NOT for being in an actual friendship with someone.
Call Them Out from Time to Time
If you just read all of that and now you're heated as all get out, before you go off on your selfish friend, there's an additional point that I must make. Again, selfish people are self-absorbed. This means that they devoted way more of their time into what they want, what they need and how they feel than just about anyone else. This means that sometimes what you desire from them ends up slipping through the cracks. It's not always or necessarily because they don't care about you; it's just that they care about their own selves more. So, if you do feel like there is enough about the friendship that is worth, at least trying to preserve it, it can't hurt to bring up what your feelings and concerns are to them. If they value you, beyond what you can do for them (some of y'all will catch that later), they will take note and try and step outside of their "me bubble". Be patient during this process. Old habits can be hard to break; especially selfish-related ones.
Require Reciprocity
Reciprocity. It's one of my favorite words and I will never apologize for it. Real talk, if it had been a part of my everyday vocabulary in high school, I probably could've avoided a lot of the relational bullshishery that I've experienced over the years. That said, reciprocity is about there being a mutual exchange between two individuals. When you've got a selfish friend in your life, reciprocity is going to come off like a foreign word to them, but you know what they say—"Never apologize for having high standards. People who really want to be in your life will rise up to meet them." Hey, if your selfish friend is so caught up in themselves that their actions give the impression that they could take or leave you, release them. Make room for people who know that reciprocity is a given in healthy relationships. Let the selfish friend be their own friend. Hmph. Wish them luck with that while you're at it too.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
Allow These Things To Happen Before Calling Someone "Friend"
10 Signs You've Got A Close (TOXIC) Friend
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Relationship Timeline
Sterling K. Brown and Ryan Michelle Bathe are one of our favorite Hollywood couples. We can't get over their adorable moments together on the red carpet and on social media. While they're both from St. Louis, they didn't meet until college, which they both attended Stanford. And the rest is as they say, history. Read below as we dive into their decades-long relationship.
Mid to Late1990s: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Meet
Sterling and Ryan met as freshmen at Stanford University. "We were in the same dorm freshman year...that's kind of how we met," Ryan said in an interview with ET. "I was mesmerized," she said after watching him audition for the school play, Joe Turner's Come and Gone. Sterling revealed that The First Wives Club star was dating someone else, so they started off as friends.
"She got cast in the play as well, and we would ride bikes to rehearsal, and we would just talk. We found out that we were both from St. Louis. We didn't know that we were both from St. Louis, like, our parents went to rival high schools. We were born in the same hospital. Like, we were friends," he said.
The first few years of their relationship involved many breakups and makeups. However, they ended up graduating and attended NYU's Tisch Grad Acting Program together.
Early 2000s: Sterling K. Brown Tells Ryan Michelle Bathe She's 'The Love Of My Life'
The Paradise star opened up about telling Ryan that she was the one. "We broke up for three and a half years before we came back into each other's lives," he said. "She was on the treadmill working out, and I had this epiphany, 'I have to go tell this woman she's the love of my life.'"
"I go to her apartment, I tell her, and she's like, 'Well, I'm working out right now,' and I was like, 'No, I can see that—I'll just talk to you while you're on the treadmill,' and she's like, 'Well, I feel like going outside. So I'm gonna go on a run,'" he continued. "So I'm like dressed [in a suit], and she starts running through Koreatown, and I start running along with her. Brother had to work, but it was well worthwhile."
2006: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Tie The Knot
The St. Louis natives eloped in 2006 and a year later held a larger ceremony. According to the bride, the best part of their wedding was the food. "The best thing about it was the food," she told ET.
"Can I just say, sometimes you go to weddings, and you get the winner-winner chicken dinner and you're like, 'I pay. OK, it's fine.' But I wanted people to remember their experience -- their culinary experience. So I was happy about that. The food was good."
2011: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their First Child
In 2011, Sterling and The Endgame actress welcomed their first son, Andrew. In a 2017 tweet, Sterling revealed they had a home birth. "An unexpected home delivery is something my wife and I went through ourselves with our first born, so this was round 2 for me!" he wrote while referring to a scene involving his character Randall, in This Is Us.
2012: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Appear On-screen Together
A year later, the couple acted together on the Lifetime series Army Wives.
2015: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Welcome Their Second Child
In 2015, Sterling and Ryan welcomed another son, Amaré. Sterling shared an Instagram post about their latest addition to the family. "1st post. 2nd child. All good! #imoninstagram," the Atlas star wrote.
2016: Ryan Michelle Bathe Joins Sterling K. Brown On 'This Is Us'
Ryan guest appears on her hubby's show, This Is Us.
Sterling K. Brown Reveals Ryan Michelle Bathe's Mother Didn't Like Him At First
During their sit-down interview for the Black Love series, Sterling revealed that Ryan's mother wasn't a fan of him, which caused friction in their relationship.
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Explain How Jennifer Lopez Once Broke Them Up
While visiting The Jennifer Hudson Show, Sterling and Ryan share their hilarious Jennifer Lopez break-up story. "We had just gone out, we were living in New York City, we were in grad school, and we had gone to see a Broadway play and we came back to my place and my roommate was playing the ["Love Don't Cost A Thing"] video on MTV," Sterling said.
"Now I'm a fan of Jennifer Lopez's dancing, and I was watching the video and I knew my young...21, 22-year-old girlfriend was looking at me watch the video. And I know I'm not supposed to have a reaction. In trying NOT to have a reaction, what had happened was, my eyes began to water."
Ryan jumped in, "Otherwise known as, TEARS! I turn around and my boyfriend is weeping, tears like big fat [tears]. And I'm looking and she's just a shakin' and a shimming, and he's just crying. I said 'Oh no, I got to go.' "
2024: Sterling K. Brown & Ryan Michelle Bathe Launch Their Podcast, We Don't Always Agree
The couple launched their podcast, We Don't Always Agree, where they disclose more intimate details about their love story.
Feature image by Chelsea Lauren/Shutterstock