Every couple of months, Mercury, the planet of communication, transportation, ideas, and possibilities, goes retrograde. This year, Mercury will be making its summer debut on August 23rd. What makes this Mercury retrograde a unique one is that it's occurring in Virgo, whose ruling planet is Mercury. This is good news, as you’ll be able to move through this Mercury retrograde more effectively and can more easily gain the wisdom needed.
This Mercury Retrograde also begins on the first day of Virgo Season, solidifying a theme of healing the mind, getting organized, and allowing things to come together. As summer comes to an end and the leaves begin to change, Mercury retrograde asks, “Where can you let go and accept, and where has your faith led you to create a better future for yourself?”
Virgo is an earth sign that teaches us that our mind is our gift and our compassion is what serves. Virgo is a helpful hand in the storm, yet, this maiden’s approach can sometimes have a harsh delivery under challenging circumstances. Mercury in Virgo is especially meticulous, and with this Mercury retrograde occurring here, it’s easy to get overwhelmed or turn to over-criticism towards self or others.
Communication should be handled with some extra patience and grace, plans should be looked over thoroughly before execution, and it’s best to handle anything of permanence for another time. As you move through this Mercury retro amid Virgo Season, do as the Virgos do: your best. Mercury goes direct on September 15th, and through the inner awakening this transit has brought, by the end of it, the growth is clear.
What Mercury Retrograde Has In Store For Each Zodiac Sign
ARIES
Aries, Mercury retrograde for you will be all about approaching your health and daily routines in a new way. Mercury will be retrograde in an area of your chart having to do with work, well-being, habits, daily life, and attention to detail. This is a good time to learn a new skill, develop your talents, and work passionately on something that inspires you. Your everyday routine, working environment, or schedule may be experiencing some challenges or delays, and being flexible is key to making it through this time.
Once Mercury goes direct on September 15th, you are going to start seeing more improvements at work, forward movement with projects, and overall more balance with your peers and within your everyday life. This Mercury retrograde is here to help you find new ways to de-stress, refocus your intentions, and create a better strategy.
TAURUS
This Mercury retrograde for you, Taurus, is a journey of the heart. Mercury will be going retrograde in your 5th house of romance, creativity, passion, self-expression, and happiness over the next few weeks, and you are finding your voice. Any limitations you have been feeling creatively and romantically come up at this time to be reviewed, healed, and addressed. You may be feeling less optimistic than usual during this transit, and your guidance at this time is to start with doing the small things that make you happy and then go from there.
During this time, you are reviewing where the happiness is in your life and if you’ve been prioritizing this enough for yourself. Once Mercury goes direct, you will have a better understanding of what lights you up inside and how you want to show up in the world, making it easier to be in those spaces.
GEMINI
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This Mercury retrograde is a good time to get back to the basics, Gemini. You are taking a look at your foundations and taking note of where you want to continue to grow your roots in life. Your emotional well-being and stability are the priority right now as you redevelop your safe spaces and focus on your inner world.
Some misunderstandings with family or close loved ones may arise, but you are getting a clear view of how you’ve been feeling when it comes to the past, your roots, emotional patternings, and what’s going on internally. This is a good time to declutter, create space, finish a home project, or bring peace into the home. This Mercury retrograde for you is about regrouping and gaining stronger foundations.
CANCER
This Mercury retrograde for you is about overcoming previous communication challenges, getting the answers you have been looking for, and seeing what has been blocking you from feeling heard, Cancer. Miscommunications with others are likely, but they will be creating a breakthrough for honesty and transparency overall and, in turn, build your connections.
This Mercury retrograde transit is requiring more patience than most, and short travels, contracts, transportation, and emails should all be looked over a few times. You could feel like your natural flow in the day is hindered more than usual during this time, and you are reworking your daily systems and prioritizing what is really worth your energy right now. Prioritize what matters, and follow the sparks of inspiration right now.
LEO
Mercury retrograde is here, and for you, it’s affecting an area of your life, having to do with income, finances, value systems, and self-confidence, Leo. This is a good time to plan financially for your future and to avoid making any unnecessary or extravagant purchases if possible, as you may change your mind about them later.
Some unexpected occurrences may be happening within your financial world at this time. However, you are getting the opportunity to create a new beneficial system for yourself here in the long term. You are overall focusing more on the giving and receiving in your life during this time and finding your balance here, Leo.
VIRGO
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This Mercury retrograde cycle will be in your sign and in your 1st house of self. Over the next few weeks, you will be reflecting on the personal changes you have gone through over the last year, both mentally and physically, and how you see yourself now. This transit for you is a time to honor your growth and development and focus on seeing yourself in a new, more favorable, and accepting light.
A lot of different aspects of your life will be influenced during this Mercury retrograde since it’s occurring in your 1st house at the very top of your chart, but it’s overall about being consistent with your personal growth journey and about getting your ducks in a row. You will be leaving this retrograde feeling an overall greater self-confidence and like your path ahead is clearer with fewer obstacles, Virgo.
LIBRA
Over the next few weeks, Mercury retrograde will be transiting your house of endings, culminations, the subconscious mind, and healing. While Mercury moves through this area of your chart, your past may be coming up for you a lot now. However, this is not a pass to entertain it. The past seems to come up more for you now than it has been, so you can re-examine some lessons you may have missed there and give yourself another opportunity to heal, forgive, and let go.
For you, self-care, rest, and emotional rejuvenation should be the priority, and you are overall getting the space to regroup. Remember that you don’t necessarily need to isolate yourself to find yourself and maintain your balance in life, Libra.
SCORPIO
Scorpio, Mercury retrograde will be moving through your 11th house of friendship, community, hopes, and dreams. This Mercury retrograde is allowing you to re-think some of your long-term goals to see if they still resonate for you now. You are finding your place in the world during this time and are aligning with your happiness and aspirations.
There could be some miscommunication within friendships and social networks, however, as you redefine how you want to use your voice and who you want to connect with in the process. Past goals, future goals, and the progress of them all come up for review, and you are opening yourself up to the possibilities of your life and what intentions you want to manifest.
SAGITTARIUS
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Mercury retrograde is here, and for you, Sagittarius it is influencing your career, professional life, and reputation. How you are feeling about your goals, your achievements, and where you are in regards to your career take focus during this time, and you are re-examining your path here. Know the support will come, as it always does, but there is something to understand about showing up for yourself regardless of who is standing behind you.
Your guidance for this transit is to honor your skills and talents, be willing to learn more and continue to believe you are worthy of blessings and recognition. Feelings of not being understood or appreciated for the work you are doing can come up for you during this time, and you are seeking some stability and assurance in your career right now.
CAPRICORN
Capricorn, this Mercury retrograde will be occurring in your 9th house of adventure, travel, education, and spirituality, and there is a sense of needing some more downtime to reflect and understand what your inner world has been telling you during this time. Plans change, paths detour, and you are reviewing your belief systems with a closer eye right now.
Overall, over the next few weeks, you will be searching for a new way forward and gaining the bigger picture. Through the experiences you’ve encountered so far this year, a new perspective has been born, and you are looking at your truths right now. This Mercury retrograde is showing you how important it is to have faith in yourself and your life.
AQUARIUS
Over the next few weeks, Aquarius, Mercury retrograde will be moving through your 8th house of intimacy, shared finances, rebirth, and all things taboo. Mercury will be bringing the focus on where your energy- especially financial energy, has been spent. and if it’s benefiting you and your self-empowerment in life. You are going through a time of transformation and transition, and you are addressing where this change has been needed. It’s about asking for what you need within your close partnerships, commitments, and within your financial world; and knowing that you deserve just that.
Once Mercury goes direct on September 15th, you are going to feel more clarity and empowerment in your life, and like you have overall cleared the way for more blessings to enter, both financially and emotionally.
PISCES
Mercury retrograde will be moving through your 7th house of love, partnership, beauty, and finances, and there could be some miscommunication within your partnerships at times during this transit, Pisces. Your relationships are a mirror to you right now, and it can be difficult to see some emotional patterning or habits that are straining your one-on-one connections rather than strengthening them.
It’s time to let the past go in love and redefine what your heart wants now. Overall, the relationships that are meant for you will only grow further into a deeper commitment and understanding through this transit; and those that aren’t will make it clearer to you that this is the case. Choose your battles wisely, and focus on love.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Thinking about them kinda-sorta inspired this piece because they caused me to reflect on the times when some of my clients have come to me, semi-freaking out, and it was because their thoughts about someone had gone beyond “Hey, she’s pretty” or “Hey, he looks good.” Instead, they were starting to fantasize about certain folks, and they weren’t sure what to do about it, especially when some of those fantasies were transpiring while they were engaging in sex with someone else.
You know, it’s been reported that somewhere around 50 percent of people do indeed have fantasies about other people while having sex with another person. And that is definitely a high enough number to tackle some things about the topic here.
If you’re someone who fantasizes about other individuals, especially sexually, here’s some intel into why that could be the case, along with when it gets to the point and place where you might want to consider actually doing something about it.
What’s a Fantasy and What Exactly Causes Them?
GiphyWhenever you think of the word “fantasy,” what immediately comes to your mind?
Personally, what I find to be interesting is the fact that the dictionary says that there are actually a lot of things that can be considered a fantasy: your imagination, hallucinations, visions, ingenious inventions, illusions — I mean, there is even a genre of fiction that falls into the fantasy category. However, when it comes to what we’re going to discuss today, a psychological term for fantasy is “an imagined or conjured up sequence fulfilling a psychological need; daydream.”
And yes, before we get to the end of all of this, that definition is going to answer quite a few questions as it pertains to the topic of this particular piece. But first, more about the origin story of fantasies.
Apparently famed neurologist, Sigmund Freud spent some time analyzing fantasies and came to the conclusion that, more than anything else, a fantasy represents something that is either a suppressed urge or desire and when you stop to think about what you imagine, what your visions are, what you may long to invent — that certainly tracks. However, something that you should also keep in mind about fantasies is that, oftentimes, they are rooted in few boundaries and can even go well beyond what is considered to be reality (which is something that is based on facts and truth).
Oh, something else that needs to be kept in mind about fantasies is that they are typically relied on as a mental form of escape from something or someone (bookmark that).
And now that fantasies are more clearly defined, if your immediate question is, “Is it wrong to fantasize?” — no, I certainly don’t think that. What I do believe, based on what a fantasy is, though, is if you are fantasizing a lot about a particular person, place, thing or idea, it would be a good idea to ponder why that is the case — why is that a suppressed desire for you, why are you using that as a mental escape and perhaps, the most important question of all, does your fantasy come with any limits?
Now let’s build on top of this…
Now What Causes Folks to Fantasize About Other People?
GiphyAs I was doing more research on the topic of fantasies, I came across an article entitled, “What Happens In Our Brains When We Fantasize About Someone.” The author of it started the piece out by talking about a cool connection that she made with someone on a plane, only for her to find herself fantasizing about him once they parted ways. As she went deeper into her story, she mentioned a word that definitely needs to be shared here: heuristics.
If you’re not familiar with it, heuristics is simply a mental shortcut. For instance, if you find yourself needing to make a quick decision (check out “Before You Make A Life-Altering Decision, Read This.”), you may rely on heuristics to do it (even if it’s subconsciously). The challenge with that is oftentimes heuristics will only provide you with a limited amount of data and information, and relying only on that could cause you to not make the best choice, if you’re not careful. And boy, when heuristics jump into your fantasy space — well, something that immediately comes to my mind is celebrity culture.
Ain’t it wild how people will be on social media, speaking so confidently, about someone—or someone’s relationship—as if they personally know them (when they absolutely don’t)? I mean, just because someone is attractive or you’ve seen them carry themselves well in an interview or two, that doesn’t automatically mean that they are the ideal person or that they are someone to set your own dating standards by. If you’re not careful, though, heuristics and fantasies may encourage you to think otherwise.
That’s because the combo will try and get your brain to jump to all sorts of conclusions and, if you don’t keep that in check, it could result in you making premature, counterproductive, or even straight-up reckless decisions — because remember, a fantasy tends to be about suppressing an urge or desire.
Honestly, whether you are in a relationship or not, if you are fantasizing about a particular individual, understanding why you are doing that should definitely be explored.
However, if you are with someone and you’re fantasizing about someone else, you really shouldn’t ignore what is transpiring because, although by definition, there’s a good chance that whatever and whomever you are fantasizing about will never come to pass, the fact that it’s taking up some of your mental and emotional space, that needs to be acknowledged. Because if there is something that you want or need, and you seem to believe that your fantasies are better at supplying that for you than the reality of your relationship, why is that?
Let’s keep going…
What Does (or Could) It Mean If You Fantasize About Someone Else During Sex?
GiphyIt’s pretty common that a random song will come to mind whenever I’m writing an article. Today? It was Guy’s “My Fantasy.” Then a sitcom did — King of Queens, and the episode when Doug and Carrie were talking about his sexual fantasies. The song is about images that the fellas randomly have about beautiful women. The episode was about Carrie wanting to dictate to Doug what and whom he could fantasize about because some of his sexual fantasies made her feel uncomfortable or intimidated.
And both of these are a pretty solid intro into whether there is something wrong with sexually fantasizing about someone, especially while having sex with someone else. Well, before getting into all of that, I think another article that I read on the topic brings up a pretty good point — that it’s important to think about where your fantasies are coming from: your imagination, things you see on social media, porn that you may have watched, people who you actually know…and if it’s the latter, is it someone from your past or someone from your present?
Yeah, knowing the source of your fantasies can definitely help you to understand how “deep” into your fantasies you might be.
What I mean by that is, seeing a beautiful man one time and randomly thinking about what it would be like to have sex with him on some beach vacation is quite different than constantly thinking about your ex, the sex you used to have with him and then fantasizing about it For one thing, the beautiful guy, you will probably never have access to. That ex, though? Well, at the very least, that is a bit more realistic, right?
Then there’s the fact that, again, a fantasy is a suppressed urge or desire. When it comes to the beautiful man, is it his looks that you long for, or is it something deeper? And that ex of yours? Lawd, now why, when you have your own man in your own bed, is your ex “scratching some sort of itch”? Because we all know what they say — “he’s your ex for a reason,” so why is he creeping up into your intimacy space now that the relationship is over? Is something unresolved?
Are there sexual needs that he met that your current partner isn’t (check out “You Love Him. You Prefer Sex With Your Ex. What Should You Do?”)? Is something currently transpiring in your current relationship that you are using fantasies about your ex to escape from?
You see, although when it comes to the topic of fantasizing about others when you’re having sex with someone else might seem like the a cut-and-dried, “Don’t do it, end of discussion” — as someone who works with couples for a living, I think the bigger concern isn’t if another guy comes into your mind during sex with your partner…it’s more about WHY is that happening to begin with. Because if you need to escape from where you are, if you can’t be present with your partner, something is definitely up.
When Should You Be Concerned About the Fantasies You Are Having?
GiphyDuring the last several months of breaking up (because we all know that sometimes breaking up is a process) with the last boyfriend whom I will have in this lifetime, I recall fantasizing about other people while having sex with him. It’s because I really wasn’t attracted to or interested in him, sexually, anymore — but I was a bit fearful of what it would mean to let the entire relationship go.
And boy, is that a huge red flag because I wasn’t fantasizing about some random famous person one time during sex — I was relying on images, my imagination, and previous experiences with other people to literally get me through the act. NOT. GOOD.
Y’all, one of the greatest and most profound forms of communication and connection between two people is sexual intimacy, and so, when it transpires, it really should only be about the two of them. That said, should you freak out over a thought about someone who creeps up into your mind every once in a while? Chile, more people have that happen than they will ever admit out loud.
On the other hand, should you worry if you’re like I was? I’ll put it this way — you should definitely be concerned because the last thing that you should be feeling during sex with someone is like you are suppressing what you need and/or that you want to escape from the moments that you are experiencing with them.
And yet, if that is indeed the case, though, what should you do?
Start with doing some sex journaling. Write down your fantasies, the sources of them, and why you are leaning on them in this season (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”). If they are tied to unrealistic situations, be real with yourself about that. If they are rooted in potential possibilities, do some journaling about how much you are “feeding into” that reality and what you think would be the wisest way to move forward, both for your sake as well as your relationship.
Talk to your partner. Each relationship is different, and so, while I’m not going to recommend that everyone just blurt out that they’ve been thinking about having sex with their co-worker or college sweetheart while having sex with their partner, I do think that the suppressed urges and desires (in general) should be mentioned. Sometimes, fantasies are birthed out of boredom (check out “If You're Not Having Great Sex, This Is (Probably) Why” and “Common Sex Problems Couples Have (& How To Fix 'Em)”) and doing something like creating a sex bucket list (check out “This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of ‘Sex Bucket List’”) can breathe new life into your bedroom.
Plus, sharing some of your deepest thoughts, feelings, and needs (in a kind, thoughtful, and mature way) can cultivate more emotional intimacy with your partner, and that can definitely be a good thing.
Consider seeing a sex therapist. If, after doing both of these things, the fantasies seem to be getting stronger and louder, you might need to make an appointment with a reputable sex therapist (check out “Have You Ever Wondered If You Should See A Sex Therapist?”). They may be able to help you to “connect some dots” about what’s going on that you wouldn’t have considered without their help, because sex therapists are trained in helping individuals sort out the mental and emotional sides of intimacy, not just the physical ones.
____
Are fantasies bad? They aren’t. However, when it comes to sexual ones, a quote by Benjamin Franklin absolutely comes to mind: “If passion drives you, let reason hold the reins.”
And that, right there, should be a guiding message for how you should process the fantasies that you do have.
Amen? Sho’ you right.
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