Here's How To Combat All Of The Effects Of Retrograde
As of late, retrogrades---and in particular, Mercury retrograde---bring on a lot of feelings of grief and dread for many. But what exactly is a retrograde? Let's start from a literal definition: basically it means that a planet appears to be moving backward as the Earth passes by on its orbit. However, we know that planets do not actually move backward, it is an illusion that occurs because the planets are moving at different speeds when they pass one another. That is the very science-based definition of retrograde for all you science folks out there.
However, for astrology/zodiac purposes, we have to first talk about what it means for a planet to "go direct". Most of the time each planet is in the motion of being direct or "normal". A planet moving in retrograde motion means that it is contrary to the normal flow of things, presenting an exception or challenge to a sense of normalcy. Also note, each planet has its own retrograde time period and its own direct time period. Simply put, Mercury is not the only planet that goes retrograde. They all do, and each planet's retrograde means something different. How can we combat the negative effects of retrograde and use this time to our benefit?
Your Guide To What Planets In Retrograde Means
Mercury Retrograde & What It Means
space astronomy GIFGiphyMercury (Communication): Mercury normally goes retrograde three to four times a year and serves as a quarterly check to evaluate your communications, how efficient you are being with your tasks, and how effectively you are going after your goals. Normally during Mercury retrograde, communication gets muddied, technology starts to malfunction, and things may seem to not be working to your advantage.
What you should do: Mercury retrograde is not the time to start anything new or to any projects. The likelihood of its success is low. Your time is best spent reevaluating and improving on existing systems and structures.
Venus Retrograde & What It Means
Venus GIF by The TelegraphGiphyVenus (Love and Money): Venus goes retrograde every 18 months and urges us to re-evaluate our love lives. During this time, old relationship issues that you may have thought were solved will reappear. You may also find yourself reevaluating your finances and how to improve our budget.
What you should do: Venus retrograde is a great time to deepen your sense of self-worth and honing in on your closest values. All areas of your life that you honor yourself are up for review. Take this time to reflect and adjust where necessary.
Mars Retrograde & What It Means
mars GIFGiphyMars (Aggression and Assertion): Every two years, Mars goes retrograde. Mars is in control of aggression or how you assert yourself, particularly in your sex life, ambitions, and when you are angry. During Mars retrograde, you will start to struggle with making things happen for yourself.
What you should do: During Mars retrograde, it is best to find new ways to channel your energy to be productive and pleasurable. We don't focus on pleasure enough, so this is a great time to be selfish. You need to tackle these things head-on, and at the end of retrograde, you will be more focused than ever before.
Saturn Retrograde & What It Means
saturn GIFGiphySaturn (Restrictions/Responsibility/Fears/Self-Discipline): When Saturn retrogrades, it is occurring for about ⅓ of the year and averages about 20 weeks. This retrograde is all about keeping us in line. Saturn wants all of us to accomplish our goals, live a balanced, healthy life, and work hard. If you are not living up to Saturn's standards, this time will remind you of how karma works. During Saturn retrograde, we get a break from the new lessons and a chance to revisit old ones but gentler and familiar.
What you should do: To make it through Saturn retrograde, you need to reflect on previous life lessons you learned when Saturn was direct. Make sure you understand the lessons so you don't repeat them. And if you're interested in learning more about Saturn and its influence on life, listen to this episode of xoNecole's Happy Hour Podcast.
Neptune Retrograde & What It Means
GiphyNeptune (Dreams, Imagination, and Unconscious): When Neptune goes retrograde, it is normally for about 23 weeks. Neptune retrograde shakes up your perception of reality and aims to teach us about how we deceive others, suppress our own fears, manage our anxieties, and hold on to unhealthy attachments. When Neptune is direct, reality can become distorted, causing us to see things through rose-colored glasses.
What you should do: To do work during Neptune retrograde, you need to remove the rose-colored glasses and see yourself more clearly. Use this retrograde to get real with yourself. This time can be used to clear a path and navigate any confusion correctly.
Jupiter Retrograde & What It Means
jupiter GIFGiphyJupiter (Luck and Gifts): Jupiter goes retrograde about ⅓ of the year for about 120 days. Jupiter brings fortune and expansion wherever it exists in your heart. This can be one of the gentlest retrogrades you experience. The retrograde wants you to avoid getting lazy with all Jupiter brings.
What you should do: Work toward achieving your dreams. Combat Jupiter retrograde by tackling your complacency, and pinpoint the areas of your work where you could be going just a little bit harder. Then turn up the heat.
Uranus Retrograde & What It Means
gas giant space GIFGiphyUranus (Innovation/Rebellion/Progression): Uranus retrograde happens for about 22 weeks of every year. You may feel like the rebel inside of you takes a nap and calms your need for freedom, change, and chaos. This is a time of less intense energy.
What you should do: Look for new ways to accomplish older intentions. Focus on using Uranus energy to link creatively and get outside of the box. Let your creative flag fly.
Pluto Retrograde & What It Means
pluto flyby GIFGiphyPluto (Power/Intensity/Obsession/Control): The influence of Pluto's retrograde is about half the year and approximately 185 days. At this time, Pluto urges you to evaluate your relationship with power. Are you feeling empowered or power-hungry?
What you should do: Evaluate whether you are stepping into your power or shrinking away from it? If you are not tapping in, it's time to embrace your inner warrior goddess and use it to empower others. Step into what is meant for you and forget everything else.
Each planet is responsible for affecting, influencing, and/or changing how we navigate our daily lives, and the retrograde time requires something different from us to help evaluate rather than punish.
There are basic things we can do to use the energy of the ruling planet and successfully make it through any retrograde. Take a moment to become present, and ask yourself, what is this time asking me to do? Surrender to the energy around you and reflect on lessons that you learned or lessons you need to learn. Retrogrades are here to reveal things we need to adjust and what will help us progress.
Get honest with yourself, meditate, feel all the feelings, and journal your thoughts about what the energy is telling you. If you use this time constructively for positivity, surviving any retrograde should be no problem.
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Feature image by Shuttershock.
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ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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When discussing the topic of raising children, discipline is often the first thing that comes to mind. Children need discipline. Full stop. But what is discipline? And how do we draw the line between discipline and revenge?
The origin of the word "discipline" can be traced back to the Latin word "disciplina," which means "instruction" or "teaching." Over time, however, discipline has come to be synonymous with punishment, with parents relying on shame, fear, and/or physical pain to curb undesirable behavior.
Teaching takes time, so nipping it in the bud in whatever fashion parents deem necessary (within reason) has become the norm. But is this what’s best for children? And when does it become less about curbing undesirable behavior and more about getting our licks back for offenses we feel our children should know better to do?
In my work as a parenting coach, I’ve often heard parents say, “I asked him nicely three times before spanking him. He didn’t stop doing it until I did, so clearly talking doesn’t work.”
And the parent isn’t wrong. Talking often doesn’t work the first, the third, or the even the 10th time. And the reason is directly tied to brain development.
Children cannot and do not process information the way an adult can. Auditory processing is not fully developed until a child is 14 or 15 years old. And even then, if a child has auditory processing delays or Auditory Processing Disorder (APD), they may always struggle with processing auditory commands. According to Susie S. Loraine, MA, CCC-SLP, the term auditory processing refers to how the brain perceives and interprets sound information. Several skills determine auditory processing ability—or listening success. They develop in a general four-step hierarchy, but all work together and are essential for daily listening.
Without this understanding, discipline can easily become revenge because parents will then view their child’s misdeeds as a personal slight. Instead of teaching them to do better, parents now want to show them the consequences of not doing better. This is why it's imperative for parents to discern between discipline and revenge to maintain healthy relationships with their children.
5 WAYS TO DISTINGUISH BETWEEN PARENTAL GUIDANCE AND RETALIATION:
Understanding The Intent
Discipline is rooted in love and concern for the child's well-being. It focuses on teaching lessons and helping children understand the consequences of their actions. Conversely, revenge-driven actions stem from a desire to inflict pain or punishment as payback for perceived slights or disobedience. Parents should reflect on their motives before taking disciplinary actions. Ask yourself whether your intention is to help your child learn or to make them suffer for upsetting you.
Example: If a child accidentally breaks a valuable item, a disciplinary response would involve discussing the importance of being careful and working with the child to come up with a way to replace or fix what they’ve broken. On the other hand, a vengeful reaction might involve yelling, harsh punishment, or bringing up past mistakes to intensify guilt.
Maintaining Emotional Regulation
Effective discipline requires parents to remain calm and composed, even in challenging situations. It's natural to feel upset or frustrated when children misbehave, but responding with anger or resentment can escalate the situation and blur the line between discipline and revenge. Before addressing the issue, take a moment to breathe and collect your thoughts.
Example: If a child cannot follow instructions, a disciplined response would involve calmly explaining why their cooperation is necessary in working with the child to accomplish the goal. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve shouting, name-calling, or resorting to physical punishment out of anger.
Promoting Growth and Learning
Discipline should always aim to promote growth and learning. It involves guiding children toward making better choices and understanding the impact of their actions on themselves and others. Effective discipline strategies include positive reinforcement, setting clear expectations, and providing opportunities for reflection and growth.
Example: If a child repeatedly forgets to complete their chores, a disciplinary approach would involve discussing the importance of responsibility and finding solutions together, such as creating a chore chart or setting reminders with Siri or Alexa. In contrast, a revenge-driven response might involve imposing overly harsh punishments or belittling the child, which can undermine their self-esteem and hinder their ability to learn from their mistakes.
Momo Productions/Getty
Building Trust and Communication
Trust and open communication are essential components of a healthy parent-child relationship. Discipline should strengthen this bond by fostering trust and encouraging children to confide in their parents without fear of judgment or retaliation. When children feel safe and supported, they're more likely to accept discipline as a form of guidance rather than punishment.
Example: If a child admits to breaking a rule or making a mistake, a disciplined response would involve listening to their perspective, discussing the consequences of their actions, and working together to find a solution. Conversely, a retaliatory response might involve accusations, blame, or shutting down communication, which can erode trust and damage the parent-child relationship.
Seeking Professional Guidance
Parenting is a learning journey, and, disciplining children is a delicate balance between guiding them toward responsible behavior and nurturing their growth. By understanding the intent behind our actions, maintaining emotional regulation, promoting growth and learning, building trust and communication, and seeking professional guidance when needed, as parents we can help our children built on love, respect, and understanding.
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Featured image by Courtney Hale/Getty Images