Quantcast

How To Feel Empowered In Your Singledom On Valentine's Day

Love & Relationships

It is tough to fight the feelings of loneliness as your coworker receives flowers from her soon-to-be husband. You sit there pretending to be excited for her while eating your second chocolate chip cookie of the day. Their engagement photos featuring their small Yorkie are perfectly angled on her desk just for you to roll your eyes every time you walk by.


Lowkey, you want exactly what she has. Happiness is the main theme of her life. It is something you have always wanted, and at times you've felt like a life like hers would bring just that. Happiness.

These anxious feelings often arise during the month of February.

We are women who spend tireless hours trying to please everyone, taking care of everything, and still find ourselves lonely on the day that is dedicated to romance and love. It's easy to feel like you are the only one who hasn't found "the one." In reality, there are countless women who spend Valentine's Day alone, who don't have perfect relationships, and like you, gauge their self worth by the length of their last relationship.

The truth is, this day does not define your self worth.

media.giphy.com

I have come a long way from the days of feeling jealous of the next person. I have spent many Valentine's Days alone, and learned so much about who I am and what fuels me. For many years I felt nervous, worried, and anxious about what it meant to spend Valentine's Day alone. Initially, it was painful. It was uncomfortable, and I spent very dark days figuring out how to love myself. Thankfully, over the years, I found the strength I needed to get through Valentine's Day without a single tear or anxious breathe.

By following these four key principles, I began feeling empowered in my single life. Especially on Valentine's Day.

Know Your Worth

media2.giphy.com

Dig deep within yourself. Find out what you're good at. Find out what you're bad at. Be honest with yourself, and get acquainted with your worth. If you take the one thing you are good at and maximize on it, you will gain all the confidence you need to feel worthy. You will love what you have to offer the world, and begin to feel valuable and priceless.

Invest In Yourself

img.allw.mn

Find out what you don't like about yourself and change it. I invested in figuring out who I was through reading, studying other people, and my own relationships. I found out what I didn't like about myself. I identified my triggers, and I told myself to have a seat. Sometimes you have to kick yourself in the butt. It can be painful to point the finger at yourself, but sometimes it is necessary. Take responsibility for the things you do to create chaos in your life. Love yourself enough to say you want to make a change.

Investing in yourself also looks like actively supporting your own goals and desires. I have put every single dollar I earn back into my writing career in order to take it to the next level. My success has allowed me to build my confidence in being single. If you are preoccupied achieving your own goals and being a boss, then you are less likely to have time to feel sorry for yourself. You're already winning.

Stop Looking For Approval

cdn.playbuzz.com

This is one of the hardest but most important principles of self love. It is difficult to "keep up with the Joneses." You will never win. There will always be a new iPhone, a new Chanel bag, a new Jordan release, etc. How can you keep up? You can't. One important factor in finding love within is to stop looking for praise from others. Instead, start looking for self approval. Evaluate your choices. Are you doing something to reward yourself? Or are your actions based on approval from others? Once we stop looking for approval from others, we can start looking for approval within ourselves. I promise it is so much more satisfying. Keeping up with those Joneses can wear you out!

Find Your Support System

assets.rbl.ms

Find a mentor. No, I don't mean your homegirl that you can just gossip with, I mean someone you trust. Someone that you can tell your deepest fears and your greatest accomplishments to. They should always have good intentions and they should always be unbiased. The way you can determine if someone is a good mentor is if you feel completely comfortable telling them anything. No filter, no shade. We all have questions that we need answers to. Finding a support system can help you sort out some of your inner issues, even if you just need someone to hear you out.

Many times we push ourselves into relationships because we are scared of being alone, but if you aren't comfortable in your own skin, then you need to put a pause on your love life. How can you know what you want out of a relationship if you are not comfortable with yourself?

This Valentine's Day, whether you have a significant other or not, I want you to focus on loving yourself. Put down the cookies, listen to your heart's desires, be good to those around you, put your best foot forward, and do the work for yourself.

Featured image by Getty Images

Simone Biles is a decorated U.S. gymnast who captured the hearts of many with her ambitious, yet graceful moves. However, over the past year, fans got to witness another side of Simone after the gymnast began expressing the issues she's faced regarding her mental health. The Olympic gold medalist shocked everyone when she pulled out of some of the 2020 Tokyo Olympic games, citing "twisties" as the reason. The twisties is a gymnastics term that is described as losing control of your body while spinning in the air.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

The relationship we have and nurture with self lays the foundation for how we relate to and connect with others in our lives. Assessing the issues that discourage self-love from prospering are key in order to repair and reignite the freedom that comes when we finally believe the words "you are enough." I chatted with self-love advocate and lifestyle entrepreneur Shelah Marie – who you may remember from when her 2017 photo of doing yoga with boyfriend, rapper Ace Hood, went viral. Shelah's mission is to create a movement of total self-love and liberation for women of color through her platform Curvy, Curly, Conscious – a place where "self-help" meets "real talk" through virtual and offline events and retreats.

Keep reading... Show less

The first time I really learned about the five love languages was a year after a big heartbreak in my early twenties, and since then I've found myself exploring the love languages of each of my subsequent partners in an effort to be a better lover to them. At the click of a simple quiz, you'll know whether words of affirmation, acts of service, quality time, receiving gifts, or physical touch is the primary way you prefer to experience love.

Keep reading... Show less

At the start of each season, I browse the net to get an idea of the latest styles and trends to look out for when adding to my closet. When shopping, not only do I love items that are hot for the moment but mainly those that I can keep in rotation year after year. I especially look for styles that are both modern and classic, giving off an effortlessly timeless vibe.

Keep reading... Show less

Kissing is such a fascinating thing — to me. The reason why I say that is because, if the person you are exchanging a kiss with is someone who is good at it, it can be the sexiest, most special and most exhilarating thing ever. On the other hand, if they aren't so good — it's just gross. I don't know about y'all, but kissing is such a big deal in my world that I once broke up with someone, in part, because they totally sucked at doing it. It was like, no matter how hard I tried to explain to them what I needed in order to feel like we were in "kissing sync", they would continue to go off and do their own thing. All over my face (yuck).

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Adrienne Bailon Wants Women Of Color To Take Self-Inventory In Order To Redefine Success

"You can't expect anyone else to care about yourself like you do."

Latest Posts