It is tough to fight the feelings of loneliness as your coworker receives flowers from her soon-to-be husband. You sit there pretending to be excited for her while eating your second chocolate chip cookie of the day. Their engagement photos featuring their small Yorkie are perfectly angled on her desk just for you to roll your eyes every time you walk by.
Lowkey, you want exactly what she has. Happiness is the main theme of her life. It is something you have always wanted, and at times you've felt like a life like hers would bring just that. Happiness.
These anxious feelings often arise during the month of February.
We are women who spend tireless hours trying to please everyone, taking care of everything, and still find ourselves lonely on the day that is dedicated to romance and love. It's easy to feel like you are the only one who hasn't found "the one." In reality, there are countless women who spend Valentine's Day alone, who don't have perfect relationships, and like you, gauge their self worth by the length of their last relationship.
The truth is, this day does not define your self worth.
I have come a long way from the days of feeling jealous of the next person. I have spent many Valentine's Days alone, and learned so much about who I am and what fuels me. For many years I felt nervous, worried, and anxious about what it meant to spend Valentine's Day alone. Initially, it was painful. It was uncomfortable, and I spent very dark days figuring out how to love myself. Thankfully, over the years, I found the strength I needed to get through Valentine's Day without a single tear or anxious breathe.
By following these four key principles, I began feeling empowered in my single life. Especially on Valentine's Day.
Know Your Worth
Dig deep within yourself. Find out what you're good at. Find out what you're bad at. Be honest with yourself, and get acquainted with your worth. If you take the one thing you are good at and maximize on it, you will gain all the confidence you need to feel worthy. You will love what you have to offer the world, and begin to feel valuable and priceless.
Invest In Yourself
Find out what you don't like about yourself and change it. I invested in figuring out who I was through reading, studying other people, and my own relationships. I found out what I didn't like about myself. I identified my triggers, and I told myself to have a seat. Sometimes you have to kick yourself in the butt. It can be painful to point the finger at yourself, but sometimes it is necessary. Take responsibility for the things you do to create chaos in your life. Love yourself enough to say you want to make a change.
Investing in yourself also looks like actively supporting your own goals and desires. I have put every single dollar I earn back into my writing career in order to take it to the next level. My success has allowed me to build my confidence in being single. If you are preoccupied achieving your own goals and being a boss, then you are less likely to have time to feel sorry for yourself. You're already winning.
Stop Looking For Approval
This is one of the hardest but most important principles of self love. It is difficult to "keep up with the Joneses." You will never win. There will always be a new iPhone, a new Chanel bag, a new Jordan release, etc. How can you keep up? You can't. One important factor in finding love within is to stop looking for praise from others. Instead, start looking for self approval. Evaluate your choices. Are you doing something to reward yourself? Or are your actions based on approval from others? Once we stop looking for approval from others, we can start looking for approval within ourselves. I promise it is so much more satisfying. Keeping up with those Joneses can wear you out!
Find Your Support System
Find a mentor. No, I don't mean your homegirl that you can just gossip with, I mean someone you trust. Someone that you can tell your deepest fears and your greatest accomplishments to. They should always have good intentions and they should always be unbiased. The way you can determine if someone is a good mentor is if you feel completely comfortable telling them anything. No filter, no shade. We all have questions that we need answers to. Finding a support system can help you sort out some of your inner issues, even if you just need someone to hear you out.
Many times we push ourselves into relationships because we are scared of being alone, but if you aren't comfortable in your own skin, then you need to put a pause on your love life. How can you know what you want out of a relationship if you are not comfortable with yourself?
This Valentine's Day, whether you have a significant other or not, I want you to focus on loving yourself. Put down the cookies, listen to your heart's desires, be good to those around you, put your best foot forward, and do the work for yourself.
Featured image by Getty Images
- How to spend Valentine's Day alone | Metro News ›
- How To: Spend Valentine's Day Alone - AskMen ›
- How to Get Through Valentine's Day Being Single: 11 Steps ›
- 25 Ways To Survive Valentine's Day Alone If You Are 50+ | HuffPost ›
- How To Celebrate Valentine's Day By Yourself When You're Single ... ›
- 11 Celebs on How to Spend Valentine's Day Alone -- Vulture ›
- I'm spending Valentine's Day alone and I'm super chill about it ›
- Treat Yourself: Budget-Friendly Ways to Spend Valentine's Day Alone ›
- Here's what you should do if you're single on Valentine's Day ... ›
RELATED
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images
