I was recently watching an episode of my favorite reality TV show, and I found myself becoming sick to my stomach. The show usually serves as a guilty pleasure of mine---a welcome escape from other seriously depressing, violent, and tragic content on TV and the Web. This time was a bit different.
One cast member was talking about retaliating against another for talking about her behind her back. That scenario is nothing new, however, this exchange was particularly triggering. The way the popular star spoke so viciously about revenge over something I found to be trivial and stupid was like watching a high-school debutante-turned-bully gather all the popular girls at the lunch table to scheme up ruining a poor innocent girl's senior year by spreading a well-crafted rumor.
When I sat and thought about why, I came to the conclusion that it wasn't the fighting, the topics of cheating and broken friendships, nor the incessant bleeping out the F-word. It was the umpteenth mention of "shade" and "tea". The whole phenomenon of the two has become super-tired, and ladies, I think we need to put both to rest for good.
In case I need to build a better case for those who have an unhealthy fixation with "shade" and "tea" like Trump with the presidency, here are 4 good reasons to cut off the ugly fraternal twins forever:
They Highlight Ignorance and Insecurity
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"Tea" is simply divisive gossip oftentimes laced with lies, and "shade" is nothing but toxic passive aggression. People default to these things like they don't have anything better to do or talk about. Throwing shade and spilling tea is just as annoying as using conversation-starters that include complaints about the obvious ("Isn't it too hot out here this summer?") or ice-breakers that mention anything about somebody's weight, marital status, or ovaries. It's annoying, tacky, and ignorant. And call me a snob, but it also signals, to me, that the person doing the spilling or throwing is not well-read, has issues with self-esteem, has not been exposed to diverse life experiences, and is ill-versed on other topics to engage in intelligent discourse with others.
They Stifle Trust and Truth
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"Shade" has certainly warped into an excuse to say but not say something that really, well, needs to be said. I respect people who are direct, and I like knowing exactly who I'm dealing with. I can't trust people who consistently lean on "shade" when expressing themselves or who love talking about other people's business more than their own. When you can't keep it real with others, you oftentimes are not keeping it real with yourself. I've freed myself---mentally and spiritually---from unnecessary conflict, inner turmoil, and drama by simply being honest and clearly stating what and how I feel.
They're Super-Counterproductive
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As women, I think we have enough up against us---unequal pay, physical and mental abuse, high maternal mortality, sex trafficking… dare I stop?---than to add insult to injury by continuing to "spill tea" about one another. How much time do we waste spreading other people's intimate secrets, instigating lies and half-truths, or talking about other people in a way that is demeaning, overly critical, or embarrassing? Why not spend that time speaking life into our fellow women, coming up with business plans, praying to God, or volunteering? What impact do we make or legacy do we leave by wasting time gossiping? When "spilling tea", the motive is usually demoralizing, and it does not serve the greater good.
They Have Reached Their Expiration Date
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In the late '80s and early 90s, I would visit with my cousin in Brooklyn. She was a model, and I'd always watch in awe and admiration when she'd be with her friends from the fashion scene. Back then, I knew "shade" and "tea" as terms coined by vivacious, fabulous LGBT personalities and performers, and it was something part of the culture of vogue and club life. We all know that once a cool saying or trend goes mainstream, it just becomes bland, overused, and watered down. After that, it must be allowed to join the archives of pop culture and be revisited on TV specials about things that used to be a thing.
So many people are using the term 50 million times in everyday conversation, on TV, and on the Web that I'm prompted to gag in disgust. It's like being force fed chit'lins with extra hot sauce--enough already! Let's allow "shade" and "tea" to slowly fade away like flip phones and scrunchies. Many of us are too old to be letting slang dominate conversations anyway!
I hope anybody whose known for "throwing shade" or "spilling tea" will resolve to end the madness this year and re-up on better conversation skills, up-to-date vocabulary, and a hefty dose of kindness.
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While an evolution is a natural progression that happens as businesses grow, a rebrand is a total change. Lola tells xoNecole, "A total rebrand is necessary when a business’s current reputation/what it’s known for is at odds with the business’s vision or direction.
"For example, if you’ve fundamentally changed what your product is and does, it’s likely that your brand is out of alignment with the business. Or, if you find your company is developing a reputation that doesn’t serve it, it might be time to pump the brakes and figure out what needs to change.
She continues, "Sometimes you’ll see companies (especially startups) announce a name change that comes with updated messaging, visuals, etc. That usually means their vision has changed or expanded, and their previous branding was too narrow/couldn’t encompass everything they planned to do."
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The Brand Doula was born in 2019, and its focus is on putting "the experiences, goals, and needs of women of color founders first," as well as brands with "culture-shifting missions."
According to Lola, culture-shifting is "the act of influencing dominant behavior, beliefs, or experiences in a community or group (ideally, for the better)."
"At The Brand Doula, we work with companies and leaders that set out to challenge the status quo in their industries and communities. They’re here to make an impact that sends ripples across the market," she says.
"We help the problem solvers of the world — the ones who aren't satisfied with 'this is how it's always been' and instead ask 'how could this be better?' Our clients build for impact, reimagining tools, systems, and ways of living to move cultures forward."
The Brand Doula has worked with many brands, including Too Collective, to assist with their collaboration with Selena Gomez's Rare Beauty and Balanced Black Girl for a "refresh," aka rebrand. For businesses looking to rebrand, Lola shares four essential steps.
1. Do an audit of your current brand experience — what’s still relevant and what needs to change? Reflect on why you’re doing the rebrand in the first place and what success would look like after relaunching.
2. Tackle the overall strategy first — before you start redesigning logos and websites, align on a new vision for your brand. How do you want your company to be positioned moving forward? Has your audience changed at all? Will your company have a fresh personality and voice?
3. Bring your audience along the journey — there’s no need to move in secret. Inviting your current audience into the journey can actually help them feel more connected to and invested in your story, enough to stick around as changes are being made.
4. Keep business moving — one of my biggest pet peeves is when companies take down their websites as soon as they have the idea to rebrand, then have a Coming Soon page up for months! You lose a lot of momentum and interest by doing that. If you’re still in business and generating income, continue to operate while you work on your rebrand behind the scenes. You don’t want to cut existing customers off out of the blue, and you also don’t want so much downtime that folks forget your business exists or start looking for other solutions.
While determining whether the rebrand was successful may take a few months, Lola says a clear sign that it is unsuccessful is negative feedback from your target audience. "Customers are typically more vocal about what they don’t like more than what they do like," she says.
But some good signs to look out for are improvements in engagement with your marketing, positive reviews, press and increase in retention, and overall feeling aligned with the new branding.
For more information about Lola and The Brand Doula, visit her website, thebranddoula.com.
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