
Amid the news of the coronavirus pandemic, April beckons us out of our winter hibernation and into the warmth of spring. Venus blesses us with some lighthearted, flirtatious energy when she moves into Gemini on April 3. The Full Moon in Libra on April 7 helps us bring balance to areas of our lives that are in disarray.
Mercury's transit in Aries reminds us to think before we speak but also grants us the conviction needed to speak up for ourselves when needed. Toward the end of the month, Taurus takes center stage inviting us to indulge in the sensual pleasures of life and align with more abundance.
Check out how this month's cosmic blueprint affects your sign:
Aries

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Happy birthday to the leading lady of the zodiac! Your solar return is supported by Venus entering Gemini on the 3rd, awakening the social butterfly in you. On 4/4, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction can potentially offer you a transformative career opportunity that requires you to overcome a deep-seated fear of yours. As we work our way to the Full Moon on the 7th, be mindful of your temper especially in dealing with personal and professional relationships. Getting on the same page with others may prove to be difficult when Mercury moves into your sign on the 11th. Breathe through the discord and try to find a happy middle ground.
The Sun transitions into Taurus on the 19th helping you take a more practical approach toward your finances. It's time to reel in the spending and focus on saving. The New Moon on the 22nd invites you to consider what financial goal you'd like to reach within the next six months. If you're up for adding a new source of income on your list, now is the time to tap into those hidden gifts and talents. Once Mercury moves into Taurus a few days later, you're ready to strategize your way to more wealth. On the 25th, Pluto begins its retrograde and the next several months encourages you to face any fears related to harnessing your own personal power and making shit shake when it comes to your career. It's time to lay the self-sabotage to rest and surrender to your success!
Taurus

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April kicks off with your ruling planet moving into Gemini on the 3rd. This benevolent energy blesses your finances and loves life through your gift of gab. Don't be modest, babe. Now is the time to sell yourself and that amazing product or services you have to offer. The Jupiter-Pluto conjunction on the 4th supports you with a transformative opportunity to share your expertise with a wider audience. On the 7th, the Full Moon reveals how some of your habits and routines are draining you (and maybe a hater in the workplace, too). Mercury shifts into Aries on the 11th which could bring up some hidden anger if you're not feeling heard. Use your words like a big girl and speak up for yourself in a tactful approach.
Your birthday season begins when the Sun moves into your sign on the 19th. The New Moon on the 22nd invites you to make a wish for what you want to accomplish in the next year. Don't forget to show off that new birthday makeover while you're at it. On the 25th, Pluto begins its retrograde, encouraging you to connect with the voice of your own inner guru. The time during this transit is best spent refining your code of ethics, spiritual beliefs, and philosophies about life. If you're in school, you'll feel pulled even deeper into your studies with the desire to master what you're learning. The month comes to a calm close with Mercury moving into your sign, making you the topic of discussion and the go-to for guidance, advice, or a shoulder to lean on.
Gemini

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Venus is giving you some extra TLC this month when she moves into your sign on the 3rd. As the social butterfly of the zodiac, your charm factor goes up another notch when the planet of love peruses through Gemini. On the 4th, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction helps you overcome a big fear with a lighthearted approach. Who said that healing has to be difficult? In your case, laughter is the best medicine. On the 7th, the Full Moon boosts your creativity and your need for some adventure—romance included. Love won't just show up on your doorstep so get out there and do what you do best—FLIRT!
Taurus season officially begins on the 19th and over the next month your focus is on your inner world as you prepare for your birthday season. Meditate, reflect, and get plenty of sleep. Your dreams will reveal what habits, hang ups, and relationships you need to release before your solar return. The New Moon on the 22nd offers you the karmic reset that you need to feel more confident about the new directions you're going in when it comes to exploring how you can turn your natural gifts and talents into a stream of income. On the 25th, Pluto begins its retrograde and over the next six months you'll be transforming trauma into grace, wisdom, and a deeper love and appreciation for yourself. Working with a therapist can equip you with the psychological tools you need to thrive in close, intimate connections of all kinds.
Cancer

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The month begins with Venus moving into Gemini on the 3rd. Matters of love take on a more private approach during this transit. Take it slow and get plenty of sleep to receive some new money-making ideas in your dream time. On 4/4, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction supports you in stabilizing a partnership whether romantic or professional. The Full Moon on the 7th could have you considering a move if you've outgrown your current living arrangements. At the least, there could be a convo you need to initiate with your roomie who keeps paying the rent late or leaving their mess in the common areas.
Do your best to keep your temper in check once Mercury moves into Aries on the 11th. Your drive for success is admirable. Just make sure you're not stepping on any toes or rubbing your boss the wrong way. As the saying goes, "Don't bite the hand that feeds you." On the 19th, the Sun moves into Taurus, making this a good time to reconnect with friends and the New Moon on the 22nd invites you to expand your social network. Over the next month, you could be meeting some key players that will help turn your vision into a reality. On the 25th, Pluto begins its retrograde through the fall. This transit is intended to help you transform your personal boundaries so you can experience more fulfilling, healthy interactions, and relationships.
Leo

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April takes off with Venus moving into Gemini on the 3rd helping you attract good fortune and opportunities through your social network. As the saying goes, "It's not what you know. It's who you know." On 4/4, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction supports you in getting to the root of any health issues while helping you stay disciplined in making those new habits stick! The Full Moon on the 7th invites you to share our beauty with the world, whether that's through an inspirational thread of tweets or a new selfie on IG flaunting your makeup skills.
On the 11th, Mercury moves into Aries and you're in the mood for some adventure. Now that the retrograde is over, it's the perfect time to take that girls' trip to Bali. A week later, the Sun moves into Taurus which brings your focus to climbing the social, and professional, ladder. Recognition for a job well done from someone you look up to is likely during this time. On the 22nd, the New Moon could have you stepping into a new job title or more influence among those who admire you. Pluto begins its six-month retrograde on the 25th, helping you shift your energy and mindset to align with your desired lifestyle (and body goals). The month comes to a sweet close with Mercury mellowing out in Taurus for a few weeks, reminding you that achieving your goals isn't a race but a marathon instead.
Virgo

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The planet of love and money blesses your career progression with some important convos taking place throughout the month. On the 4th, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction helps you reach new heights in your creativity. It may not always feel comfortable but your authentic expression matters so don't be afraid to share your truth! The Full Moon on the 7th could reveal how you've been mismanaging your finances. Practice a little constraint by getting back on that budget. If you think you're being overworked and underpaid, this could be a good time to negotiate a raise. On the 11th, Mercury moves into Aries for a few weeks. Be mindful of any pent up aggression you're harboring and seek healthy ways to express it like taking a kickboxing class.
The Sun moves into Taurus on the 19th and your hunger for knowledge could have you applying for school or booking a trip to a distant land that you feel connected to. The New Moon on the 22nd invites you to explore a new way to approach your spiritual wellness, making this a great time to sign up for that online course about balancing your chakras. Once Mercury links up with these two luminaries, your mind is ready to absorb new information to incorporate into your own belief system as well as your spiritual practices. Toward the end of the month, Pluto begins its retrograde, helping you transform the narrative that has neglected your inner child's deepest desires for adventure, creative expression, and love.
Libra

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The beginning of the month has you curious and adventurous when it comes to matters of love. Meeting someone during your travels or in an educational setting is likely during this transit. When it comes to money, consider what you're an expert at and create a course for others who are interested in learning your craft. On the 4th, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction supports you in transforming dysfunctional family dynamics and clearing out the remnants of generational karma. Your Full Moon on the 7th invites you to show the world what you've got—whether it's your ASSets, skillset, or all of the above.
On the 11th, Mercury lights up your relationships with passion and fury. Be mindful of power struggles over the next few weeks but don't be afraid to stand up for yourself when necessary. The Sun enters Taurus on the 19th bringing your focus to sex and intimacy, making this the perfect time to get a little closer to your loved ones. The New Moon on the 22nd could present a new stream of income and, with Mercury moving into Taurus, your money-management skills are improving drastically. It's time to strategize your way out of debt and into wealth. Around the end of the month, Pluto goes retrograde, encouraging you to embrace the power of the Divine Feminine and the wonders that you can create when you embody your magical essence.
Scorpio

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April kicks off with Venus inviting you into closer, more meaningful connections. As one of the deepest signs of the zodiac, you'll enjoy this transit and the chance to see others, and yourself, in a vulnerable way. On the 4th, the Jupiter/Pluto conjunction helps you overcome any fears of being in the spotlight and sharing your truth. If you're aiming to expand your social media presence, this aspect is super supportive in doing just that. On the 7th, the Full Moon helps you break free from a karmic cycle in your relationships. It's time for you to receive as much as you give to others. Mercury moves into Aries on the 11th getting you motivated and in the gym just in time to get that summer body together! You'll be feeling a little aggressive during this transit so be mindful of your interactions with your co-workers. It's not what you say, boo. It's how you say it.
On the 19th, the Sun enters Taurus coupled by a New Moon on the 22nd inviting you to take a relationship to the next level. An engagement could be in the midst for some of you while others of you are making an important business connection that has the potential to take you places professionally. Once Mercury joins these two luminaries on the 27th, you'll be ready to sign your name on the dotted line. The month winds down with the planet of transformation starting its six-month retrograde, making this an opportune time to assess the way you communicate with yourself and others. Our words are powerful spells that can create our personal Heaven or Hell on Earth. Use your magic wisely.
Sagittarius

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You enter into the month with Venus moving into your opposite sign on the 3rd. If you're single and ready to mingle, it's time to hit up your local brunch spot. For the coupled Saggies, this transit can bring some fresh, exciting energy back into the mix. On the 4th, the Jupiter/Pluto conjunction supports you with a lucky breakthrough financially but it may require you to step outside of your comfort zone to receive it. Believe in your gifts, babe. You wouldn't be offered the opportunity if you weren't capable of exceeding in the role. The Full Moon on the 7th is a great time to gather with new and old friends alike to celebrate your wins—regardless of how big or small they seem.
Watch out for that feisty temper of yours when Mercury moves into Aries on the 11th. We know you love to debate like you're a candidate for the next presidential election but bae may not be in the mood to spar with you so bring it down just a bit. On the 19th, the Sun enters Taurus shortly followed by a New Moon on the 22nd. A focus on improving your health and well-being is your top priority. It's time to commit to those new habits that will result in a more balanced lifestyle. On the 25th, Pluto goes retrograde, helping you blast through those subconscious money blocks so you can get on a smoother road to your prosperity.
Capricorn

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The month kicks off with the goddess of love reminding you that "health is wealth". Sign up for that spin class or learn about some detox plans to get your summer bod going in full effect. On 4/4, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction helps you get clear on what really matters and where your energy is best directed. The Full Moon on the 7th illuminates how you can take a more balanced approach to achieving your career goals. This is also a good time to renegotiate existing contracts or to ask your boss for a raise. On the 11th, Mercury moves into Aries, bringing your focus to family and home. Being nice may not be your thing but try to have a little tact when letting your roommate know that you're tired of cleaning up after their lazy ass.
The Sun enters Taurus on the 19th inviting you to nurture your inner child. This is a great time to pick up that old hobby, take a weekend getaway, or indulge in some romance. On the 22nd, the New Moon supports you in planting the seed for new creative projects. With Mercury moving into this part of your chart, you're reminded to believe in the value of your self-expression. The month ends on a more introspective note with Pluto going retrograde, initiating you into some deep, inner work that will uncover hidden aspects of your relationship with power and how you utilize it in the world.
Aquarius

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Romance, adventure, and creative inspo overflow when Venus moves into flirtatious Gemini on the 3rd. On the 4th, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction invites you to explore your hidden desires as well as any judgements you have about actually having your desires fulfilled. The Full Moon on the 7th has your 3rd eye wide open and ready to receive the next set of instructions on your journey. Teaching, writing, and traveling opportunities are likely on the agenda. On the 11th, Mercury moves into Aries instilling you with the conviction you need to speak your truth. Choose your battles wisely though. Every fight isn't worth your energy.
On the 19th, the Sun moves into Taurus, bringing your focus to family. The New Moon on the 22nd has you planning some home renovations or a relocation. Once Mercury comes buzzing along (and your tax refund is deposited) you'll be hitting up your local HomeGoods to beautify your space for any home entertaining you'll be doing this spring. April winds down with Pluto going retrograde on the 25th inviting you to integrate hidden aspects of yourself that are necessary for you to actualize more personal power.
Pisces

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The month begins with Venus bringing the good vibes, and the tea, straight to your living room. This is the perfect time to bring the party, or a small get-together, to your home. On 4/4, the Jupiter-Pluto conjunction encroaches you to embrace your desire for connection and a purpose-driven approach to life. Your big heart is capable of changing the world around you. The Full Moon on the 7th marks the end of a tough cycle. You either allow the pain to make you or break you and you've chosen to allow yours to be the catalyst for your glow up.
On the 11th, Mercury moves into Aries, giving the courage to stand up for your worth. Prices are going up, baby! The Sun moves into Taurus on the 19th followed by a mellow New Moon on the 22nd, making this an opportune time to work on practical ways of expanding your social media platform, website, or YouTube channel. Your influence has the potential to get you in a sweeter spot financially. On the 25th, Pluto goes retrograde for six months, encouraging you to "be the change that you want to see in the world".
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Because We Are Still IT, Girl: It Girl 100 Returns
Last year, when our xoNecole team dropped our inaugural It Girl 100 honoree list, the world felt, ahem, a bit brighter.
It was March 2024, and we still had a Black woman as the Vice President of the United States. DEI rollbacks weren’t being tossed around like confetti. And more than 300,000 Black women were still gainfully employed in the workforce.
Though that was just nineteen months ago, things were different. Perhaps the world then felt more receptive to our light as Black women.
At the time, we launched It Girl 100 to spotlight the huge motion we were making as dope, GenZennial Black women leaving our mark on culture. The girls were on the rise, flourishing, drinking their water, minding their business, leading companies, and learning to do it all softly, in rest. We wanted to celebrate that momentum—because we love that for us.
So, we handpicked one hundred It Girls who embody that palpable It Factor moving through us as young Black women, the kind of motion lighting up the world both IRL and across the internet.
It Girl 100 became xoNecole’s most successful program, with the hashtag organically reaching more than forty million impressions on Instagram in just twenty-four hours. Yes, it caught on like wildfire because we celebrated some of the most brilliant and influential GenZennial women of color setting trends and shaping culture. But more than that, it resonated because the women we celebrated felt seen.
Many were already known in their industries for keeping this generation fly and lit, but rarely received recognition or flowers. It Girl 100 became a safe space to be uplifted, and for us as Black women to bask in what felt like an era of our brilliance, beauty, and boundless influence on full display.
And then, almost overnight, it was as if the rug was pulled from under us as Black women, as the It Girls of the world.
Our much-needed, much-deserved season of ease and soft living quickly metamorphosed into a time of self-preservation and survival. Our motion and economic progression seemed strategically slowed, our light under siege.
The air feels heavier now. The headlines colder. Our Black girl magic is being picked apart and politicized for simply existing.
With that climate shift, as we prepare to launch our second annual It Girl 100 honoree list, our team has had to dig deep on the purpose and intention behind this year’s list. Knowing the spirit of It Girl 100 is about motion, sauce, strides, and progression, how do we celebrate amid uncertainty and collective grief when the juice feels like it is being squeezed out of us?
As we wrestled with that question, we were reminded that this tension isn’t new. Black women have always had to find joy in the midst of struggle, to create light even in the darkest corners. We have carried the weight of scrutiny for generations, expected to be strong, to serve, to smile through the sting. But this moment feels different. It feels deeply personal.
We are living at the intersection of liberation and backlash. We are learning to take off our capes, to say no when we are tired, to embrace softness without apology.
And somehow, the world has found new ways to punish us for it.

In lifestyle, women like Kayla Nicole and Ayesha Curry have been ridiculed for daring to choose themselves. Tracee Ellis Ross was labeled bitter for speaking her truth about love. Meghan Markle, still, cannot breathe without critique.
In politics, Kamala Harris, Letitia James, and Jasmine Crockett are dragged through the mud for standing tall in rooms not built for them.
In sports, Angel Reese, Coco Gauff, and Taylor Townsend have been reminded that even excellence will not shield you from racism or judgment.

In business, visionaries like Diarrha N’Diaye-Mbaye and Melissa Butler are fighting to keep their dreams alive in an economy that too often forgets us first.
Even our icons, Beyoncé, Serena, and SZA, have faced criticism simply for evolving beyond the boxes society tried to keep them in.
From everyday women to cultural phenoms, the pattern is the same. Our light is being tested.

And yet, somehow, through it all, we are still showing up as that girl, and that deserves to be celebrated.
Because while the world debates our worth, we keep raising our value. And that proof is all around us.
This year alone, Naomi Osaka returned from motherhood and mental health challenges to reach the semifinals of the US Open. A’ja Wilson claimed another MVP, reminding us that beauty and dominance can coexist. Brandy and Monica are snatching our edges on tour. Kahlana Barfield Brown sold out her new line in the face of a retailer that had been canceled. And Melissa Butler’s company, The Lip Bar, is projecting a forty percent surge in sales.

We are no longer defining strength by how much pain we can endure. We are defining it by the unbreakable light we continue to radiate.
We are the women walking our daily steps and also continuing to run solid businesses. We are growing in love, taking solo trips, laughing until it hurts, raising babies and ideas, drinking our green juice, and praying our peace back into existence.
We are rediscovering the joy of rest and realizing that softness is not weakness, it is strategy.
And through it all, we continue to lift one another. Emma Grede is creating seats at the table. Valeisha Butterfield has started a fund for jobless Black women. Arian Simone is leading in media with fearless conviction. We are pouring into each other in ways the world rarely sees but always feels.

So yes, we are in the midst of societal warfare. Yes, we are being tested. Yes, we are facing economic strain, political targeting, and public scrutiny. But even war cannot dim a light that is divinely ours.
And we are still shining.
And we are still softening.
And we are still creating.
And we are still It.

That is the quiet magic of Black womanhood, our ability to hold both truth and triumph in the same breath, to say yes, and to life’s contradictions.
It is no coincidence that this year, as SheaMoisture embraces the message “Yes, And,” they stand beside us as partners in celebrating this class of It Girls. Because that phrase, those two simple words, capture the very essence of this moment.
Yes, we are tired. And we are still rising.
Yes, we are questioned. And we are the answer.
Yes, we are bruised. And we are still beautiful.

This year’s It Girl 100 is more than a list. It is a love letter to every Black woman who dares to live out loud in a world that would rather she whisper. This year’s class is living proof of “Yes, And,” women who are finding ways to thrive and to heal, to build and to rest, to lead and to love, all at once.
It is proof that our joy is not naive, our success not accidental. It is the reminder that our light has never needed permission.
So without further ado, we celebrate the It Girl 100 Class of 2025–2026.
We celebrate the millions of us who keep doing it with grace, grit, and glory.
Because despite it all, we still shine.
Because we are still her.
Because we are still IT, girl.
Meet all 100 women shaping culture in the It Girl 100 Class of 2025. View the complete list of honorees here.
Featured image by xoStaff
Someone's Trying To Hook You Up? Ask These 6 Questions First
As we all know, it’s cuffing season. We’re also on the cusp of the holiday season, and that happens to be the time of year when a lot of people get engaged. And that’s why the fall and winter seasons are the times of the year when folks wanna play matchmaker.
And so, sis, if at least one person in your life is currently trying to set you up with someone they know right now — charge it to it being “tis the season” more than anything else. Because let’s be real — folks tend to be more lovey-dovey than ever right about now, and that is usually what inspires them to try to get as many people boo/bae’d up as possible. Chile…CHILE.
It’s not like it has to be a bad thing. In fact, studies say that somewhere around 15 percent of engaged couples actually met through a friend. All I’m saying is, before you entertain someone’s “I’ve got someone I want you to meet” invitation, it would benefit you to interview them first — for the sake of all parties involved.
The questions that I recommend asking? The following six are what I think can get everyone on the same page, so that there is more pleasure than regret from the hook-up attempt.
1. Why Are They So Invested?
GiphyTwo things that I recently watched over again are the series Survivor’s Remorse (the writing is so damn good) and a movie called Trapped in Temptation (both are currently on Tubi). Something that both of them made me think about is the fact that motive reveals a lot when it comes to why people say and do the things that they do.
When it comes to the movie, specifically, without giving the film away — let me just say that, if you are in a relationship, be really careful about listening to individuals who try to talk you out of maintaining it. More times than not, the motive is shady as hell. And honestly, sometimes people who are close to obsessed with you being in one deserve a bit of side-eye too.
Now, if it’s someone who loves all things love, they are in love and they want you to experience something similar — that’s sweet. Just make sure that they are approaching the set up from a healthy space. What I mean by that is they don’t see singleness as some sort of relational handicap or they aren’t trying to override what you want for your life as if they somehow know better (there are so many ways to be a control freak, y’all).
Hmph. Now that I think about it — make sure that the set-up crew isn’t trying to use you to “save” some male friend or relative of theirs. I say that because I once knew a mother whose son had — count ‘em — 10 kids and she was FOREVER trying to get me to date him. Girl, that wasn’t for me. She was looking for a Holy Ghost Jr. for that child of hers. I’ll pass. HARD PASS.
Bottom line with this one — if someone wants to set you up with someone else, the first thing to ask is why? Make sure to really listen to what their answer is. Then pay attention to if your mind, body and spirit are at peace with their answer(s).
2. Do They Know What You Want?
GiphyI don’t know about y’all, but the people (and let’s be honest, by far, it’s usually women) who have tried to set me up with someone? They didn’t even know what my preferences or type was. Hell, they didn’t even know my thoughts or timeline as it relates to being in a serious relationship were either. And what that boils down to is they were trying to hook me up based on their agenda, not mine — and that usually meant that the guys who they came up with? Yeah…I was good on them. LOL.
Yeah, if someone wants to hook you up, you definitely should ask them if they know what you are looking for in a guy when it comes to his looks, personality, passions, spirituality, relational desires and goals, location, etc. Because, indeed, what is the point in going out with someone who is fine as hell and yet, you want kids and he doesn’t (or vice versa) or who has a great personality yet he isn’t even in the same ballpark of your spiritual beliefs?
If your friend really wants to help you out, valuing your time should come with that — and that means bringing someone into your life who complements your lifestyle. No wiggle room here.
3. Are They Aware of Your Deal-Breakers?
GiphyLast year, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, “Should Bad Sex Actually Be A Relationship Deal-Breaker?” The thing that I think needs to go on record about deal-breakers is they aren’t exactly standards that you have. No, a deal-breaker is something that can’t be worked out even after trying to negotiate or compromise. When it comes to relationships, a deal-breaker might be how long two people should date before becoming exclusive or getting engaged. Another deal-breaker might be if being religious is more important than being spiritual and how that manifests itself (church or no church, etc.). And yes, another deal-breaker may be what each other’s sexual needs and expectations are.
When someone is setting you up, it is imperative that they know about your standards. For instance, for me, I am not interested in dating a divorced person, pretty much ever (I Corinthians 7:10-11). I’ve had friends who have tried to hook me up with that demographic before and it has always been a moot effort. The fact that some of them have gotten frustrated with my convictions has absolutely nothing to do with me. Some have tried to get me to compromise my deal-breakers too — like a long-distance relationship. Is it a firm “naw”? No. However, it’s not really something that I am interested in, so why not just…recommend someone local?
Yeah, if someone thinks that they know you well enough to hook you up, they absolutely should be well-versed in what your deal-breakers are before they do. And if they’ve never asked, all they are doing is assuming — and we know what that typically means. LOL.
4. What Is Their Track Record?
GiphyIt’s kind of wild that we now live in a time when more couples meet online than they do through “old-fashioned ways” like via their friends (although some reports say that Gen Z is getting back to that) — and yet, here we are. Still, if you are willing to let someone play pseudo matchmaker in your life, you are well within your rights to inquire about their track record in that department. Have they hooked others up, successfully, before? Has any of their “Cupid work” caused both people to get exactly what they wanted out of the situation? If/when things went awry, why was that?
I know someone who is constantly trying to hook people up. Thing is, maybe 10-15 percent (no joke) of their efforts have proven to be positive and fruitful — and we’re talking about close to close to two decades of them doing it. Listen, time is too precious to be out here doing stuff ONLY to please other people. That said, if someone wants you to devote some time to one of their grand ideas, you are well within your rights to ask about their past and current success score when it comes to it.
5. Can They Keep Their Own Feelings Out of It?
GiphyWanna know if someone who is offering to do something for you is actually doing it more for themselves? If they try to make it be about them when things don’t go the way they would like, that is a dead ringer. An example? They post a message about you on social media and then question you about why you didn’t do the same thing in return. Another example? They do something for you and then throw it in your face during an argument. Still another example? They set you up with someone, it doesn’t work out, and suddenly you’ve put them in a weird spot. No dear — you put your own self in that position by trying to hook two people up in the first place.
I promise you, it will spare everyone unnecessary energy spent (or even drama experienced) if, before you agree to be hooked up, you get the matchmaker on record stating that they will keep their emotions out of it as much as possible. MEANING — they will do the introductions and then let the chips fall where they may. If they can’t do this, my two cents (save it or spend it) would be to decline the offer. Because all you need is someone texting you about why you haven’t called their cousin back or having an attitude with you when you break up with some guy at their church who they thought was the perfect catch (P.S. These aren’t hypothetical examples — LOL).
6. Will They Respect Your Boundaries? Start to Finish?
GiphyYeah, this final one is a biggie. Just because someone sets you up with another person, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily mean that they should have the right to the details of the dynamic. I don’t care if it’s the first date or the 10th date. I don’t care if you decide to just be sex buddies or to have a full-blown relationship. I don’t care if you stay together or break-up — it’s your relationship which makes it your business. Whatever you share is privileged data.
Yeah, I would say that probably the most challenging thing about being hooked up by someone you know is they have a tendency to think that they are a part of the relationship too — and that is a lie. If things go well beyond a couple of dates, you and the guy should discuss what you will both share with the person who introduced you and then agree to stick to that boundary, no matter what. It’s a great way to protect the dynamic, to keep “outside voices” from influencing the growth and to navigate how you want to move, moving forward.
Someone who hooked you up for the right reasons and knows how to honor limits? They will understand. Will they ask questions? Absolutely. Will they pry? Nah.
___
Should you sit and let someone hook you up? I mean, you never know how your blessing will come. Just make sure that they are prepared for you to do some digging into their mindset before they start sweetly meddling into your love life.
It’s only fair. Hell, and right. LOL.
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