November is a game-changer. Eclipse Season is over, but that is not stopping the transformative energy that this month is bringing. Saturn goes direct in Pisces at the start of the month, and this is exciting news after the emotional uneasiness Saturn retrograde brought over the past few months. Saturn has been retrograde since June, and on November 4, it officially goes direct, allowing more of a clear vision when it comes to your intuition, your creativity, and your emotional world.
However, as with any change, time is needed to settle into the new energy. This month is here to bring in some more magic (maybe even a little chaos?) before the year ends.
What November 2023 Has In Store For Your Zodiac Sign
Venus enters Libra on Nov. 8, and Venus loves being in this air sign. With Scorpio Season in full effect this month and Venus now in Libra, there is a balance needed between the head and the heart right now. Venus in Libra prioritizes love, relationships, and connection, and the Sun in Scorpio will be reminding us to do so, but not at the expense of our own well-being and emotional needs.
Mercury enters Sagittarius on Nov. 10, bringing in some heat into the month. Mercury in Sagittarius is bold, and you can expect people to not be afraid to speak their minds right now.
Overall, this energy is about allowing your inner muse to create abundance in your world and to open your mind to what is possible for you.
The New Moon this month is occurring on Nov. 13 and will be in Scorpio, aligning with the Sun. This New Moon is an emotionally healing one and is creating new beginnings and a rebirth. Set your intentions for your inner power, your shared resources, and where you want to overcome in your life right now. Sagittarius Season officially begins on Nov. 22, and with the Sun in a fire sign, emotions are heightened, but in a new way. Sagittarius Season is all about seeing the bigger picture, expressing your authentic self, and focusing on the positives.
Mars enters Sagittarius on Nov. 24, and this is a good time of the year to travel for most or just find new avenues to explore in your life. Spontaneity is favored when the energy is in Sagittarius, and things are getting exciting right now. The Full Moon will be happening on Nov. 27 and this Full Moon is occurring in Gemini. Gemini is a wildcard, and you may be surprised with what’s being brought to your attention right now.
This Full Moon is a reminder that change is constant, and it’s best to work with the energy that is coming to fruition in your life and mold it to where you want it to be. Overall, November is all about overcoming and claiming your space.
Your November 2023 Monthly Horoscopes For Each Zodiac Sign
ARIES
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about nurturing your world, Aries. Patience is needed now as you prepare for your dreams and intentions to come to fruition. At the beginning of the month, Saturn goes direct after being retrograde in your 12th house of closure since June of this year. Now that Saturn is direct, you feel free to heal finally, let go, and create space for the new to enter.
November is an excellent month to treat yourself, enjoy the riches in your world now, and believe that you deserve everything you are trying to create in your life. On Nov. 8, Venus enters your opposite sign, Libra, and moves into your 7th house of love. Your love life sees improvements with this energy, and with the New Moon on Nov. 13 highlighting the intimacy in your life, support is really coming in for you right now.
TAURUS
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The tables are turning for you in November, Taurus. This is a fulfilling and abundant month for you and a time when you are seeing positive culminations in your life. Your ruling planet, Venus, is in your 6th house of work, health, and daily routines for most of the month, and this energy is inspiring you to take care of yourself, your well-being, and the special people in your life.
The New Moon in Scorpio on the 13th aligns with your house of love and is creating a new beginning within your relationships this month. You are looking forward to where the romance is headed in your life right now, and there is growth taking place within your heart. At the end of the month, there is a Full Moon in your 2nd house of investments, and what you have been spending your time and energy on is coming full circle for you. This month, love is coming your way.
GEMINI
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleIn November, communication is clear, and your energy is direct, Gemini. You are focused on moving forward and letting go of anything that keeps you in a state of confusion or stagnancy. Venus is in a fellow air sign for most of the month, and as it’s moving through your 5th house of romance, you are able to feel more love in your life, and you are truly focused on following your happiness right now.
The Sun moves into your sister sign, Sagittarius, on the 22nd, even more fueling the love and romantic energy that is in your life right now. This is your time to shine within your relationships and to receive what you have been looking for here. On Nov. 27, before the month ends, there is a Full Moon in your sign, and you are seeing some personal goals come to completion and are closing chapters in your life that no longer resonate with who you are today.
CANCER
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is inspiring you to new heights, Cancer. You are taking off on the new ideas and passions you have been tapping into and are ready to communicate your vision with others. You are being guided to express yourself thoroughly but to also have patience with the delivery. With Venus in Libra and aligned with the area of your life having to do with the home and family for most of the month, spending time in your safe spaces and with close loved ones is truly therapeutic for you now.
On Nov. 13, there is a New Moon in your 5th house of romance, and love is coming in for you in new ways. You are opening the door to your personal happiness and creativity, and are being received especially favorably right now. By the end of the month, there is a Full Moon at the very bottom of your chart, and you need more quiet time alone to renew and emotionally regroup as the month ends.
LEO
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleThis is a month of success for you, Leo. You are experiencing new developments taking place in your life and your professional world and are being seen for the light you are in this world. You have been putting in the work while also creating space for your dreams to grow, and with the Sun in Scorpio for most of the month, you are seeing a lot of these manifestations coming through within the home, your emotional well-being, and your sense of security in life.
This month, the key for you is to have balance with what you are doing. Venus is in your 3rd house of communication for most of the month, and you are experiencing a lot of breakthroughs here that will help you feel safer to take up space and ask for what you need. The Full Moon on the 27th is showing you just how worthy you are of abundance, and you are letting go of insecurities and embracing your success in life.
VIRGO
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleYour intentions are manifesting for you this month, Virgo. This month is allowing you to tap into your inner source of abundance, and in turn, you are creating more material abundance in your life as well. This is a creative, fruitful, and nurturing time for you, and with Saturn moving direct in your 7th house of love and partnerships at the start of the month, you get to enter November with a weight off your shoulders and your heart.
November is about creating beauty in your world and claiming the blessings that are entering- without the self-sabotage.
Venus is in your house of investments this month, and you are seeing a return on yours. The New Moon in Scorpio on the 13th is an excellent time for you to see things more clearly and come up with some new ideas and perspectives for the life you are trying to create right now. This month is all about releasing stress and having more compassion and support for your growth.
LIBRA
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleLibra Season is officially over, but you are just beginning the new journey of love that November is bringing you on, Libra. Venus enters your sign as the month begins on Nov. 8, and you are ready for a new beginning. Relationships feel more personal and sensitive for you right now, but you are also recognizing where in your life you could be showing yourself some more love and attention.
The New Moon on the 13th is a good time to set your intentions for your finances and the plans you want to set in motion here. New beginnings and financial opportunities are here for you, make sure you don’t overcomplicate things with fear or self-doubt. The Full Moon on Nov. 17 is an eye-opening time for you, and you are gaining a bigger picture that you may have missed before. By the end of the month, you are starting from square one in the best way possible.
SCORPIO
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleNovember is about having patience and trusting the process, Scorpio. This is your season, and it’s your time to allow the light to shine on you. Your personal goals and motivations are being highlighted right now, and you are moving through a space of self-development. Divine timing is everything this month, and what you are hoping to bring to fruition right now is taking some time for better conditions.
With Venus in your 12th house of closure, spirituality, and healing for most of the month, your heart is giving you some new wisdom. You are really feeling things through this month and need some time to grasp where things are and where they could be. On Nov. 13, there is a New Moon in your sign, and this New Moon is all about setting intentions for your future and your dream life, and aligning with your higher self. November is helping you see yourself clearer and reinvest and align with what you want.
SAGITTARIUS
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleThis month is all about connection, Sagittarius. Love is filling your world, and there is a sense of feeling more whole right now. The month begins with the Sun moving through the very bottom of your chart, allowing you more time to rest, contemplate, and spend more time with your heart. On Nov. 8, Venus moves into your 11th house of friendship, hopes, and dreams, and you are going to feel more social and make some new connections in your life. Mercury moves into your sign this month on the 10th, and the vision is clearer.
You are communicating freely and from the heart, and the smoke is moving away from your life. Where you once felt pressure and challenge in your world, you are now feeling resolution and balance.
Sagittarius Season begins on Nov. 22, and it’s all about living in your light right now. With Mars also entering your sign a few days later, the empowerment is really there for you this month, and its love is seeping into many different areas of your life.
CAPRICORN
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleNovember is a month of freedom, collaboration, and self-confidence, Capricorn. You are working together with others in harmony and are making your dreams come true through the efforts of yourself and those around you. With your ruling planet Saturn in retrograde over the past five months, it’s been difficult to find the inspiration or words for how you are feeling. Saturn officially goes direct at the start of November, and you finally have more room to express yourself and define your interests- and feel more safe doing so.
Venus is in your 10th house of career and reputation for most of the month as well, and you are thinking about how you want to show up in the world and what skills and talents you want to move forward with and experience success in. The Full Moon at the end of the month is another working area of your chart, and you are really getting things done in November. By the end of the month, you are seeing more rewards and recognition for the work you have been doing.
AQUARIUS
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleYour guidance for the month, Aquarius, is to rest more, tend to your needs more, and give yourself time to think things through. The past cannot be undone, and how you treat yourself in the present moment is more important right now. One of your ruling planets, Saturn, officially goes direct this month, and for you, this means your financial world, self-confidence, and personal values experience a boost of direction and positivity, and you are overcoming the confusion you have been in.
Venus is in fellow Air Sign Libra for most of the month and is in your 9th house of adventure. You could be traveling this month or also just spending more time exploring your inner world.
Know that one door opening can lead to many other opportunities for yourself, and trust your instincts right now. The Full Moon at the end of the month on the 27th is signaling to you what energy to prioritize more in your life and where you can let go for the sake of your happiness.
PISCES
Kyra Jay for xoNecoleYou are seeing abundance in a new way this month, Pisces. The new beginnings you are moving through in your career life right now are planting the seeds for your future financially, and you are getting a glimpse of how good it can get for you. Saturn goes direct in your sign at the start of the month, and you are moving into the energy of fewer obstacles towards your goals and more success with what you set your intentions on and dedicate yourself to.
The New Moon on Nov. 13 is allowing you to turn a new page when it comes to your perspective and mindset and helping you see your gifts in life clearer. This is a good New Moon to set your intentions for your future, your bucket lists, and what you want to learn more about and discover in life. At the end of the month, there is a Full Moon in Gemini, and this Full Moon is giving you closure, emotional healing, and making space for secure foundations to grow.
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- Lifestyle, Culture, Love, Wellness - Horoscopes - xoNecole ›
- Fall Equinox: How To Make The Fall Your Season, According To Your Sign ›
- What Your Zodiac Sign Says About Your Work Ethic ›
- Your October 2023 Horoscopes Are All About Transformation & Finding Balance ›
RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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Either way, we’re breaking down how to harness the alluring black cat energy to attract and cultivate your purrrfect match, or how to deepen your current relationship.
What is Black Cat Energy?
Black cat energy has made a splash all over TikTok since 2021 where users have popularized “the black cat/golden retriever” theory based on the notorious attributes of felines and pups.
Pet owners and those who have had the pleasure of engaging with furry friends know that cats tend to have personality traits of being more independent, cautious, and unbothered until they develop a relationship with you – then you’ll be graced with their loveable side – whereas dogs, much like golden retrievers, are often overly excited to see you, bursting with happy energy, and seeking your affection, even if they just met you.
Black cats especially possess an elusive, regal, and pompous vibe that makes them irresistible. You can’t simply win these mysterious creatures over with your mere presence. You’ll have to earn their affection.
And if by a stroke of luck, they open up to you, they’ll always keep you wanting more of them. That same je ne sais quoi is what TikTokers are raving about, claiming that if you channel black cat energy into your love life, you’ll summon the person of your dreams and make them fall in love with every part of you.
What’s more, according to The Spruce Pets, single women in Japan who own black cats are believed to attract more suitors. In parts of Great Britain, a black cat is the quintessential wedding gift because they’re believed to bring good luck and happiness to the bride.
Why the Black Cat/Golden Retriever Dynamic Works
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Anyone can be the black cat or the golden retriever in the relationship, but TikTokers and some relationship experts say the best way to ensure long-lasting compatibility is for the woman to be the black cat, while the man exudes golden retriever tendencies.
Dating coach Anwar White solidifies finding the yin to your yang, instructing women to find their complement. “Most people look to date their clone and you’re going to need to date looking for your compliment – that is what is going to bring you the most success.”
In the 14 years he’s been a dating coach, he shared the best complementary personalities that make for a good match. “If you’re a type A, boss babe, you’re going to be looking for the optimistic golden retriever guy. This is the guy that wants to get done whatever you want to get done. This is the engineer, the federal employee, or an architect. It’s very much black cat/golden retriever vibes.”
No matter what stage you’re at in your love life, it’s never too late to transition from subservient golden retriever to omnipotent black cat.
TikToker @jaclyn.dasilva explains that she used to be in her golden retriever energy in her marriage – catering to her husband, and what he needed and liked until she learned how to epitomize the black cat energy.
“We have this beautiful energy as women. When we learn to put all that beautiful, nurturing energy into ourselves that is when they want us. That is when they chase us. Now I think about what I want to eat. What do I want to drink? What book do I want to read? And I put my energy into myself.”
She continues, “And now he’s the one chasing me. He’s the one who can’t get enough of me. When we see ourselves as the prize, that is when he sees us as the prize. Stop chasing him. Let him chase you. Be about you, he’ll be about you.”
How To Embody The Black Cat Principles In Your Dating Life
Dating and maintaining a flourishing relationship in today’s technology-driven world is no easy feat. We have abundantly more access to swipe right or left on apps, or serendipitously meet a great catch in person than our parents and grandparent’s generations.
And yet, with all the potential options, somehow it seems more difficult to stumble across Mr. or Mrs. Right or to maintain a long-term symbiotic relationship. Fortunately navigating dating and relationships becomes easier when you know exactly who you are–your different quirks, flaws, and assets–and when you keenly understand the little things that titillate your world and accept the nuances and icks of a person that you know are not aligned with you.
A woman relishing in her black cat energy and femininity knows exactly what she wants and needs and doesn’t detour from who she is for anyone. These are the qualities of black cat women:
High Standards
Nothing says you’re the main character or HBIC like flaunting high standards and sticking to them.
TikToker Anna Kristina, the self-proclaimed creator of the "black cat theory" shared how to become the ultimate black cat and have men eating from the palm of your hand. “You have to be inconvenient. You have to be bitchy. You have to have standards and certain expectations. The higher the expectations, and the more unrealistic, the better.”
Elusiveness
Relationship TikToker Tomisin Atobatele offers women insights into the essence of being elusive. "I want you to stop being eager to tell men everything you’re thinking and feeling, and especially tell men exactly what you desire. If a guy asks you what you want out of a guy, or what you’re looking for, I want you to be vague…When you’re vague, and someone’s interested in you, it forces them to do work in order to get those answers.”
"And just that fast, you’ve created a scenario where he’s thinking about you," he added. "He’s thinking about your needs. He’s thinking about your wants and desires. And in the process of him thinking about your wants and desires, his focus is on you.”
Firm Boundary Setter
Self-preservation, respect, and overall happiness stem from healthy boundaries. A woman basking in black cat energy knows exactly when and how to implement boundaries. Black cats have boundaries. They will let you know when they are done getting petted," said TikToker Marian Bacol.
“They will let you know when they want to give you attention. They will stare you down if they are done with you. They are clear on their boundaries and they’re not afraid to enforce it. They don’t give love and affection to anyone and everyone the way that dogs do. Cats are more selective and that’s how you have to be with your energy.”
Unapologetically Authentic
A sure way to have a man perpetually falling for you is to be authentically you without changing who you are, solely for him.
“If you want him to chase you as opposed to you chasing him, you need to remember this one thing…whatever attributes you have: your style, your hair color, your whatever you’ve got going on – you don’t change for him," said life coach Margarita Nazarenko. "The black cat would never change for a man and that’s what’s going to make him chase you.”
She cements the rule with an analogy: “The rule is: if you make the best chocolate cake and he likes apple pie, make him the best chocolate cake, not a sub apple pie.”
Famous Couples That Successfully Personify Black Cat/Golden Retriever Energy
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These power couples prove why women who helm their black cat energy make their men swoon:
Rihanna & ASAP Rocky
"[The relationship] is going great. I don’t think there’s a more perfect person because when the schedules are hectic, she’s very understanding of that," A$AP Rocky told Billboard about his relationship with Rihanna. "And when the schedule’s freed up, that’s when you get to spend [the] most time together. It’s all understanding and compatibility.
Ashanti & Nelly
Lauren Speed Hamilton & Cameron Hamilton
Lauren Speed Hamilton and Cameron Hamilton are proof positive of the Love Is Blind concept. More recently, the married couple got real on their podcast about the struggles of expanding their family through fertility treatments. "When I saw what you were going through, terms of taking the medications, doing the daily shots, knowing that IVF and all this stuff wasn't really something that you naturally wanted to do but you did it for me," Cameron shared in episode 2 of The Love Seat podcast with Lauren, his voice beginning to crack.
"You showed me a new level of love that I'd never seen before."
Kristy Scott & Desmond Scott
Zendaya & Tom Holland
"You can’t really find anything against Zendaya, she’s kind of like the perfect person," Tom Holland shared about girlfriend Zendaya in a 2021 interview with Backstage. "It was so wonderful to have someone like her in my corner, to help me grow through that process … Having her as a friend has been so valuable to the success and happiness of my career and life."
Gabrielle Union & Dwyane Wade
Ciara & Russell Wilson
"For me, I knew that God had brought me in her life to bless her and for her to bless me," Russell Wilson told Access Hollywood about wife Ciara.
Serena Williams & Alexis Ohanian
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