You Block Your Healing Power By Refusing To Let That Sh*t Go!
I knew a woman roughly 35-37 years old, divorced, still gorgeous inside and out, but never moved on to find new love. I would always wonder why? How could someone so full of life and love just come to a halt with their life?
There was an old quote that I saw while browsing Twitter that read: "'We often hold on to past seasons because there is an object or thing that we are still attached to and we want to hold on to every bit of it, even if it hurts us.' - Unknown." I started thinking about how I have always prided myself on being someone that can "swim up out of shit quick", and most recently my partner referred to my resilience as my superpower.
In the midst of my rambling thoughts, I reflected on the many people around me who don't have or have yet to tap into their ability to let go and heal.
I thought, maybe some don't see the benefits of letting go. Maybe it's easier to stay stuck in a familiar place, in a familiar feeling. Perhaps there is a feeling of guilt or shame surrounding letting go. I recalled the times where I have felt stuck, and I realized I couldn't let go because I had created a sort of identity around my pain at that time; I was the heartbroken girl and tying myself to that image kept me in misery, unable to heal, and my life stagnant. There are many reasons why a person may have difficulty letting go, but for sanity's sake it must be done.
If you can't let go, you can't unlock the powers that come from healing. Let me explain:
I remember being two months out of a relationship that had run its course and I began to see how much great things started happening for me, things I was stressed out about during my relationship such as finding an internship, finding work, paying bills I was behind on, and shit, trying to avoid becoming homeless in a new city. Ending that relationship allowed me to begin healing and then some of my blessings began to pour in. Unfortunately I ended up going back to that relationship because I had not fully let go, and sure enough, more drama and disaster entered my life (enough for me to write a damn book!).
Fast forward to almost a year after completely letting go of that situation and I'm no longer in survival mode, am flourishing, and most importantly my soul is at peace. Applying the lessons I learned throughout my healing process created the woman I am today; I would not have healed if I had not first let go. It may be hard to accept but we can't take everyone on our journey, and honestly, everyone doesn't deserve to come along for the ride.
Constant reminiscing about what things could've been, should've been, or would've been leaves no room to think about what is...and we need to be present in order to heal.
I believe we all may go through a period where we have trouble letting go, so here's a few tips to help with letting go:
- Stay Present: Focus on the here and now, not the future or the past.
- Write A Release Letter: Address the letter to whatever or whomever you need to let go of, and burn it to symbolize release; let that be the end of your attachment to it, and when/if you relapse, remember that you have released it.
- Forgive Yourself: Know that you did the best you could with where you were, and who you were, in your life at that time; don't be hard on yourself.
- Self-Reflect And Accept Your Part: We play a part in almost everything that happens to us; if you haven't figured out the part you played, self-reflect through journaling or meditating to help you figure it out, accept, and move forward.
- Accept The End: The hardest part is fully accepting that whatever it is has come to an end; forget the second chances and the what if stories you've created and accept that the chapter has closed. Focusing on a new beginning will help with this.
Sometimes we can't let go because we're unsure of what lies ahead. Uncertainty is only scary when it's attached to fear and negativity. But when you decide to heal, you look forward to the uncertainty that the future brings.
Letting go allows lessons to be learned and incites discernment to be practiced going forth.
During the times that I feel stuck, I find strength in this simple phrase that helps me let go and heal like Wolverine: You Only Live Once. There's so much strength in remembering that I only get to do this thing called life one time.
So for everyone time you're stuck in sorrow, pity, or constant reminiscing, remember that you don't get that moment back! Life is simply too short to be stuck and unhappy. Remember that when a chapter in a book ends, it's just the end of that chapter, it's not the end of the story. The story goes on. If you can't think of any other reason to let go that shit go and heal, remember that your story must go on.
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Featured image by Shutterstock
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy