Dead Seasons Might Be Painful But They Are Necessary
I personally couldn't wait until the winter was over. I can't stand the winter. It's disrespectfully cold and doesn't care about the moisture that I'm struggling to keep in my skin. There's not much sunlight, and did I mention the snow?
The other day, I sat at the park and looked at the trees. The park was covered with dead branches and fallen trees that covered the grounds with its limbs everywhere, a mess in all its emptiness as it prepared itself for its next stages. There, I realized why dead seasons are necessary.
Dead seasons are necessary because they prune away what can't go with you to the next season.
And in life, that's exactly what happens to us. We go through dead seasons that purge the friends (branches) that are connected to us and can't go with us. It kills the character, the attitude, and the habits (which are the trees) that won't fit in the next level. It's the process of shedding skin, the process of becoming new again.
This mess of renewal can look like drama, frustration, and unexpected situations that may make you scratch your head and ask God what is going on or why you. It can be quite painful because people that you've grown to love may start to show you sides of them that you've never seen before. Bae may start distancing himself without warning. You may even lose your job that you love in this season.
Dead seasons are not predicated on the seasons of the man-made calendar and can happen at anytime. What matters the most is how you go through them, because they come with lessons, and if you don't learn the lesson the first time, you will have to relive it.
So, how do you go through a dead season?
Meditate and Pray
In order to know what season you are in, you have to go back to the source. Schedule time to meditate and pray daily in a room or area with no distractions. Answers come in times of worship. Play music, sing, and indulge in your truth.
Focus
What is easy this season is to get distracted with social media, what everyone is doing or not doing, and gossip. It's easy to get on the phone and realizing two hours later that you have completed nothing but completely caught up with all the reality shows and hood gossip. This is the time to get focused on yourself, working on you, developing your skills, and preparing yourself for what you are expecting to come once this season ends.
Surround Yourself With Positivity
Your mindset is attacked in this season, so it's best to surround yourself with uplifting friends, family members, or coworkers. In addition to being around positive people, you can also read motivational books and watch motivational videos such as Ted Talks, sermons from Sarah Jakes Roberts, or listen to Koereyelle Confessions of a Werkaholic podcast.
Related: 12 Podcasts For Women Trying To Glow Up This Year
Speak Where You Want To Go
Affirmations are life because you have to speak where you want to go and speak what you want to happen. This is what affirmations are, they are short sentences that you must speak out of your mouth daily, before you actually see it in real life. For example, I am richer and richer by the day until wealthy. I am strong, I am beautiful, I am happy. And I am focused, I am grounded, I am thankful, this is temporary.
Once you have identified that you are in a dead season, know that there will be purging, it's going to get uncomfortable, and you are going to lose a few people close to you.
But after the dead season is over comes a blooming season of blessings that will fill you in all the areas that were pruned in your dead season.
It may not feel great, you might drop some tears, your hotline may no longer bling, but remember, the quickest way to move into your next season is by letting go of what or who can't go with you.
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Sharena is a writer, mother, and loves to empower and encourage women of color. She lives in Detroit, MI. Follow her on Instagram and Twitter @xoxosharena. Read her work on xoxosharena.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Rihanna Talks Shedding Expectations And Finding Balance As A Mother
Since becoming a mother in 2022, Rihanna has defined parenthood by her terms and hopes to pass that sense of autonomy on to her children.
For Vogue China’s April cover story, Rihanna shared her perspective on raising her two sons with A$AP Rocky, and how she hopes to preserve her children’s uniqueness, devoid of societal expectations.
"The most beautiful thing...is that [children] come into the world with their own individuality and sincerity, without any logic or conformity,” she told the publication. “Which usually makes you feel that you must fit into a certain group."
The “Work” artist, known for her trendsetting style and captivating persona, expressed her desire to support children in fully embracing their individuality and encouraging them to be whoever they want to be. "It's really beautiful to see and I want to continue to help them navigate that and make sure that they know they can be whoever they want to be,” she says.
She continues, “They should embrace it completely, because it's beautiful, and it's unique. I love them just that way."
From shattering music charts to shaking up the beauty industry, Rihanna has forged a path that has since created the “dream” life we see today. One that she says has made her parents proud of.
“I’m living my dream,” she continued. “My parents were very proud of that because they just wanted me to be happy and successful. So, I think the key thing is to find some kind of balance. Yes, balance is important. Do this and you get the best of both worlds. You can write your own life the way you want, and it will be beautiful. Sometimes, you just need to let go of everyone’s expectations and start living your own story.”
Rihanna, who shares sons, RZA, 23 months, and Riot, 8 months, with rapper A$AP Rocky, recently shared her vision for expanding her family in the future in Interview Magazine.
When stylist Mel Ottenberg asked about the number of additional children she hoped to have, Rihanna replied, "As many as God wants me to have.”
"I don't know what God wants, but I would go for more than two. I would try for my girl,” she adds. “But of course, if it's another boy, it's another boy."
Featured image by Neil MockfordWireImage
