Here's Why Riviera Maya Needs To Be Your Next Girls' Trip
Fundamentally speaking, January is viewed as a fresh start. It's the beginning of a new year which by extension makes it the closing of an old one. And with it comes the mantra of breathing out the old and breathing in the new. People adopt lifestyle changes they previously had on pause, forgive themselves for past inadequacies, and strive to become better than they were. It's a common theme but it becomes more pronounced because of the way January glitters with such promise. For those of us truly intentional with it, January is the perfect excuse to set the tone for the kind of year you wish to have.
That desire rang especially true for the creative minds behind Aunt Jackie's Curls and Coils first-ever travel-sized collection and new collection of deep conditioning treatment masques Butter Fusions (coming to a store near you soon). In addition to unveiling two product lines, the Aunt Jackie's team saw it befitting to use the start of the new year and new decade in a refreshing way by living it up resort-style at El Dorado Seaside Suites in the beautiful Riviera Maya, Mexico.
To commemorate the product launch, Aunt Jackie's, led by Erika Pope, Charisma Lowe, and Kayla Walker, invited 12 black and brown hair influencers, as well as media including Brande Victorian (Madame Noire/HelloBeauitful), Arielle Hermanson (BETHer), Venesa Croger (Refinery29/R29 Unbothered), and myself.
Dubbed "The Curl's Trip", together we embarked as "curlfriends" on a plethora of curated resort experiences made possible by the all-inclusive El Dorado Seaside Suites. From community service to a catamaran ride, we lived! And here's everything we did.
The Location
A room with a view.
Before delving into our Mexico itinerary, let's give a little background about the city and resort. In between the popular tourist destinations of Cancun and Tulum is the less-stated vacation destination of Riviera Maya. Located along the Yucatan peninsula and nestled on an underground river, the beautiful Riviera Maya was once comprised of sleepy fishing villages. These days, the magical place has transformed into a must-visit Mexican hot spot for explorers, scuba divers, nature lovers, and those looking to tap into beachy resort vibes. With their white sand beaches that feel like a pillowy cloud underneath your feet, palm trees, and never-ending sun, Riviera Maya, Mexico has something to offer anyone wanting a slice of paradise.
The Resort
Venesa Croger and I swinging in El Dorado.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
I've never been one to ride the resort wave, but El Dorado Seaside Suites has me singing a different tune. It was all-inclusive, the drinks weren't watered down, the waitstaff were eager for you to have as many drinks as possible, the food from the restaurants were delicious, as well as the room service. As a whole, El Dorado Seaside Suites are separated into two different sections that are very distinct in what they provide as far as Mexican hospitality. The original section gives you island life vibes with the lush palm trees, the seemingly endless expanse of white sand beach, and the architecture that screams Mexico. The Infinity, the resort's latest add-on, is where we stayed. Its building is all-oceanfront with swim-up suits connecting to balcony pools right outside of your room on every floor. The water is cool, inviting, and acts as the perfect backdrop for luxury and equanimity.
Paradise found.
Nakesa Smith, Felicia Leatherwood, and Shaniqua Garrett strutting their stuff on the white-sand beach.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Shaniya (@sincerely_niya) looking easy, breezy, beautiful.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Community Service
L-R: Mendez (@mendezisthatyou), Shalini (@shalinitin_srivastava), me, Erika Pope, Tiffany (@iam.tiffany.renee), and Mesha Thomas.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Volunteering is a small but major way to give back to a world that has been good to you. Aunt Jackie's put together a community service day with Centro de Atención Integral Playa del Carmen, a special education school catering to children and adults with disabilities. With the center, the ladies and I came together to complete two beautification projects. One was planting a garden and the other was painting a mural. It was so rewarding to enrich people's lives who live in a country that had been so good to us. It has also inspired me to volunteer more in my own community in the year ahead.
@iam.tiffany.renee & @mendezisthatyou
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
@dayelasoul & @justlikejackie working hard on the mural.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Hairstylist Mesha Thomas
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Chelsea Zan @chelseazan
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Shalini hard at work clearing the area for the garden.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
The finished product.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
L-R: Nia Vox @niavox, @theglamtwinz, @mendezisthatyou, and Angeliah @ange_liah
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Catamaran Tour
The ladies behind this immersive experience: Kayla Walker, Charisma Lowe, and Erika Pope.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Picture this, a catamaran tour sailing on the ocean for three hours with light bites, margaritas, and trap music. Maroma Adventure Restaurant Hotel & Marina had us feeling like it was our birthday as we took turns driving the boat with the captain's bottle of tequila and got sore knees trying to be like Megan. It was the ultimate turn up on the sea and we were riding the wave.
Shaniya @sincerely_niya pictured with Arielle Hermanson.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Nakesa Smith looking like a whole meal.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
The Curlfriends of the trip looking like a whole MOOD!
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Kish @kishmycurls kicking back, maxing relaxing.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Spa Retreat
The Sensations pool located in the Náay Spa.
Next came the spa day at the resort's Náay Spa. The day was to be one filled with pampering and indulging. It was kicked off with a Mayan ritual ceremony that combined elements of Earth, Wind, Water, and Fire based on the principles of Mayan principles. To them, it is the way to inner peace. We began by undergoing hydrotherapy in groups. Hydrotherapy consisted of a steam room with eucalyptus clay to open up our pores, a cold room, and then we entered the sensations pool where welcomed by waterfalls and hydrojets that targeted different areas of our bodies to soothe and relieve. After that, we entered a hot tub, then a cold tub, and then ran in and out of an ice bath. The results were amazing.
Based on your preferences, you were then ushered into the room where you'd be receiving either a massage or a facial. I opted for a 55-minute full body massage. And I must say, it was easily the best thing that my body has ever experienced in mi vida.
Afterwards, Aunt Jackie's had a glam team on deck to wash and do some of the ladies' hair and makeup. Among the team were hairstylists Shaniqua Garrett and Nakesa Smith, makeup artist Mesha Thomas, as well as hairstylist and owner of the Detangler Brush Felicia Leatherwood.
Taking part in the ancient Mayan ritual to kick off our spa day retreat.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Welcome Aunt Jackie's Curls & Coils!
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Mimosas all around!
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Tiffany indulging in a facial provided by the spa.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Felicia Leatherwood doing her thing!
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Makeup artist Mesha Thomas beating Arielle's face.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Thank you Naay Spa!
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Farewell Dinner
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
To commemorate our magical experience with the Curlfriends coming to an end, we had dinner on the rooftop on a windy night where the light from the full moon acted as our source of energy. We were treated to an immaculate dinner that included crab salad with spinach, shrimp salad with pineapple, string beans, lobster, and more. We communed over drinks, laughter, and the electric slide. It was such a powerful reminder of the incredible energy that's felt when surrounded and being poured into by dope women.
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Photo by Onye Creative Studios
Thank you Aunt Jackie's Curls & Coils for an experience I'll always remember!
Be on the lookout for Aunt Jackie's Butter Fusions and travel-sized collections, coming in 2020!
Photography by Onye Creative Studios
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Navigating Dating When Emotionally Unavailable & Detached: My Journey Back To Feeling
The last time I came with a dating story, I told you I got my little feelings hurt in 2021. I called myself trying to be out in these streets entertaining a man in a different area code, city, and state — only for homeboy to play in my damn face. So, I went and gave y’all "8 Rules To Casual Dating Every Woman Should Know This Summer." You’re welcome. Fast forward to 2024, and I am now coming to you from a more mature and intentional place. We’re not in summer yet, but I truly believe what blooms in spring, thrives in summer.
2023 was my year, and it was my turn. I had just completed an 8-month holistic detox. The glow-up was real and well-deserved. The way I have poured into myself is unmatched. Let me tell you, self-love is a love you have never known. After a five-year healing journey, I finally felt like myself again, and I was ready to play. My heart was open, my mind was clear, and my body hella transformed. I had told all my friends that I was ready to explore dating again, and at the height of summer, I did exactly just that.
This time I decided I wanted to take my time. I wanted to date the “right way” or the “healthy way.” You know, keep your options open, ask the right questions, believe actions and not words, observe patterns and pay attention to red, yellow, and green flags. I was never the dating app type of girl. I sincerely miss everything about human connection and dating from 2000 to 2012. Can we please bring all of that back into 2024? I prefer to feel a man’s energy and presence in real-time. Nonetheless, I still chose to dabble with a few dating apps. I was all the way outside and dating for practice.
Unfortunately, with today’s dating culture, social climate, and how some of these men move and/or behave, these dates were a dead end. Not one guy made it to my roster. What these men were was benched this season – not one of them could be my first-round select draft pick. It didn't seem like anyone I met was interested in a serious relationship. And it’s completely fine. Miss me with the ghosting, lack of effort, inconsistency, and poor communication. I continued to just do me because what is for me will not miss me.
Kelvin Murray/ Getty Images
The universe must have heard me talking because I had specifically told my closest girlfriends that I wanted to meet someone who lived in the vicinity, no more than twenty minutes away, and no more long distance. And I did meet him (it’s crazy how I manifest exactly what I want). As we started to get to know each other, I liked his energy and effort. I liked the direction it seemed to be going to the point my girlfriends had to tell me not to run from him. Because every part of me wanted to run from something that seemed normal.
I liked what he was coming with until I became uncomfortable with my own feelings, and I didn’t know how to communicate them to him.
With that said, I knew if I truly wanted to experience the truest of loves, a reciprocal, requited love, and be in a healthy relationship this story had to come to a pause. What I didn’t know was that he was going to show me things I didn’t know I needed to work on. I didn’t know he inadvertently was going to help me continue to heal parts of me that were hidden.
As someone who has learned to self-heal, I am no longer the type that runs from herself. I am here for the growth.
The truth is I am emotionally detached from myself, and I am not actively dating at the moment. I am the one that has to work on herself. My reiki healer called it, too – she told me this year would not be a year for a relationship, but a year of continuous growth. And now I see why. After all the healing work I have done thus far – I am an unemotional mess. How?
At my big age of 39, I struggle to communicate my wants and needs.
I still struggle to communicate and process uncomfortable feelings. I would rather give myself anxiety, act nonchalantly, emotionally react, and choose non-communication when I am bothered with someone than address the issue (I will later explain why). I have been ignoring my feelings for so long it has become a habit, a defense mechanism, and more so a trauma response.
If you are someone like me who grew up in a household that didn’t discuss feelings, your emotional needs were unmet, and you don’t feel safe to share your feelings – emotional detachment is quite common.
Oftentimes, we always talk about men being emotionally unavailable, but what if it’s a woman who is emotionally unavailable or emotionally detached? How does she navigate herself, dating, or being in a relationship? As I navigate my emotions this season, let’s explore what it means to be emotionally detached, the signs of detachment, and how to reconnect with yourself emotionally.
Emotional Unavailability vs. Emotional Detachment
When we look at the terminology emotional unavailability and emotional detachment, one might argue that the two terms are interchangeable and have the same meaning. One could also argue that both terms mean that some people are not in tune with their emotions or lack the emotional capacity to be responsive to someone else’s emotions. Fair enough. However, there is a big difference. The definition of emotional unavailability is described as people who have difficulty with sharing their emotions and being receptive to the emotions of those around them.
According to Verywell Mind, signs of emotional unavailability can look like being distant or cold, lack of closeness, and emotional intimacy in relationships, inability to understand and relate to others’ feelings, defensiveness when asked to change or let others in, tendency to shut down or avoid topics that require emotional openness, or withdrawal from people or situations that provoke emotional reactions.
Whereas emotional detachment is defined as the inability to or willingness to connect with others on an emotional level. Furthermore, Psychology Today states emotional detachment can also mean that people do not engage with their feelings. Exhibit A – me. Emotional detachment has various causes – past neglect, childhood or adult trauma, PTSD, depression, personality disorder, bipolar disorder, substance abuse, or, in some cases, medication (i.e. antidepressants). It is important to note emotional detachment is a complex issue. For someone like me, it’s a coping mechanism.
It is easier for me to ignore uncomfortable feelings to protect myself from stress or getting hurt. Hence, my nonchalant demeanor. It is also true for some people it is a reaction to trauma, abuse, and unprocessed emotions. Exhibit B – me. As it is difficult for me to open up about my feelings at the moment. On the contrary – emotional detachment can be helpful in navigating some situations like listening to people’s opinions and gossip.
Unfortunately, emotional detachment is not a behavior that can be turned on and off at will. Please note that emotional detachment is NOT a mental health diagnosis but can be a symptom of a mental health condition such as an attachment disorder. And if you know anything about attachment theory, it is related to the relationship we develop in our childhood with our primary caregivers.
Signs You're Emotionally Detached
Mavocado/ Getty Images
According to Psychology Today and Verywell Mind, general signs of emotional detachment can look like difficulty showing empathy to others, sharing emotions, committing to a relationship, feeling numb, poor listening skills, lack of self-esteem, preferring to be alone, struggling to feel positive emotions, inability to identify emotions, lack of physical, verbal, or sexual contact and losing touch with people or maintaining connections.
In a romantic relationship, emotional detachment shows up as you or your partner not being available for connection, poor communication, or reduced affection.
For me, my experience with emotional detachment is collective. I am an empath to my core. I don’t have a problem relating to other’s feelings or circumstances. I don’t have commitment issues, nor do I have an issue connecting with others or maintaining those connections. I struggle with sharing emotions, at least the negative ones.
Due to the emotional abuse from my childhood and a toxic relationship, I learned sharing emotions just wasn't the safe thing to do. As a survivor of trauma, I learned to suppress feeling negative emotions in general as a form of protection.
How To Reconnect To Your Emotions When You're Emotionally Unavailable
Serious Kid Cudi GIF by Apple MusicGiphyExploring my emotional side in-depth started late last year simply by noticing my reaction to something that he did. I didn’t know how to properly communicate to him how I was feeling or what he did bothered me in the moment. So, I swallowed my feelings and said absolutely nothing. I intentionally chose to avoid the issue. I chose to rationalize the situation instead of acknowledging that my feelings at the time were valid. I chose to act like everything was all good because it was all good.
“It wasn’t that deep to begin with” is what I told myself. And this is where the problem lies.
The saying is true, “What happens in your childhood shows up in your adult relationships.” I came to realize that because I was not able to express my feelings as a child, I struggled to process them. I either hold back my feelings, take a long time to say how I feel, or don’t say anything at all. This is because I fear people will walk away from me like my mother did if I share what I truly feel. I fear my feelings won’t be validated, or they will be rejected.
With that said, I was completely unaware that I was emotionally detached from myself until recently. So, here we are with this article. It all started by reading Instagram’s @theholisticpsychologist, Dr. Nicole LePera’s newest book How to Be the Love You Seek: Break Cycles, Find Peace, and Heal Your Relationships, which was released on November 28, 2023. As I read through the first chapter, I became triggered.
How Dr. LePera describes her childhood with her parents and experiences with her romantic partners somewhat mirrored my experiences with my own parents and relationships. As Dr. LaPera stated in her book, I have no issue showing up for others or meeting their needs and wants. But when it comes to expressing my own needs and wants – I cannot or I don’t. This is mainly due to my hyper-independence.
At an early age, I learned to show up for myself because the people I trusted to show up for me failed. Given my home environment, I had internalized it is not safe to talk about feelings. I never knew my emotional responses and behavior were abnormal. But because I am willing to continue to do my inner work, I know that I can reconnect to my emotions, and undo four decades of repressed emotions.
If you are someone like me who struggles with emotional connection with yourself and others, here is how you go about it:
Lighthouse Films/ Getty Images
1. Know Your Attachment Style
For me, the first step was to understand my attachment style. I asked my therapist if she could help me identify my attachment style to understand my triggers. She recommended The Attachment Theory Workbook by Annie Chen, LMFT. My therapist administered the associated online quiz – Attachment Quiz. If you haven’t figured out my attachment style yet by reading this article, I have an anxious attachment style.
This means I don’t do well with inconsistent behavior, especially from men (but I’m the type that holds men to standards too). People with an anxious attachment style have a need to feel close to their partner. It may come across as “clingy” or “needy.” However, this same need is often driven by fear of abandonment, mistrust, and low self-esteem. I would say knowing your attachment style is helpful because you can work towards having a secure attachment style (with practice) in your relationships – familial, business, work, platonic, or romantic.
2. Become Self-Aware
Most people who are not in the practice of self-care or self-healing are unaware of their triggers, patterns, and behaviors. We are so caught up in the daily minutiae of life that we forget to pay attention to the most important part of our days — ourselves. As Dr. LePera says, make it a conscious habit to pause throughout your day to check in with yourself. Ask yourself:
- How does my body feel?
- What am I doing right now?
- Am I present?
- Am I distracted and lost with other thoughts?
- What do I think or feel when I recall a specific experience with someone?
- What do I think or worry about?
- What would happen if I shared my authentic thoughts, perspective, feelings right now?”
This is what Dr. LePera refers to as exploring your embodied self or fulfilling your authentic needs in chapter two of her book. Consistent mindfulness and self-awareness are key to self-discovery and in any healing journey. Learning to focus on the present moment also includes paying attention to our emotional response to an event or how we think about emotions in general.
3. Practice Vulnerability
The idea of vulnerability is a tough one for me and so many other women for countless reasons. Whether it be toxic family, friendships, relationships, or trauma – trusting others with your thoughts and feelings is not easy. As much as I am open and transparent, I am not as vulnerable. And I believe there is so much power in the duality to be both. To trust someone, let alone a man with your authentic self is a delicate matter.
But it is emotional vulnerability that allows us humans to build authentic connections, create stronger relationships, and break down emotional walls. Emotional vulnerability is not something to be rushed – it takes time and practice from you and the people you choose to have in your life. Medical News Today suggests that we can learn to be vulnerable by opening up more to our closest friends, building our ability to become more trusting, and developing skills to regulate our emotions.
4. Seek Therapy
I have been in therapy for six years and counting. I would consider therapy one of my safe spaces. I am one of those individuals who recommend therapy to everyone as it has given me the tools and resources I need to navigate my life challenges. By choosing to get help, I was able to put my PTSD and depression in remission for four years now. I have also learned how to manage my anxiety.
I am fully aware that in this season of my life requires me to do the work to unlock new levels of self. And any time where I have consciously chosen growth – the universe or life has not failed me. I was able to heal my body, my heart, and my spirit. Now, it’s time to heal my inner child, this hurt little girl who lives in me.
I will say choosing a therapist is similar to dating; you might go through a few potentials until you find a therapist you connect with. Actually, one of my lifelong friends said to me the other day, “Your relationship with your therapist is one of the most important relationships in your life.” I needed her to say that, and I needed to hear it because it’s true. You are essentially trusting a licensed stranger to help you navigate your life on so many levels.
Be picky and ask the questions. Cut the cord at the first red flag given. Again, let me reiterate that emotional detachment is not a mental health diagnosis. It can be treated with the help of a therapist. Emotional detachment only becomes a problem when it starts to interfere with your daily life. Pay attention to changes in your daily behavior and make decisions to cope accordingly.
I am genuinely excited about reconnecting with my emotions. I want to feel all the feels – good, bad, and indifferent. I want to cry all the tears – especially the sad ones. I want to process and release negative emotions. I want to say how I feel in the moment with no fear.
If you are that girl who struggles with emotional connection or thinks you're emotionally detached, I hope that you become willing to face your inner child and show up for her. Don’t run – she has been waiting for you.
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Feature image by fizkes/ Getty Images