It can be so easy to get distracted or even discouraged; especially when the wins are few and far between.
Focus.
Know what you want to accomplish and figure out what needs to be done to do so. Set big goals, goals that may seem unattainable to someone else; then do what's necessary to get closer to achieving them. By taking small steps and making progress towards whatever it is that you're after, you get to win a little bit at a time. Celebrate that.
A win is a win. Acknowledging even the smallest wins and giving yourself a pat on the back will motivate you to keep going.
It's natural to want to stop when you don't see results because we feel as though what we're doing is not working. But it is.
When we congratulate ourselves for our achievements, the fire we need to keep going remains lit.
Nobody can dim your light except you.
You must know that you don't need anyone's validation regarding your win, because it's yours. Remember that success doesn't look the same for everyone because everyone doesn't have the same concept of it. What's a win for you may not be for someone else, and that's fine. Your vision isn't meant to be seen or understood by everyone, because it's your vision. Don't let that deter you from what you're after. You'll have some people that get it, and some that don't; then there are those that see the excellence in you but try to downplay it in an effort to deter you.
Celebrate consistency.
You know what you're capable of, and even if you're not sure, be strong enough to continue anyway. Things will happen the way they should. The saying "hard work beats talent" is such a true statement because there are so many people that have the talent but don't have the will. If you have the will to succeed, then you're going to do just that. Consistency in itself is an accomplishment, toot your own horn just because you've maintained consistency. Giving up is so easy, so if you have decided not to, that's a win. Celebrate that.
Allow progress to push you forward.
When you take notice to every win, attaining the bigger goal doesn't seem so farfetched. It's like when you have a to-do list, checking off the smallest things gives you a sense of accomplishment and even lightens the load. Counting the small wins has this very same affect. You're able to see the progress you've made and how that progress has pushed you a little further toward what you're trying to achieve.
Round of applause.
We cheat ourselves when we don't find some form of happiness in the progress we've made. Giving recognition to the things we accomplish is so necessary for us to keep going. We must learn to build ourselves up, and clap for ourselves even if there is no one else around. In a world where validation is at the forefront of everything that we do, self-validation is all that matters. This is necessary for us to be strong enough to keep going when there's no one around to tell us to.
Have the will to keep going, find happiness in how far you've came and celebrate every milestone along the way.
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Featured image by Plume Creative/Getty Images.
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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Feature image by Mike Lawrie/Getty Images
