Chemistry. It's a word that you will probably hear described a million different ways. A connection, a spark, or a bond. However, you choose to describe it, we all know it when we feel it. Or, do we really? We all know that dopamine is a real thing, especially when it comes to new love. Sometimes when it wears off, we find that what we thought was chemistry was just that good ole dopamine and you really don't have chemistry with the person. While I have absolutely no idea what makes you have chemistry with one person and not another, I do know that it is a real thing.
Before we go further, let me clarify that chemistry should not be confused with finding someone attractive. While it is important to be attracted to your partner, just finding them cute is not going to cut it. I have dated my share of FINE men (thank you very much) that I was so attracted to physically, but once I spent time with them, there was absolutely no chemistry. At all. I mean none. I'd rather wash my hair or walk the dog (and I don't have a dog) than spend time with some of them. We've all been there though, so how do you know that the chemistry you feel with a person is the real thing and not just the dopamine talking?
You can make eye contact with them and it's not awkward. Now that doesn't mean that you won't blush or sport that goofy grin when you look into their eyes every now and then, but when there is chemistry, making eye contact is comfortable for both of you. I've dated guys in the past where I would look anywhere but into their eyes because it just felt weird and uncomfortable. Turns out, I usually didn't have very good chemistry with those guys.
You can be yourself around them.
We're all guilty of putting our best self forward on those first few dates so that we make a good impression. But ultimately, you should always feel as if you can be your true self around a romantic partner. If you can be yourself (good, bad, and ugly) around each other, it's usually a good indication that the chemistry is real. If you feel you have to be anyone but who you were created to be, it's not going to work. Trust me.
Silence is comfortable.
Every space does not always need to be filled with words. I've dated guys in the past where I would just chatter away about any and everything whenever there was a moment of silence because it was so awkward. I couldn't relax. But in my current relationship I feel so comfortable around him that it's not weird for us to sit in complete silence. No talking, no tv, no radio. Just us. You not being able to relax and enjoy silence and just being with your partner is not a good sign.
You get butterflies.
Everyone knows what this one means. That good nervous feeling. That flutter in your tummy. Yeah, that. When the chemistry is real, chances are you're going to feel them in anticipation of seeing your partner. If you're not at least a little excited to see your boo, chemistry is probably seriously lacking.
Time, what is that?
If there never seems to be enough time or time flies when you're with your partner, that is a good indicator that the chemistry is real. If you're counting down the minutes until you can make your escape, you're probably bored and lacking chemistry.
Your body responds when they touch you.
It doesn't even have to be a sexual touch. It can be as simple as a forehead kiss or a reassuring pat on the leg just to let you know that they are there. Your partners touch should make you feel something if the chemistry is real. Let me give you an example. My boyfriend and I take walks just to get fresh air sometimes. No matter how we start out I always somehow find my way walking on the outside of the curb. Without missing a beat he always places his hand on the small of my back and gently guides me back to the inside and I get goosebumps every single time.
You’re drawn to them.
Have you ever been to a public event with your partner and you separate and begin socializing with other people? But something draws you to them. Your eyes find each other no matter how crowded the room is, and you share winks and smiles at each other. And while you're having fun at the event, you can't wait to leave with them? That my good sis is good old-fashioned chemistry.
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