Indicators That The Chemistry You Feel Is The Real Thing
Chemistry. It's a word that you will probably hear described a million different ways. A connection, a spark, or a bond. However, you choose to describe it, we all know it when we feel it. Or, do we really? We all know that dopamine is a real thing, especially when it comes to new love. Sometimes when it wears off, we find that what we thought was chemistry was just that good ole dopamine and you really don't have chemistry with the person. While I have absolutely no idea what makes you have chemistry with one person and not another, I do know that it is a real thing.
Before we go further, let me clarify that chemistry should not be confused with finding someone attractive. While it is important to be attracted to your partner, just finding them cute is not going to cut it. I have dated my share of FINE men (thank you very much) that I was so attracted to physically, but once I spent time with them, there was absolutely no chemistry. At all. I mean none. I'd rather wash my hair or walk the dog (and I don't have a dog) than spend time with some of them. We've all been there though, so how do you know that the chemistry you feel with a person is the real thing and not just the dopamine talking?
Eye contact.
You can make eye contact with them and it's not awkward. Now that doesn't mean that you won't blush or sport that goofy grin when you look into their eyes every now and then, but when there is chemistry, making eye contact is comfortable for both of you. I've dated guys in the past where I would look anywhere but into their eyes because it just felt weird and uncomfortable. Turns out, I usually didn't have very good chemistry with those guys.
You can be yourself around them.
We're all guilty of putting our best self forward on those first few dates so that we make a good impression. But ultimately, you should always feel as if you can be your true self around a romantic partner. If you can be yourself (good, bad, and ugly) around each other, it's usually a good indication that the chemistry is real. If you feel you have to be anyone but who you were created to be, it's not going to work. Trust me.
Silence is comfortable.
Every space does not always need to be filled with words. I've dated guys in the past where I would just chatter away about any and everything whenever there was a moment of silence because it was so awkward. I couldn't relax. But in my current relationship I feel so comfortable around him that it's not weird for us to sit in complete silence. No talking, no tv, no radio. Just us. You not being able to relax and enjoy silence and just being with your partner is not a good sign.
You get butterflies.
Everyone knows what this one means. That good nervous feeling. That flutter in your tummy. Yeah, that. When the chemistry is real, chances are you're going to feel them in anticipation of seeing your partner. If you're not at least a little excited to see your boo, chemistry is probably seriously lacking.
Time, what is that?
If there never seems to be enough time or time flies when you're with your partner, that is a good indicator that the chemistry is real. If you're counting down the minutes until you can make your escape, you're probably bored and lacking chemistry.
Your body responds when they touch you.
It doesn't even have to be a sexual touch. It can be as simple as a forehead kiss or a reassuring pat on the leg just to let you know that they are there. Your partners touch should make you feel something if the chemistry is real. Let me give you an example. My boyfriend and I take walks just to get fresh air sometimes. No matter how we start out I always somehow find my way walking on the outside of the curb. Without missing a beat he always places his hand on the small of my back and gently guides me back to the inside and I get goosebumps every single time.
You’re drawn to them.
Have you ever been to a public event with your partner and you separate and begin socializing with other people? But something draws you to them. Your eyes find each other no matter how crowded the room is, and you share winks and smiles at each other. And while you're having fun at the event, you can't wait to leave with them? That my good sis is good old-fashioned chemistry.
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Erica Green is a Clinical Research Associate, blogger, and a sneakerhead. She has a love for all things women and she's pretty sure that women are God's greatest creation. Connect with her on Instagram @ erica_britt_ or www.lovethegspot.com
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy