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Curlbox's Myleik Teele Keeps It Real On Being A Boss, Psychotherapy & Dating As An Entrepreneur
Whenever Myleik Teele posts a podcast, I'm all ears—soaking up every word of wisdom that I possibly can.
There's something about her transparency and realness that draws me in as she touches on topics that many at her level of visibility would shy away from. With every new post she reminds me that I'm not alone in my pursuit of purpose and leaving behind a legacy that will inspire and impact generations to come. Nor am I the only one attempting to navigate the world of dating without letting my biological clock rush me into the wrong arms, or allow my work to overwhelm me into an early grave.
To put it simply, Myleik is that home girl that you want to call up whenever you're going through a crisis and need a gentle reminder that “you've got this, boo!"
When I hop on a call with the founder and CEO of curlBOX—a subscription service that allows women of color to explore natural hair by delivering quality products to their doorstep every month—she brings that same level of realness to our conversation as if she were at home recording another #MyTaughtYou lesson from the school of hard knocks.
I confess to her that I almost reached out after shutting down my former website, Necole Bitchie in July 2015. It was four weeks after I called it quits and decided to create a platform that was positive and uplifting for women of color—a bold step that left me tripping over my emotions—broken and having to risk going broke as I was dumping every dollar I made back into a site I wasn't sure would work. I wasn't sure who to turn to for support during my confusion, so I tuned into Myleik's uplifting podcasts. It left me wondering who she reached out to as an entrepreneur during her times of struggle.
“Honestly, Necole, I go to a licensed psychotherapist," she says. Revealing her secret as to how she deals with the pressures of running a business without letting it ruin her life. “I got to a point where I kind of had outpaced my circle. I had a circle of girlfriends. And then you start complaining like, 'I'm making too much money and I'm unhappy,' and they're like 'f-ck you.' Nobody wants to hear that. I've been in psychotherapy; this month makes three years; every Tuesday I go."
It reminds me of the article that I read in Inc. Magazine on “The Psychological Price of Entrepreneurship," and how many entrepreneurs battle depression and succumb to suicidal thoughts due to long hours, mounting debt, and no guarantee that your risk will come with reward. It's no secret that being your own boss isn't always glitz and glamour. Sure there are the successes and the wins—the press opportunities from respectable magazines, red carpet appearances, and award banquet invitations. But there's also the side that is often less visible but highly experienced—a subject that up until recently has been so taboo that many die masking their pain. I, too, know that taking a leap of faith means free falling before spreading your wings and soaring to success. Myleik is familiar with it as well.
Growing up in Los Angeles, CA, Myleik always knew that she would be successful, and made a point to be around people who reflected the success that she desired. Her résumé is a reflection of her hustle—working in PR for The Grammy Awards, American Idol and celebrity clients such as Prince and Linkin Park before snagging a job with Travis Barker to work as his personal publicist. But when the musician and his band mates were involved in an unfortunate plane crash that left four of the six passengers dead, it caused her to rethink her own path in life and whether or not she was living her life to the fullest.
“My friend died in that crash, and at his funeral I don't know what happened, but I had this huge light bulb moment where I was like this could be you. How many times are you going to sit and promise to live the life you've always wished for and do all the things they say you should do before you die and not do it? And that was my wake up call. It was basically like "ride or die" until you're in that casket. I've never went back since then."
With $7,000 cashed out from a 401K, she moved to Atlanta, but couldn't find a job due to the recession. Desperate for money, she signed up for babysitting service Care.com, and was contacted by Kim Zolciak from The Real Housewives of Atlanta for a job. She worked as a personal assistant to the reality star for a year before branching off in 2010 to launch her boutique PR firm, snagging celebrities, apps and beauty brands as clients. When friend-turned-client Ken Burkeen, founder of the Huetiful Hair Steamer, hired her to do PR, she started attending hair meet ups and shows, where she noticed a lack of sample products geared towards black women.
It sparked the idea for curlBOX, and after seeing her own massive collection of hair products that were piling up under her sink, she decided it was time to create the product that she always needed. “I was like white girls get samples all of the time. They can go to Macy's and get their own, but what about us?"
The product junkie took her passion and knowledge for beauty and hair products from a thought to reality, utilizing her connections to help her with the foundations of her business from logo design to photos for her website, which launched in November 2011. In January 2012, she put the first box on sale for $20 per month. In her first month she made $4,000, and has continued to be profitable for the last three years.
At this point, I'm curious, because many business owners will attest to losing money for the first few months (or even a few years) before becoming profitable. Within 10 months Myleik was already moving her booming business into a warehouse. She credits her gift of gab to being a big part of her financial success.
“I think that some of the skills that I gained as a PR person is just relationships. I figured out how to do it. I spent a lot of time traveling; I spent a lot of time connecting with my brand. What's so funny is I think a lot of people wonder how I get this network or why people like me so much and this is just what I do, so people who I befriend really love me. They really take care of me, and I do my best to take care of them."
Though she's churned a profit, she's also made some costly mistakes—such as kicking out $6,000 for a website that wouldn't work for her e-commerce platform. But one thing about Myleik is that she's made a point to never go back to broke and always has a plan. In this case, it's an exit plan for when she reaches the dollar amount that she's comfortable with retiring off of.
“I have two wealth managers and they know what my goal is. If I don't figure out what my next move is, I am planning to retire early, so I know how much it cost me. I'm saving to be able to have the option to quit one day, so that in the event that I get sick of this and I don't know what's next, I can live off of interest. I try to convince the girls that work for me to get $10,000 saved up, because I think that's kind of a minimum to get a good investment account going, and just work from there."
Noted. Not to mention that she has investors reaching out to cash in on her curlBOX product line. But she's in no rush to share a slice of the pie with anyone who can't bring more to the table.
Between managing her team of full-time staff and interns, on top of building the curlBOX brand, her mentoring site MYTaughtYou.com, and her social media, it's no wonder why Myleik is up at the crack of dawn.
“Successful people have this insane amount of discipline and do things when they are tired or they don't feel like it. I've seen so many people do so much in a day with very little complaining. I always say that I don't know a successful person that doesn't wake up early."
But don't get it twisted; taking care of self is numero uno on her agenda—something that I personally have just begun to master. She references one of my previous blogs where I confessed to taking my first break in three years and I can feel the side eye through the phone.
“I was like she's crazy! I will take a break on you so fast! I realized that I'm useless or I would get sick and would hate this if I don't stop and take a break. Last year I took like 15 vacations. I love massages; I am the queen of the spa."
We both agree that if you don't take care of you, nobody else will. It's easy to burn out in this business, and if you don't know your limits someone will surely push you beyond them. Going to psychotherapy is part of what keeps Myleik mentally and spiritually sound. So much so that not even a man can come in and disrupt her peace. We talk about dating at our age as independent girl bosses with me sharing that throughout the years, I've sacrificed my love life to completely dedicate my time to growing my brand, and her keeping it real and admitting that she doesn't want to have “all of this and nobody to share it with." When her friend Melody McCloskey, co-founder and CEO of StyleSeat, encouraged her to get on Tinder, she gulped down two glasses of wine, hooked up her profile, and started swiping right.
“Dating is just like a trial period. It's going to take you time to see if this person has all your points or if you like them. You just never know when you might find a gem; be open to everybody and everything. Take it serious. If you do, there's no way you'll be single."
She's on her second Tinder boyfriend and is learning the art of balance in a relationship. With both her and her partner working (he's a curator for a museum), making time is just as important as making money. Between traveling and work they find time in their down time to nurture their relationship.
“I own my business; I won't turn the ringer off. I'm just not there yet, and he completely respects that. I'm reading this book and it says that once a woman has a good circle of friends and is in a career that she's satisfied with and happy, she should begin to date. I just decided to make dating a priority like I do everything else. I was like okay, at least two nights a week, I will block my calendar off for a date, you have to do it. I used to have this anxiety that I was going to be single forever; Tinder taught me that that's not true. I told myself 'you will never get to the end. It's an endless supply of men, you have never gotten to the end of it and you never will. Until you have gone through every single man on Tinder is when you can officially say you're going to be single forever.' There's plenty on there."
Of course I had to admit to Myleik that I sometimes wonder if I sacrificed having kids for a demanding career, and whether or not she was concerned about not being able to have babies. Being in your 30s, you can hear your biological clock loud and clear, and even if you ignore it, there's always someone else there to remind you. That's when I felt a little sadness as Myleik detailed going to the doctor a year ago. At age 35, they told her that her eggs were dying and that she wouldn't be able to have a baby if she didn't act soon. She had a no-pregnancy scare, and talked to the fertility doctor about freezing her eggs. $12,000 and five shots a day later, she was informed that her Anti-Mullerian Hormone (AMH) levels were too low, and that she had a year before her chance at being a mommy would run out.
“I went through a really dark period because I just did all of this stuff only to find out that I may not have the opportunity," she says. “And then, I think it was a conversation I had with a friend who said, 'if this is the worst thing that happens to you in your life, you're actually doing well. And what we know is that the statistics and all of the stuff that they say is not accurate.'"
Like always, Myleik has a plan for if she runs into the issue of infertility. There are donor eggs, which will still allow her to have the whole pregnancy experience, and then, of course, there's adoption, which has been the option for many successful businesswomen.
“There are so many ways that I think that a woman can become a parent, and whatever this wave that is about to happen to us career women that decide to have children later, it's going to be a different type of motherhood that I'm excited for us to experience."
In the meantime, I remind her that through her podcasts—her honest revelations—that she's birthing the next generation of female entrepreneurs. I can recall countless times when I tuned in just in time to hear the words that I needed to keep going, and her 76,000 followers are proof that she's speaking life into people.
“I do it because at the end of the day what I know now is what I wish I knew [before]. I'm sure somebody can benefit from it. When I hear people like you and other people telling me 'I listen to your podcast,' I feel like thisthat is the greatest gift anybody could ever give me. That beats any kind of cash, just knowing that somebody now has success. Because we will all benefit from what you are going to do next."
Catch up with Myleik on her MyTaughtYou website, and subscribe to her podcasts on Itunes for priceless entrepreneural gems and life lessons each and every week.
– Interviewed by Necole Kane, penned by “as told to" Kiah McBride @writeonkiah
Republished
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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