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The Mental Traumas Of Being Black & Pregnant In Today's America
As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Amanda Hampton's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
I am currently pregnant with my second child. A joyous time, yes. But honestly, I'm terrified. Almost traumatized.
Bringing forth life is supposed to be a time when I am at peak happiness. And don't get me wrong, I have moments where I am. There are times when I am absolutely over the moon. But I also have moments where societal stress triggers get the best of me. Being pregnant is stressful within itself—you've adopted a new normal of constant hospital visits, body changes, and hormone imbalances. But doing so during a pandemic, a time of extreme civil unrest and economic uncertainty, is almost cruel.
I wasn't quite sure how to express my angst.
So, here I am...
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Currently, hospitals have a restrictive entry policy in place as doctors and nurses stand on the frontline of a deadly disease, and cities such as New York City digging mass graves and placing lost bodies in a box carts, (basically tossing them with no regard for family), are taking on a new meaning of uncertainty. So much is going on outside of the walls of my highly-guarded home and now I'm more concerned with lack of hospital space, or bringing my child into a contaminated America. On a personal level, my OBGYN retired and I had a hard time finding a good fit for my family and have limited options for doctors at my preferred delivery hospital. And my out of sync hormones and emotions that spike through the roof aren't helping.
Pregnancy is supposed to mean baby showers, and gender reveals, and choosing fricking nursery room decor. But it admittedly hasn't always been that way for me. There have been far too many moments of fear, and worry, and too many questions that I cannot answer.
Have any of my pregnant ladies felt this way? How do I find the joy in being pregnant without guilt or anxiety?
These days I've completely taken on the role of an empath, carrying the emotional weight of every news story—another black man killed for no reason; another black woman neglected by doctors and dies during childbirth. I feel so much guilt trying to find joy for my growing blessing when people are dying. I feel helpless because I donate, sign petitions, send emails. I have the hard conversations, and raise awareness. But is that enough? Or, is it just buying us time until the next hashtag gains traction? How can I find joy in my pregnancy, when I feel so guilty for bringing a child into this type of world? My people are dying.
Should I take on the burden of feeling selfish enough to even get pregnant during this time?
I think of how every lost soul was once nurtured and protected in the womb of his or her mother until they took their first breath in this world, wholly oblivious to what life had in store. I grieve for those families— especially the young kids that lost their father or mother in the process.
George was once a child too.
Tamir actually was a child.
Sha-Asia was supposed to be here to be a mother to her child.
My pastor once told me, as long as children are being born, God is still blessing us. My daily fight in this climate, is to try and enjoy this pregnancy and not worry about the things I cannot control. All is strenuous, but all is not lost.
I was ultimately boiled down to determining how I could relieve myself of all stress to secure a full-term, healthy pregnancy.
I find myself trying to weaponize my mental health with a few coping mechanisms to stay sane. It's not as safe for us to go out into the Wild Wild West, so I intentionally thought of what we can do right at home.
Try to find new hobbies to pick up, ones that we've never done before. Feeding our inner creativity and taking up coloring and painting or redecorating a room, is an easy, low physical means of staying busy.
Find other pregnant women to vent with. Because I guarantee they are going through the same emotions.
Discuss your feelings with your partner. Do not suffer in silence, and allow open communication lines with your partner during your pregnancy. Let them know if you struggled mentally that day, or how they could help you unpack your thoughts. Be open, be assured.
Embrace the caution! Listennnnnn! Girls, we are saving so much money on maternity clothes, we get to stay in the house and look a mess if we want to, and we don't have to deal with so many people rubbing our belly, asking a million questions, or handing us their germs. And most of all, we don't have to explain why we chose to do something "that way" because we are in the confines of our own home. And nothing is more satisfying than that!
Breathing exercises and meditation. Turn the news off, put the phone down and allow your mind to not be infiltrated with the constant chaos of information fed to us. Ladies, 60-80% of doctor visits are due to stress, which is only amplified during pregnancy. Take moments to breathe and meditate to level out. Download the Calm App, throw on a YouTube video, or simply lighting a candle goes a long way.
But most importantly take care of self and speak UP. There's now a new means of virtual check-ups and doctor visits versus what society is generally accustomed to. But if you don't feel well, speak up. If you feel as if your doctor isn't listening, switch doctors. For every 100,000 women giving birth, 25 black women die, in comparison to the only 6 white women.
Not to say that this is a competition, but too many of us are unnecessarily dying at the hands of tone-deaf physicians. Let them know your symptoms loudly, and if they don't take you seriously, move to someone who will.
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In the end ladies, this is our new life, our new normal. Finding out what works for us is all a part of the game, as long as we are actually doing so. We may not know what the future holds, or the perfect way to balance current events and pregnancy, but this journey is ours, and we have to do what's best for our mental health, our physical, and the well-being of our babies.
So, take back our happiness. You are bearing a human who you will teach to be the best person that they can be. And as hard as it may be, we must declare with every fiber within us, that we cannot allow anything steal that away from us.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
Photo courtesy
When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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