

As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Amanda Hampton's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
I am currently pregnant with my second child. A joyous time, yes. But honestly, I'm terrified. Almost traumatized.
Bringing forth life is supposed to be a time when I am at peak happiness. And don't get me wrong, I have moments where I am. There are times when I am absolutely over the moon. But I also have moments where societal stress triggers get the best of me. Being pregnant is stressful within itself—you've adopted a new normal of constant hospital visits, body changes, and hormone imbalances. But doing so during a pandemic, a time of extreme civil unrest and economic uncertainty, is almost cruel.
I wasn't quite sure how to express my angst.
So, here I am...
—
Currently, hospitals have a restrictive entry policy in place as doctors and nurses stand on the frontline of a deadly disease, and cities such as New York City digging mass graves and placing lost bodies in a box carts, (basically tossing them with no regard for family), are taking on a new meaning of uncertainty. So much is going on outside of the walls of my highly-guarded home and now I'm more concerned with lack of hospital space, or bringing my child into a contaminated America. On a personal level, my OBGYN retired and I had a hard time finding a good fit for my family and have limited options for doctors at my preferred delivery hospital. And my out of sync hormones and emotions that spike through the roof aren't helping.
Pregnancy is supposed to mean baby showers, and gender reveals, and choosing fricking nursery room decor. But it admittedly hasn't always been that way for me. There have been far too many moments of fear, and worry, and too many questions that I cannot answer.
Have any of my pregnant ladies felt this way? How do I find the joy in being pregnant without guilt or anxiety?
These days I've completely taken on the role of an empath, carrying the emotional weight of every news story—another black man killed for no reason; another black woman neglected by doctors and dies during childbirth. I feel so much guilt trying to find joy for my growing blessing when people are dying. I feel helpless because I donate, sign petitions, send emails. I have the hard conversations, and raise awareness. But is that enough? Or, is it just buying us time until the next hashtag gains traction? How can I find joy in my pregnancy, when I feel so guilty for bringing a child into this type of world? My people are dying.
Should I take on the burden of feeling selfish enough to even get pregnant during this time?
I think of how every lost soul was once nurtured and protected in the womb of his or her mother until they took their first breath in this world, wholly oblivious to what life had in store. I grieve for those families— especially the young kids that lost their father or mother in the process.
George was once a child too.
Tamir actually was a child.
Sha-Asia was supposed to be here to be a mother to her child.
My pastor once told me, as long as children are being born, God is still blessing us. My daily fight in this climate, is to try and enjoy this pregnancy and not worry about the things I cannot control. All is strenuous, but all is not lost.
I was ultimately boiled down to determining how I could relieve myself of all stress to secure a full-term, healthy pregnancy.
I find myself trying to weaponize my mental health with a few coping mechanisms to stay sane. It's not as safe for us to go out into the Wild Wild West, so I intentionally thought of what we can do right at home.
Try to find new hobbies to pick up, ones that we've never done before. Feeding our inner creativity and taking up coloring and painting or redecorating a room, is an easy, low physical means of staying busy.
Find other pregnant women to vent with. Because I guarantee they are going through the same emotions.
Discuss your feelings with your partner. Do not suffer in silence, and allow open communication lines with your partner during your pregnancy. Let them know if you struggled mentally that day, or how they could help you unpack your thoughts. Be open, be assured.
Embrace the caution! Listennnnnn! Girls, we are saving so much money on maternity clothes, we get to stay in the house and look a mess if we want to, and we don't have to deal with so many people rubbing our belly, asking a million questions, or handing us their germs. And most of all, we don't have to explain why we chose to do something "that way" because we are in the confines of our own home. And nothing is more satisfying than that!
Breathing exercises and meditation. Turn the news off, put the phone down and allow your mind to not be infiltrated with the constant chaos of information fed to us. Ladies, 60-80% of doctor visits are due to stress, which is only amplified during pregnancy. Take moments to breathe and meditate to level out. Download the Calm App, throw on a YouTube video, or simply lighting a candle goes a long way.
But most importantly take care of self and speak UP. There's now a new means of virtual check-ups and doctor visits versus what society is generally accustomed to. But if you don't feel well, speak up. If you feel as if your doctor isn't listening, switch doctors. For every 100,000 women giving birth, 25 black women die, in comparison to the only 6 white women.
Not to say that this is a competition, but too many of us are unnecessarily dying at the hands of tone-deaf physicians. Let them know your symptoms loudly, and if they don't take you seriously, move to someone who will.
—
In the end ladies, this is our new life, our new normal. Finding out what works for us is all a part of the game, as long as we are actually doing so. We may not know what the future holds, or the perfect way to balance current events and pregnancy, but this journey is ours, and we have to do what's best for our mental health, our physical, and the well-being of our babies.
So, take back our happiness. You are bearing a human who you will teach to be the best person that they can be. And as hard as it may be, we must declare with every fiber within us, that we cannot allow anything steal that away from us.
Featured image by Shutterstock
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Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
Luxury Hairstylist On Viral 'Hey Boo' Texts & Professionalism In The Hair Industry
As Black women, our hair is our crowning glory - whether we paid for it or not. We take pride in how we wear and take care of our hair. As with everything, hair care and hair styling have evolved over the years. Long gone are the days of Blue Magic (although I hear it’s making a comeback).
Now, we have a plethora of creams, oils, conditioners, shampoos, and stylists to choose from. Beyond wearing our natural curls, we have a range of options, from wigs and sew-ins to tape-ins, I-tips, and K-tips. So much choice! But you know what they say about too much of a good thing...
The Black hair industry has definitely blossomed in the last decade with a wave of new stylists and salons popping up all over the place. As much as I love that for us, many of these stylists have become the subjects of viral TikTok and Instagram tirades because of their alleged questionable behavior and bizarre rules.
Excessive policies, strange fees, long wait times, poor performance, and the infamous “Hey boo” texts. Beauty is pain, they say… xoNecole got to the root of these issues with luxury hair extensionist Dee Michelle, who’s been in the hair game for 20 years and runs a seven-figure business - all while being a mom of four.
Antonio Livingston
“I started my business with my career in the hair industry [at] very, very young age when I was maybe like eight...So, over the years, I've just built a very successful seven-figure business very quickly just by offering high-end services and creating great experiences for my clients, many of whom are high-profile professionals,” she said. “I'm also a mother of four, including a set of triplets, which inspires me daily to show what's possible with my hard work and focus.”
Dee’s business has gone viral on social media because of what many call outrageous prices for her invisible K-Tip installs.
“When I developed my invisible K-tip extensions technique, I made sure that it wasn't just about the hair or the style, but about providing a high-end experience from start to finish. So, my clients just aren't paying for the extensions or just the style itself, but they're investing into my meticulous, seamless craft and premium hair sourced from the best suppliers…I've spent so many hours mastering my craft, creating this seamless method that gives my clients long-lasting natural results, and my pricing just reflects that - the value of my expertise and the exclusivity of the service.”
The K-tip specialist stands on business when it comes to catering to her clients and giving them an experience worth the cost.
“And it's just important for me to also say that my clients are high-profile individuals who value quality, their privacy, and their time. They want a service that fits into their lifestyle and their time. They want things that deliver perfection. And I deliver that every single time.”
I’m sure we’ve all seen the various TikTok rants about people’s nightmare experiences with stylists and uttered a silent “FELT!” We asked Dee her opinion on a few nightmare scenarios that beg the response, “please be so forreal."
On stylists charging extra to wash clients’ hair:
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
“I think they should just include it in the price, to be honest. Because I feel like when clients go to a stylist, they're expecting you to wash their hair. Personally, if I see that washing is extra, I just wouldn't go to the salon because it just shows a lack of professionalism, in my opinion, and a lack of experience.”
On ‘deposits’ that don’t go towards the cost of the service:
“I think that's kind of weird, too, for deposits to not be like a part of the service. I've seen people have booking fees and I just don't understand it, to be honest. I disagree with that kind of policy…By all means, people should do what works for them, but to me, it doesn't make sense. Why does somebody have to pay a fee just to book an appointment with you? I don't get it. It feels like exploitation.”
On stylists charging extra to style (straighten/curl) wigs, sew-ins etc., after installing:
“I don't get it. Clients come to us to get their hair done, to get it styled. So why is it extra for you to style it? If you're going to charge extra, just increase your price. I feel like it could be just a lack of confidence in those stylists, feeling like people won't pay a certain price for certain things, or just their lack of professionalism as well, because people are coming to us to get styled.”
On the infamous “Hey boo” text stylists send to clients when they need to cancel/reschedule:
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
“Professionalism in any industry, especially the beauty industry, is everything. So texting a client the, “Hey boo” is so unprofessional, and it's damaging to the client-stylist relationship. Clients book their appointments expecting a level of respect and care, especially when they're investing their time and money and a service. And I get it, emergencies happen, we're all humans. However, it should be done with a formal apology and a clear explanation.”
We know all too well what kinds of things will keep us from ever gracing certain hairstylists’ chairs with our butts again. So, what should hairstylists do to provide a good service to their clients? What is good hairstylist etiquette?
“For one, being on time is an important rule for stylist etiquette. It's just not okay to require your clients to be on time, and you're not on time. Also, communication. Being able to communicate clearly, respectfully, and professionally, whether that's in person, via text, or on social media. Style is etiquette. Appearance matters. So just maintaining a clean, polished, and professional look. Clients respect you more whenever your appearance reflects your work. There's just so many things, but another thing I would say is active listening. So, being able to pay close attention to what your client wants and also clarifying any questions that they might have. Just to ensure that they feel heard and to minimize any misunderstandings.”
Dee also shared some red flags to look out for when considering a new stylist.
“Even me as a client, if I'm booking somebody and they have a long list of rules, I don't even book with them. That's, for one, just such a huge turn-off. Also, stylists who have inconsistent or unclear pricing, that's a red flag. People who change their rates too much without an explanation. Poor communication. So, if a stylist is responding very slow or responding unprofessionally, or giving vague answers to questions, that can make clients question whether or not they are respecting their time and their needs.
Another red flag - an inconsistent or low quality portfolio. And I feel like, I see this a lot with stylists stealing other people's work, and their portfolio on social media is just very inconsistent.”
We couldn’t let Dee go without getting the tea on what styles she predicts will trend in 2025.
“I feel like people are going back to natural-looking styles. So, a lot of people are ditching the wigs, the lace fronts, things like that. People are still wearing them, of course, but it is becoming more of a trend to embrace your natural hair and something that's not looking too fake. That’s one thing that we're going to be seeing a lot. I would say a lot of layers are coming back, heavy layers. Those are becoming really, really trendy. And people are leaning more towards platinum-colored hair. I've been seeing lots of like blondes coming out. Also, jet black is always going to be a trend. But I would say more like natural colors, but natural colors that are still making a statement.”
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Feature image by Antonio Livingston.
With Valentine's Day rapidly approaching, different shades of pinks and reds are heavy in rotation. And even though red lipstick is a bold statement no matter the time of year, this season in particular places a special emphasis on the timeless beauty staple. What says confidence and allure more than a red lip?
Vying for a place as your go-to red lipstick shade is The Lip Bar's latest release, "Good Karma," a warm rust-brown red lippie formulated with melanin-rich skin in mind. Finding the right red lipstick can be a game-changer when you're looking to make a statement, find your signature, or turn heads. And the beauty of dark skin means that the versatility of reds we can rock is limitless.
From rust-red or brick shades for warm undertones to intense reds, berry reds, or deep wine and true reds, melanin-rich skin has a richness to it that translates to a range of reds popping beautifully against our various skin tones. If you've been on the hunt for your one true pairing when it comes to the ultimate red lipstick shade, look no further than our list of Black-owned beauty brands.
The Best Red Lipsticks for Deep Skin Tones
"Good Karma" x The Lip Bar
"Good Karma"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: Following in the footsteps of The Lip Bar's "Bawse Lady," aka their #1 red matte lippie, "Good Karma" is a warm rust-brown red liquid matte that applies like a gloss and has all-day staying power.
"Elson 2" x Pat McGrath Labs
"Elson 2"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: Nicknamed "The Perfect Red," Pat McGrath Labs' "Elson 2" is a beauty lover staple and stays sold out. With its luxurious, highly pigmented formula and velvety smooth finish, this red lipstick delivers on its promise of pure color and then some.
"Sade" x UOMA Beauty
"Sade"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: UOMA Beauty knew what they were doing with their line of "Badass Icon Matte Lipstick" inspired by badass icons across generations. Talk about timeless elegance, "Sade" is a deep, balanced red that goes on as smoothly and wears as divinely as its namesake.
"Fierce" x Juvia's Place
"Fierce"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: "Fierce" is a standout in Juvia's Place's carefully curated Reds and Berries Velvety Matte Lipstick collection. The shades prove the beauty brand has the range when it comes to shades that have deep skin tones in mind and "Fierce"'s burgundy-red pigmentation is no exception.
"Blood Orange" x Mented Cosmetics
"Blood Orange"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: As a part of Mented Cosmetics' Sangria collection, the vibrant red-orange "Blood Orange" shade is a standout amongst the liquid matte lippies, offering a perfect pop of color that's not too soft and not too bold.
"Uncensored" x Fenty Beauty
"Uncensored"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: The Stunna Lip Paint in "Uncensored" by Fenty Beauty is a universally flattering true red that stuns on all skin tones, no matter the undertone. Bold, long-lasting, and kissably smooth, "Uncensored" is that red lipstick.
"Uno Love" x GloGirlCosmetics
"Uno Love"
Finish: Satin
Why It's a Winner: "Uno Love" is a fiery red lipstick shade with coral undertones that dares those who wear it to "live out loud." Enriched with vitamin E, the formula packs the pigment while ensuring your pout stays deeply nourished.
"Dare" x Wyn Beauty
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: A ruby-red shade that is as hydrating as it is long-lasting, Wyn Beauty's "Dare" is a shade designed to keep your lips feeling soft while making an unapologetically bold statement.
"Rich AF" x LYS Beauty
"Rich AF"
Finish: Matte
Why It's a Winner: "Rich AF" is LYS Beauty's take on a classic red. This highly pigmented formula delivers bold color with one swipe while keeping lips nourished and soft for all-day wear.
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Featured image by courtesy