As Told To is a recurring segment on xoNecole where real women are given a platform to tell their stories in first-person narrative as told to a writer.
This is Kimberly Holden's story, as told to Charmin Michelle.
My daughter, who is six, I adopted in 2015. My son, who is four, I officially adopted in 2018.
Both of them are white. Yes, white.
Our story is no different from any other interracial adoptive families, but I'm happy to tell you how it happened. And please don't flood me with, "But that doesn't matter" or "You shouldn't explain anything to anyone." I understand that, ladies, thank you for the support. But I have gotten enough online ridicule to at least address it. Also, at the end of the day, people are going to have questions, which I don't mind (as long as they aren't rude). And I don't have to respond, but I want to...
Adopting Lizzie
For as long as I can remember, I have always loved children, which is why I became a foster mom in the first place. And over the years, I have fostered many children, black, white, whatever. It never mattered to me. I loved them all. With that, I've learned that there is no such thing as “preference" when it comes to a child; no wants. Fostering is only about wanting to help kids that need you—or at least it should be. So, despite what the world thinks, there is no catalog to flip through that allows us to choose who we share our love with, there is no option to build the child of my dreams, if there is a such thing.
When I first joined the foster system, of course on the intake paperwork, it is possible to specify certain demographics of a child, which at the time, I had only two asks: girls, ages 0-5. But what so many fail to understand, is ultimately, DCF and CPS doesn't care what you ask for.
Randomly one day, my phone rang; a lady was on the other end.
"Hi Kimberly, um, so, I'm looking at your paperwork, and um, I know you want only girls, but I have these little boys and...I need you."
And guess what? I didn't hesitate. Bring them to me.
I did not say, "No, I only want girls" or "I can't help, I only love and want black girls." I told her to bring me those babies because they needed me.
At the time, I lived in a town that was predominantly white and Puerto Rican so, I would never get calls about available kids in my town, most of them came from neighboring larger city, which had a greater need. So, these young boys came to me from one of those cities. This all changed shortly afterward when, my boys were adopted out and I received a call informing me that DCF would now be operating by regions. They sent me a map and told me I would be contacted when children were available from these newly specified areas, which, because I never received calls from before, I was skeptical about.
Lo and behold, one day my phone rang again.
I was at work, so I couldn't answer, but I recognized the number as a DCF number. I immediately ran to the bathroom to listen to the voicemail.
"Hi Kim, we have a young girl that we're looking to place in a home, please call me back, we want to place her today." I called back, didn't ask for a single detail, and told them I'll be home this evening waiting on her. Two hours later, the social worker was at my home. He drove past my house and because of it, I told him to park where he was and I would come outside to greet the both of them. It was a bit of a distance away, so when he walked up, it was only then that I began to notice that she was not black. Once again, never cared.
All I could think was, she is so cute and chubby!
I was so blown away by her that it never resonated that she was white. And to be honest with you, it was the social worker's reaction to me that caused me to calculate race in the equation at all. He was actually the one surprised by my race. As for me, I didn't have a care in the world. What was I going to do, tell him "no" because she was different than me?
Never.
I took my daughter in the house and we have been each other's heart ever since.
Welcoming Eddie To The Family
One day, I got a call from my social worker stating that I needed to sign additional paperwork for Lizzie's adoption, so we agreed to meet at my house that evening. Lizzie had just finished dinner, she was running around playing when she arrived. As soon as she sees Lizzie, she says, "You're getting so big! And guess what, you're a big sister!"
....excuse me, what?
Backtracking slightly, prior to adopting Lizzie, her biological mom wanted to meet me to ensure that she was going to a home that was good for her—which I obliged. I felt that if I was going to do this, I wanted the process to feel right, I wanted it to be a good situation. So, we met. In hindsight, her pregnancy makes sense: baggy clothes and large sweatshirts. She didn't want that child to be taken too. But you see, in DCF, when there's an open case going on, they're going to get involved anyway.
"Oh wow," I say.
"I know, she hides her pregnancy very well." Then, she looks at me and says, "We're gonna need you..."
Need me?!
All I could think about was the fact that he was a newborn and not having maternity leave at my job. I tell her and she says, "It's OK. I have a home for him to go to. But I have to ask you because you are a family home now, you have his sister. But if we ever need you, we'll give you a call." Which we both agreed to.
Three months later, I get a call saying, "Remember when we said Lizzie had a little brother? Well, Eddie is being removed from that home, and we need him in yours, can you take him?"
Immediately, I say, "Of course." And never questioned a soul.
A week later, we welcomed Eddie home.
Adjusting To YouTube + Criticism
OK, here's what you don't know about adoption through fostering when it comes to “race". The biological mother of my kids, is a Puerto Rican, Greek, and Cherokee woman. Because of this, despite the fact that they look lily white, my kids were considered minorities. Society has groomed us to believe that a minority (a word I despise) is us. But DCF smacks that label on anyone who has an ounce of ethnicity. My children arrived to me based on a simple word that determines my background. And my love for all kids, is why I kept them.
Never in a million years would I think that after all of this time, I would receive the amount of hate from strangers because of it. I started my YouTube channel to document our journey, and some of the comments I get are disheartening. I'm unaffected, but admittedly, I wonder how and why people think the way that they do—and the worst often comes from black people.
I have been called a coon, bed wench, Uncle Tom, and a "self-hating nigger." I've been accused of wanting to be white, which trust me, adopting two white kids is literally the last thing someone should do to "want to be white," simply because I am reminded that I'm black every single time I am in public with my children.
But more specifically, I want to directly address one of the most repetitive comments that I hear: "But Kimberly, there are way more black kids in foster care that need homes"
Ladies, I live in Connecticut, which is an overwhelmingly white state. Most of the kids in foster care in my state, guess what—are white! First is white, then Hispanic, and then black. You cannot adopt from a state you do not live in, so I opened my home to whomever needed me. That's A. And B, if there are more black kids in foster care that need homes, don't you think that's a problem in the community? You're mad at me about this?
The narrative must shift, there's so much we can do for society besides gripe about supporting any child. My kids are happy, they're flourishing, and most importantly they are loved. And they love me and my brown skin
--
I took the path that was laid out for me and I was unbiased to sharing my love to anyone, that's the only thing I'm accused of. And to anyone who thinks that how I adopted is wrong, I challenge you to open your home, and show me how to do it right.
Kimberly is currently raising awareness for adoption through foster care and she has a YouTube Channel documenting her family's journey. You can watch her full adoption video here and you can follow her on Instagram @_holden_it_down.
Feature image courtesy of Kimberly Holden
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Charmin Michelle is a southern native and creative spirit who works as a content marketer and events manager in Chicago. She enjoys traveling, #SummertimeChi, and the journey of mastering womanhood. Connect with her on Instagram @charminmichelle.
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
Stretch Marks Are A Part Of Pregnancy—But Here’s How To Minimize Them Safely
A mother’s stretch marks are battle scars made with love. Every mark represents nine months of her body caring, protecting, and molding one of the greatest loves of her life. It is a reminder that once their life began, the life she once knew ended for a greater purpose. Although stretch marks represent the beauty of life, it is also okay to want to keep them at bay. Pregnancy is a major time of transition that can be hard to accept. Mothers deserve to love their bodies.
It's perfectly normal to want to keep stretch marks to a minimum. Becoming a mother doesn’t mean you can’t also want the best for your skin while wanting the best for your baby. Both can co-exist! Andi Assebia, an NP-C and Skin Health Expert at Derm Artisan, believes pregnancy is the perfect opportunity for expecting mothers to love on their skin. “Pregnancies are all about improving the health and appearance of skin texture as our belly stretches,” says Assebia.
Here is a list of ways to practice skin health and minimize stretch marks during pregnancy.
Moisturize.
During this time of transition, it is important to keep the skin moisturized. This is because the skin is most likely to experience dryness, which makes stretch marks more potent. Applying moisturizer will help soothe and smooth out the area. Assebia adds, “To help prevent stretch marks, keep your skin hydrated with a nourishing crème like Avène’s Moisturizing Melt-in Balm. Remember, consistency is key.”
Assebia also advocates combining hydrating ingredients like Environ Alpha Hydroxy Derma Lac Lotion with Environ Body Oil daily. This is in pursuit of locking in as many oils as possible. Although Assebia’s recommendations are credible, it is always best to consult your physician before moving forward.
Drink Lots Of Water.
Hydration starts within the body. You’ll have to increase your water intake to keep your body hydrated. The average water intake for women is about 11.5 cups. Your intake of other liquids (hello, tea, juice, and fruit lovers!) could also affect how much water you drink. However, it is more than likely your water intake will increase as your pregnancy continues. Drinking for two is fun! Drinking 8 to 12 cups a day is advised. This will help your body’s elasticity, preventing scars, wrinkles, soft lines, and stretch marks.
Be Mindful About Your Diet.
When pregnant, it’s easy to fall into those cravings and blame it all on your little one. However, a well-balanced diet can enhance your skin's health. It’s important to consider taking prenatal vitamins and focusing on a whole-food diet filled with vitamins C, D, and zinc. Being mindful about your diet can also prevent overstretching due to excessive weight gain. Yes, weight gain is normal and acceptable during this time, but to minimize the appearance of stretch marks, we should focus on healthy weight gain.
Massage Your Skin.
A classic tummy massage can show gentle love to yourself and your little one. Give your skin the love it deserves by massaging it once daily with an oil of your choice (with a doctor's approval, of course!) or body lotion. This allows the product to seep deep into your pores, creating a foundation for the skin to be deeply moisturized. Did we mention it also enhances blood circulation, giving you that incredible pregnancy glow? Yeah, that’s right!
Soak Up The Sun.
More research must be conducted, but vitamin D is a holistic approach to stretch mark prevention. This study suggests that a healthy amount of vitamin D can improve skin electricity. In addition, another study showed that vitamin D can be helpful for fetal growth and reduce preterm birth. Both are highly beneficial to the mother and baby during pregnancy. However, it is important to be mindful of how much sun exposure you’re getting. Remember to soak up the sun in moderation, always wear sunscreen, and stay hydrated.
Treat Stretch Marks immediately.
Don't delay treatment if you spot a stretch mark in its early stages. Waiting to nurture stretch marks can make them more prominent in the future. As mentioned before, moisturize the area abundantly and apply your favorite oils with your tummy massage. Key ingredients for healing stretch marks are vitamin E, hyaluronic acid, and shea or cocoa butter. Also, check in with your primary doctor or dermatologist if unsure of which ingredients to use during your pregnancy.
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Featured image by PeopleImages/Getty Images