It can be more than challenging trying to balance childcare, COVID-19 prevention (hey, Delta), and work. It's hard enough not worrying about whether your kid's school will cancel in-person classes or shut down altogether while facing the not-so-usual growing pains of children and teens who are forced to live in whatever phase of a pandemic we're in right now. (I mean, is it really post-pandemic? Is it halfway done or just beginning? And what's "normal" about this "new" environment?)
Moms, we feel your pain.
There are many things the pandemic has revealed. Quality of life and finding balance in managing home and work are super-important, and now, more than ever, parents want to be able to have the flexibility to put family first.
In fact, a FlexJobs survey found that 61% want to continue to work remotely full-time and 62% even said that they would quit their job if they can't.
Some parents who are being asked to return back to the office are having difficulty finding childcare, and with concerns about future COVID-19-related complications, some just don't want to take the risk of being in an office, even with the vaccination options in place.
If you have children, we're sure you want a work situation that is parent-friendly. Well, here are a few red flags you can look out for when looking for new opportunities (or weighing the pros and cons of your current gig):
1. Only the bare minimum of paid time off (PTO) is offered.
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You might think that getting just two weeks of vacation and less than 12 sick or personal days a year is industry standard, but you might also be selling yourself and your family short by accepting this as a norm. Considering the challenges of COVID-19 and the constant changes in policies, legislation, and school closures, having the flexibility to take off without having to worry about losing money is a top priority for parents.
Companies that offer more PTO time or flexible policies on using it often have positive outcomes related to retention and worker satisfaction, and that means you, as the employee, should be at least asking for more or looking elsewhere if your current company is not budging. Competitive companies consider the health and welfare of their workers to be an important asset to productivity, and while you're not going to be able to excessively call out of work, you should still be able to lean on flexible policies.
With more employers adjusting policies to accommodate unlimited sick leave, unlimited vacation, and options to take a few hours off for an appointment (versus requiring taking a full day), please do side-eye the ones that are still stuck in the pre-pandemic limbo of being stingy with PTO.
2. Care-giving support? What's that?
More companies are now offering expanded childcare benefits such as stipends, discounts via childcare partners, or even on-site daycare resources, thus, this is a competitive and realistic benefit to look out for. If a company you're interviewing with (or you currently work for) has not even a semblance of understanding of this concept, it might be a good idea to pause talks of moving forward. This is yet another benefit that often leads to retention, and top Fortune 500 companies offer childcare assistance, so it's not an unreasonable option for parents to expect or ask for.
3. Remote or hybrid work schedules are not allowed.
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For some jobs, it's totally understandable that working from home is simply impossible. But for others, working in an office full-time is slowly becoming obsolete.
If managers at your current job (or prospective employer) are strictly against allowing remote work (with little to no evidence that doing so would negatively impact productivity), again, explore other options.
You might be among the parents who would rather continue homeschooling your children, who isn't too comfortable yet with school policies related to COVID-19, or who enjoys the extra time a lack of commute has given you. Being able to work remote, at least some of the time, is one perk you'll want to look out for if you're a parent who falls into those categories.
4. Maternity leave is very limited or non-existent.
There was once a time when professionals had to use disability leave or lose pay altogether just to take off while pregnant or after having a baby. (And some companies probably still force employees' hands with this one). But if a company doesn't offer maternity leave in today's day and age, there's a problem.
If you get just one golden nugget from this article, it should be that reputable companies that are successful and competitive put their workers' needs at the forefront. If they want to keep great talent, they ensure that that talent is healthy and happy. More than half of top employers in the U.S. actually offer maternity leave and the number continues to grow.
Being pregnant and having to finesse time off or thug your way through being sick, tired, and on the verge of hospitalization just to keep your job is just not the move.
And if you have plans to have children, be sure ask about the details of this benefit before taking an offer, including inclusive policies for single parents and LGBTQ couples.
5. There's a workaholic culture.
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Some companies offer all the benefits in the world, but this means nothing if there's an undertone of workaholic expectations lurking in the shadows. Let's say you ask during the interview, "What are the confirmed work hours of this position?" and the manager gives you a vague answer like, "However long it takes to get the job done." Major red flag, sis.
Or maybe pre-pandemic, you had time to make dinner and actually sit with your kids to eat it, but now you're ordering more DoorDash and taking calls and emails into the late-night hours. Yep, red flag.
What about the manager that gives an end-of-day directive at 5:50 p.m., dumps a two-week deadline on you for a project that should take months to complete, or constantly calls you while on vacation? The lack of boundaries might prove to become toxic for working parents. Be sure to ask questions during interviews or reevaluate whether you want to continue working for an employer thinks you're a robot.
6. There's a clear disregard for the value of family and parenting.
From snide jokes to outright questioning your ability to manage being a mom and doing your job, these are signs that a prospective employer (or your current one) is not a good fit. If you're being made to feel guilty about making time to pick your child up from sports practice or using PTO to stay at home with your baby, or you're constantly being compared to employees who don't have children, it's inappropriate and toxic. A balanced work environment accommodates all employees and embraces a diverse workforce, therefore, and if the managers of a company aren't ensuring this, it's time to chuck the deuces.
If you're on the job hunt, check LinkedIn or the company's website to find clues about the culture or values related to family and parenting.
(Some managers might list parenting organizations they support or include their children and spouses in their bios, for example.) Pay close attention to what is said during your interview process, and infuse small details about being a parent to get responses that might allude to potential issues. Insert something like, "My daughter just finished pre-school..." and see what the interviewer says. If it's anything close to distrust or outright disrespect, go ahead and scratch that company off your list.
With all that's going on the world, it's a good idea to think of what's really important for you and your family. Go for the opportunities that not only allow you to flourish but support the chance to be the best parent you can be. Let these red flags be the wake-up call you need to pursue what you and your children deserve.
For more job search tips, career advice and profiles, check out the xoNecole Workin Girl section here.
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Anyway, I personally think that the less shallow folks out here may contemplate calling things “quits” or they at least distance themselves a bit from their partner (and what I’m referring to is serious relationships) due to all of the stress and strain that oftentimes comes with the holidays whether it be financial, familial, due to their tight schedules or something else.
Listen, I would hate for you and your man to miss the fun and happiness of experiencing this time of year, all because you are so overwhelmed or irritated that you can’t really enjoy it. That’s why I have a few practical tips for how to avoid allowing the typical holiday season stress from INFECTING your relationship.
Manage Your Expectations
GiphyUnmanaged expectations. If there is a main reason why the holiday season tends to be so stress-filled for so many people, I’d bet good money that this is the cause. And when you’re in a long-term relationship, expectations can manifest themselves in all sorts of cryptic and/or unexpected ways. You might have relatives who assume that you are going to be with them for Thanksgiving or Christmas when you have other plans in mind. You might be thinking that you are going to spend one amount for presents while your man is thinking something totally different. When it comes to scheduling, your signals may be crossed.
And you know what? To all of these scenarios, this is where clear and consistent communication come in. Don’t assume anything. Don’t dictate anything either. From now until New Year’s, mutually decide to check in once a week, just to make sure that you are both on the same page as it relates to the holidays and what you both are thinking will come along with it. The less blindsided you both feel, the less stressed out you will be. Trust me on this.
Set (and Keep) a Budget
GiphyOkay, so I read that last year, 36 percent of Americans incurred some type of holiday-related debt. Hmph. Last year, there was still some sense of normalcy in this country, chile, so I can only imagine what finances are gonna look like over the next several weeks. That said, since I don’t know a lot of people who don’t find being broke stressful, make sure that you and your bae set a budget and then stick to it this year — no ifs, ands or buts.
Because really, y’all — it doesn’t make sense to deplete savings and/or max out credit cards for a few days of giggles only to be damn near losing your mind because you don’t know how to make ends meet come Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. Day.
And by the way, this tip doesn’t just speak to things like food and gifts; I also mean travel. If it doesn’t make a ton of sense (or cents) to be all over the place this year — DON’T BE.
Keep Matthew 5:37 at the Forefront
GiphyIf off the top of your head, you don’t know what Matthew 5:37 says, no worries, here ya go: “But let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes,’ and your ‘No,’ ‘No.’ For whatever is more than these is from the evil one.” That verse right there? Oh, it’s a boundaries lifesaver! I say that because do you see “maybe” or “I’ll think about it” in there? Nope. LOL. It says that you should tell people “yes” or “no” and leave it at that — and that complements Anne Lamott’s quote, “’No’ is a complete sentence” impeccably well. Yeah, you’ve got to remember that anything beyond a yes or no to a request is privileged information; you don’t owe anyone details or an explanation.
Besides, if you are really honest with yourself, when someone asks you something and you give a “Umm, let me think about it” kind of reply, more times than not, you already know what your answer is going to be — so why not let you both off of the hook? Give your response. Commit to that. And let everyone (including yourself) get on with their lives and schedules.
I promise you that when it comes to those holiday parties, you are pissing more folks off by not RSVP’ing or doing so and not showing up than just saying, “Thank you but not this year” off the rip.
Remember That Your Personal Space Is Privilege Not a Right
GiphyA friend of mine recently bought a new house and invited me over to come see it. He’s a single man with no children, so as I was taking in all of the space that he had, especially as I walked through his finished basement, I joked about relatives coming to live with him. “Hell no” and “absolutely not” were pretty much his immediate responses as he went on to say that some folks even had the nerve to be offended when he told them that he had no intentions on taking DNA in.
Ain’t it wild how people think that your stuff is their right? And yes, that brings me to my next point. Your home is your sanctuary space. If you want to host folks this year — cool. If not, ALSO COOL. Please don’t let folks (family included) guilt you into how they want you to act or even into what they would do if the shoe was on the other foot. You are not them — and as one of my favorite quotes states, “If two people were exactly alike, one of them would be unnecessary.” (A man by the name Larry Dixon said that.)
Hell, my friends? They know that I am good for sending them random things that they need or even want all throughout the year. Coming over to hang out at my pace, though. Uh-uh. Chalk it up to being a card-carrying member of the ambivert club yet I like keeping my living space personal — and I sleep like a baby, each and every night, for feeling that way.
Always remember that your space, your time, your resources, your energy and shoot, yourself period (including your relationship), are all things that are your own. You get to choose how, when and why you want to share them. The holiday season is certainly no exception.
Cultivate Some “You Two Only” Traditions
GiphyIt’s not uncommon for some couples to hit me up after the holiday season to “detox.” Sometimes it’s due to the financial drama (and sometimes trauma) that they experienced. Sometimes it’s because they allowed their relatives (especially in-laws) to get more into their personal business than they should’ve. More than anything, though, it tends to be because they didn’t get enough quality time together and so ended up feeling “disconnected.”
Please don’t let that happen. Listen, I’m not even a holidays kind of woman and yet, I will absolutely sit myself down with some hot chocolate and chocolate chip cookies to enjoy a Hallmark holiday film or two. Aside from the fact that most of them are lighthearted and sweet, I also like that they usually focus on couples loving on each other amidst all of the holiday beauty and ambiance — which is something that all couples should set aside some time to do.
Maybe it’s a vacation. Maybe it’s a staycation. Or maybe it’s my personal favorite, A SEXCATION. Whether it’s for a few days, the weekend or even overnight — don’t you let the holidays go by without setting aside time for you and your man to celebrate one another. Don’t you dare (check out “Are You Ready To Have Some Very Merry 'Christmas Sex'?”).
GET. SOME. REST.
GiphyI once read that 8 out of 10 people get stressed out over the holidays and 3 out of 10 lose sleep during to it — and when you’re stress-filled and sleep-deprived, that can absolutely lead to hypersensitivity, making mountains out of molehills and even not being in the mood for sex.
Your relationship can’t afford to go through any of this, so definitely make sure to prioritize rest. I don’t care how unrealistic it might seem during this time, sleep should never be seen as a luxury; it will always and forever be a great necessity.
That said, try to get no less than six hours of shut-eye in (check out “6 Fascinating Ways Sex And Sleep Definitely Go Hand In Hand”) and even ask your bae to take a nap with you sometimes (check out “Wanna Have Some Next-Level Sex? Take A Nap, Sis.”). Not only will sleep help to restore your mind, body and spirit but, when it’s with your partner, it’s an act of intimacy that can make you both feel super connected, even in the midst of what might feel like chaos.
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Holiday season stress is real. Still, never give it the permission or power to throw your relationship off. Put you and your man first and let the holidays be what they are gonna be, chile.
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Using the same material from the interior of the Volvo EX90, Hudson crafted a wool-blend car coat and waistbelt that combine the vehicle’s Scandinavian design with his signature tailoring and intention. The exclusive collection launched on October 20, and each piece is made-to-order by Sergio Hudson Collections.
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In October, I traveled to Charleston with a group of journalists to get a firsthand look at Hudson and Volvo’s location. During a fitting, Hudson said his goal is to make “great work that can stand the test of time.”
“People can look back on and say, ‘I remember when Sergio did that collaboration with Volvo,’” he continued. “Thinking about aligning yourself with classic brands that speak to where you want to go. And I think that's what this collaboration kind of means to me and my business.”
Hudson pinpoints his mom as the biggest influence for his designs. This collaboration was no different.
“This particular coat reminded me of the swing coats that my mom used to wear in the early 90s. You know, diva girls in the early 90s had Sandra suits,” he said, referring to Jackée Harry’s character in 227. “My mom wore those and she would have these matching swing coats to go over them. And that's where the initial idea came. This would be around the same time that we had our Volvo. So she would put on her suit, her swing coat, get in that red Volvo, and go to church.”
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With this capsule and beyond, Hudson wants to see more staples rotating in and out of closets this fall. He advises fashionistas to build her closet out with essentials to mix and match that aren’t just stylish but also sustainable.
“It's just those special pieces,” he said. “You can wear the same shirt and pants every day and nobody will notice. But if you have a special boot, a special coat, a special bill, a special bag, that kind of speaks to everything that your style stands about, that is something you should focus on.”
These are the same kind of staple pieces that return to our Pinterest boards and TikTok feeds season after season. Fast fashion has never been Hudson’s aim. “I'm trying to create a special pieces that can stand the test of time,” he said in his warm, Southern accent. “I'm only creating those kind of pieces from here on out.”
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For Hudson, this collaboration is revolutionary. It’s his first time working with a car company and experimenting outside of his wheelhouse in this way.
“This is a Scandinavian brand, and, you know, it's 70 years old. I'm an African-American boy from South Carolina that has had a brand for 10 years. So I think bridging those two worlds and seeing the similarities was the beauty of this project,” he explained.
Though Hudson and his partner and CEO of Sergio Hudson Collections Inga Beckham have made massive strides in just 10 years, Hudson said the industry is far from where he wants to see it when it comes to Black representation. He pointed to how few Black designers were at this year’s Met Gala despite the theme being Black dandyism.
“The fact that I dressed 18 people speaks to how many of us weren't there,” he said. He implored more of industries, fashion and beyond, to collaborate with Black designers often.
“Allow mentorship. Allow funding. Allow great design to shine through,” he implored. “When it comes to being a designer of African descent, when you can't get the funding that your counterparts have, you can't compete. When you get opportunities like doing a collaboration with Volvo, or you get opportunities to be at the Met Gala, that's putting us on the equal playing field, but really the funding behind it is what we need to take it to that desk level.”
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