I Was Job Shamed For Working In Childcare
I was my family's success story all throughout my formative years. All As here and academic awards there; scholarships here and National Honors Society there. I even landed in our local newspaper twice based on academics. I graduated high school number three in my graduating class with academic honors. My family could not have been prouder - especially my mother.
I would often hear my mom on the phone boasting to her friends and our family about my success. "My baby gets all As." "My baby got three scholarships." My baby, my baby, my baby was a mantra constantly resounding off the AT&T cordless receiver as she alone solidified my place in her social group as the smartest, most achieved offspring in history.
As expected, I started college directly after high school. I had a strong desire to become a doctor, but my biology and chemistry 101 classes humbled me. College was a lot different for me than high school. Whereas I never really had to apply myself before, in college I had to study for probably the first time in my life. The As and Bs weren't coming in as fast as they did before. Neither were the endorsements and praise from my mother. When things got super frustrating during my sophomore year, I confessed one night over the phone that I wanted to quit school.
I never heard my mother that silent before and I realized that quitting was not going to be an option.
Though I wasn't failing, there were Cs and the occasional D wrapped up in my grades, and my mother lost her right to brag on my academics. However, I started a job at a childcare center while in school. Children have always been naturally drawn to me and working in childcare made me realize I really liked them too. Now, my mother switched from solely praising my academics to also championing the fact that I worked and went to school full-time.
Eventually, I got my act together. I realized the need to study. I ended up back on the Dean's List and started pursuing a degree in psychology. My mother could boast again. I was happier, and all was well in the kingdom. That is, until after graduation.
I graduated within four years with a 3.0. I was only 22 and the world looked promising. But I got a quick reality check. I looked for a job for months and, though I landed many interviews, I couldn't land a job. Every employer saw that I had four years of childcare experience and couldn't understand why I wanted to make a career change.
No employer wanted to understand that I was kid who worked in childcare because it sustained me through college. The only options I had at the time was either go back to school for a master's degree or settle into building a career in childcare. By this point, I was academically burned out, so I opted for childcare.
I loved my time in childcare, but as the years rolled on, the questions came. Every holiday with family, every experience at my home church, every encounter with my mother's friends were filled with the sarcastic retorts, "I thought you were going to be a doctor… why are you still changing diapers?"
Everywhere I went, the job I loved was reduced to "changing diapers". The wild part about it is that I have friends who are nurses. They also change patient's diapers, but their job title is never reduced to solely wiping butts. I quickly learned that in society, there are jobs that are esteemed higher than others based on the pay one receives or the education required to attain the job.
Over the years, my mother would never admit that I worked in childcare to other people. She would call me a" teacher" to her friends. My mama called me "teacher" because I seemed like a failure to society if I was solely a person who "changed diapers". She wanted to mislead people into believing that I actually went to college for a degree in the field of teaching because it sounds more fitting.
I had the sorrowful epiphany that according to society, it isn't proper to be smart, educated, degreed, and "only" work in childcare. I was shamed so often that I also started to call myself a "teacher".
Yes, daycare workers do teach, but why is it so shameful to call yourself a "childcare provider"? The stigma that is faced for doing very honorable and rewarding work, isn't fair. Childcare providers are respectable people who provide quality service to children while their parents work. There is nothing shameful about it.
I allowed the nagging of others to shame me to the point I quit the job I loved. After many years in childcare, I recently quit. I got a so-called "respectable" office job in my field and hated it. I missed kids, I missed the freedom to be compassionate, creative, and nurturing. I traded my happiness to feel respected by society only to realize that I was well-respected by the parents, administrative staff, and children who loved me.
The moral of this story is don't allow yourself to be shamed. Don't prostitute yourself out for the validation of others. If a career brings you joy, then pursue it. You don't need the support of the world.
All you need is to feel fulfilled inside of your own heart.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
Featured image by Shutterstock
Kristi Smedley is just a girl seeking to find the deeper meaning of life while enjoying the journey. She enjoys writing about music, spirituality, and psychology among other topics at www.bluenotesoul.com.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Exclusive: Koryn Hawthorne On Her Miraculous Love Story: ‘I Was Never A Girlfriend’
Gospel singer Koryn Hawthorne has used her voice to let the world know about what God can do, and now the Season 8 finalist of NBC’s The Voice is sharing a miraculous act that led to her engagement.
The Praise This actress shared in an interview with xoNecole that prior to becoming engaged to her partner, Hunter Register, she passed over one particular title on her way to becoming a fiancée.
“I was never a girlfriend,” Hawthorn, 26, tells xoNecole.
“We've known each other since we were kids, so we just kind of always had this distant friendship. We would hit each other up on social media, and [I] slide up under things that he was posting,” she says. “We ended up hanging out together, and when we hung out, it was an instant immediate connection from all fronts. I think we just knew from the first day that I don't want to spend a day apart from you.”
Koryn Hawthorne On Her Miraculous Love Story, New Album, & More
She continued, "And yeah, we probably were boyfriend or girlfriend after — am I delusional? Then we were engaged a few months later.”
The Grammy-nominated singer, who became engaged in November of 2023, went on to share what her experience has been preparing to become a wife, exploring the personal growth, challenges, and emotions experienced throughout the process.
“It's a journey, I'm not gonna lie,” she says. “Relationships, in general, are hard, and whenever you think about marriage, is just different from being boyfriend and girlfriend because if you piss me off, I could just go,” she shared. “But marriage is an actual commitment. It's a partnership. It's a ministry.”
Hawthorne, 26, and Register, 27, were childhood friends growing up in Louisiana and sealed their love during a weekend getaway in New Orleans last fall.
For the gospel star, marriage involves more than lovely-dovey aspects, emphasizing how her relationship has allowed her to grow, mature, and learn valuable lessons through love.
“We were supposed to get married in May, but like for us to be mature enough to be like, ‘You know what? No, let's take the necessary time to make sure that we're fully prepared for this commitment such a beautiful thing,” Hawthorne reflected.
“It's a learning curve for sure, but our preparation for marriage would have been the only thing that brought this out of me. It's hard and it's scary at times, but it's God's purpose and His plan for our lives.”
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