When Mone’t walked into the office Monday morning, she was rocking a new hairstyle: blonde hair and long braids. Before she could even make it to her desk, a coworker approached her and said, “Oh cool! Predator!” referencing the aliens in the cult classic sci-fi franchise and saying her hairstyle looked similar to the extraterrestrial species.
She couldn’t even make it to her seat or make her morning cup of coffee before she was faced with microaggressions in the office.
Her story and a long list of variations are a mirrored experience for Black women in professional settings across the country. Not only do they have to navigate the gendered pressures of being a woman in the workplace, but they’re also subjected to racial microaggressions.
Microaggressions are defined as everyday subtle comments and interactions that are intentional and sometimes unintentional and geared toward historically marginalized groups and perpetuate racial and gender biases. Its muted manner makes it sometimes difficult to pinpoint compared to overt racism and even more so difficult to report.
From not "smiling enough" to being considered angry when others are deemed "passionate," Black women have to navigate office culture differently from their peers, and honestly, it’s exhausting. From comments on our hair to pressure to code-switch to be more palatable, for many Black women, office culture was synonymous with a toxic culture. For Black women, microaggressions can range from comments on hair, appearance, manner of speaking, disposition, and even work ethic.
So what’s been the fix to the stressful and exhausting office environments? Remote work.
A Harvard study found Black workers preferred hybrid or fully remote work at higher rates than white workers. In the comfort of their own homes and offices, where their coworkers show up on screen and not in their faces, they've found freedom from the microaggressions they used to face daily.
We spoke to three Black women in the corporate world in various fields on why being behind a screen gives them a respite from the expected code-switching and microaggressions they faced in the office.
Mone’t
For Mone’t, she has always been the only Black female software engineer at her tech job. She constantly found herself in the midst of uncomfortable conversations - whether it was a coworker wearing a Confederate shirt or someone questioning her role as an engineer.
“This Iranian guy told me I didn't look like a software engineer, and I said, 'Well, that's funny because you don’t look like a software engineer either because most software engineers are white men,'” she shared with xoNecole. "Most people automatically assume I’m either the product manager or the designer, and I have to correct them and let them know I'm an engineer."
"I don't deal with that as much anymore because I'm full-time remote and not in the office anymore, and it's a relief. I can focus on the work and not just make small talk which usually leads to somebody commenting on your appearance or position. Now that I’m remote, I don’t code-switch at all. I decided what you see is what you get. Not being me was exhausting.”
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Briana
As the only Black person at her marketing job, Briana dealt with microaggressions that questioned her abilities in a job that she knew she was not only qualified for but also very skilled at. “Working remotely, people trust you to do your job. In the office, I dealt with a lot of micromanaging and people second-guessing my abilities, and coworkers even coming behind me and changing my work. When you’re dealing with social media, everyone thinks they can do your job."
"The major difference I’ve experienced now being a remote worker is that my team has confidence in me. They recognize I’m not only getting the job done, but I’m doing it well. Remote work has forced jobs to get more creative with recognition because you can’t just walk up to a coworker's desk and say, 'Good job.' Now they have to provide extra encouragement because they’re not there. I feel more supported now.”
Ajeyinka
For Ajeyinka, the microaggressions she faced were most often directed toward her appearance. “My hair has always been something that I've been mindful of, especially working in Corporate America. When I worked in the office, I usually styled my hair in braids or straight styles. I don't comment when my non-Black colleagues do something with their hair or style, but people always feel comfortable commenting when it comes to Black women."
Ajeyinka continued, "As Black women we switch up our hair a lot, and I just don’t think those changes need to be called out or pointed out every time. Now that I’m remote, I’ve cut my hair, I've experimented with color, and wear my nails how I want.”
Ajeyinka still faces microaggressions but notes they are less frequent now. Remote work cuts down on the in-person conversations where those microaggressions would typically take place.
FreshSplash/Getty Images
Even as corporations and companies across the nation take steps toward increasing diversity, equity, and inclusive training, microaggressions in the workplace will not just simply cease to exist because workers are behind a screen. People will still have their biases, judgments and make inappropriate comments.
But, it's important to recognize that offices can be hostile and toxic environments for many, especially for Black women, and if remote work can decrease the frequency in which those interactions occur, it's worth asking…why are we in a rush to get back to the office?
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Although this might seem like a heavy way to intro this particular topic, because the O Method is an orgasm-achieving technique that centers around housing energy, embracing the mental practice of manifestation, and the attempt to achieve the best climaxes ever — it all works together pretty well if you ask me. If you want to take your orgasms to the next level, it’s important that you get out of yourself (to a certain extent), that you see the spiritual role that manifestation plays, and that you are open to trying new things. No doubt about it.
So, let’s learn more about what the O Method is all about and how it very well could be just what you’ve been looking for…even if you didn’t know it.
What Is the “O Method” All About?
GiphyQuestion: When’s the last time you’ve had an orgasm? Not just any orgasm — I mean a really mind-blowing one (I’ll give you a second to think about it). Now, what if you could manifest that experience to the point where it wasn’t a rare occurrence but something that happened almost every time that you and your partner had sex with each other? How absolutely awesome would that be?
That is pretty much what the O Method is all about — helping you achieve the kind of orgasms (and sexual pleasure, in general) that you desire through the practice of manifestation. And since your biggest sex organ is your brain, it would make perfect sense that even with all of the tips and techniques that you might learn to do as far as your body is concerned, honing in on what you think about is super imperative to sexual fulfillment, too. And that’s just where manifestation comes in.
What If You’ve Never “Manifested” Anything Before?
GiphyBefore we get into a quick lesson on manifestation, I think it’s important to mention two things. One, for the cynics, there is a lot of truth in the fact that it’s got some solid spiritual basis to it because even the Good Book says that as a man thinketh in his heart, so is he (Proverbs 23:7). At the same time, that same Good Book tells us that faith without works is dead (James 2:14-26). So, while it is always a good idea to focus on good, positive, and productive thoughts, just thinking about them isn’t enough — at some point, you’ve also gotta get out here and DO something (bookmark that).
Okay, with that mini-sermon out of the way, whether it’s in the bedroom or not, manifestation is basically about focusing on something tangible that you desire, harnessing your energy in such a way that your words and actions are directed towards that longing until what you want, well, manifests. For the record, aside from this having a spiritual backing to it, in many ways, science cosigns on manifesting, too. There is actually a scientific process known as neuroplasticity that consists of reframing your mind so that your actions ultimately end up aligning with your goals — and that is another way to look at manifestation.
So, what if you’re someone who has never set out to do a manifestation practice before? No worries. Something that’s awesome about it is there are several different approaches that you can take.
Some people manifest what they want in their lives via:
- Journaling
- Visualization/Creating vision boards
- Writing down their desires before going to bed (so that they can “download” them into their dream state)
- Creating mantras and affirmations
- Applying the 369 Manifestation Method (you can learn more about that here)
- Meditating
- Learning more about what you want to manifest (which brings forth clarity)
This is important to keep in mind because, when it comes to manifesting the types of orgasms that you want to have, as you can see, you can try different manifestation methods until you find one (or ones) that you are truly comfortable with. One that can ease you into the entire process rather smoothly is something known as sex journaling.
How Sex Journaling Can Actually Help You to Have an Orgasm
GiphyAs a writer, I’m a big fan of journaling. Mostly because it’s a way to get out some of your deepest thoughts and feelings so that you’re able to really process what is happening inside of you in a private setting. And when it comes to sex journaling, specifically, it’s all about centering yourself on the things sexually that you want to “unpack,” get clarity on or come to some revelations about. For instance, if there’s only been one partner from your past who’s been able to help you achieve the type of orgasms that you wish to manifest, journaling about what makes him different from the other guys can provide you with some solid ah-ha moments.
Or if you need help getting as specific as possible about the sexual experiences that you’re after, journaling can help to make that happen for you — because one thing that manifesting reminds us all to do is be as specific as possible.
Yeah, simply saying, “I want to have better sex” isn’t detailed enough when you want to get your energy to match with your desires — instead, describe how all of your senses should feel in the experience, along with why, that can get you so much closer to achieving your goal. Once those things are documented, you can segue into creating mantras and/or meditation that are based on them. Yeah, sex journaling really is an underrated superpower on a lot of levels (check out “The Art Of Sex Journaling (And Why You Should Do It)”).
5 Tips for Making the O Method Work for You
GiphyNow that you know more about what the O Method is and how manifestation plays a direct role in its process, let’s talk about five ways to make the O Method truly effective in your own (sex) life.
1. Focus, FULLY, on your feminine energy. What do rose quartz, amethyst, moonstone (which is a Gemini birthstone as well; yes, I’m a Gemini), selenite, and rhodonite all have in common? They’re crystals that help you to go deeper into your divine feminine energy. Traits that are associated with this include compassion, creativity, kindness, gentleness, and sensuality (feminine energy is also accepting and forgiving). If you were to study energy from a biological standpoint, it’s about producing change, responding to stimuli, and having the ability to do what needs to be done (work). So, when it comes to manifesting the kind of orgasms or sexual experiences that you want, using things like your creativity and gentleness in your thoughts and actions can play a role in bringing balance to your partner’s masculinity, which can create a profound sense of pleasure — after all, opposites do attract.
2. Don’t hold back on what it is that you desire. Whenever I interview sex therapists, something that they all say is, a huge mistake that people make as far as sexual satisfaction is concerned is, they have walls up — not just with their partners but even within themselves. Sometimes, there is intimidation, fear, or even shame around what they really want to happen during sex to the point where they aren’t able to channel their energy fully in those directions in order to manifest what they want. For the O Method to work, you can’t let those types of negative emotions hinder you; the more you are able to articulate what you want and how you want it, the better chance you have of making it happen. So yes, get graphic. As graphic as possible.
3. Make manifestation a daily practice. Repetition is important when it comes to manifestation. That’s because the more you declare what you desire (a mantra), get still and think on it (meditation), or look at the “art” that you’ve created surrounding it (visualization), the quicker it becomes a part of you. So yes, make manifestation a daily practice. For instance, if one of your mantras is, “I am going to have intensely passionate orgasms, one right after the other,” don’t just state that 15 minutes before sex is going to happen. Wake up and declare it. Then say it on your lunch break. And again before turning in. The more your thoughts are “streamlined” in this way, the easier it will be for your body to follow suit.
4. Share this practice with your partner. If you were to do even more research on the O Method, one thing that most of the articles will mention is it’s a practice that you can do alone or with your partner. Indeed. However, I just want to make sure that you get into your psyche that great sex is, in part, about good communication. And so, the more comfortable you are sharing with your partner what you are doing as far as the O Method is concerned and what you ultimately want to happen as a result of the practice, the easier it will be for him to “match your energy” — both in and out of the bedroom. And when your partner is on the same page as you? That definitely increases the chances of attaining your sexual desires — exponentially so.
5. Stay in the moment. While I was reading one article on manifestation, I really appreciated something that the author said: manifestation isn’t some supernatural power. In other words, while it can be beneficial, it’s not like you can just think of something, and it instantly appears out of nowhere. Manifesting is a discipline, and it must be accompanied by action, consistency, and patience — this means that you must also practice mindfulness. Meaning, now that you know better what you’re looking to achieve as far as sex is concerned, every time that it transpires, maintain a level of positive energy, remember what your end goal is, and then determine in your mind to enjoy the moments as they come. Remember, manifestation isn’t to add stress…it’s to cultivate clarity.
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At the end of the day, the O Method is simply a way of reminding you that your mind plays a huge role in your sexual pleasure, and when you channel it and your energy exactly where you want them both to go, you’ll be amazed what your body is capable of doing…and accomplishing.
So, what kind of orgasm are you wanting to achieve? You’ve got a tool to get you there. USE IT.
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Featured image by Giphy
