

In the pilot episode of Insecure, Issa Dee's coworker at their company, We Got Y'all, hits her with one of the most random questions a person can even ask in the workplace:
"Issa, what's 'on fleek'?'"
I cackled the first time I saw this scene, mainly for the audacity, like is Issa the company's culture-whisperer or something? And in real life, you know we'd then side-eye the possible intent as in why, so y'all can use the term now?
It was a question that seemed so irrelevant and out-the-blue without any backstory that it momentarily took Issa aback. She actually had to contemplate what to say before she gave a response. Well, there's a term for what happened in that scene. What Issa experienced was a microaggression.
A few weeks ago, I signed up for The Prevailing Woman's Prevailing Through a Pandemic virtual series and one of the first sessions was on microaggressions. It was led by Ashley McGowan, a global tech and communications professional. McGowan describes microaggressions as subtle or insignificant comments and behaviors that aren't exactly offensive or straightforward but they make you feel some type of way and question the person's intent. They also come from individuals who don't look like us.
So, what other things can individuals who don't look like us do or say that can be classified as microaggressions?
Rebloggy
Let's say you rock a teeny-weeny 'fro and you get faux locs installed over the weekend. When you arrive at work on Monday, your co-workers approach you and ask the following questions:
How did you get that extra hair on your head?
How do you wash it?
How long are you going to keep it in there?
And then, they reach out to touch it while telling you how pretty it is.
Or, you walk past your colleague in the hallway and he greets you with 'sup, "Hey, girl!" or a fist bump.
Or, you walk into a conference room filled with typical C-suite (CEO, CFO) executives to deliver a presentation but they automatically assume you're the assistant who's there to take the minutes and help with the audiovisuals.
Or, you slay your presentation on your global call meeting and the ooooonly feedback your colleagues can offer afterwards is, "Wow, you were so articulate in delivering your strategy."
That last one actually happened to McGowan.
Author Austin Channing Brown could vouch for that type of behavior in the workplace. In her book, I'm Still Here: Black Dignity in a World Made for Whiteness, Brown writes about her experience as a black woman working in a Christian-centered organization amongst a majority-white staff. Like Issa Dee's We Got Y'all, Brown's nonprofit serves the black and brown population yet the staff doesn't exactly reflect the same demographic. And the few black women, including Brown, who are in a position of authority aren't heard unless their ideas are cosigned by the majority staff.
While Brown conducts numerous trainings on race relations, her seminar attendees are uncomfortable with the fact that a black woman is the expert on the topic. They expect to hear from a "typical" Austin: a white male. In fact, on several occasions attendees have asked her, "Who's really in charge here? I want to speak with Austin." And when they learn that she's really the Austin, they launch into screaming and spitting tantrums because now they feel dumb and duped.
If hilarious and offended had a face, they would be it.
What was particularly interesting is when Brown outlined her day from 8:55am to 5pm. She experienced 14 instances of microaggressions with the first one starting before she even reached her cubicle to begin her day. What happened? She was stopped three times in the hallway and asked if she needed help finding the outreach center. It never dawned on anyone that she was actually an employee and not a client. And she's a director at that.
Both Brown and McGowan would agree that the whole thing is exhausting. In the pandemic panel, McGowan explained how we carry the burden of feeling responsible for our colleagues' feelings. We feel we must validate their thoughts before we can contradict them. And while they get to think about their daily to-do lists in the mornings before they leave home for work, we must worry about our hairstyles, our attire or any other aspects of our being that might draw inappropriate questions.
The more important question is what can we do about it? Microaggressions aren't something that's specifically addressed in our company handbooks and we can't report them to HR as blatant racism or harassment because technically they aren't. Besides, in Brown's case, she was told, "Perhaps you misunderstood," "I'm sure he didn't mean it like that" or that she's "too sensitive" and should be more careful about what she reports. Microaggressions are simply hard to prove.
Nevertheless McGowan suggests three tips to mitigate our frustrations when it comes to microaggressions in the workplace:
Maintain our composure.
We do want to respond to these actions and behaviors because allowing them to slide only invites more side comments, which ultimately affects our mental health and our productivity. But we don't want to pop off or step outside of character because we are at work and that can lead to a whole other set of workplace problems.
Be mentally aware of microaggressions.
We don't need to convince ourselves that maybe we're overreacting. We know when someone's words or actions don't sit right in our spirit. The key is to understand that this weird thing that occasionally happens at work has an actual name and that microaggressions are real.
Identify safe spaces and resources.
Since we can't always go to HR, we'll need an outlet to vent our frustrations. Connect with a mentor or peer within the industry who can relate to what you're going through. That person could be someone you know or someone you've "met" through social media networks. There are groups on this very topic. Talk to someone after the first or second offense and also be sure to document the offenses just in case they escalate. Then we'll already have solid proof to report to HR.
As much as Issa Dee stays in her head with a clapback, she delivered a simple and self-composed response to the "on fleek" question.
"I don't know what that means," Issa Dee said.
I had to applaud that one. It was subtle enough to avoid a trip to her manager's office for being unapproachable and angry (Brown got those all the time!) yet strong enough to say don't ask me no ish like that again.
But who are we kidding? Of course we're bound to get similar questions, slick comments and stereotypical approaches from our next colleague. And without any of it being an infraction covered in our employee handbooks, we're forced to tap into our own black girl power for protection.
Our only "safe" recourse may be to recognize it, process it and talk about it with our trusted peers. But we should always address it, too. Shut that ish down, sis, but diplomatically so we can keep stacking these coins and building our resumes. While the solution may not seem game-changing, it's a strategic play. So for the sake of both our sanity and jobs, the best way to handle a microaggression is with a bit of passive aggression. At least, for now.
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I write about lifestyle and women's health and wellness. When I'm not in front of a computer screen crafting stories, I'm in a kitchen crafting cocktails. Follow me on the 'gram @teronda.
Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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Patricia "Ms. Pat" Williams has always marched to the beat of her own brutally honest drum — and that’s exactly what makes her so magnetic to watch. Whether she’s making us laugh until we cry on The Ms. Pat Show or now laying down the law on her courtroom series Ms. Pat Settles It, the comedian-turned-judge proves time and again that there’s nobody quite like her. Unfiltered, hilarious, and real to the core, she’s made a name for herself by turning her life’s journey — including the pain — into purpose.
Now in her second season of Ms. Pat Settles It, airing on BET and BET+, she’s not only delivering verdicts — she’s dishing out life lessons in between the laughs. The show feels less like your typical courtroom drama and more like your outspoken auntie running a court session at the family cookout, complete with celebrity jurors, petty disputes, and a whole lot of real talk. xoNecole sat down with Ms. Pat to talk about her wildest cases, balancing motherhood and fame, and why sleeping in separate bedrooms might just be the key to joy.
CASE CLOSED, BUT MAKE IT CHAOS
If you’ve ever tuned in to Ms. Pat Settles It, you already know the episode titles alone deserve awards. But when we asked Ms. Pat which case stood out most, she didn’t even have to think twice. “There was this one woman — Shay — who got out of federal prison and was working for her old bunkmate. But the bunkmate didn’t want to pay her!” she says, chuckling. “That girl came in the courtroom like a firecracker.”
It’s moments like those that remind viewers Ms. Pat isn’t just bringing the laughs — she’s giving people a platform, even if it’s a little messy. And if her court ever gets turned into a real-life franchise, we need Shay on the promo posters immediately.
WHEN THE CELEBS SHOW OUT
It’s already hard enough to get a word in with Ms. Pat running the show, but throw in a celebrity jury featuring Tamar Braxton, Ray J, TS Madison, and Karlous Miller? Whew. “I don’t even try to control them,” she laughs. “Thank God we have something called editing.” According to her, behind the scenes, things get wild — but that chaos is part of the magic. “People only see the cut-down version. What you don’t see is all of us losing it in real time.”
Still, Ms. Pat makes it work. The courtroom becomes a stage, but also a safe space for guests and jurors to show up as their full, unfiltered selves. “It was a wild season,” she explains. Let’s be honest — if your jury looks like a BET Awards afterparty, you might as well let it rock.
IF FAMILY COURT WAS REALLY A THING
Ms. Pat might wear the robe on screen, but at home, she’s still managing her own wild bunch. When asked what kind of case her kids would bring into her courtroom, she burst into laughter. “Oh, they’d be suing my oldest son for eating their food,” she says. “You know how you have that one roommate that eats up everybody’s food? I can see my oldest son getting sued for that..”
And let’s face it, we’ve all either been that sibling or have one. Ms. Pat says moments like that — the everyday family squabbles and real-life irritations — are what make her courtroom show so relatable.
THE VERDICT SHE WISHES SHE COULD REWRITE
Ms. Pat is known for keeping it real, even when the conversation turns serious. When asked if there was one “verdict” in her real life she’d change, she pauses for a second before answering. “I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
“I wish I had graduated high school,” she admits. “All my kids went to prom and I took all of their high school diplomas.”
It’s a rite of passage in most Black households — your diploma doesn’t really belong to you, it lives at your mama or grandma’s house like a family heirloom.
HOW SHE STAYS GROUNDED
Between filming TV shows, headlining comedy tours, and running a household, Ms. Pat makes it very clear: she will find time to rest. “People swear I don’t sleep, but I do — I just knock out early and wake up early,” she shares. “And sometimes, I’ll just sit in my car.” She’s also a big fan of solo naps and mini getaways when things get overwhelming.
But one of her favorite forms of self-care? Separate bedrooms. “Me and my husband don’t sleep in the same room. That way, when I don’t feel like being bothered, I go to my space,” she laughs. She’s also found a new love for facials. “They’re addicting! I don’t need a lot — just sleep, a facial, and a little quiet.” Honestly? That’s a self-care routine we can get behind.
FROM PAIN TO PURPOSE
Ms. Pat’s story is one that’s deeply rooted in resilience — and she’s always been transparent about how her journey shaped her. Her advice to other Black women trying to turn their pain into purpose? Speak up. “You have to tell your story,” she says. “Because once you tell your story, you realize you’re not the only person that’s been through that situation.”
She adds that sharing your truth can be one of the most powerful things you do. “When you give a voice to pain so many other people who have that pain gravitate to you,” she says. “To heal, you have to speak out loud about it. What you keep inside is what eats you up.” Coming from someone who built an entire brand on truth-telling? We believe her.
WHAT’S NEXT FOR MS. PAT?
While Ms. Pat’s got her hands full with Ms. Pat Settles It and her comedy show, she hints there’s much more to come. “I got some stuff poppin’ that I can’t even talk about yet,” she teases. “But just know, like Kendrick [Lamar] said, we about to step out and show ‘em something.” That multi-genre deal with BET and Paramount is clearly working in her favor — and she’s not slowing down anytime soon.
She says one of her proudest moments in this chapter of her career is seeing things she once dreamed of finally come to life. “In this business, you never know what’s gonna work or what’s gonna stick. But now I’m working with a network that really understands me — and that’s special,” she says. “I feel seen. And I’m just getting started.”
Whether she’s in the courtroom cracking jokes or catching up on rest in her own sanctuary, Ms. Pat is living proof that success doesn’t have to come at the cost of authenticity. She’s rewriting the rules in real time — on her terms, in her voice, and for her people. As she continues to turn pain into purpose, laughter into legacy, and everyday mess into must-see TV, one thing’s clear: Ms. Pat is in her prime. And we’re lucky enough to watch it unfold.
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