The conversation about sex and intimacy often neglects the experiences of individuals with disabilities. Society's misguided notion that individuals with disabilities are devoid of desires for love, intimacy, and sexual fulfillment is not only preposterous but also damaging, but one disability activist is here to challenge that narrative.
"Society's perception of disability has greatly influenced my own understanding and expression of my sexuality," said author and disabled influencer Tylia L. Flores. "The stigma associated with my disability made it difficult for me to express myself freely, leading to self-esteem issues during my teenage years."
Born with Spastic Cerebral Palsy, Flores refuses to let her condition define her love life or limit her aspirations. As a passionate advocate for her community, she's on a mission to shatter misconceptions and pave the way for a more inclusive understanding of sexuality within the disabled community.
Misconceptions About Sexuality for the Disabled Community
Ableist misconceptions cast shadows over romantic pursuits for disabled individuals. These misunderstandings can lead to assumptions and judgments that hinder their ability to explore and experience love fully.
For instance, Flores revealed that most believe her caregiver, her mother, or another abled-bodied individual has total influence over her decisions with a partner. Contrary to popular belief, Flores wants the world to know she has complete control over her emotions and decisions regarding her dating and sex life.
"By educating others about sexuality and disability, I challenge these stereotypes and break down barriers. By being open about my experiences and advocating for inclusivity, I hope to inspire others to see beyond misconceptions and embrace diverse experiences within the disabled community," Flores stated.
Another misconception is disabled characters in movies, shows, or books cannot be the main character of affection or have sex. Media representations often portray disabled characters as either asexual or objects of pity, reinforcing harmful stereotypes and perpetuating that disabled individuals are not sexual beings.
"The only way we could create a more inclusive world for Black women with disabilities is to have more Black women come out and voice their truths in the mainstream media and literature, and that's my whole goal as an author," said Flores. "I want to see more disabled characters have sex on TV screens and express themselves sexually like abled-bodied characters."
Ignoring The Suggestion of ‘Limited Romance’ in Partners
The stigma surrounding disability and sexuality finds its roots in deeply ingrained societal biases and stereotypes. Throughout history, people with disabilities were systematically marginalized and desexualized, relegated to the fringes of society. This pervasive attitude stems from a misguided belief that disability diminishes one's humanity, erasing desires and needs deemed as "normal" for able-bodied individuals.
"As a Black woman with cerebral palsy, I have faced challenges in navigating intimate relationships. One challenge has been the lingering belief among many that individuals with disabilities should be limited in their romantic choices by only dating or being intimate with other disabled people," Flores explained. "This suggestion is based on assumptions that individuals with physical disabilities are not capable of having fulfilling relationships."
She overcame this by putting herself out there and actively sharing her life and experiences with others. The author also noted that she doesn't have a "type" limited to African Americans or disabled. She prioritized finding love based on shared values, compatibility, and sexual desires. Additionally, she recommended showing yourself without fear of judgment or prejudice when it comes to dating or having a sexual relationship. The right person will value and respect you, disability and all.
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Valentine's Day is around the corner, and you know what that means? It's the perfect opportunity to pull out your favorite lacy piece for your sweetie.
For us big girls, lingerie has come a long way. Unfortunately, the styles for us were not there. It was worse if you were over a size 24 because most plus-size options stop at a 3XL or size 22. And from a girl who used to fall between a size 24 and 26, it was discouraging trying to find something sexy for the bedroom.
However, never fear because I have rounded up six plus-size lingerie options for women who wear a size larger than 24. And don’t worry if “too spicy” isn’t your thing. There’s an option for everyone.
Torrid Strappy Heart Open Cup Chemise
Torrid
Torrid will always be my first stop for lingerie because they offer sizes up to a 6XL or size 30. Starting this list is their Strappy Heart Open Cup Chemise. The red lace-knit piece is the epitome of SEXY. It boasts heart-open cups that are playful and adjustable straps. This piece shows off every curve and isn't for the faint of hearts. Your partner will not be able to keep their hands off of you.
Kaei&Shi Plus-Size Eyelash Lace Bodysuit
Amazon
Amazon will be your friend if you're over a size 24 because they carry larger sizes. The Kaei&Shi Plus Size Eyelash Lace Bodysuit is one of my favorite lingerie pieces. It's sexy, comes in a variety of colors and sizes, and STRETCHY! I know some people may not put stretchy and sexy together, but if your lingerie isn't coming off instantly, then it works. The delicate eyelash trim and transparent mesh make it a fun addition. Now, this unit comes with a snap crotch, which can be intimidating for women who are heavier in the middle because sometimes the crotch area can come undone, but I assure you, you'll be fine.
Lane Bryant Embroidered Thong+ Embroidered Unlined Balconette Bra
Lane Bryant
The next on our list is Lane Bryant! Although this next option is not a set, here are two pieces your lingerie collection needs. The floral embroidered thong and unlined balconette bra are such vibrant, flirty pieces. These sultry, sheer items go up to a size 32 in bottoms and K in cup sizes. Purchase the embroidered baby doll to complete the entire set.
Lime Flare Sexy Plus Size Silk Nighty Chemise Satin Lingerie Sets
Amazon
Amazon does it again. Step into sensuality with Lime Flare's Sexy Plus Size Silk Nighty Chemise Satin Lingerie Sets. This set is sexy and comfortable. It comes with a sleep dress and thong and is crafted from silky soft, high-quality fabric, which allows it to caress the skin. Lime Flare offers this set up to 5LX and various colors.
Diamante Lace Strappy Bralette + Diamante Lace Mid Rise Thong
Torrid
Torrid's Diamante Lace Strappy Bralette and Diamante Lace Mid Rise Thong are the perfect duo. These items are the perfect combination of lace, straps, and sparkle. I love that the diamante straps add a little sophistication to the look. Torrid gave us options for bottoms. If you're not feeling the mid-rise thong, try the Diamante Lace Cheeky Panty with an open-back detail.
Avidlove Women's Lace Kimono Robe
Amazon
Sometimes, dressing sexy isn't about the bra, panties, or teddy, but what's covering those items. There's nothing like a sexy lace robe to compliment a look or be the main star. Avidlove Women's Lace Kimono Robe comes with a G-string and belt for the robe. It ranges in a variety of colors and goes up to a size 5XL.
Finding sexy lingerie beyond size 24 is now more accessible. The six options presented cater to diverse tastes and comfort needs. From Torrid's Strappy Heart Open Cup Chemise to Avidlove's Lace Kimono Robe, these selections provide practical choices for celebrating curves and embracing sensuality. Whether seeking sophistication or playful charm, these options reflect the evolving inclusivity in fashion. Cheers to confidently stepping into intimate moments with comfort and style.
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Have you ever been told you're dating your "Twin Flame?" Doesn't that sound like a perfect match? You would automatically assume your relationship is passionate, fun, and filled with matched energy. Thus making your bond "Simpatico."
Well, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but the concept of a twin flame isn't about love in the romantic sense. Pop culture has made the term popular over the years, making people romanticize the idea of having a twin flame. And to anyone who has experienced their twin flame journey, you understand it wasn't the joy ride you thought it would be.
What is a Twin Flame?
A twin flame is a spiritual mirror reflection of you. They will reflect the good and bad – your deepest insecurities, fears, strengths, and weaknesses. Every relationship teaches us something, but your twin flame relationship will teach you the most; therefore, whoever that individual is will shake up your life.
You two will push and challenge each other to grow.Your relationship will feel intense, and you both will feel like you've known each other forever, but once again, a twin flame isn't in your life for romance. They are there for soul evolution.
As stated earlier, pop culture has made the idea of twin flames something people want, not realizing what truly goes into dating your twin flame. So, here are six common misconceptions about twin flames.
Misconception 1: Everyone Does Not Have a Twin Flame
The first misconception is that everyone believes they have a twin flame, which isn’t true. Twin flames are rare, and some individuals can already be “whole.” In addition, any time you have a relationship that puts you through the wringer, it doesn’t mean they’re your twin flame. However, that relationship can be a karmic bond, leading to the second misconception.
Misconception 2: Your Twin Flame is NOT a Karmic Bond
janiecbros/ Getty Images
Twin flames and karmic bonds are different despite people using the terms interchangeably. Both relationships are passionate and draw people to each other, but karmic bonds are unhealthy and usually short-lived. Similar to our twin flame, karmic bonds are in our lives for a reason because they are there to teach us a lesson, but that is it. Sadly, we tend to ignore the lesson and be attracted to trauma in our relationships, eventually becoming attached. Hence, the addiction to the toxic relationship.
Misconception 3: Constant Bliss
Some assume that it is always sunny in a twin-flame relationship. In reality, these connections can be tumultuous and challenging. Twin flames often serve as mirrors to each other, reflecting both strengths and weaknesses. This mirroring process can lead to conflict and self-discovery. Believing that a twin flame connection shields individuals from difficulties undermines the growth potential inherent in such relationships.
Misconception 4: Immediate Recognition
Recognizing a twin flame isn't always instantaneous. While some might experience a deep sense of familiarity upon meeting their twin flame, others may take time to realize the depth of the connection.
Misconception 5: Inevitable Reunion in This Lifetime
Hill Street Studios/ Getty Images
Not every individual will have the opportunity to meet their twin flame in the same lifetime. The timing of such reunions is complex and influenced by various factors, including individual growth and life circumstances.
Misconception 6: Twin Flame Relationships Will Be Together
This answer can be yes or no, but in my experience, I have never witnessed someone end up with their twin flame. Once again, your twin flame isn't in your life for romance; it catalyzes your growth. While dating them, you will be forced to do the necessary shadow work to heal and grow. And if you can, then you can end up with your twin flame. Remember, they reflect what you put out.
Twin flame relationships go beyond romanticized ideals, serving as a mirror for profound self-reflection and growth. And dismiss the misconceptions portrayed about twin flames. Instead, the focus is on transformative personal development, requiring individuals to confront their vulnerabilities. Adopting a realistic perspective enables a deeper understanding of these connections' unique and challenging nature.
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My first time was a mess!
It was worse than taking my SAT, and I forgot my name on that test. I had no idea what I was doing, and it was not like what people claimed it would be. Sadly, no matter how "romantic" my friend tried to be at the time, I was over the idea of sex pretty quickly at that moment.
Luckily, sex got better, but that's because I finally figured out what I was doing and what I actually liked. If I had known then what I know now about sex, I would have looked at my first time a lot differently. Of course, no one expects to be a "pro" on their first go-around, and my friends' advice didn't teach me anything valuable I could actually use that night in the bedroom. Also, if you were unlucky like me and had your gym teacher run your sex-ed course, then you would understand why I wish I learned more. He spent our days in class comparing STIs to desserts. YUMMY.
Before I had sex, I never thought about my wants, sexual curiosity, foreplay, etc., and I wish I did. So, here are nine things I wish I knew before I had sex.
Set Low Expectations for Your First Time
Listen, it doesn't matter if your partner pulls out all the stops - candles, your favorite playlist, etc. - set low expectations for your first time. Your first time will be uncomfortable for two reasons: the pain from your hymen stretching and the fact that you have no clue what you are doing. Assuming you and your partner are each other's "first," it will only last for so long. And do not be upset if it is not "life-changing" or "magical" as movies depict.
Learn How to Pleasure Yourself
Ladies, please learn how to pleasure yourself. One, how can you expect to pleasure someone else if you don't know how to pleasure yourself? Two, we, as women, are often taught that pleasuring our man is all that matters in the bedroom. WRONG! Pleasure should be mutual. And if once you learn what works for you, you can properly communicate it to your partner.
Communication is the Bedrock of Good Sex
This lesson does not apply to just your first time; it is for all sexually active women. Sexual satisfaction often hinges on communication. Sometimes, women don't feel comfortable expressing their desires, boundaries, and preferences openly. But doing this can lead to a more fulfilling and enjoyable sexual experience.
FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY
Foreplay is important and often overlooked in the bedroom for some reason. I understand; sometimes, you want to get straight to it. However, foreplay sets a mood.
A more straightforward way to think of it is to think of women as your car in the winter. We warm our cars up before heading to work during the colder months to defrost the windshield, heat the interior for a more comfortable drive, and lubricate the engine. WARM UP!
You're Not a 'Slut' If You Enjoy Sex
Heavy on this lesson! The number of times I have heard a woman called a 'slut' because she likes sex is ridiculous. If you like sex, then you like sex and should not be shamed for it because why? NUMBERS DO NOT MATTER! It does not matter if you have had ten or 50 partners. You are still valuable and do not have to explain your count to anyone. As long as you know your status and communicate it with your partner, then you're fine.
Sex Is Not Going to Be Everyone's 'Jam'
Everyone isn't going to like sex, and that is OK. If you find yourself in the category of women who do not enjoy it, just like in the last lesson, someone should not shame you for it. In a sexually liberated era, some may feel like outsiders since they do not enjoy the act of sex like others. But there isn't anything wrong with different preferences. Do what works for you. If having sex only occasionally works for you, then that is what matters. And your partner should respect it.
Know Your Status
This lesson is pretty self-explanatory. KNOW YOUR STATUS. Don't be ashamed to get tested and discuss your status with your partner. Or to ask them about their status. There's a chance they may not disclose that information, but no response should be enough of a response. A rule I have always kept with me is, "If we cannot discuss status, then we do not need to have sex." But discussion or no discussion, no one is responsible for you getting tested but you.
Pee After Having Sex
Peeing after sex is beneficial for women. It helps flush the bacteria out of our bodies, which may help prevent a urinary tract infection (UTI) from developing. According to Medical News Today, women are 30 times more likely to get a UTI than males because we have shorter urethras, and ours is close to our vagina and anus. Therefore, peeing can push bacteria away from our urethra.
Although there isn't solid evidence, there's no harm in trying.
You Will Never Stop Learning About Sex
No matter how many times you have had sex, you will never stop learning about it. If you remember, earlier, sex-ed didn't teach me anything useful. Sadly, it was worse if you were a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. LGBTQIA+ sexual relationship portrayals were non-existent until recently, especially in sex-ed in the 2000s. You are constantly changing, as are your needs and wants in the bedroom. So, what you were into then may not work for you now. Or your sexual orientation might have entirely changed since your first time. Read books, ask questions, and communicate with your partner.
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Being a confident Black, plus-size woman wasn't something I was always good at. Although plus-size visibility has increased over the years, it is still easy to feel underrepresented. Plus-size women face societal pressures and biases that can affect their mental and emotional well-being. My go-to resources that help me are plus-size podcasts.
Besides having an amazing tribe who's always made me feel seen, plus-size positive podcasts have helped me navigate life from a "bigger" perspective. These podcasts provide a platform for authentic conversations that cover a range of topics, from self-love and body positivity to fashion, relationships, and overall well-being. By listening to the experiences of others who share similar struggles and victories, plus-size women can find inspiration, validation, and a sense of belonging.
Here are five of my favorite plus-size positive podcasts to listen to as a plus-size woman.
Why Won't You Date Me? With Nicole Byer
Hosted by comedian Nicole Byer, "Why Won't You Date Me?" takes a unique and humorous approach to the plus-size experience in the realm of dating. Byer candidly shares her dating escapades, discussing the challenges, hilarities, and lessons learned. With a mix of wit and vulnerability, the podcast offers a refreshing take on love, relationships, and self-acceptance, making it a must-listen for those navigating the complexities of dating as a plus-size individual.
Peach, Please! Podcast
The Peach, Please! podcast is a vibrant addition to the plus-size positive podcast landscape, championing the plus-size community and the journey toward self-love. With a focus on fostering a sense of belonging, the podcast delves into discussions about body positivity, self-care, and the diverse experiences of plus-size individuals. Hosted by Katie Winnen, Peach, Please! creates an inclusive space where listeners can find inspiration and encouragement on their path to embracing their bodies and cultivating self-love.
Big Girls Gone Wild
Big Girls Gone Wild podcast is a unique take on embracing life as a plus-size individual. The podcast, hosted by Kat and Anne, explores various aspects of the big and bold experience, celebrating self-expression, confidence, and empowerment. With candid conversations and a lively atmosphere, Big Girls Gone Wild contributes to the diverse landscape of plus-size podcasts, providing a platform for women to embrace their uniqueness and live life boldly.
Fat Girls Traveling: The Podcast
Fat Girls Traveling: The Podcast provides a unique perspective on the intersection of travel and the plus-size experience. Hosted by Annette Richmond and Devon Kitzo-Creed, the podcast shares stories, tips, and challenges related to travel, empowering plus-size individuals to embrace their wanderlust without reservations. Through insightful discussions, the podcast encourages a positive and inclusive approach to travel, challenging stereotypes and inspiring listeners to embark on adventures confidently.
The Plus Size Experience
As the name suggests, The Plus Size Experience podcast offers a firsthand account of life through the lens of plus-size individuals. Hosted by Michaela Leitz, a luxury stylist in size-inclusive fashion, the podcast explores various aspects of the plus-size journey, from body positivityand self-acceptance to fashion, relationships, and personal growth. Through open and honest conversations, The Plus Size Experience adds to the growing chorus of plus-size positive podcasts, creating a space that empowers individuals to embrace their bodies and confidently navigate life.
Plus-size positive podcasts support and encourage women to navigate a world that often falls short in acknowledging their experiences. These podcasts provide a platform for authentic conversations, dismantle stereotypes, and foster a sense of community. By tuning in, plus-size individuals can find inspiration, practical advice, and the validation they deserve on their journey towards self-love and acceptance.
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Being a sexual empath shapes the orgasmic experience into an emotionally charged journey. The intense connection with a partner's energy elevates the pleasure of orgasm but may also leave a lingering sense of emotional fatigue. Experiencing a mind-blowing orgasm involves not only the physical release but also absorbing and reflecting a partner's emotions.
"Sexual empaths are people whose energetic level intensifies during sexual activity. It dramatically affects the way they connect with others during sexual experiences because they can deeply connect with their partner's sexual energy," said Kasey King, LMFT.
The exchange of energies during orgasm may involve absorbing both the ecstasy and potential negative emotions, adding a layer of complexity to the post-orgasmic experience.
King is a marriage and sex therapist located in Fort Worth, TX. She owns a private practice, Lavender Healing Center, that offers relationship, sex therapy, and healing services to clients located in Texas and Mississippi. King spoke with xoNecole about what sex is like for a sexual empath, the impact of sexual empathy on orgasm, and navigating sex with a sexual empath.
What Sex is Like for a Sexual Empath?
Engaging in sex as a sexual empath can be emotionally intense, leading to a sense of depletion. The empathic experience extends beyond physical release, often requiring a period of emotional recharge to restore balance.
"Because of their ability to absorb and give energy, sex can be euphoric but also leave you feeling empty and not in a pleasing way," King explained.
For a sexual empath, managing the emotional aftermath is essential to maintaining their well-being and preserving the depth of connection in future intimate encounters.
"Common patterns after sex are not always the same. Aftercare can look different for sexual empaths. While some empaths feel a deeper connection, others can disconnect and shut down. As a sexual empath, it may be important to discuss your post-sex desires before sex so you aren't left feeling used, and the experience is not one-sided," King recommended.
The Impact of Sexual Empathy on Orgasm
The drained sensation experienced by a sexual empath after sex extends to their orgasmic encounters. While the orgasm itself is a powerful culmination of physical and emotional elements, the aftermath leaves the empath in need of a thoughtful recovery. Their intense emotions can lead to a sense of emotional and physical fatigue.
"The exchange of their energy during orgasm is not always beautiful. You can have a mind-blowing orgasm and absorb your partner's negative energy while they are now rejuvenated. It is important to be mindful of your sexual partner's stress and emotional availability while engaging in sexual activity to ensure you are getting what you need as well," King said.
King shared that orgasms differ from other sexual empaths and can be more intense with other sexual empaths.
"Since sexual empath's energies are highly sensitive, it is easier to pick up each other's cues regarding pleasure, resistance, and anxiety," she said." Orgasms with similar energies are also more powerful and meaningful for that reason. When a sexual empath has sex with a non-sexual empath, orgasms may still occur. However, it may look different because energy is not always shared and understood. Non-sexual empaths can still provide their [sexual empath] partners with an intense orgasm because they took the time to understand what their partner needs."
Unfortunately, if a non-sexual empath doesn't take the time to understand their partner's needs, then their needs go unmet. And when the needs of a sexual empath are unmet, emotional disconnection ensues, and it casts a shadow over the intimacy in the relationship.
"Since sexual empaths feel on a deeper level and can meet the needs of their partner easily, they push their needs aside. [Sexual empaths] may fall into the role of 'people pleaser' or unintentionally sexually submissive. As a 'people pleaser,' sexual empaths can also misread the sexual experience and be left feeling foolish and unfulfilled," King revealed.
Navigating Sex with a Sexual Empath
Navigating sex with a sexual empath as a non-empath involves fostering open communication and mutual understanding. Recognizing and respecting the empath's heightened sensitivity to emotions is crucial. Prioritize clear verbal and non-verbal communication to ensure both partners feel heard and connected. Establishing trust and creating a safe space for emotional expression contributes to a fulfilling and harmonious sexual experience, allowing the unique dynamics of the empathic connection to flourish.
"As a marriage and sex therapist, I first assess a couple's sexual connectedness, then discuss their individual meaning of sex, which often differs," said King.
"In relationships where one partner is a sexual empath, practical exercises can include explaining your sexual cues because the non-sexual empath can often misunderstand them. Also, mutually engaging in non-penetrative intercourse to learn each other's needs, desires, and kinks on a deeper level," she added.
King noted that being a sexual empath doesn't necessarily mean your energy is shared equally or with a deserving partner.
"Sexual empaths can get sucked in, which may complicate the relationship. Empaths give freely yet aren't always verbally expressive. To heighten your sexual experience and have an amazing orgasm, ensure pleasure is not only expressed but understood. Know that you are deserving to receive what you give."
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