It was around 2:00 AM this past Saturday when my boyfriend and I were getting ready to go to bed. We shut off our 30th episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit and went around the corner to our shared quarters during the quarantine. As I laid down in bed, my heart began to feel kind of tight, but I brushed it off and tried to close my eyes. As my boyfriend began to wrap his arms around me, the tightness in my heart began to spread to my entire chest. I instantly flung his arm from around me and turned onto my back to help my shallow, concave breathing but that only made things worse. I hopped out of bed into the living room, and my boyfriend Gary could instantly sense that something was wrong. I didn't want to freak myself out, but I began to self-diagnose on WebMD and Healthline and was convinced that I was having a heart attack.
I was going to go into cardiac arrest while in quarantine during COVID-19. Way to go, 2020.
I sat on the couch as my boyfriend tried to help me center my mind and control my breathing, but nothing seemed to be working for me. Suddenly, a pain started to shoot down my arms and into my hands - a tingling sensation. Then, a migraine started to match the palpation of my heart - or lack thereof. I didn't want to believe that I was having a heart attack, but these signs were not a stranger to me. It finally came to me - I was having a panic attack. While this may not have been as severe as my last few where I've passed out or had rapid breathing, all of the signs and symptoms were there.
As a mental health advocate, and certified Mental Health First Aider, I'm able to identify the signs of an anxiety or panic attack. Especially with myself as the patient for diagnosis and considering that I know my body way too well at this stage in the game. Over the past few months, I've been managing my depression and anxiety by going to therapy again, keeping my mental health in check and keeping up with activities and people who serve a positive purpose in my life. However, I must admit that at times, it is a little more difficult to keep myself in check.
As I study and practice mental health more, I'm learning more about myself day-by-day, but Miss Rona coming to town has really shaken my mental and emotional well-being.
As a full-time freelancer and creative, Miss Rona has definitely made me change my lifestyle quite a bit and kick my hustle into overdrive. I temporarily moved in with my boyfriend and his sister in New Jersey, my savings account has a total of $15 and a lot of my clients have put a halt to productivity - that's enough to make anyone go temporarily insane, right? As someone who lives with high functioning anxiety, when I crash, it's a hard one - like falling from a thirty story building onto concrete type of hard. I try to make sure that I'm always on top of my own shit while making sure that everyone in my camp is on top of theirs, while worrying about the well-being of my family spread across the country, finances and more. I'm getting heart palpitations just writing this out.
I'm struggling to be OK with being forced to stay inside with limited supply of food and social interaction - and an added curfew of 8 PM EST. This quarantine is forcing me to be with my own thoughts, which is scary for me because I know my thoughts can be a dark place - but I'm taking this opportunity to relearn myself and rewrite my journey.
Where do I want to be when the quarantine is up?
What am I going to do with the time I have now?
How can I stretch my $15 like it's $1,500?
I've taken the past few days to strategize and visualize where D'Shonda is going to be and how she is going to come out stronger from what these circumstances have forced upon me. To anyone who is reading this, I challenge you to do the same. It's OK to not be OK, and it's brave to admit your fears.
All we can do now is assess, strategize, relax and release. Give it a try and report back to me in three months.
xoNecole is always looking for new voices and empowering stories to add to our platform. If you have an interesting story or personal essay that you'd love to share, we'd love to hear from you. Contact us at submissions@xonecole.com.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Lenny quickly explained why he named his home after The Jeffersons star. “It was her dream to come live in Paris,” he explained. “She wanted to retire after doing 11 seasons of The Jeffersons and she never got to do it. So I’m doing it for both of us.”
Architectural Digest YouTube/ Screenshot
The “American Woman” artist, Lenny, revealed that he had been residing in the house for 22 years. During this time, he has amassed a collection of unique pieces and crafted custom furniture that adorns every corner of the home.
From African artwork to Swarovski crystal chandeliers, Lenny’s home is a true spectacle. “This house continuously pays tribute to my ancestors,” he said.
Architectural Digest YouTube/ Screenshot
Most rooms in the house feature photographs of prominent Black figures, such as the renowned photographer Gordon Parks and legendary boxer Muhammad Ali. The petit salon, which he refers to as the Roxie room, is adorned with his mother's photos.
“I found a bunch of photographs my father had taken of my mother in the late ‘60s and got them framed by the same framer that does a lot of framing for the Louvre," he said. “I just wanted to have a room that was surrounded by her image.”
Architectural Digest YouTube/ Screenshot
He shared that one of the first pieces he designed under his company, Kravitz Design, was the Swarovski crystal chandelier in his grand salon. He often finds many of his unique pieces by browsing the local flea market and small boutiques.
When it comes to his bedroom, the “Fly Away” artist takes a minimalistic approach. Focusing more on creating a calming vibe. He finds comfort in the Moroccan rugs that cover the floor, occasionally even sleeping on them.
Architectural Digest YouTube/ Screenshot
The father of one ended his tour in the basement, which was designed to be a club. Check out the full tour below.
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Feature image Architectural Digest YouTube/ Screenshot