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9 Things I Wish I Knew Before Having Sex
My first time was a mess!
It was worse than taking my SAT, and I forgot my name on that test. I had no idea what I was doing, and it was not like what people claimed it would be. Sadly, no matter how "romantic" my friend tried to be at the time, I was over the idea of sex pretty quickly at that moment.
Luckily, sex got better, but that's because I finally figured out what I was doing and what I actually liked. If I had known then what I know now about sex, I would have looked at my first time a lot differently. Of course, no one expects to be a "pro" on their first go-around, and my friends' advice didn't teach me anything valuable I could actually use that night in the bedroom. Also, if you were unlucky like me and had your gym teacher run your sex-ed course, then you would understand why I wish I learned more. He spent our days in class comparing STIs to desserts. YUMMY.
Before I had sex, I never thought about my wants, sexual curiosity, foreplay, etc., and I wish I did. So, here are nine things I wish I knew before I had sex.
Set Low Expectations for Your First Time
Listen, it doesn't matter if your partner pulls out all the stops - candles, your favorite playlist, etc. - set low expectations for your first time. Your first time will be uncomfortable for two reasons: the pain from your hymen stretching and the fact that you have no clue what you are doing. Assuming you and your partner are each other's "first," it will only last for so long. And do not be upset if it is not "life-changing" or "magical" as movies depict.
Learn How to Pleasure Yourself
Ladies, please learn how to pleasure yourself. One, how can you expect to pleasure someone else if you don't know how to pleasure yourself? Two, we, as women, are often taught that pleasuring our man is all that matters in the bedroom. WRONG! Pleasure should be mutual. And if once you learn what works for you, you can properly communicate it to your partner.
Communication is the Bedrock of Good Sex
This lesson does not apply to just your first time; it is for all sexually active women. Sexual satisfaction often hinges on communication. Sometimes, women don't feel comfortable expressing their desires, boundaries, and preferences openly. But doing this can lead to a more fulfilling and enjoyable sexual experience.
FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY, FOREPLAY
Foreplay is important and often overlooked in the bedroom for some reason. I understand; sometimes, you want to get straight to it. However, foreplay sets a mood.
A more straightforward way to think of it is to think of women as your car in the winter. We warm our cars up before heading to work during the colder months to defrost the windshield, heat the interior for a more comfortable drive, and lubricate the engine. WARM UP!
You're Not a 'Slut' If You Enjoy Sex
Heavy on this lesson! The number of times I have heard a woman called a 'slut' because she likes sex is ridiculous. If you like sex, then you like sex and should not be shamed for it because why? NUMBERS DO NOT MATTER! It does not matter if you have had ten or 50 partners. You are still valuable and do not have to explain your count to anyone. As long as you know your status and communicate it with your partner, then you're fine.
Sex Is Not Going to Be Everyone's 'Jam'
Everyone isn't going to like sex, and that is OK. If you find yourself in the category of women who do not enjoy it, just like in the last lesson, someone should not shame you for it. In a sexually liberated era, some may feel like outsiders since they do not enjoy the act of sex like others. But there isn't anything wrong with different preferences. Do what works for you. If having sex only occasionally works for you, then that is what matters. And your partner should respect it.
Know Your Status
This lesson is pretty self-explanatory. KNOW YOUR STATUS. Don't be ashamed to get tested and discuss your status with your partner. Or to ask them about their status. There's a chance they may not disclose that information, but no response should be enough of a response. A rule I have always kept with me is, "If we cannot discuss status, then we do not need to have sex." But discussion or no discussion, no one is responsible for you getting tested but you.
Pee After Having Sex
Peeing after sex is beneficial for women. It helps flush the bacteria out of our bodies, which may help prevent a urinary tract infection (UTI) from developing. According to Medical News Today, women are 30 times more likely to get a UTI than males because we have shorter urethras, and ours is close to our vagina and anus. Therefore, peeing can push bacteria away from our urethra.
Although there isn't solid evidence, there's no harm in trying.
You Will Never Stop Learning About Sex
No matter how many times you have had sex, you will never stop learning about it. If you remember, earlier, sex-ed didn't teach me anything useful. Sadly, it was worse if you were a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. LGBTQIA+ sexual relationship portrayals were non-existent until recently, especially in sex-ed in the 2000s. You are constantly changing, as are your needs and wants in the bedroom. So, what you were into then may not work for you now. Or your sexual orientation might have entirely changed since your first time. Read books, ask questions, and communicate with your partner.
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This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
Summer Travel Guide: 9 Safest Vacation Spots For Black Women
When it comes to planning and choosing our international travels, there’s one question that is bound to come up: “Is it safe for Black women?”
At times, our travel plans can be halted by whether or not our desired destination is safe not only for solo travel but for overall protection as women of color. We want to have fun, go on excursions, taste the food, and let our hair down, so the last thing we need on our minds is navigating microaggressions and worrying about our safety.
According to a report by The Mandala Research Firm, 17% of Black Americans take one or more international trips and travel locally more than six times per year. Even more exciting, 42% of Black Americans said they would spend more in 2020 on travel than in 2019 (pre-Covid), and 50% of Black adults (16% more than the general population) are more likely to travel to locations associated with their ethnic or cultural heritage. All of this goes to show that we’re not afraid to pack our bags and book flights to our heart's desire.
Our passion for travel and exploration highlights a growing desire to connect with a wide range of cultures while discovering new fresh locales. By choosing destinations with positive reputations for safety and belonging, you can enjoy your next adventure with peace of mind. And to help, we’ve provided a list of the best vacation spots to add to our travel bucket list.
1.Havana, Cuba
Known for its vibrant culture and welcoming locals, Havana offers a unique travel experience for you and your girlfriends. Stroll through the historic streets of Old Havana and immerse yourself in the lively music and dance scenes that make this city unforgettable.
2.Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Famous for its Carnival, stunning beaches, and warm hospitality, Rio de Janeiro is a lively and safe city to explore all year long. Don't miss a visit to the iconic Christ the Redeemer statue and the bustling Copacabana Beach for a true taste of Rio's energetic spirit.
3.Belize
With its beautiful beaches, diverse wildlife, and laid-back Caribbean vibe, Belize is a safe and adventurous destination for travelers. Discover the underwater wonders of the Belize Barrier Reef and explore ancient Lamanai Maya Ruins.
4.Paris, France
Who doesn’t have Paris, the city of lights, on their travel list? Renowned for its art, fashion, and iconic landmarks like the Eiffel Tower, Paris offers a blend of romance and safety for travelers. Wander through the charming neighborhoods of Montmartre and Le Marais, explore the Louvre, and indulge in the city's exquisite culinary delights.
5.Lisbon, Portugal
Portugal's capital city, Lisbon, charms visitors with its historic architecture, delicious cuisine, and welcoming atmosphere. Enjoy breathtaking views from São Jorge Castle and savor traditional pastries at the famous Pastéis de Belém bakery.
6.Bali, Indonesia
We’ve all seen the viral photos off the Bali coast and Gates of Heaven, so why not make it a reality? Famous for its lush landscapes, vibrant culture, and serene temples, Bali offers a safe and enriching travel experience in Southeast Asia.
7.Tokyo, Japan
Recently, the value of the Japanese Yen has seen a significant drop, making it the lowest it has been against the dollar since 1986, which also means that there’s no better time than now to make your travel plans to the renowned cultural hub.
8.Accra, Ghana
There’s no FOMO like the kind felt from seeing all the beautiful faces enjoying their holiday at Ghana’s Afrochella Festival, so let this be your sign to start planning the trip now. Often referred to as a welcoming home for the African diaspora, Ghana offers rich cultural experiences and a sense of belonging. Explore the vibrant markets of Accra and visit the historic Cape Coast Castle to connect with the nation's poignant past.
9.Seoul, South Korea
You may be surprised to find this city on the list, but for Black travelers, Seoul is said to be one of the safest and most exciting cities to travel to. There will be plenty to eat, buy, and experience from this city’s rich history and culture.
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Featured image by Klaus Vedfelt/Getty Images