9 Things I Wish I Knew Before Having Sex

9 Things I Wish I Knew Before Having Sex

My first time was a mess!

It was worse than taking my SAT, and I forgot my name on that test. I had no idea what I was doing, and it was not like what people claimed it would be. Sadly, no matter how "romantic" my friend tried to be at the time, I was over the idea of sex pretty quickly at that moment.

Luckily, sex got better, but that's because I finally figured out what I was doing and what I actually liked. If I had known then what I know now about sex, I would have looked at my first time a lot differently. Of course, no one expects to be a "pro" on their first go-around, and my friends' advice didn't teach me anything valuable I could actually use that night in the bedroom. Also, if you were unlucky like me and had your gym teacher run your sex-ed course, then you would understand why I wish I learned more. He spent our days in class comparing STIs to desserts. YUMMY.

Before I had sex, I never thought about my wants, sexual curiosity, foreplay, etc., and I wish I did. So, here are nine things I wish I knew before I had sex.

Set Low Expectations for Your First Time

Listen, it doesn't matter if your partner pulls out all the stops - candles, your favorite playlist, etc. - set low expectations for your first time. Your first time will be uncomfortable for two reasons: the pain from your hymen stretching and the fact that you have no clue what you are doing. Assuming you and your partner are each other's "first," it will only last for so long. And do not be upset if it is not "life-changing" or "magical" as movies depict.

Learn How to Pleasure Yourself 

Ladies, please learn how to pleasure yourself. One, how can you expect to pleasure someone else if you don't know how to pleasure yourself? Two, we, as women, are often taught that pleasuring our man is all that matters in the bedroom. WRONG! Pleasure should be mutual. And if once you learn what works for you, you can properly communicate it to your partner.

Communication is the Bedrock of Good Sex

This lesson does not apply to just your first time; it is for all sexually active women. Sexual satisfaction often hinges on communication. Sometimes, women don't feel comfortable expressing their desires, boundaries, and preferences openly. But doing this can lead to a more fulfilling and enjoyable sexual experience.



Foreplay is important and often overlooked in the bedroom for some reason. I understand; sometimes, you want to get straight to it. However, foreplay sets a mood.

A more straightforward way to think of it is to think of women as your car in the winter. We warm our cars up before heading to work during the colder months to defrost the windshield, heat the interior for a more comfortable drive, and lubricate the engine. WARM UP!

You're Not a 'Slut' If You Enjoy Sex 

Heavy on this lesson! The number of times I have heard a woman called a 'slut' because she likes sex is ridiculous. If you like sex, then you like sex and should not be shamed for it because why? NUMBERS DO NOT MATTER! It does not matter if you have had ten or 50 partners. You are still valuable and do not have to explain your count to anyone. As long as you know your status and communicate it with your partner, then you're fine.

Sex Is Not Going to Be Everyone's 'Jam'

Everyone isn't going to like sex, and that is OK. If you find yourself in the category of women who do not enjoy it, just like in the last lesson, someone should not shame you for it. In a sexually liberated era, some may feel like outsiders since they do not enjoy the act of sex like others. But there isn't anything wrong with different preferences. Do what works for you. If having sex only occasionally works for you, then that is what matters. And your partner should respect it.

Know Your Status


This lesson is pretty self-explanatory. KNOW YOUR STATUS. Don't be ashamed to get tested and discuss your status with your partner. Or to ask them about their status. There's a chance they may not disclose that information, but no response should be enough of a response. A rule I have always kept with me is, "If we cannot discuss status, then we do not need to have sex." But discussion or no discussion, no one is responsible for you getting tested but you.

Pee After Having Sex

Peeing after sex is beneficial for women. It helps flush the bacteria out of our bodies, which may help prevent a urinary tract infection (UTI) from developing. According to Medical News Today, women are 30 times more likely to get a UTI than males because we have shorter urethras, and ours is close to our vagina and anus. Therefore, peeing can push bacteria away from our urethra.

Although there isn't solid evidence, there's no harm in trying.

You Will Never Stop Learning About Sex 

No matter how many times you have had sex, you will never stop learning about it. If you remember, earlier, sex-ed didn't teach me anything useful. Sadly, it was worse if you were a part of the LGBTQIA+ community. LGBTQIA+ sexual relationship portrayals were non-existent until recently, especially in sex-ed in the 2000s. You are constantly changing, as are your needs and wants in the bedroom. So, what you were into then may not work for you now. Or your sexual orientation might have entirely changed since your first time. Read books, ask questions, and communicate with your partner.

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