Normalizing “The Talk”: How To Break The Ice Around STIs
April is STI (Sexually Transmitted Infections) Awareness Month, and let’s be honest: bringing up the STI talk with our potential (or existing) sexual partner can be… well, awkward.
According to the WHO, over 1 million new cases of sexually transmitted infections (STIs) are collected every day, and the CDC’s 2021 STD surveillance data revealed that STIs are continuing to rise across the nation. Although STIs are highly common among adults over 25, the topic of safe sex and prevention still remains stigmatized.
Sharing your sexual history with a new partner can sometimes bring up an array of uncomfortable feelings. You may be worried that your partner will see you as “damaged goods,” fear being judged, shamed, or concerned that they may find you uptight for encouraging them to get tested. But according to Dr. Kameelah Phillips, board-certified OB/GYN and founder of Calla Women's Health, STIs don’t discriminate, nor should we.
“Sexually transmitted infections (STIs) happen to everyone, regardless of socioeconomic, religious or political lifestyle, she tells xoNecole. “There are many misconceptions and stigmas around contracting an STI, but it really only takes one partner to get infected, and STIs don’t care who you are, where you come from, or what your background is.”
Since most sexually transmitted infections are asymptomatic and can solely be detected through passive screening methods, undergoing testing is vital in determining your status and reducing the risk of developing serious health consequences in the long run.
Transparency, openness, and proper education are all keys to helping destigmatize the STI talk and normalizing the conversation. Creating a safe and non-judgmental space where individuals can discuss their sexual health without fear of criticism can help to dispel misconceptions that fuel the stigma surrounding STIs and allow both parties to feel safe during intimacy.
But maybe you still don’t know where to start. To help you get your STI talk moving in the right direction, we’ve tapped Dr. Kameelah Phillips to share how to break the ice when having “the talk” and get you on the way to safer and more secure sex.
What are some effective prevention methods for not contracting STIs that you feel may be overlooked?
"There are plenty of ways you can ensure you’re practicing safer sex — from condom use to dental dams and mutual pre-relationship testing and agreed monogamy. Now, I get it, mutual monogamy cannot always be guaranteed, so even for the longest-standing relationships, I recommend routine testing. Self-pleasure is also a sure way to avoid STIs. There is still some risk involved with every sexual encounter, which is why it is so important we remove the stigma associated with STIs and encourage patients to test regularly for STIs."
How often should sexually active individuals get tested for STIs, and what types of tests are available?
"A standard STI panel will include chlamydia, gonorrhea, trichomonas, syphilis, HIV, and hepatitis. Providers follow CDC guidelines, which vary depending on the STI. For chlamydia and gonorrhea, for example, we should be testing women 15-24 years old annually for these STIs regardless of the patient’s reported sexual behavior. Because these two common STIs are often asymptomatic, and there’s a lot of stigma around having an infection, automatically screening these young women for chlamydia and gonorrhea can help identify more cases and help protect patients’ reproductive health.
"A good rule of thumb is to ensure you’re getting tested for STIs annually or with every new partner. If you don’t get tested, you may never know. Many STIs don’t have symptoms, so the only way to know for sure is to get tested."
What populations are at highest risk for STIs, and what are some targeted strategies for prevention and education?
"The CDC just released new data that found some racial and ethnic minority groups, gay and bisexual men, and our nation’s youth are disproportionately impacted and continue to experience high rates of STIs. In 2021, the highest rate of reported chlamydia and gonorrhea cases was among non-Hispanic Black or African American persons.
"Diversity in our healthcare providers is one way that we can foster a safe space for patients to feel comfortable talking about STIs and voicing any symptoms or concerns.
"Another important strategy specific to chlamydia and gonorrhea is an opt-out screening approach. Unless they decline, young women 15-24 years old are tested annually for STIs regardless of their reported sexual behavior. The CDC acknowledges this screening approach in its latest CDC guidelines as a way to improve patient acceptance, substantially increase screening, especially among patients who do not disclose sexual behavior, and be cost-saving."
How can individuals communicate with their partners about STI testing and prevention?
"Anyone who is sexually active should feel empowered to discuss their sexual health with their partner. Communication about sexual health is a normal and healthy part of a sexual relationship.
Some conversation starters include:
- “I like to talk with every new partner about STI testing for peace of mind.”
- “When were you last tested for STIs?”
- “I’ve started seeing someone new and want to make sure we both get tested to start fresh together.”
- “I’m worried someone I had sex with might have exposed me to something.”
What advice do you have for individuals who are nervous or embarrassed about getting tested for STIs?
"Getting an STI can happen to anyone. It's very common, and in fact, half of sexually active people will contract an STI by the time they're 25. Getting tested for STIs is easy and can be free, fast, and confidential. It is usually painless and just a quick swab or pee in a cup.
"If you do test positive, it's just the first step toward treating it. And with common STIs, like chlamydia or gonorrhea, antibiotics will treat your infection. The real problem is when STIs go undiagnosed. Take chlamydia, for instance, it can lead to serious health issues like infertility."
If you’d like to find a clinic near you, you can use the CDC clinic locator at https://yesmeanstest.org/.
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Featured image by Rowan Jordan/Getty Images
- This Is How To Have Safe Sex In The Age Of COVID-19 ›
- How To Talk About Intimacy Issues With Your Partner ›
Aley Arion is a writer and digital storyteller from the South, currently living in sunny Los Angeles. Her site, yagirlaley.com, serves as a digital diary to document personal essays, cultural commentary, and her insights into the Black Millennial experience. Follow her at @yagirlaley on all platforms!
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Sabrina Dhowre Elba Admits To Not Initially Knowing Who Idris Elba Was When They Met
Model and entrepreneur Sabrina Elba recently recalled the intimate moments surrounding the fateful day she first encountered her husband, Idris Elba.
The couple, who have been together since 2017, met at a jazz bar in Vancouver when Idris was working on his film Mountain Between Us. Years later, in April 2019, following a whirlwind romance, Sabrina and Idris would tie the knot in Morocco.
Since then, the pair's love story has become "couple goals" among many for various reasons. The list includes the numerous times Sabrina and Idris have showcased their love on social media. Another factor contributing to the duo's likability is that Sabrina and Idris have displayed over the years that being with the right partner can elevate one's career or passion in life.
Sabrina and Idris have collaborated professionally in several businesses, including their Coupledom podcast and skincare brand S'Able Labs. In a June interview on Jemele Hill's Unbothered podcast, the 34-year-old opened up about the events leading up to when she met Idris and how she initially didn't know who he was.
Sabrina Dhowre Elba on Meeting Idris Elba
Sabrina, who was living in Vancouver at the time, said that the same night Idris was in town, she went out to a jazz bar for an event called Slow Jam Sunday for a friend’s birthday.
Around that time, the model was getting over a breakup and claimed she wasn't interested in a relationship because of how badly her previous one ended. In a past interview, Idris revealed that he, too, just went through a breakup before meeting Sabrina.
"This is so funny. I [had] just gotten out of a really bad relationship, so I was not this person. I was like 'men are trash. They suck.' I'm literally ready to switch it on up or something because I was so over it," she said. "I come to this party with a night off at work that I prebooked because I was working literally every weekend. But it was my girlfriend's birthday party, so I was there kind of by chance."
Sabrina also revealed that, coincidently, the night she took off for her friend's birthday celebration was the same night Idris had the day off and was convinced by his stunt double to attend Slow Jam Sunday.
"Slow Jam Sundays is an amazing night in Vancouver. It's the one night I would probably go to, but you wouldn't see me out often because I was a weekend worker. I was working at restaurants and service industry, your weekends are taken up," she stated.
"Idris was filming this film in Vancouver and had one night off in Vancouver because most of it was filmed sort of up north in the mountains. His stunt double convinced him to go to Slow Jam Sundays. By chance, we were both there."
Further into the interview, Sabrina disclosed that her friend was interested in Idris at first and went to flirt with him. However, the Daddy's Little Girls star dismissed the friend's advances because Sabrina had caught his eye.
When Sabrina's friend informed her about what happened, she admitted that although she tried to put up a front for her friend's sake, the S'Able Labs CEO was happy because she thought he was also attractive. Following the discussion, Sabrina and her friend went to the section where Idris was, and the couple realized how much they had in common, from the music choices to their background.
"So I go over, and we have like one of those conversations that you just feel like you've known this person for ten years because we're singing the same songs. When a song comes on that I love, he's like, 'I love this song.' I'm like, 'what?' Like I just had this like cultural connection. He's African. I'm like,' Where are you from?'" she said.
Sabrina On Not Knowing Who Idris Was After Meeting Him
As the topic shifted to Idris' celebrity status, Sabrina explained that she didn't know who he was until after it was brought to her attention by a few people she met outside of the bar.
"When I went outside, I realized because there's a group of people there, they're like, 'Oh, you're talking to Idris Elba,'" she stated.
When asked about how well-known the actor was when they met, Sabrina shared that Idris was widely famous in America but not so much in Canada and that the one film she saw him in was the 2009 thriller Obsessed.
Sabrina would add that even after being told who Idris was, she couldn't recollect where she knew him from until her friends mentioned the movie.
"Well, so the film that I had seen was Obsessed... I feel Idris Elba now he gets recognized so much. In that moment, unless you were kind of in that zeitgeist, he was definitely a lot more popular in America," she said. "I don't think I would've known it even when they said that was him. I was trying to remember, like, my friends were like, 'yeah, he's from Obsessed.' We're like, 'Oh, yeah.'"
After figuring out who Idris was, Sabrina shared that when she re-entered the venue, she doubted a relationship would form between them given his occupation, the short timeline he would be there to shoot his movie, and the constant temptation that could flock around him due to his status. But despite Sabrina's uncertainty, they would exchange numbers before she left.
"So I went back inside, we started chatting some more, and he was like, 'Let me take your number.' I was like, 'Alright,' and then I left," she stated.
The model explained the reason why she left the event was that her friend, whose birthday she was celebrating, wanted to check out other spots. When the night was coming to an end, Sabrina hailed a taxi to go home when she received a phone call from Idris. The entrepreneur revealed that the Takers star stopped her from entering the cab and urged her to get in the car he was driving, and they spent the whole night talking until 8 a.m.
"I got in his car, and we spoke till like 8 a.m. easy. It was probably like 2 [a.m.] at that time. We just had the most intense, amazing conversation," she said. "It was the first time I ever connected with someone to the point where I was like, I went home the next day called my friends, I was like, 'I think I found my soulmate.'"
Sabrina revealed that from that fateful night, she and Idris became inseparable. The couple would be long-distance for a brief stint of their union until they acknowledged how difficult it was to maintain that type of relationship. Sabrina ultimately decided to move in with Idris although she was skeptical at first, she claimed it was one of the best decisions she's made because she found her "soulmate."
Sabrina Elba's First Night with Idris Elba Sounds Like a Romance Movie
Model and philanthropist Sabrina Elba joins Jemele to discuss her marriage to actor Idris Elba, and their heartwarming, love at first sight origin story.SUBS...Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for daily love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Dave Benett/Getty Images for Space NK
