Sex Down South Is The Conference You Want To Be At - Even If You Don’t Know It
There's a place where fairy tales exist and I'm wholly convinced that place is Atlanta, Georgia, or at the very least within the realm of the 2018 Sex Down South conference. Here in this space, I found myself in the presence of sex positive black magic and I'm not sure it gets much better than that.
SDS is one of the few conferences that caters to the need for a safe space and the desires to explore sexuality, academically and otherwise, that people of color have. Here, in this space, black sexuality is made a priority helping to shape the careers and lives of sex workers, educators, and other professionals in the arena.
As someone who goes to school for human sexuality, this is of the utmost importance to me — having a like-minded community, that is. There are not many people of color in the field of sexuality, so having that network professionally is beyond necessary and it can be found right at this conference.
Nonetheless, I had been eyeing this conference since before I began pursuing my education and with that in mind, I think that the simply sexual human being in me would've loved the space just as much. In any given city, it's difficult to find a scene that is inclusive to all the freaky things that we do (did anyone else sing this in Christina Milian's voice?) or wish we could be doing.
As I've mentioned in a previous article, I had been trying to branch out into the Black kink community, but that sh*t is basically nonexistent but not at Sex Down South -- not in the space where anything is possible. Now in all fairness, the kink community in general is one that you must be invited into by someone who is currently in it but let's be real, how often are white people (who are the visible majority) inviting us into their spaces?
But, aside from the kinky events that could be explored, there were more vanilla topics such as an amazing interactive "Facesitting 101" and "Fuckstrology" (the astrology behind good sex) workshop.
And on the more PG side of things were the healing circles. Being surrounded by Black women in that way — in the way that I was for this healing circle -- felt like coming home. Within the circle that I attended, I found myself comfortable enough to break down crying in the midst of strangers within the five minutes of introducing myself to them and pulling a tarot card that summed up my entire life in that moment.
There is something for everyone to give and receive by attending this sexuality conference.
Furthermore, in the ongoing presence of networks such as CENTRIC and Historically Black Institutions, there's proof of all the ways having our own space can uplift us and acts as a catalyst for Black excellence.
Yes, I'm saying a Black sex conference might be one key to Black excellence because in my eutopic worldview of Black excellence, it's identified by a well-rounded, well adapted individual of color that begins within. And I wholeheartedly believe that can be further manifested in spaces like Sex Down South.
With that in mind, here are three reasons everyone should attend SDS at least once.
1. Sexual Healing
After centuries of having black bodies used as pawns to control the dialogue, imagery, and perception of us. One of the greatest things that Sex Down South offered was a blueprint for sexual healing in the black community through a number of diverse workshops, from "The Baby Mama Bounceback: Black Women Redefining Their Sexuality After Motherhood" to the "Decolonizing Sex" and "A Place for Me: Black Women's Healing Circle." This type of healing is difficult to begin to achieve out in the real world because generally speaking, our day-to-day spaces aren't safe ones for black sexuality, whether it be sex negative black people or sex positive black people who like to keep their spaces white. Here, you are given the space and the tools to redefine and reshape what our sexuality means to us without the socialized tenants.
2. Each One, Teach One
Much like a good Church, this safe space wasn't only available for those who knew without a doubt they wanted to explore sexuality, in one way or another, it was also readily available to those who opened themselves up to learning and those who had questions on any number of topics. Meaning, if there was a not-so-sex positive person in the space most conference-goers used this as a space to educate, correct, and challenge any ignorance that may have been present.
3. Destigmatizing Human Sexuality
Sometimes we can get in the bad habit of labeling the unknown as "white people shit." Culturally, we've done so with homosexuality and so many other elements of sexuality that we simply don't get or don't attempt to get. If history has taught us anything, this type of shame makes it difficult to come forward as an individual who goes against what society deems "right" or "natural." We've seen it in black people's fear in embracing those within the LGBT community, but we also see that and hear people refer to other sexaulity topics such as kink as white people shit. This labeling is used to describe sexual assault, making young black girls and boys believe these things happen to white people. So, if and when it does happen to them, they feel isolated and unseen. But educational, interactive conferences like this help change that type of labeling and destigmatize sex little by little. None of this is just stuff that happens to white folks, it's stuff that happens to all of us.
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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While I was growing up, I didn’t take a lot of medicine; it simply wasn’t the type of household that I was raised in. Don’t get me wrong, if things got real crazy (like when I had chickenpox or strep throat), a round of antibiotics is exactly what I was given. However, if something could be handled in a more holistic fashion, that’s just what my mother preferred to do.
I’m pretty sure that’s a big part of the reason why one, my immune system is still going strong to this day, and two, I’m so “pro herbs” my damn self. It’s also why I like to write about the things that I’ve learned about them as often as I can. Today, what I want to tackle is some herbs that you may have never heard of that could be just what you’re looking for when it comes to achieving optimal health.
Now before diving in, I think it would be totally irresponsible of me if I didn’t advise that you only take this as an introduction to the following eight. What I mean by that is after checking out the list, please do some thorough research on your own, please pay attention to what articles may say potential side effects may be (some herbs are pretty damn powerful), and pretty please run these by your doctor before taking them (especially if you’re currently on any type of medication). At the same time, though, as an avid herb taker myself, I wouldn’t be singing the praises of them if I wasn’t such a fan of what herbs are able to do, in general.
So, are you ready to learn about some cool herbs that you (probably) don’t hear about every day? Let’s do this.
1. Aritha (Soapnut)
If you’ve ever been curious about what Ayurveda actually means, probably the easiest way to break it down is it’s a popular form of alternative medicine. One of its main philosophies is that most diseases are brought on either by stress or an imbalance in the system — and since things like asthma, diabetes, depression, obesity, and heart disease are all directly tied to stress…Ayurveda is certainly onto something.
What does this have to do with aritha (which also has the “nickname” soapnut)? It’s something that is used in Ayurveda when it comes to achieving, well, all sorts of things. Because it’s a solid source of vitamins A, E, and K, it can help to do everything from making migraines more bearable and bringing relief to asthma to reducing dandruff and taming frizzy hair. In fact, if healthy hair is your goal this year, mixing some soapnuts with some of your favorite hair products could be what makes it so much easier to get what you’re after.
2. Brahmi
Brahmi is a really interesting herb due to the things that it is able to accomplish. If you want to improve your memory, try Brahmi. Looking to get a better night’s sleep? Try Brahmi. Sick of feeling anxious and stressed out? Yep…you already know: try Brahmi. Apparently, because of its potent antioxidants and powerful anti-inflammatory properties, it can even help to improve your cognitive function and reduce ADHD symptoms. Like I oftentimes say: the more you know, the more you freakin’ know.
3. Epazote
From what I’ve read and researched about this particular herb, it’s used in a myriad of ways, from cooking to essential oils to teas (apparently, it tastes like a mixture of oregano, mint, and citrus…hmph). The reason why you might want to consider adding it to your health and wellness regimen is that it is high in fiber (which makes it great for treating constipation and bloating), it has a good amount of magnesium, potassium, and calcium in it and it can help to boost your immunity, strengthen your bones and help you to shed a few pounds. As a bonus, epazote is also good for helping to keep your blood pressure under control, too.
4. Gokshura
An herb that gets rave reviews in Chinese medicine is gokshura. Although the West is still catching up on learning about it (surprise, surprise…#totalsarcasm), men have used it to increase their testosterone while women have relied on it for menopause symptom-related relief (including irritability, hot flashes, low lubrication, and yes, a low libido too). Something else that makes this an herb worth noting is some studies have revealed that it helps strengthen ovarian health as well.
5. Mullein
If your respiratory health is what you’re trying to get under control, try mullein. Since it’s got solid anti-inflammatory, antioxidant, and antiviral properties, this is an herb that has a reputation for keeping your respiratory state in good condition. That’s why those who are looking for alternatives to medicine when it comes to coughing, bronchitis, asthma, and overall congestion sometimes rely on this herb. The way most people prefer to consume it is either in tea or powder form.
6. Rhodiola
Are you stressed out all of the time? Maybe you’re so overworked that you find yourself feeling drained and fatigued more than you would like. For both of these issues, something that brings some much-needed relief is rhodiola. Since the roots of this herb are adaptogens, and those help your body to handle stress more effectively, how could someone who doesn’t exactly watch the clock when it comes to work not have this in their possession? Plus, if working out is another way that you try to keep your stress levels under control, this is an herb that can help to improve your exercise performance, too.
7. Safed Musli
A rare herb from India that seems to be going through a bit of an international overharvesting crisis right now is safed musli which is also known as Chlorophytum borivilianum. Whether you’re looking to increase muscle mass, boost the testosterone levels in your partner, reduce stress, help to prevent hair loss, or naturally treat male infertility, safed musli is an herb whose name comes up in all of these topics as far as natural alternatives go. Impressive indeed.
8. Shatavari
Another name for Shatavari is Asparagus racemosus, and yes, it is a part of the asparagus crew. Its antioxidant properties help to fight off free radicals, its anti-inflammatory benefits are great at keeping your immune system in top shape; and if you’re looking for something that will slow down the signs of aging in your skin, Shatavari is good for that, too. Because I will always and forever be on the lookout for all-natural things that can make your sex life better than ever, that’s another reason to do your own additional research on this herb.
Word on the street is it’s so good at balancing your hormones that, not only can it give your libido a boost, it can also make PMS more bearable, it can make it easier to breastfeed and it can help with perimenopause and menopause-related symptoms. Yeah, Shatavari is that girl.
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There you have it: eight herbs that you might not have ever heard of that can do your body a world of good. Again, run them by your physician, get them from a reputable health company, and follow the directions as given. If you do all of that, you should be on your way to having some unusual herbs doing some awesome things in your life.
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Featured image by PixelsEffect/Getty Images