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Black Women Travelers Share Their Best And Worst Travel Experiences
It's always good to be able to get a warning or preview of travel experiences before booking a trip. Who wants to spend hard-earned money traveling somewhere only to find that they've gotten themselves into a horrible, unsafe, or unsavory experience that could've been avoided? And if you love to travel or are looking for your next vacay spot, you've probably come across lists detailing the best and worst countries for Black women via your IG Explore page or your YouTube suggestions.
Black women have been leading the charge in shifting the narrative on travel as of late, framing it as a great way to expand our horizons, find a better quality of life, or reach extraordinary personal milestones. And with the challenges of COVID and the recent national epidemic of police brutality, some have decided that relocating abroad is the best move. Whether you're simply planning your next vacay or looking to make a major life change, take a nod from other experienced travel lovers. That's the beauty of the Black female travel tribe.
(Oh, and this list is neither to discourage nor overly encourage visiting any city or country, but to offer a diverse perspective to help you make your own sound decisions for what's best for you during your travel journey.)
NICOLE GRIMES, PH.D., Educator, New York
Nicole is an education consultant and founder of Carib Biz Network who has traveled to 40 countries including Zambia, St. Lucia, Chile, and New Zealand. "We will at times encounter things or people that stand counter to our values or belief systems, but the goal is to move in understanding and respect," she says.
BEST: Portugal
I recently came back from a multiple-stop Euro-trip where I visited Portugal for the first time. It was a phenomenal surprise! First, it's all things Western Europe but at a more affordable price point. The colorful tuk-tuks and trams that traveled up and down hilly Lisbon added so much old-world charm to the city.
If you're a seafood lover, the food there is everything. Octopus, sardines, cuttlefish, and shrimp are served practically everywhere. The most awesome part was seeing so much diversity. Lots of melanin everywhere!
The most amazing day trip I did was to a village called Sintra, a whimsical, hilly town with palaces and castles. Visiting the world-famous Pena Palace was like stepping into a fairytale. It's a must-see!
NOT SO GREAT: The United Arab Emirates (UAE)
I have been to the UAE twice, once in 2013 and then in 2015, and I really wouldn't return with any degree of fervor. Traveling solo as a woman of color in Muslim countries comes with certain challenges. I remember—whether it was trying to get a taxi, interacting with front desk staff at my hotel, or just walking the streets and asking questions—men were often rude and sometimes menacing.
There were male taxi drivers who didn't want to give me change back. Store clerks also tried to rob me and grew belligerent when I asked questions. A lot of times they had attitudes like, 'How dare you question me, woman?!'
I quickly realized that I had to remember where I was and not prance around with any degree of what could be interpreted as arrogance. I just tried to move in patience. It was what it was. My safety was way more important.
JENNIFER HENDERSON, Travel Influencer, Washington, D.C. Area
Jennifer is a makeup lover and foodie whose platform, Lipsticks and Passports, covers unique ways to affordably appease your travel bug and all that comes with prepping for your next adventure. She's been to more than a dozen countries, including Iceland, the Netherlands, and Ethiopia. "If it's your first time traveling, find a list of things to know for first-time travelers," she tells xoNecole. "It will be a lifesaver!"
BEST: Mexico
Isla Holbox has a totally different vibe than Cancun or Cozumel. It's way more chill. There are flamingos, friendly people, clear water, and $1 tacos! Does it get any better than that? I spent the majority of the time laid up on the beach drinking cheap champagne, but I did venture out and do an island tour, and I explored the local food scene. Everyone on the island was pretty friendly and they were definitely helpful, especially when it came to translating.
Oh, and since there are no cars on the island, there is minimal smog, so you can see the stars!
I live in a city, so seeing stars is a rare occurrence! I [was tempted to book] another trip to visit the island before my first visit to Mexico even ended.
NOT SO GREAT: Canada
I can't say I have ever had a bad experience traveling, per se, but I have had several interesting experiences in various countries. My most memorable experience was in 2016 in Vancouver, Canada. It was my first time traveling internationally. I was headed to Sydney, Australia, and I had a four-hour layover in Vancouver.
I was scared and confused because I couldn't find the gate for my flight on my boarding pass. I had no idea what I was doing. So, I walked up to a woman who looked like she would know how to help me. She grabbed her purse as If I was about to rob her.
The entire time I was there I noticed various people staring and pointing any time I made eye contact. I ended up finding a customer service desk and asked about my boarding pass. They were able to help.
NGOZI OGBANNA, Tech Professional, New York
Ngozi enjoys her work as a growth marketer and has proudly visited "20 countries and counting!" including Jamaica, Indonesia, and Kenya. For Black women looking to take their next trip, she adds, "Ultimately, be aware of your surroundings, stay street smart, and know that isolated incidents are not representative of your entire travel experience."
BEST: Ghana
I've had amazing experiences across a number of continents and countries, but one of my absolute favorite experiences was visiting Ghana during the "Year of the Return" festivities in 2019. Africa in December is the best—and typically most expensive—time to visit since it's when most people return home to see family, attend weddings, and of course, party into the new year.
My trip felt like a homecoming: lots of fabulous Black people from all over the world connecting, vibing, luxuriating, and enjoying the sights, food, culture, and music of Accra.
I can definitely picture myself living in Accra—going to the beaches, hanging out at rooftop bars, enjoying the concerts, and hiking across waterfalls and jungle canopy walks.
NOT SO GREAT: Argentina
I went to both Patagonia and Buenos Aires. While it was a diverse group of people, I was the only Black person on the trip. I was also one of the very few Black people, in general, in the Patagonia region during my entire trip.
I definitely stood out—Black Girl Magic!—and it was very awkward to get blatant stares from some of the locals, especially having one man point at me—in surprise, but still rudely—and say 'la negra,' which means 'Black woman,' because he clearly doesn't see many of us in his day-to-day life.
I did not, however, let that sour my overall trip nor my desire to travel to more remote regions (like mountain regions in Peru, for example) because I will make the best of any situation.
CHARMAINE RADWAY, Regulatory Specialist, Florida
Along with her day job, Charmaine hosts her own podcast, Kulcha Shock Abroad, and serves as director of Yawd Cards, a fun game that pays homage to her Jamaican heritage. She's been to 30 countries including Costa Rica, Cuba, and Belgium. "Visit everywhere with an open mind," she urges. "Someone else may have a terrible experience and hate a country or city. You may go and have the time of your life!"
BEST: Turkey
It was an unexpected love-at-first-sight destination. You know those places where you get off the plane and the excitement starts but continues throughout the trip and you are devastated to leave? Yeah, that one! The food, for me, puts it in the top five places I've been.
The beach towns are quieter and just as beautiful as many other coastal European cities. The people were unbelievably welcoming and nice, and as a Black woman, I never felt uncomfortable at all.
If you are a geology or ruins junkie like me, this country is definitely a must-go.
NOT SO GREAT: United Kingdom
I experienced blatant racism for the first time on my first long-haul trip there at 16. I never forgot being followed around museums or while shopping on Bond Street.
It left a bad taste in my mouth, and although I live in the U.S. where these things happen all the time, that experience as a teenager shaped the way I felt about being Black for a very long time.
Gladly, I resumed traveling extensively in my 30s and have since embraced Blackness and Caribbean culture. I have not been back to London since, but I will within a year!
DAVIDA SELBY, Entrepreneur, Georgia
Davida is the founder of the skincare and lifestyle brand, Katelynn and Adwoa, and she's traveled to South Africa, Cambodia, and Germany, to name a few.
BEST: Ghana
The experience starts as soon as I get off the airplane at Kotoka International Airport. Each person makes it a point to say "Akwaaba" which means "Welcome Back."
The amazing food, beautiful beaches, top fashion, and culture, in general, all add to the amazing experience that I always have in Ghana, but specifically as a Black woman, it feels good to travel to a country with billboards and ads of women who look like me.
Knowing that I am safe to roam by myself, can sit at a restaurant, or even walk into any bar without being harassed puts Ghana at the top of my favorite countries to explore. I book all of the tourist tours to Cape Coast, Kakum National Park, local festivals, shopping at the night market, and of course restaurant- and bar-hopping.
NOT SO GREAT: France
I've traveled to Paris two times. The first time was in 2007 for work, and I had a terrible experience. I left my hotel and decided to explore the city on my own. When the cab pulled up in front of me, I proceeded to get in when a man started yelling and cursing at me in French, pushed me out of the way, and proceeded to get in the cab I hailed. No one helped. No one at the restaurants was welcoming or warm at all.
Between all of the cigarette smoke everywhere, the blunt, rude attitudes of the locals, and the language barrier, I did not have a good experience in Paris.
The second time I went was in 2011, and this time I was with my mom, sister, and best friends. The experience was about the same: bad customer service, rude locals, and just an overall feeling of not being welcome.
Nevertheless, [I think] I would have been able to navigate a bit better had I learned the language. And going with a group of friends is a good idea. I wouldn't recommend Paris for solo travelers. Also, search #BlackParis on Instagram before visiting. It gives a list of cool Black-owned restaurants and tours in Paris.
Featured image via Getty Images
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This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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