I have tucked this stomach into plenty of shapewear throughout my teenage and adult years. A high waist brief girdle was my go-to, and they had me and my pockets in a CHOKEHOLD! However, do you know what the craziest thing is? My best girdle came from JCPenney for less than $30 (I can no longer find that particular girdle), not a fancy $80-something garment from known plus-size retailers. I know what works for my body, but what about other shapes?
As we all know, all shapewear is not created equally, which is a shame. One brand can make an excellent product for hourglass shapes and something subpar for girlies who carry their weight in the middle (me, I am the apple-shaped girlie). And let’s not even get me started on brands not catering enough to plus-size women; they believe all bellies are the same – tuck the same way, move the same way, and are shaped the same way. Therefore, finding shapewear can be a difficult task.
The first step is determining your body shape to choose the right shapewear. If you’re unsure of your body shape, then you can check out this chart via Healthline to give you an idea.
- Apple-shaped bodies have broad, rounded shoulders and full breasts and carry most of their weight on the tummy. Your arms and legs are usually slim and slender, and your hips and booty are average size.
- Pear-shaped bodies have petite breast sizes, narrow shoulders, and tiny waists. Most of this person’s weight is in their hips, booty, and legs, and sometimes on the lower abdomen.
- Hourglass-shaped bodies have a naturally slim waist, proportioned hip and bust area, and an overall balanced figure.
- Rectangle-shaped bodies usually have little to no waist definition, small breasts, and hips, and the weight is distributed evenly on the arms, legs, and torso.
- Inverted triangle-shaped bodies tend to gain more weight in the upper part of their body and have broad shoulders and large breasts combined with narrow hips. This body type is also often called “athletic.”
- Diamond-shaped bodies have a lot in common with apple shapes. This person holds most of their weight in the midsection, bust, hips, and thighs. Their calves and arms are also slimmer.
So, what is the best shapewear for plus-size women to invest in? It honestly depends on your desired look. Do you want a more cinched waist, a smoother finish, etc.? The shapewear industry is booming, primarily because of the beloved Faja. Talk about being snatched to the GAWDS in one of those things, but a snatched with a lifted booty may not be your desired look. Below, I have listed the best shapewear that we curvy girls cannot get enough of this year.
Level 3 Contouring Open-Bust Thigh Shaper
Lane Bryant
The Level 3 Contouring Open-Bust Thigh Shaper will not disappoint! The firm control smooths and shapes your body. I love this one because it gives full coverage, and you can pair it with your favorite bra. Perfect for a pear-shaped body and because of the level of tummy control, it is also great for apple-shaped and diamond-shaped bodies. This bodysuit is a little more noticeable in terms of comfort, but it definitely does its job.
SKIMS Sculpting Bodysuit with Snaps
SKIMS
I first came across this bodysuit thanks to a friend. She allowed me to see the full power of this baby and admitted it was comfortable to wear all day. So, of course, I bought myself one. I was thoroughly concerned when I initially saw it from the packaging because “WHAT IN THE ENTIRE…?” If you have never seen a review on the SKIMS Sculpting Bodysuit and just trusted word of mouth like me, then you will know it doesn’t even feel like enough fabric to cover an inch of anything.
This bodysuit has a stronghold in the core, while it shapes and it lifts our butts. It also provides support for your chest. I love this shaper because it also has one in a thong version and many colors. A popular Amazon dupe is going around TikTok, but the material ripped from my long nails, unlike the SKIMS one. Also, it doesn’t suck my stomach in like this one. The Sculpting Bodysuit is perfect for rectangle-shaped, apple-shaped, and diamond-shaped bodies.
AirSlim 2-In-1 High-Waisted Booty Lift Shaper Shorts
Shapellx
How many of us love a snatched waist? If you said “me,” the AirSlim 2-in-1 High-Waisted Booty Lift Shaper Shorts is the right shapewear for you. Stomach and back control while bringing you in two sizes. And for us “little booty gang” people, this piece gives you an instant butt lift. Thanks to the soft-flex boning, you will not have to worry about it rolling down. I think the reason why I love this one is that it is suitable for multiple body shapes. Shapellx also has a new shaper dress I cannot wait to try!
Shapermint Essentials All Day Every Day High-Waisted Shaper Panty
Shapermint
Remember how I stated my favorite piece came from JCPenney? It was a high waist brief with the best tummy control a girl could ask for in shapewear and as an apple shape. Unfortunately, I can no longer find the item. Not too long ago, plus-size clothing, including shapewear, would be tucked in a dark corner or hidden in the area with the regular-sized items on their way out. Therefore, it was a true gem when I dug through the limited options! Things have since changed, and the options are much more plentiful.
I quickly had to find a replacement for my beloved girdle and was introduced to the Shapermint Essentials All Day Every Day High-Waisted Shaper Panty. It is a chef’s kiss in terms of comfortability. Not as much compression compared to the JCPenney piece, but the best way I handled that was by sizing down; it gives better control in the midsection area.
Seamless 360° Smoothing Slip Dress
Torrid
Torrid’s Seamless 360 Smoothing Slip Dress is the perfect smoothing shapewear. If you have an hourglass-shaped body, it is perfect for you. Hourglass shapes should use the light to medium compression option in their shapewear. I’ve worn this slip over other girdles to have a smooth effect and the tummy control I needed. It conforms to my body under my dresses and doesn’t ride up, which is a plus.
Finding the right shapewear to go under your garments is trial and error, but hopefully, this list makes finding one much more effortless. In addition, our options are no longer limited in style, color/tone, and compression. Happy shopping!
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In a xoNecoleexclusive, the iconic actress opens up about embracing this season of her life, new projects, and overall being a “bad motherfucker.” Gabrielle reveals that she was 37 years old when she was diagnosed with perimenopause and is still going through it at 51 years old. Mayo Clinic says perimenopause “refers to the time during which your body makes the natural transition to menopause, marking the end of the reproductive years.”
“I haven't crossed over the next phase just yet, but I think part of it is when you hear any form of menopause, you automatically think of your mother or grandmother. It feels like an old-person thing, but for me, I was 37 and like not understanding what that really meant for me. And I don't think we focus so much on the word menopause without understanding that perimenopause is just the time before menopause,” she tells us.
Gabrielle Union
Photo by Brian Thomas
"But you can experience a lot of the same things during that period that people talk about, that they experienced during menopause. So you could get a hot flash, you could get the weight gain, the hair loss, depression, anxiety, like all of it, mental health challenges, all of that can come, you know, at any stage of the menopausal journey and like for me, I've been in perimenopause like 13, 14 years. When you know, most doctors are like, ‘Oh, but it's usually about ten years, and I'm like, ‘Uhh, I’m still going (laughs).’”
Conversations about perimenopause, fibroids, and all the things that are associated with women’s bodies have often been considered taboo and thus not discussed publicly. However, times are changing, and thanks to the Gabrielle’s and the Tia Mowry’s, more women are having an authentic discourse about women’s health. These open discussions lead to the creation of more safe spaces and support for one another.
“I want to be in community with folks. I don't ever want to feel like I'm on an island about anything. So, if I can help create community where we are lacking, I want to be a part of that,” she says. “So, it's like there's no harm in talking about it. You know what I mean? Like, I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change. I'm just getting better and stronger and more intelligent, more wise, more patient, more compassionate, more empathetic. All of that is very, very welcomed, and none of it should be scary.”
The Being Mary Jane star hasn’t been shy about her stance on therapy. If you don’t know, here’s a hint: she’s all for it, and she encourages others to try it as well. She likens therapy to dating by suggesting that you keep looking for the right therapist to match your needs. Two other essential keys to her growth are radical transparency and radical acceptance (though she admits she is still working on the latter).
"I was a bad motherfucker before perimenopause. I’m a bad motherfucker now, and I'll be a bad motherfucker after menopause. Know what I’m saying? None of that has to change. How I’m a bad motherfucker, I welcome that part of the change."
Gabrielle Union and Kaavia Union-Wade
Photo by Monica Schipper/Getty Images
“I hope that a.) you recognize that you're not alone. Seek out help and know that it's okay to be honest about what the hell is happening in your life. That's the only way that you know you can get help, and that's also the only other way that people know that you are in need if there's something going on,” she says, “because we have all these big, very wild, high expectations of people, but if they don't know what they're actually dealing with, they're always going to be failing, and you will always be disappointed. So how about just tell the truth, be transparent, and let people know where you are. So they can be of service, they can be compassionate.”
Gabrielle’s transparency is what makes her so relatable, and has so many people root for her. Whether through her TV and film projects, her memoirs, or her social media, the actress has a knack for making you feel like she’s your homegirl. Scrolling through her Instagram, you see the special moments with her family, exciting new business ventures, and jaw-dropping fashion moments. Throughout her life and career, we’ve seen her evolve in a multitude of ways. From producing films to starting a haircare line to marriage and motherhood, her journey is a story of courage and triumph. And right now, in this season, she’s asking, “What’s next?”
“This is a season of discovery and change. In a billion ways,” says the NAACP Image Award winner. “The notion of like, ‘Oh, so and so changed. They got brand new.’ I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
"I want you to be brand new. I want me to be brand new. I want us to be always constantly growing, evolving. Having more clarity, moving with different purpose, like, and all of that is for me very, very welcomed."
She continues, “So I'm just trying to figure out what's next. You know what I mean? I'm jumping into what's next. I'm excited going into what's next and new. I'm just sort of embracing all of what life has to offer.”
Look out for Gabrielle in the upcoming indie film Riff Raff, which is a crime comedy starring her and Jennifer Coolidge, and she will also produce The Idea of You, which stars Anne Hathaway.
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This shift is a significant change for couples. Let’s face it: no one wants to be in a sexless marriage or relationship. But how can couples effectively confront the impact of fading physical intimacy on the overall health of their enduring partnership?
"I have found that many factors influence one's desire to dive, and it is often not a majority of just one thing. Most people assume that if they don't desire [sex], they are no longer physically attracted, but in my experience, that has little to do with it most of the time," explained Brittanni Young, LMFT, CST.
"Some of the heavy contributors that I see most often include excessive goal orientation towards orgasm, people not prioritizing their own sexuality, and the landfill of ‘should’s’ that develop from toxic sexual scripts created long ago in upbringing," she added.
Furthermore, these issues are not exclusive to any particular orientation, but it does manifest differently.
Young is a licensed marriage and family therapist, sexologist, and board-certified sex therapist who practices in Georgia and Florida. She has worked in the sexology field for over a decade. Young helps couples and individuals looking to get through challenges of all facets facing sexuality and intimacy, such as desire mismatch, over-compulsion, and dysfunctions. She recently launched a deck of intimacy connection cards called "Show Me Your Cards." Young is working on another product that helps teach children to consent and negotiate appropriate touch. She sat down with xoNecole to discuss what causes the decline in the bedroom, the myth of 'lesbian bed death,' and recommendations on overcoming "bed death."
The Decline In Intimacy
Intimacy often dwindles within relationships, a phenomenon triggered by various factors such as stress, the insidious monotony of routine, and the toxicity of unresolved conflicts, to name a few. While couples manage daily life, exchanging intimate desires and concerns may take a backseat. Sadly, this gradually erodes the closeness once shared in the relationship.
"Typically, the first thing I do when working with a couple on desire challenges is rule out medical causes by referring them to their primary care physician or other provider they are working with," Young shared. "There are times when unmanaged or mismanaged conditions factor into low desire levels. Also, many medications can wreak havoc on keeping desire levels up, such as antidepressants, SSRIs, anti-anxiety, and blood pressure medications, to name a few."
Jeff Bergen/ Getty Images
"Next, I look at the state of the relationship. If there is dissatisfaction in the relationship, then it definitely affects how close and intimate one wants to be to another. There are also plenty of individual factors one can bring into the equation, such as low self-esteem, anxiety, depression, feelings of shame or guilt around one's own sexuality, and external life stressors that can get in the way. I find that life stressors can be a big one for folks, as once you get in the habit of not prioritizing sex, it tends to stick," she added.
Fortunately, there are ways to prevent "bed death." It can involve prioritizing your wants and open communication about sexual needs.
"What tends to be effective for all couples is taking an inventory of how satisfied they are with their sexual behaviors and engagement. Being truthful in this vein can be the start of unlocking inhibitions that can keep you from seeking out and being genuinely vulnerable in intimate spaces," Young explained. "Next, I suggest opening up lines of communication around these truths. When people assume that nothing can be done, hope is lost."
The Myth Of 'Lesbian Bed Death'
The notion of "lesbian bed death" perpetuates a simplistic and inaccurate stereotype about the sexual dynamics within lesbian relationships. Contrary to the myth, the experience of a decline in intimacy is not universal among lesbian couples. The diverse spectrum of relationships among women challenges this oversimplified narrative, emphasizing that the complexities of sexual dynamics extend beyond stereotypical assumptions.
"The notion of 'lesbian bed death' is based on a research study done by Pepper Schwartz in 1983 that found that lesbian couplings fell behind in sexual frequency compared to heterosexual and gay male couplings," Young revealed.
"Several other studies [after] have replicated these findings but give very little information about sexual satisfaction. Despite there being more research needed overall in the sexuality field, more recent research did find that when it comes to the length of sexual encounters, lesbian couples had the longest duration of encounters. To that end, sexual quality over quantity is a better marker of satisfaction, and that is what I pay most attention to in my work. With that said, dissatisfaction can happen in all couplings over time," the sexologist continued.
Factors influencing reduced intimacy among lesbian couples may include communication challenges, societal pressures, and individual variations in libido. Menstruation can also play a role, with some couples navigating discomfort or hormonal changes during this period.
"There are certainly some nuances that come into play with lesbian couples that differ from heterosexual or other-oriented couples. As I stated earlier, physiological factors can factor into the rise and fall of libido. The hormone fluctuations that come from menstruation and menopause can impact desire levels, and it is double present in lesbian couples. Another nuance is the lack of a sexual script from society on lesbian sexual behavior. There are patriarchal roots to sexual research, which have created our societal norms that tend to leave out anyone who isn't heterosexual," Young stated.
Overcoming The Challenges
Westend61/ Getty Images
While 'bed death' challenges couples, solutions are within reach. By identifying and addressing the underlying causes, couples can rekindle the flame of intimacy and ensure a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
"In the words of Esther Perel, another sexual professional in the field, 'love enjoys knowing everything about you; desire needs mystery.' I recommend keeping it in the front of your mind, prioritizing, and keeping it interesting. Be open to learning more about your own sexuality every day, as well as your partner. You are always growing; what worked for you 20 years ago may not be the same today. Stay curious with one another and be open to exploring new ways to pleasure. You deserve it," Young said.
For instance, Young advised that couples should "keep sexual encounters light and playful." And not be afraid to introduce new elements, such as toys.
"Touch often in ways that are consensual and feel safe! I made 'Show Me Your Cards' to serve this purpose specifically. Just because you do not feel in the mood to go all the way does not mean you aren't in the mood to hold hands, exchange body massages, or dance together. Connecting often in any physical form, as long as it feels pleasurable, still counts as 'being in the mood,'" she said.
Overcoming the hurdles of "bed death" and debunking myths surrounding 'lesbian bed death' offers a unique perspective for couples grappling with the difficulties of sustaining a connection. Learning the proper ways to work through a sexless relationship can help foster a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.
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