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Sittin' Pretty: This Frontless Bra Changed The Game For My DDDs
Weirdly, I've noticed that although big boobs are coveted, our fave fast fashion companies and lingerie lines don't cater to the admiration. And I'm not sure if it still comes down to some weird fashion fetish where smaller is better, but it sucks. It's yet another way society works to reinforce the narrative that you have to give up a certain niche of style and fashion if and when your body doesn't fit the standard of beauty set by industry folk. I believe this is why there have been very few lasting solutions that give women cleavage while lifting their breasts. Sure, I could be reaching...buuut I'm not.
But I digress because this here isn't political, not today. This is bottled up excitement and joy that I'm ready to reveal to the world.
You should know that my boobs have always been on the larger side. Yet, as God lays this grown woman weight on me thick as ever, my boobs have come to defy gravity. And as much as I prayed for days like this, I have to say that the newfound thickness comes with a whole new set of challenges. Also, if I'm keeping it all the way real, age is likely another factor as I'm sure the elasticity on these bad boys is not that of my 14-year-old self.
As someone who likes to free the nipple and titty whenever the opportunity presents, I've had to try all the tricks in the trade from double-sided tape to that Kim Kardashian tape hack.
Courtesy of Kiarra Sylvester
Still, I almost always end up with tape showing, peeling back, or saggy boobs – it's always, always a sacrificial ceremony. If you want to wear a plunging neckline, you can go braless and sag. Or, you can wear a bra and be a "tacky" heux (word to all the old heads). Or, you say no to little cute tops. Pick one, but never both and you better pick right. Until recently!
Thanks to the interweb's creepy algorithm that creates ad experiences based on my search history, I happily stumbled across the best things since Apple pie: Misses Kisses Frontless Bra. As far as I'm concerned the product creator, Amanda Marie, deserves a Noble Peace Prize for this one. Not only has she solved the never-ending conundrum of being a big boobed babe, but the fact that the bra is for long-term use – well, that's undoubtedly way, way better for the planet than all the stickies and other bullshit solutions used to lift and shift the girls. And this is a take I will stand on until the very end and the "why" can be summed up in two words: it works!
But because I'm a woman of many words I'm going to give you a few more "whys" to make this a well-rounded, soul- and titty-snatching review.
The Rundown
Unboxing
Upon receiving and unpackaging the bra, you might be a little terrified. At first glance, there are a good amount of moving parts and a big ass wire piece. It comes in a cute satin carry case, equipped with two regular pads (black or nude), four anti-slip stickies, and one lone strap. The one-size-fits-most (30B to 44J) bra comes in three different options: Shallow, Moderate, and Deep (currently out of stock). I have found that in almost all cases I can get away with the Moderate Plunge Bra Kit. When I can, I opt for the shallow plunge because it doesn't sit as low on my belly as the Moderate.
At 5'1'', the Moderate Bra dips into my gut, which is a major reason Amanda reassured me that I didn't need to get the deep plunge. Otherwise, the bra is no less comfortable than any other. It reminds me of a wire bra but it's far less restrictive because there are no straps. That alone eliminates a great deal of discomfort and pressure that is typically misplaced on the body.
Setting Up
Post-fitting with Amanda, I continued to reference the video while tinkering with my bra and setting up another. The more I practiced, the more intuitive it became. The "training wheels" strap that comes with the bra was very helpful in providing peace of mind the first couple of wears. As previously mentioned, this is a frontless backless bra made for all the oddly-cut shirts in your closet. With that in mind, there's definitely an adjustment period where it feels a little too free and while I was in that period, the strap helped provide a feeling of safety.
The pair of pads that you receive will be placed on your side-boob to help round out your breasts. The tutorial iterates that when they're pushed together, they lose volume and the pads aim to eliminate this. In my experience, the regular size pads didn't do it for me but this was something I figured rather quickly with the help of Amanda during my fitting. Because I was unsure of my cup size at the time of the fitting, I wasn't positive which pads I needed. But once I switched the standard out for those, all was right and I had an easier time situating the bra to fall near my nipple but not on it as instructed.
Let me add, that depending on various factors from breast and nipple size to the cut/angling of the top, you may find that you need pasties and double-sided wig tape to keep your breast nicely tucked away. I have found that this is usually necessary with spandex, stretchy materials that snapback (basically anything Fashion Nova). But with my plunging sweaters, I am able to pop on the bra and go with zero manipulation. This is not a reflection of the bra, but the breast and gravity. Regardless of what you need, I will say Misses Kisses and their founder are a one-stop-shop. Which brings me to the next thing...the glowing customer service exhibited throughout this process.
The Fitting and the Figurehead
Courtesy of Kiarra Sylvester
Honestly, not sure if I've ever received such amazing customer service in my life. Despite being a smaller-scale operation that requires all hands on deck, Amanda made herself available to do a fitting and customizable tutorial to help me get my MK bra to fit snuggly to my breasts. Because she is based in Los Angeles, we were able to do the session via video chat. And if you happen to live in LA, well, even better because the fitting is a service that is offered to all buyers who may need an extra hand after watching the tutorial. Throughout the entire process of writing this review, I was able to contact Amanda with any and all questions that I had, from how to properly store the bra to sending her pics to confirm I got it right. We were practically BFFs after the Facetime fitting, in the way that I demand anyone who has seen my boobs on the first "hang" to be.
And yes, if you opt for a video fitting it does require a level of comfort with both your own nudity as well as Amanda's because she essentially talks you through everything while you mirror her movements. It's worth noting, additionally, she was really great about being professional and there wasn't a moment I felt uncomfortable during this fitting. She does check-in to ensure you're comfortable with nudity beforehand and that's always a positive. As you may have noticed, common sense in customer service isn't always easy to come by. So it must be stated that she is considerate in the most basic, but necessary ways.
When it's all said and done the product is very customizable, which is what makes this product such a success in my opinion. Well, that and the fact that however you customize it, it does exactly what it's supposed to. Think back to when your mother would buy you oversized clothes so you could "grow into them" way back when? Well, for $125 here is a bra that allows you to grow with it. This is ideal for human beings period, as we know weight fluctuates but especially for us women. From PMS symptoms to pregnancy, and whatever else life throws at us in the name of womanhood--we deserve to feel and look our best. And if you've ever purchased a bra made for larger breasts, then you know the price point is well within reason for its magical, transformative ways.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our weekly newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
I'm A 34GG & Here's My Review Of 4 Size-Inclusive Bras
I Tried It: I Went Braless For A Week
#SaggyBoobsMatter: This Movement Encourages Women To Love Their Saggy Boobs
Featured image by writer Kiarra Sylvester
- I Tried It: Misses Kisses Frontless Bra Review - xoNecole: Women's ... ›
- Amazing Facts About Nipples - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
Feature image courtesy
The Common Denominator Is You. So, Why Do You Keep Choosing The Wrong Men?
Everywhere you go, there you are. It’s one of those popular sayings (kind of like “It is what it is”) that I find myself using a lot, especially when I’m in sessions with my clients. Why? Well, it’s kind of likean article that I once read that pretty much said our culture likes to play the toxic game of blaming other people because it’s an easy way to deflect from personal accountability (check out “What It Actually Means To 'Hold Yourself Accountable'”). So true, so true,
Well, another way of saying “everywhere you go, there you are” is using the math term “common denominator” — and today, what we’re going to attempt to tackle is, why is it that some of us, if we stepped back a moment to take a very real and honest assessment of our dating life, do we always end up with the same kind of guy? One who really isn’t the best for us; sometimes, not even close.
Before getting into some questions that I think can help you get to the answer, let me just say that this is definitely one of the kinds of pieces that may step on at least your pinky toe before it’s all said and done. At the same time, although this might not be the most comfortable of reads, keep in mind what the late poet, singer, and publisher Tuli Kupferberg once said, “When patterns are broken, new worlds emerge.”
And so, if when it comes to the caliber of men you’ve dated, what you’ve been doing is revealing that your pattern is not really working for your ultimate good, spend a bit of time trying to unpack just why that could be the case — why, at the end of the day, you truly are the common denominator in it all.
How Self-Aware Are You?
About five years ago, I penned an article for the site entitled “These Are The Things Self-Aware People Do Daily.” You know, of all of the things to be in this life, prioritizing self-awareness is king because self-aware people do things like hold themselves accountable, know their strengths and weaknesses, identify their triggers, have good boundaries, self-reflect, pay attention to their own “blind spots” — and they can — eh hem — take feedback and constructive criticism pretty well.
That last one? If you’re constantly in a hamster wheel or even a cul-de-sac when it comes to men, be honest with yourself: did your family, friends, hell, even your co-workers warn you about some of the guys you dated, and you found yourself either defending, deflecting or getting offended? Yeah, self-aware people don’t get down like that because they would rather have peace and be wrong than act like they are always right and remain in chaos.
So yeah, if you’re always in some foolishness or even in relationships that are simply a counterproductive waste of time, pondering how self-aware you actually are is a really good place to start. Self-reflect. Know your weaknesses. Listen to what others have to say about your tendencies. All of this can do you a whole lot of good.
How Humble Are You?
Society is a wild place, boy. The reason why I say that is because, while it’s out here acting like humility is a bad thing, Scripture says, “By humility and the fear of the Lord are riches and honor and life.” (Proverbs 22:4) And why is humility such a vital spiritual attribute? Because, when you’re humble — you’re grateful; you’re teachable; you’re open to seeing things outside of your own perspective; you’re compassionate and empathetic; you’re flexible; you’re forgiving, and you’re able to release your ego so that you can accept what you need over what you want.
What you need over what you want. Chile, if that doesn’t keep some people in cyclic stuff, I honestly don’t know what does. There’s a client that I have right now who only contacts me when she’s basically blown up her life because she constantly gets caught up in a man’s looks and bedroom performance. When I tell her that she needs to stop making that #1 and #2 of things to look for in a relationship, she “uh-huh's” me and then does what she wants to do anyway — only for it to end up wreaking all sorts of havoc…again.
It’s another message for another time about how some of us could stand to look within to see if wanting a fine man above all else is more about validating some deep-rooted insecurities that we have about our own looks (ouch). For now, I’ll just say that if your ego is out here telling you that looks and sexual performance should trump things like character and consistency, it is LYING to you. If you chose to heed the humble side of yourself, you would know that.
And this actually brings me to my next question.
How Stuck Are You in Your “Type”?
The reason why I wrote “According To Experts, We All Have A ‘Type’” back in the day is because it’s true — pretty much all of us have a type which is pretty much a preference; there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that either. At the same time, I’m advising, from very up close and personal experience, that it’s a good idea to spend some time pondering “the origin story” of where your type came from.
Me? I’m always gonna be down for a very tall, hella chocolate, basketball (or soccer) build Black man. However, I’m a sexual abuse survivor and my molester looked a lot like that, so during the healing process of what he did to me, I had to factor in his influence. Plus, my first love also fits the physical mold and he definitely had quite an impact on my life. So…see what I mean? My type didn’t just come out of nowhere. Yes, sometimes your type may have some trauma or drama attached to it. And yes, that might be really uncomfortable to think about; still, that doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Now my late fiancé? He was right at about 6’ and, complexion-wise, he was lighter than I am. He treated me better than most of the men of my past, though — and even though he definitely pursued me for a while to get me to consider us beyond being friends, because I took a risk outside of my type, I learned what it was like to be loved in a healthy way. And what that did for me was it taught me to remain open outside of my standard type. I still like a tall-ass Godiva man, chile (and don’t let him have a beard and be in a tailored suit!). I don’t limit myself to that package, though. To do so would be severely limiting — potentially tragic even.
How Healed Are You?
“Healed” is a word that comes up A LOT in the social media space. When it comes to relationships, specifically, it’s important to ask yourself if you are healed from your past because, if you aren’t, you very well could be reliving it over and over…and over again, whether you realize it (or choose to accept it) or not.
Just so that we’re all on the same page, the word “heal” means things like healthy, sound, and whole. Synonyms for the word include improve, restore, mend, soothe, and rehabilitate. Signs that you have healed from past hurts of a relationship (or a series of relationships) include you don’t think of them with anger or bitterness; you can see the silver linings from the experience; you’ve forgiven them for things that they did wrong (or that simply hurt you — and no, that’s not always one and the same), and you don’t pick (or avoid) other people to be in your life solely based on what someone else did to you.
What I mean by that last one is an unhealed woman may say something like, “I don’t want to do [such and such] for a first date. That’s what my ex liked to do.” The new guy isn’t him, so why does he have to be beholden to your past? Or, “I don’t trust men who won’t let me go through their phone. That’s how I found out my ex was cheating.” You know, for all of the women who like to play a non-animated form ofInspector Gadget (the real ones know), they sure don’t want their phones inspected as much as they like to do all of the inspecting. SMDH. Anyway, I don’t go through phones. For what? I don’t pay the bill and I’m not anyone’s parent. And so, your next guy not preferring it either? That doesn’t automatically mean that he’s up to no good — he may just want his boundaries respected. An unhealed person may not accept that. A healed one tends to, though.
And how can being unhealed play a direct role in you choosing the same guys over and over again? It’s weird because, sometimes you will go back to what’s familiar to you — because the new guy is such a risk, you’d prefer to “stick to the devil you know” than take a chance on someone who rolls very differently. It’s a cryptic way of remaining the common denominator in your dating dynamics. Oh, but it happens all of the time, chile.
What Makes a Man WRONG for You? Specifically?
Okay, with a lot of the inner work out of the way, how do you even come to the conclusion that someone (or several people) is wrong for you? Because you know what? Once you’ve done some real healing (and serious maturing), you can oftentimes find yourself accepting the fact that just because someone may not be right for you, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. No, not at all.
Although the word “wrong” can mean that something or someone isn’t morally right, wrong also means things like erroneous, not suitable or appropriate, not in accordance with certain requirements, or — and please catch it — out of order (which sometimes consists of the right thing happening at the wrong time). So, if it does seem like you keep choosing (because it is always a choice; that is also where accountability comes in) men who aren’t appropriate, aren’t in accordance with your needs or standards, or who aren’t what you need at the time — why is that? Is it rooted in fear? Impatience? Settling? What?
I have had enough clients go through this to know that it’s not good enough to be abstract about someone being “wrong” for you. You need to set aside one weekend, get some wine and a fresh journal, and really get into what wrong looks like. For instance, if you keep lowering your standards (which is the wrong thing to do, by definition), why is that? Because no matter how wrong the guy may ultimately turn out to be, what you have to be willing to accept is — again — you chose him. Why do you choose what’s wrong? Because, more times than not, some red (or at least orange) flags were waving long before the relationship came crashing down; oftentimes, they reveal themselves within the first couple of dates. You just chose to ignore them.
One more.
Do You Know a Good Man When You See One? You Sure?
As we close all of this out, when you get a chance, please check out “Question: Is The Man In Your Life Good 'TO' You? Good 'FOR' You? Or...Both?” Learning the difference between “to” and “for” took my own relational processing to an entirely new and freeing level. And you know what? Back to the healing point, another way to know that you’ve healed is you don’t generalize men. Meaning, that if you’re out here declaring that there aren’t any good ones, that’s not true; you’re just jaded (I mean, it’s the truth), and that head and energy space is affecting your judgment and perspective.
That said, if you’re constantly selecting the wrong men, ask yourself if you even know what a good man looks like (cue India.Arie’s “Good Man”). Again, by definition, good means things like morally excellent, right, kind, friendly, benevolent, educated, financially sound (not rich, stable and responsible…goodness), genuine, reliable, dependable, responsible, attractive, warm, intimate — satisfactory to the purpose (yes, that’s a literal definition).
For a man to be good for you, you need to know what purpose he is to serve at this particular point in your life because if, for example, all men seem to do, in your eyes, is use you for sex, why are you prioritizing sex over an emotional connection if the latter is the purpose that you seek right now? A lot of women can stop being the common denominator when it comes to choosing the wrong man if they 1) become the good that they seek and 2) do not betray the purpose behind why they even desire a relationship in the first place.
____
I know. When things aren’t going your way when it comes to matters of the heart, it can be easy to always say it’s the man’s fault. If there’s a pattern, though, please be a bit more self-reflective than that.
Once you do, you’d be amazed by how much about you shifts — to where the wrong guys can’t even get close to you, in the way that they used to, anymore.
Because you cease to be the “common denominator” you once were.
And how wonderful is that?
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