Ladies, be honest, what comes to mind when I say, "self-care"?
Let me guess, you probably thought of a woman (i.e. yourself) having a spa day wrapped in a fluffy robe or even a mani/pedi with matching nail polish colors. Am I right? Unfortunately, for men, the term self-care has somehow found itself coined as feminine. It's actually one of the very few gender stereotypes that kind of works in our favor and we literally dominate the self-care culture.
As a result, some men find themselves shying away from self-care due to gender-based stigmas. They fear that partaking in self-care won't be seen as masculine. But listen up men and women, men taking care of themselves is not feminine at all! It is so very necessary. In fact, ladies we should actually be encouraging our husbands, boyfriends, brothers, fathers, uncles, and male friends to take care of themselves and indulge in a little self-care, especially during these trying times.
Here are 6 ways that men can begin indulging in self-care today:
Facials/Skincare
This is listed first for a reason. It is so important that men take care of their skin, too. I mean, it's one of the first things that people see when they meet you. And guys, we can tell when you're not taking care of it. That is why I am all the way here for this recent Twitter thread showing black men taking care of their skin! Yes, fellas!
To be honest, I used to consider getting a facial as a luxury, but now I consider it maintenance for my skin. If you've never had one, it is a service performed by a licensed professional, usually an esthetician or facialist that includes cleansing, exfoliation, steaming, extractions, and a mask. Before COVID-19, I got a facial every 4 to 6 weeks while others may only get them just four times a year. How often you go is totally up to you and your esthetician or facialist. According to Men's Health, here's what you need to know before getting a facial:
- If you have sensitive skin skip your shave the day you get a facial.
- Be patient. It can take up to a week to see results from your facial.
- It may get a little uncomfortable when it's time for extractions and exfoliation. Trust me its's worth it though.
Manicure/Pedicure
I remember when it used to be a rare sighting to see men in the nail shop but now I'm almost always guaranteed to see at least 1-2 men during my visits. This trend of seeing more men in the nail shop is expected to continue. In fact, there are more and more establishments opening that only cater to men. Alpha Male Nail Care Services in Charlotte, NC does just that! If you're in the Charlotte area, be sure to check them out!
Taking care of your hands and feet is almost as important as taking care of your skin. There is nothing I hate more than seeing a well-dressed man with dirty fingernails. Getting a mani/pedi isn't just important for superficial reasons either. Regular manicures and pedicures help prevent hangnails, stop ingrown toenails, and help to soften corns and calluses. Oh, and the massage at the end is everything! Trust me!
Warm Bath
As someone who loves water, you would think that I would indulge in taking a warm bath for relaxation purposes more often than I do. But it was actually my boyfriend that taught me the benefits of taking a warm bath. While a bath can certainly be used for hygiene purposes or to wash away the day, it also has many other benefits such as alleviating muscle aches and pains, helping to regulate your body temperature, and helping you sleep better at night. So King, run a warm bath, put on some calming music, light a candle and enjoy.
Massage
Massages are an act of self-care that I'd say most men are probably fairly comfortable reveling in, however, research shows that more women get massages than men. Make time to get an occasional massage, fellas. You can literally get one anywhere from the spa to the airport. Massages help alleviate stress, anxiety, pain, tension, and can even enhance exercise performance.
Meditation
If you scroll through social media, you will no doubt become inundated with messages on healing and meditation that are directed at women. It's actually pretty disheartening that more men are not encouraged to meditate. Regular meditation can significantly benefit both your physical and mental health. There are so many different types of meditation, so there is literally something for everyone. Headspace.com has a great write up on the different types of meditation. I encourage my brothers to browse and find the one that is right for you.
Therapist
Mental health can be a bit of a taboo in the black community overall, but especially for black men who are expected to be strong and show little-to-no emotion. While it is important to take care of your skin, your body, your hands, and your feet, please don't forget about your mind, guys. If your mind isn't healthy, it really doesn't matter how healthy the rest of you is. More and more therapists are offering telehealth options due to COVID-19. There are also sites like Therapy for Black Men that can help you find a therapist in your area.
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While speaking to xoNecole, Eva shares that she’s a lot like the beloved 1994 character in many ways. “Lyric is so me. She's the odd flower. A flower nonetheless, but definitely not a peony,” she tells us.
“She's not the average flower you see presented, and so she reminds me of myself. I'm a sunflower, beautiful, but different. And what I loved about her character then, and even more so now, is that she was very sure of herself.
"Sure of what she wanted in life and okay to sacrifice her moments right now, to get what she knew she deserved later. And that is me. I'm not an instant gratification kind of a person. I am a long game. I'm not a sprinter, I'm a marathon.
America first fell in love with Eva when she graced our screens on cycle 3 of America’s Next Top Model in 2004, which she emerged as the winner. Since then, she's ventured into different avenues, from acting on various TV series like House of Payne to starring on Real Housewives of Atlanta.
Je-Caryous Johnson Entertainment
Eva praises her castmates and the play’s producer, Je’Caryous for her positive experience. “You know what? Je’Caryous fuels my audacity car daily, ‘cause I consider myself an extremely audacious woman, and I believe in what I know, even if no one else knows it, because God gave it to me. So I know what I know. That is who Je’Caryous is.”
But the mom of three isn’t the only one in the family who enjoys acting. Eva reveals her daughter Marley has also caught the acting bug.
“It is the most adorable thing you can ever see. She’s got a part in her school play. She's in her chorus, and she loves it,” she says. “I don't know if she loves it, because it's like, mommy does it, so maybe I should do it, but there is something about her.”
Overall, Eva hopes that her contribution to the role and the play as a whole serves as motivation for others to reach for the stars.
“I want them to walk out with hope. I want them to re-vision their dreams. Whatever they were. Whatever they are. To re-see them and then have that thing inside of them say, ‘You know what? I'm going to do that. Whatever dream you put on the back burner, go pick it up.
"Whatever dream you've accomplished, make a new dream, but continue to reach for the stars. Continue to reach for what is beyond what people say we can do, especially as [a] Black collective but especially as Black women. When it comes to us and who we are and what we accept and what we're worth, it's not about having seen it before. It's about knowing that I deserve it.”
This interview has been edited for length and clarity.
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Eldest Daughter Syndrome had its viral moment online last year, and for good reason. The term gave language to the silent pressures so many eldest daughters tend to carry as a result of their birth order. Beyond that very needed conversation, birth order as a whole can offer insight into not only our traits and tendencies, but also how we show up in life, love, and even our work.
Below, we’re breaking down the traits most commonly associated with each birth order. Keep reading to learn what your birth order might say about you.
If you are the oldest...
Let's be real, being the firstborn often comes with a lot of responsibility. And it's usually not by choice. From early on, they’re the ones who set the tone, carry the weight, and take on the title of "the responsible one." Because of that, they often grow into reliable, high-achieving adults. But the pressure of being "the blueprint" and the one to "lead by example" can also be a heavy burden to bear.
Oldest child traits may look like:
- Natural leaders that take charge even when they didn’t mean to (read: she's bossy, but keeping it cute)
- High standards (for yourself and everyone else)
- Motivated, goal-oriented, and always chasing that next accomplishment
- Reliable and conscientious
- Perfectionist tendencies that can lead to burnout
- Struggles with being controlling or micromanaging
- Often cautious, craving stability over spontaneity
- Finds it hard to rest or ask for help
If you are the middle child...
Season 2 Netflix GIF by Gilmore Girls GiphyIn the grand scheme of the birth order lineup, the middle child can be the quiet MVPs. As the child who falls in the order "in-between," they’re used to being the one who keeps the peace while also fighting to stand out. But being the “in-between” can also mean feeling overlooked or forgotten. In some families, especially ones with toxic dynamics, the middle child may even take on the role of the "black sheep," while their siblings are seen as the golden children. Still, despite (or maybe because of) that, middle children tend to thrive socially and can read a room like the back of their hand.
Middle child traits may include:
- Top-tier peacemakers who can smooth over almost any situation
- Adaptable and easygoing (even when they’re lowkey screaming inside)
- Often feel overlooked or like they have to do the most to be seen
- People-pleasers who put everyone else first
- Social butterflies and community-minded, with strong friendships outside the family
- Can be rebellious when they feel boxed in
- Thrive when they’re allowed to define success on their own terms
- The ultimate go-between, translating vibes between generations, personalities, and moods
If you are the youngest...
Season 1 Ff GIF by FreeformGiphyThe baby of the family walks through life knowing how to charm, persuade, and perform. They often grow up with more freedom and fewer expectations, which fuels their adventurous and carefree side. But that same freedom can sometimes lead to entitlement, or a tendency to seek validation by being the "fun one."
Youngest child traits might include:
- Social butterflies who light up a room and don’t mind the spotlight
- Natural charmers, funny, flirtatious, and usually down for anything
- Can be a little self-centered or attention-seeking (but you still love them for it)
- Tend to keep things uncomplicated… unless they’re not getting their way
- Known to be manipulative when trying to get what they want
- Free-spirited and bold in their choices
- Often underestimated, but capable of big things when they focus
- Thrive in spaces that let them express, explore, and be a little extra
If you are the only child...
High School Drama GIF by HBO MaxGiphyOnly children can be the ultimate "one woman show" as they are often a mix of all the birth orders rolled into one. Without siblings, they learn to entertain themselves, advocate for their needs, and navigate adult conversations early. That independence can make them magnetic, mature, and deeply introspective, but it also comes with a deep craving for validation and control.
Only child traits can include:
- Mature and wise beyond their years, often viewed as old souls
- Conscientious and responsible, usually the go-to person in their circle
- Seek approval and validation more than they let on
- Natural leaders with big ideas and even bigger plans
- Can be sensitive and deeply affected by criticism
- Prefer structure, routines, and control (sometimes to a fault)
- Like things done their way (and don’t love compromising)
- Thrive in solitude but still want to feel seen and celebrated
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