The first time I had ever come across Tristan Mack Wilds' impeccable acting talent was in my then-favorite book-to-movie adaptation of Gina Prince-Bythewood's The Secret Life of Bees. Playing the role of a young Black male in South Carolina during the 1960s confidently spoke to his ability to adapt to historic significance and tell his story through the silver screen. Two short years later, he would become a protagonist on one of my favorite TV shows to date, 90210, as Dixon Wilson. As his acting career began to blossom, his music career followed suit during which time he would receive a Grammy nomination for Best Urban Contemporary Album and, later, be signed to Roc Nation.
Tristan 'Mack' Wilds is an actor, an artist, a podcast host, a Black man, and more importantly, a human being. From his acting debut on Spike Lee's Miracle Boys to HBO's The Wire and VH1's television movie The Breaks, Mack has effortlessly stepped up to the challenge of portraying any character in a script that is thrown his way. As a man of many talents, Mack recently talked to xoNecole about managing his mental health within his career duties and responsibilities, being present in modes of self-care and the stigmas against Black men in our community.
In order to start a conversation about mental health, we have to define it - or, at least define what it looks like to us. "My personal definition of mental health is my same definition for physical health and spiritual health: know yourself," advises Mack Wilds to xoNecole. "We should look at mental health the same way we look at physical health, or spiritual health. It starts with understanding where you are. From there, it's up to you - do you want to grow? Are you happy where you are? What and where are your limits?"
Courtesy of Mack Wilds
"We should look at mental health the same way we look at physical health, or spiritual health. It starts with understanding where you are. From there, it's up to you - do you want to grow? Are you happy where you are? What and where are your limits?"
When I have a depressive spell, my body aches, my appetite is construed and I'm fatigued more than ever. Linking back to the concept of physical health, Mack Wilds recalls previous accounts where his physical and his mental weren't in sync. "I don't think people understand how much your mental and physical are connected," he explains. "Whether it's dealing with a depression episode or a strenuous workout, the connection of mind and body is necessary to understand if you want the optimal way to pull through."
When our mental health is compromised, especially within communities of color, the shame and stigmatization placed upon us weighs more when added to the stress of anxiety, depression and trauma in our minds. According to Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration, the suicide rate amongst African-American children between the ages of 5-11 increased exponentially since 1993. In the Black community, men are not allowed to speak on their mental health because they're deemed as "weak" or not masculine, and this starts in the home with our childhood upbringing. "I think we've all had those moments where we hear 'boys don't cry', or 'man up,' to keep us from crying, but my mom always gave me the space needed to explore my emotions," Mack shares with xoNecole. "And because of that, i've been able to better recognize my feelings and how to handle them."
While Mack hasn't had any negative stigmas aimed at his head personally, he shares with xoNecole his thoughts on labels and connotations that are used as ridicule for those that suffer from a mental illness. "I can't say I've heard any disparaging words towards me personally, but I can tell you the idea that depression isn't real, or it's all in your head is terrible," says Wilds. "If you're going through it, a lot of times you begin to think that yourself and belittle what you're feeling, and the only way to combat that is to be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel however you feel, and understand what someone says or feels about you has less to do with you than you think; majority of the time, it's how they feel about themselves, or it's an emotion they've been scared to talk about themselves."
Courtesy of Mack Wilds
"If you're going through it, a lot of times you begin to think that yourself and belittle what you're feeling, and the only way to combat that is to be gentle with yourself. Allow yourself to feel however you feel, and understand what someone says or feels about you has less to do with you than you think; majority of the time, it's how they feel about themselves, or it's an emotion they've been scared to talk about themselves."
When it comes to managing his own mental health in his day-to-day experience, Mack finds balance in meditation, good communication, good food and seeing the smile of his beautiful daughter. These are all things that the entertainer describes as "just doing things that keep your mind stable and happy."
Retrospectively, Mack admits to xoNecole about a time where mental health impacted him personally - which in turn became a wake-up call that mental health is for everyone. "I think when I was going through a depressive state, just seeing and understanding how energy moves, you can see its effect on everyone you come in contact with. Energy is never broken down; it just moves from one place to another," Mack says.
As an actor, it is his duty and responsibility to accurately and effortlessly portray the stories - some fabricated narrations and some true accounts - of others. "Does that ever become daunting on your own sense of self and how do you balance your mental health while diving deep into the mind of other characters?" I challenged the New York native during our chat.
"If you remember the movie Inception, they always had a 'totem' that would let them know what world they were in, the dream world or the real one," he begins. "I believe we, as actors, need something to that effect as well. Mine happens to be my family. After a role that has you delve deep into someone else's psyche, you need that 'totem' or that anchor to pull you back into your own reality. Can it be daunting on your own sense of self? Absolutely, but keeping that totem always brings you back."
Courtesy of Mack Wilds
"I believe we, as actors, need something to that effect as well. Mine happens to be my family. After a role that has you delve deep into someone else's psyche, you need that 'totem' or that anchor to pull you back into your own reality. Can it be daunting on your own sense of self? Absolutely, but keeping that totem always brings you back."
While starring in TV One's 2018 film Dinner for Two with Chaley Rose and Skylar Brooks, Mack's storyline demonstrated the narrative of a Black husband and father, depicting his downward spiral into depression and alcoholism. When asked how true he believed this story to be for Black men and its relevance to sharing these stories on our silver screens to a wider audience, Mack challenged xoNecole's way of initially posing the question.
"I hate to generalize a story like that by race. We all go through our trials and tribulations differently. I believe it's possible, I think we all battle demons on our own, and that's what Chris [his character] was pretty much doing throughout the movie, but it's necessary to showcase not only stories like this, but all of our stories. Our spectrum is grand, and we've only encompassed a small part of our lives on film," he explains about the role of race in this particular movie.
Moreover, when asked which of his roles has been the most mentally challenging of them all, including playing the leading love interest in Adele's "Hello" music video, he responds, "I would have to say Dinner for Two. To play Chris and jump into his skin, understanding where we were going to go at the end was rough, but necessary. I appreciated it."
As an actor, artist, influencer and podcast host normalizing the conversation around mental health, therapy, and self-esteem, Mack has been using his platform for the greater good of mental wellness. "The only way to normalize it is to stop treating it like it doesn't exist, or keeping it as the elephant in the room. I believe the more we're given the room to speak on it, the more normal it becomes," he shares as he continues to touch upon his personal experience with self-imaging and the effects of his relationship with his daughter, Trystan Naomi Wilds. "I have definitely been in those dark places where I question the way I look, compare myself to those around me, even play with the idea of if the world would be better off without me here, but my strength comes from my girl and my daughter- and therapy. She's innocent in everything, so she deserves to have an amazing father, and I want to be the best man I could possibly be for the both of them."
Photo Credit: Julianny Casado/@Juliannycasado
Courtesy of Mack Wilds
"I have definitely been in those dark places where I question the way I look, compare myself to those around me, even play with the idea of if the world would be better off without me here, but my strength comes from my girl and my daughter- and therapy. She's innocent in everything, so she deserves to have an amazing father, and I want to be the best man I could possibly be for the both of them."
When Mack was younger - before being a father and Grammy-nominated artist - he depicted iconic roles such as Michael on The Wire and Dixon on 90210 that would later become pillars in his acting and professional career. He recognizes the importance of presenting the conversation of mental health to the age bracket in which he identified during these times. He encourages younger generations, including Generation Z, to "just speak on it."
"SPEAK. Take YOUR time, but do not be afraid to speak on what you're going through, what you've been through, or what you want to do about it," advises Mack. "I would just give them the space needed to speak on their feelings and help them find productive ways to let go of what's burdening them."
For more of Mack, follow him on Instagram.
Featured image by Julianny Casado/@Juliannycasado
Originally published on May 25, 2020
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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You'd Be Amazed How Much These 10 Essential Oils Can Give You Some Blissful Sleep
If you’re someone who has a sleep routine (or you’re seriously thinking about creating one), please make sure that you incorporate scent into it. Although things like a cooler temperature in your bedroom, incorporating nature sounds (like rain or ocean waves via a sound machine or even a YouTube channel) and even sipping on some tart cherry juice are proven ways to get you the quality of rest that you’re after, science says that your sense of smell shouldn’t be overlooked.
In fact, aromatherapy is quite powerful when it comes to promoting calm and relaxation, helping to put you into an optimistic mood, reducing stress, preventing insomnia, and improving how soundly you are able to sleep throughout the night. And so, since I’m such an essential oils fan (and I truly am!), let’s get into 10 that will help you to rest well — thanks to the way that they smell along with a few other benefits that they are able to offer you too.
Essential Oils for Better Sleep
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1. Lavender
When it comes to essential oils that are best for you in the “rest and relaxation department,” lavender may be the most popular one. That’s because it is well known for doing everything from reducing pain and inflammation and making menstrual cramps less intense to lowering anxiety and increasing your melatonin levels. On a super scientific note, something else that’s cool about lavender oil is it works with your body’s neurotransmitters in order to reduce restlessness if you happen to be someone who doesn’t sleep soundly due to tossing and turning all throughout the night.
2. Cedarwood
Although I’ve always liked the earthy scent of cedarwood, something that caused it to earn my respect was reading about how it’s an all-natural way to improve the attention span of children who’ve been diagnosed with autism and ADHD. Beyond that, as far as calming oneself goes, cedarwood oil is able to soothe arthritic discomfort, reduce coughing (if a cold is what’s keeping you up), decrease the itchiness and irritation that comes with eczema, lower your stress levels, and, yes, improve your quality of sleep if you’re someone who happens to rest yet not really…rest well.
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3. Patchouli
Another oil that has a solid reputation for decreasing bodily inflammation is patchouli. Some other things that make it stellar are the facts that it helps to ward off depression-related symptoms (if that is what keeps you up at night), puts you in a better mood, boosts your immunity (so that being under the weather doesn’t prevent you from catching some zzz’s) and it even intensifies your libido — ‘cause chile, ain’t nothin’ like the sleep that you get after having an orgasm…or two. Oh, and it absolutely must go on record that patchouli oil also acts as a sedative if you’ve been dealing with insomnia as of late as well.
4. Marjoram
Women who are looking for an all-natural way to regulate their hormones (check out “5 Signs Your Estrogen Is Too High. 5 Signs It's Too Low.”) might want to speak with their doctor (or homeopath) about trying marjoram oil. Some research says that it can help to balance hormones which can make PMS and the latter stages of perimenopause more tolerable (which can make falling and staying asleep easier to do too). Marjoram is also helpful when it comes to reducing pain, easing digestion, and alleviating anxiety.
Plus, since marjoram is an oil that is high in magnesium and magnesium is a nutrient that can help you to get to sleep, stay asleep, and then wake up feeling refreshed — so long as you’re not pregnant or breastfeeding (you should consult your doctor first if you are because it can sometimes produce side effects in your case), you definitely should give marjoram a shot.
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5. Ylang Ylang
Typically, when I think of the essential oil ylang ylang, what comes to my mind is how it can make for a very eventful evening…if you catch my drift (check out “Ultimate Climax Hack? 10 Scents That Make It So Much Easier To Orgasm”); however, it can actually help you out in more areas of your life than just your bedroom. Ylang ylang is another oil that helps to reduce pain and anxiety. Something else to keep in mind about ylang ylang is if you’re having a hard time falling asleep due to something like a headache or even respiratory issues, putting a couple of drops into a diffuser could bring some relief. That’s because ylang ylang is also classified as being a sedative — one that can even help to lower the blood pressure in your bae (healthy men) if need be.
6. Fennel
As a doula, something that I’m well aware of is the fact that fennel seeds can help (some) mothers to produce more breast milk. It doesn’t stop there, though. If sleep is evading you due to gas or constipation, fennel oil can help you out there. Some scientific research also says that it’s the kind of oil that can help you feel less anxious if you’re trying to rest after a long hard day. And, since fennel is known for making sleeping better when it’s in tea form, I don’t see why it wouldn’t do the same thing as an essential oil too.
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7. Valerian Root
If you’re looking for the kind of essential oil that will help you to relax, on pretty much every level, look no further than valerian root. The properties in it are going to help to calm your nervous system, soothe headache tension, lower your stress levels, decrease menstrual cramp discomfort, bring relief to hot flashes (that come with perimenopause) and yes, it’s an all-natural approach to insomnia as well. Although many choose to use it in supplement form, applying valerian root oil to pressure points like your feet can also provide a very relaxing and impactful effect.
8. Jasmine
If you check out my article, “8 Natural Aphrodisiac Scents, Where They Go & How To Make Them Last” from back in the day, you’ll see that jasmine is another essential oil that is considered to be a pretty potential one if you’re looking to boost you (or your partner’s libido). I get why too because its floral-meets-fruity scent can be quite sensual. Beyond the bedroom, jasmine can help you to feel less stressed and anxious, experience less menstrual-related discomfort, and make you feel less depressed — and yes, it contains properties that qualify the oil to be a sedative. This is especially the case if you blend it with another soothing essential oil like lavender.
9. Clary Sage
If pretty much nothing but perimenopause symptoms are what’s keeping you awake at night, you might want to keep a bottle of clary sage oil on your nightstand because it can help to decrease night sweats by naturally “leveling out” the estrogen that may be on a bit of a roller coaster ride in your system right through here. Other things that this oil can do is reduce stress and help to relax your system. Not to mention the fact that if menstrual cramps are what’s keeping you up, some women say that rubbing some of the oil (add a carrier oil like sweet almond or avocado to the oil to dilute it a bit, please) to your abdominal region can provide quite a bit of relief.
10. Vetiver
Final one. In my opinion, it’s kind of surprising that vetiver essential oil isn’t mentioned more in the holistic care space. For starters, it has been celebrated for providing support for children with ADHD as well as decreasing nervousness and anxiety in adults. Some other ways that this oil can benefit you is it’s the kind of aphrodisiac that raises testosterone levels while lowering cortisol ones (cortisol is a stress hormone that’s in your body) which can intensify orgasms and promote great rest — and yes, it’s also mentioned quite often in the sleep-inducing space.
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You know, I once read that since 2010, the amount of people who rely on sleeping pills to get to sleep has pretty much doubled. Since the side effects of the long-term use of over-the-counter sedatives include things like headaches, muscle weakness, digestion issues, and even louder snoring and sleeplessness, consider trying one of these essential oils before popping a pill. As you can see, not only can certain oils help to lull you to sleep — but they can help in so many other areas too. Happy resting, chile.
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