Niecy Nash On Breaking Generational Curses & Learning To Choose Herself
We make choices from the time we wake up in the morning until we lay our heads down at the end of the night. You chose to commit to the obligations you made to the people in your life, and you come through. You chose to dedicate your time and your energy to your chosen career path and you came through. But when it comes down to moments in your life when it's time to make the hard choices and invest in your own happiness, how often do you come through, sis?
Earlier this week at the ESSENCEBlack Women In Hollywood Awards, Niecy Nash revealed that this was also a question she had to ask herself after making a difficult decision to divorce her second husband.
Rich Fury/WireImage
In December, Niecy announced her split from her husband of 8 years, Jay Tucker, and the Internet was shook. While the When They See Us actress may have had one hell of a year professionally, in her Vanguard Award acceptance speech, Niecy explained that last year, she was fighting a tumultuous personal battle internally.
Although she had come to terms with her separation with her soon-to-be-ex-husband, after announcing her choice to her family, she found that they didn't have the same energy. She explained:
"When I owned we were better friends than life partners, my family was quick to say, 'But you all look so good together.' And, 'Well, if the man ain't beating you, what you leaving for?' The one that made me laugh the most was an ode to him being attractive. [They said,] 'Well, you never had to put a sack on his head to sleep with him.'"
Niecy shared that she later learned that her internal battle was one that was generations in-the-making. The 49-year-old mother-of-three explained that her fear of ending her marriage and being alone was rooted in her childhood and had been learned from other women in her life:
"There was a huge myth I inherited from the women in my family which is, 'You are nothing without a man. Get one and keep one no matter what.' This long line of women that I come from had never been taught what choosing yourself looks like."
It was then that Niecy found the courage to break free from the expectations of both her family and the internet to walk in her own truth and ultimately find happiness.
"And I replied, 'What about my happiness?' The untethering from my family's beliefs, the internet's expectations and my marriage ending caused me so much pain. Pain is putting things in necessary order. You've got to acknowledge how you feel. Trust that it is so much easier to walk in your shoes than it is run towards a lie."
While choosing yourself isn't always easy, it's always worth it, and the Claws star says that she learned this lesson firsthand so that her daughters won't have to:
"You've got to own the part you play. I encourage you to walk in your truth, live your trauma and live your best damn life. I am the most grateful because I now know myself much better than before. I let my daughters watch me walk through the whole thing. Because I want them to get up every single day and choose themselves. I realize I did right when my daughter said to me, 'I am so proud of you, and I want to be just like you when I grow up.' [My] generational curse is broken!"
Niecy had this word for women who may be struggling to come through for themselves:
"You will always be the thing—whether you've got a man or not, whether you have someone chasing you. It doesn't matter. You're the thing. You get up every day and choose yourself, and you teach your children to do the same."
Featured image by Rich Fury/WireImage
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Sheila Rashid's Androgynous Approach To Unisex Clothing Is A Lesson In Embracing Individuality
The ItGirl 100 List is a celebration of 100 Black women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table.
For Sheila Rashid, it all started with some free-hand drawings and a few strokes of paint.
The Chicago-based clothing designer and creative director of Sheila Rashid Brand recalls using her spare time in high school to hand paint designs on t-shirts and distressed hoodies, distributing them to classmates as walking billboards for her art.
Rashid sought to pursue fashion design at Columbia College in Chicago but eventually took the self-taught route to build upon her knack for crafting one-of-a-kind, androgynous pieces.
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Thanks to the mentorship of local designers taking her under their wings, Rashid was able to gain valuable experience in putting together collections and creating patterns; equipping her with them with the necessary skills to pursue her own collections.
After two years of living in New York, Rashid returned home to the Chi and uncovered the unique flair she could offer the city. “I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world,” she tells xoNecole. “That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
For the Midwest native, inspiration comes from her time around creative peers and the city’s notorious winters — known to be a main character in many Chicagoans stories. “It's a different perspective and mindset when I'm making stuff because of the weather here,” she explains. “When we get summer, it’s ‘Summertime Chi’ — it's amazing. It's beautiful. Still, I find myself always making clothes that cater to the winter.”
"I moved to New York after that because I wanted to be in the fashion capital world. That's when I really got a leg up. I found myself when I moved back to Chicago after moving to New York.”
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Many designers have a signature aesthetic or theme in their creations. In Rashid’s design story, dancing between the lines of femininity and masculinity is how she’s been able to distinguish herself within the industry. Her androgynous clothing has garnered the eye of celebrities like Zendaya, Chance the Rapper, WNBA star Sydney Colson, and more — showing her range and approach to designs with inclusivity in mind.
“I think I do reflect my own style,” she says. “When I do make pieces, I'm very tomboyish, androgynous. My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes.” From denim to overalls, and color-drenched outerwear, Rashid has mastered the structure of statement pieces that tell a story.
“Each collection, I never know what's going to be the thing I'm going to focus on. I try to reflect my own style and have fun with the storytelling,” she shares. “I look at it more like it's my art in this small way of expressing myself, so it's not that calculated.”
"My work is unisex because I feel like everybody can wear it. I cater to everybody and that's how I try to approach my clothes."
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Still, if you were able to add up all the moments within Rashid’s 20-year career in design, one theme that has multiplied her into becoming an “ItGirl” is her confidence to take up space within the fashion industry as a queer, Black woman. “Being an ItGirl is about being yourself, loving what you do, finding your niche, and mastering that,” she says.
No matter where you are on your ItGirl journey, Rashid says to always remain persistent and never hesitate to share your art with the world. “Don’t give up. Even if it's something small, finish it and don't be afraid to put it out,” she says, “It's about tackling your own fear of feeling like you have to please everybody, but just please yourself, and that's good enough.”
To learn more about the ItGirl 100 List, view the full list here.
Featured image Courtesy