

Blac Chyna & Tokyo Toni Are Proof That Your Parents Can Be Toxic Too
When you were put on this earth, you were given power and authority to break generational curses, heal generational traumas, and create a new legacy for your lineage. Many of the toxic behaviors we exhibit come from none other than the ones we love, but It's up to you to break the cycle, and sometimes that means creating boundaries with toxic family members, and the latest episode of The Real Blac Chyna is proof that this advice is big facts.
Reality TV is often an only an illusion of the way life really is, and sometimes we can forget that behind the personality, there is a real person who carries many of the same generational traumas and curses that we do.
I'll be the first to admit that I've never really truly understood the enigma that is "Blac Chyna". I love black women and there's nothing you can say to make me feel otherwise, but there was something about her that felt disingenuous and I was never really able to connect with that character that she often plays in the media. But recently, a clip surfaced that featured a heated altercation between her and her mother, Tokyo Toni, that made me look at Angela White in a much different light.
After years of public confrontation, Blac Chyna and Tokyo publicly reconciled their relationship at an event in Atlanta; but it seems their happy ending didn't last long. A heated argument about Lord knows what (somebody lend me your Zeus password) recently went viral, proving that when it comes to some situations in the black community, we don't need a TV show; we need a therapist. During their argument, emotional abuse eventually led to physical threats and home decor items being used as trajectory weapons.
One of the most notable moments from the show was when Tokyo suggested that no matter how toxic your mother is, you should still respect her; and I gotta be real. I can't relate, sis. My relationship with my mom hasn't always been perfect, but there is and always has been a tone of respect and love that we both ensured was mutual and reciprocal. You can't fill from an empty cup, and I would imagine that it's hard to learn respect from someone who has never shown you an example.
The clip, as disturbing as it is, exhibits the characteristics of the very dangerous relationship dynamic that has been present in black families for generations. Blac Chyna and her mom remind us that at a certain point, you have to decide what's most important: your relationship or your sanity. But here's a pro tip: always pick your sanity, sis.
Since the show's debut, Blac Chyna has made it clear that she's intent on ending the cycle of emotional and physical abuse, starting with her own two children. She posted a photo Instagram of her two "angels" and wrote:
"Seven things every child needs to hear: I love you, I'm proud of you, I'm sorry, I forgive you, I'm listening. This is your responsibility. You have what it takes to succeed."
While I still can't quite wrap my head around everything that Blac Chyna does, I can relate to who Angela White as a woman. While I was blessed to have a mom and dad who taught me the value of mutual respect, there have been other people in my life who have made it a point to sacrifice my happiness because they were unhappy with themselves while I sat back and endured their abuse because "I love you".
The power of connection can be a beautiful thing, but if it comes at the expense of your spiritual emotional and physical peace, it's not worth it, sis. Break the cycle.
Featured image by Zeus.
Taylor "Pretty" Honore is a spiritually centered and equally provocative rapper from Baton Rouge, Louisiana with a love for people and storytelling. You can probably find me planting herbs in your local community garden, blasting "Back That Thang Up" from my mini speaker. Let's get to know each other: @prettyhonore.
Chief Mom Officer: 23 Quotes From Working Moms Finding Their Balance
The truth is, Black moms create magic every single day. Whether we're juggling motherhood with a busy 9-5, a thriving business, or staying at home to run a household, no day is short of amazing when you're managing life as a mommy. This Mother's Day, xoNecole is giving flowers to CMOs (Chief Mom Officers) in business who exemplify the strength it takes to balance work with motherhood.
We've commissioned these ladies, who are pillars in their respective industries, for tidbits of advice to get you through the best and worst days of mothering. Here, they share their "secret sauce" and advice for other moms trying to find their rhythm.
Emmelie De La Cruz, Chief Strategist at One Day CMO
"My mom friends and I all laugh and agree: Motherhood is the ghettoest thing you will ever do. It's beautiful and hard all at the same time, but one day you will wake up and feel like 'I got this' and you will get the hang of it. After 4 months, I finally felt like I found my footing to keep my kid and myself alive, but it took vulnerability to take off the cape and be honest about the areas that I didn't have it all together. The healing (physically and emotionally) truly does happen in community - whatever and whoever that looks like for you."
Alizè V. Garcia, Director Of Social & Community Impact at Nike
"I would tell a new mom or a prospective mother that they must give themselves grace, understand and remember there is no right way to do this thing and have fun! When I had my daughter three and a half years ago, I was petrified! I truly had no clue about what to do and how I was going to do it. But with time, my confidence grew and I realized quickly that I have all the tools I need to be the mother I want to be."
Nikki Osei-Barrett, Publicist + Co-Founder of The Momference
"There's no balance. I'm dropping sh*t everywhere! However, my secret sauce is pursuing interests and hobbies outside of what's required of me and finding time to workout. Stronger body equals = stronger mind."
Lauren Grove, Chief Experience Architect, The Grant Access, LLC
"I try to give myself grace. That’s my mantra for this phase of motherhood…grace. I won’t be able to get everything done. To have a spotless house. To not lose my cool after an exhausting day. Those things can’t happen all of the time. But I can take a deep breath and know tomorrow is another day and my blessings are more plentiful than my pitfalls."
Rachel Nicks, Founder & CEO of Birth Queen
"You have the answers within you. Don’t compare yourself to others. Curate your life to work for you. Ask for help."
Tanisha Colon-Bibb, Founder + CEO Rebelle Agency + Rebelle Management
"I know love doesn't pay bills but when I am overwhelmed with work or client demands I take a moment to play with my baby and be reminded of the love, energy, science, and Godliness that went into his birth. I am brightened by his smile and laugh. I remember I am someone's parent and not just a work horse. That at the end of the day everything will work out for the good of my sanity and the love within my life."
Christina Brown, Founder of LoveBrownSugar & BabyBrownSugar
"Learning your rhythm as a mom takes time and can be uncomfortable when you’re in a season of overwhelm. Constantly check in with yourself and assess what’s working and what’s not. Get the help you need without feeling guilty or ashamed of needing it."
Mecca Tartt, Executive Director of Startup Runway Foundation
"I want to be the best for myself, my husband, children and company. However, the reality is you can have it all but not at the same time. My secret sauce is outsourcing and realizing that it’s okay to have help in order for me to perform at the highest level."
Jen Hayes Lee, Head Of Marketing at The Bump (The Knot Worldwide)
"My secret sauce is being direct and honest with everyone around me about what I need to be successful in all of my various "jobs". Setting boundaries is one thing, but if you're the only one who knows they exist, your partners at home and on the job can't help you maintain them. I also talk to my kids like adults and let them know why mommy needs to go to this conference or get this massage...they need to build an appreciation for my needs too!"
Whitney Gayle-Benta, Chief Music Officer JKBX
"What helps me push through each day is the motivation to continue by thinking about my son. All my efforts, though exhausting, are to create a wonderful life for him."
Ezinne Okoro, Global Chief Inclusion, Equity, & Diversity Officer at Wunderman Thompson,
"The advice I received that I’ll pass on is, you will continue to figure it out and find your rhythm as your child grows into new stages. Trust your nurturing intuition, parent on your terms, and listen to your child."
Jovian Zayne, CEO of The OnPurpose Movement
"I live by the personal mantra: 'You can’t be your best self by yourself.' My life feels more balanced when I offer the help I can give and ask for the help I need. This might mean outsourcing housecleaning for my home, or hiring additional project management support for my business."
Simona Noce Wright, Co-Founder of District Motherhued and The Momference
"Each season of motherhood (depending on age, grade, workload) requires a different rhythm. With that said, be open to learning, to change, and understand that what worked for one season may not work the other...and that's okay."
Janaye Ingram, Director of Community Partner Programs and Engagement at Airbnb
"My daughter's smile and sweet spirit help me to feel gratitude when I'm overwhelmed. I want her to see a woman who doesn't quit when things get hard."
Codie Elaine Oliver, CEO & Founder of Black Love
"I try to listen to my body and simply take a break. With 3 kids and a business with 10+ team members, I often feel overwhelmed. I remind myself that I deserve grace for everything I'm juggling, I take a walk or have a snack or even head home to see my kids, and then I get back to whatever I need to get done."
Jewel Burks Solomon, Managing Partner at Collab Capital
"Get comfortable with the word ‘no’. Be very clear about your non-negotiables and communicate them to those around you."
Julee Wilson, Executive Director at BeautyUnited and Beauty Editor-at-Large at Cosmopolitan
"Understand you can’t do it alone — and that’s ok. Relinquish the need to control everything. Create a village and lean on them."
Salwa Benyaich, Director Of Pricing and Planning at Premion
"Most days I really try to shut my computer off by 6 pm; there are always exceptions of course when it comes to big deals or larger projects but having this as a baseline allows me to be much more present with my kids. I love the fact that I can either help with homework or be the designated driver to at least one afterschool activity. Work can be draining but there is nothing more emotionally draining than when you feel as though you are missing out on moments with your kids."
Brooke Ellis, Head of Global Marketing & Product Launches at Amazon Music
My calendar, prayer, pilates class at Forma, a good playlist, and oatmilk lattes all help get me through any day.
Courtney Beauzile, Global Director of Client and Business Development at Shearman & Sterling
My husband is a partner who steps in when I just can’t. My mom and my MIL come through whenever and however I need. My kids have many uncles and aunts and they will lend an ear, go over homework, teach life lessons, be a presence or a prayer warrior depending on the day.
Robin Snipes, Chief of Staff at Meta
"Enjoy the time you have to yourself because once kids come those times will be few and far between."
Monique Bivens, CEO & Founder at Brazilian Babes LLC.
"For new moms, it is very important that you get back into a habit or routine of something you use to do before you were pregnant. Consider the actives and things that give you the most joy and make the time to do them."
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Featured image by Westend61/Getty Images
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I'm sure by now you've seen a crazy number of people pop up across your "For You" page or in a random YouTube ad doing ice baths, also known as cold plunges. You may be wondering why these people are intentionally sitting in a tub of water between 39 to 50 degrees. I know that's what you're thinking because for the past few years, every time I post about doing an ice bath, my comments and DMs get filled with questions.
Since April 12, 2023, I've been doing daily cold therapy at home in my plunge tub, and I want to share the personal benefits I've seen it have on my life as well as the science behind the process. If doing cold therapy is a goal of yours, keep reading for tips and resources for you to start your cold therapy journey.
Courtesy of Christa Janine
The Physical Benefits of Ice Baths
I originally started doing ice baths in 2018 to reduce muscle soreness after an intense workout, but now I use them as a method to reduce inflammation in my knees and perform at a higher level during workouts. I recently had a double meniscus repair on my right knee, and daily ice baths have helped with my recovery process as well.
Since beginning cold therapy daily, I've seen an increase in my energy levels and improvement in my sleep patterns. Even though my workload has remained the same or slightly increased at times, I've been able to maintain my level of energy throughout the day without feeling completely depleted by the end of the night. Likewise, I used to have intense insomnia, but now I'm averaging 7-8 hours of sleep each night.
In addition to the direct benefits I've experienced in my physical health, science has shown that cold therapy can also boost your immune system, increase blood flow, reduce chronic pain, and boost your metabolism.
The Mental Benefits of Ice Baths
Since incorporating daily ice baths into my daily routine, I've noticed that when I get overwhelmed and feel stressed, I'm able to better manage my anxiety and control my nervous system. One method that is taught to novice ice bathers is utilizing your breath as you enter the cold water. This teaches you how to calm down your fight, flight or freeze response.
By understanding how to use my breath in stressful situations and practicing this usage daily, I'm able to implement this same practice when I feel anxiety or panic attacks coming on in my everyday life. Let's be clear: I still have anxiety, but I’m able to breathe through those moments and quickly move past them.
Courtesy of Christa Janine
In addition, another benefit I've found is mental clarity and awareness. This is one of the top benefits I receive from ice baths. Learning how to direct my thoughts and focus with my breath, I find clarity even in stressful moments. Though I’ve been bombarded with a variety of tasks and obstacles daily, I’ve been able to navigate through with a clear mind. This also allows me to articulate my thoughts and emotions more clearly because I’m more aware of what I’m experiencing in real time.
Lastly, daily cold therapy teaches you discipline and commitment to yourself and your goals. It allows you to focus on one thing at a time and teaches you how to be present in the moment. It's also a daily reminder that you can do hard and uncomfortable things even when they seem impossible.
Resources
If you're interested in learning more about starting your own ice bath practice I'd suggest looking into these resources and following these experienced cold therapists.
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Featured image courtesy of Christa Janine