This Will Keep Your Family Off Of Your LAST Nerve This Holiday Season
Chile. This. Right. Here. Listen, if you're someone who is counting the days until Thanksgiving and/or Christmas because you come from a totally functional family that never disagrees and totally enjoys being up under each other 24/7, first off, let me say a big ole' kudos to you. No, really. That is absolutely beautiful—and amazing. But with articles out in cyberspace like "Why Families Fight During Holidays", "Average Couples Will Fight Seven Times Before Holiday End" and "So THAT'S Why Families Fight So Much at Christmas! Strict Schedules and Cramped Conditions Cause 'Hypercopresence'", I already know that there are others who are watching the movie Soul Food on loop, in hopes that their family will be able to sit around the dinner table in peace or, they're considering going on a prayer fast in order to maintain their sanity.
Family is a funny thing; not always in a "ha ha" kind of way either. But as they say, "You can't choose your family." You also can't make grandma not ask you for the billionth time when you're going to get married or have kids, your auntie from saying something slick about your weight or sense of style, or the men in the house from trying to hog the remote. Not to mention all of the dishes that constantly need to be washed, the limited bed space, and the folks whose personalities change more and more with every cup of eggnog. Lawd.
As you're trying to get your spirit right as you head to your parents' house or you prepare to host at your own place this year, cut yourself some slack. If there is a part of you that isn't 100 percent thrilled, that's OK. You're human (plus, studies reveal that it takes the average American only four hours before they need to take a break from extended family visits). But if, at the same time, you want to exude peace, joy and goodwill as much as possible for your sake and the sake of those who will be around you, here's hoping that the following tips can bring a few miracles into your family space this holiday season.
“Time” Your Time
I'm an ambivert which kind of breaks down into being perceived as being an extrovert when actually I am more of an introvert. And this is how much of an introvert that I am. A few years ago, Nashville got some for real, for real snow (which doesn't happen a ton). Two days in, some out of town people called to check on me and get this—I had no idea that the snowstorm even happened. Right. I hadn't even gone outside in like three days. Didn't look out of the windows either. That is how much I like my spot. And since I enjoy solitude too, the rare times when people do stay over here, I've got a five-day threshold rule. During those five days, I will cook for you, take you wherever you want to go—basically be on-call. But after those five days are up, you've got…to…go. No apologies either. I know me. This means that I know what my limits are as well.
Sometimes, folks feel like they are going to lose it around the holidays because they stay with someone longer than they can mentally or emotionally handle, or they allow others to semi-wear out their welcome. If this Thanksgiving, all you can endure is Thursday thru Saturday, hey—it is what it is. Better to know what you are able to endure and everything go smoothly than to push past your limits and all hell break loose. For real, doe.
Deactivate Your Triggers
If there is one thing that 2019 has taught me, it's how to get up close and personal with my triggers so that I can better learn how to deactivate them; especially when I'm around "trigger pushers"—or when it comes to certain family members of mine, trigger stompers. If there is a part of you that wonders why you are generally a pretty chill individual, but then, when a certain cousin walks through the door or your stepmother mumbles something under her breath, you are ready to leap over the table, they could be triggering you, perhaps without you even knowing it. And since a lot of triggers stem from our childhood, that would actually make a lot of sense. Over the holidays, sometimes we're reliving things that aren't the best memories, experiences or even people on the planet; it makes us vulnerable and that can make us irritable.
You can't change your cousin or your stepmom. All you can do is control yourself. But something that can give you a real leg up on avoiding any potential drama is if you spend some time figuring out what your triggers are, who pushes them, and things that you can do to "woosah" through them instead of poppin' off at every turn.
Avoiding “Romanticizing” Toxicity
Some people in my family are toxic. Simple as that. They are so toxic, in fact, that they inspired me to write "Why You Should Be Unapologetic About Setting Boundaries With Toxic Family Members". A particular relative who comes to mind is constantly bitter with a side of manipulative and controlling. For years, before I would see this individual, I would tell myself that this time was going to be different; that although the only thing that they had shown was how consistently negative they could be, somehow it wasn't going to be like that that year. Then, I would walk in their door, they'd immediate start whining about their life and then try and get me to do everything for them the entire visit, only for me to find myself all bent out of shape because I was disappointed. Again.
Y'all, this is what I call "romanticizing toxicity". Did you know that one definition of romantic is "fanciful; impractical; unrealistic"? And yes, when you're around people who are constantly showing how toxic they are, it's impractical and unrealistic to think that after years of them being this way, they are supernaturally going to be any different.
For toxic people, it has to be an act of God for anything to change. Until that happens, don't set yourself up for being let down by putting your heart in harm's way of toxic individuals. Set boundaries. Stand firmly in them. That should help you to navigate through their slick words and strange energy.
If There’s Not Enough Room…Get a Room
I've got a girlfriend whose husband's side of the family is cray-cray. So crazy that she and I discuss often that if she had really understood the depths of the dysfunction of his bloodline, it probably would've resulted in them remaining friends instead of getting married at all. And who is she gearing up to host this holiday season? Yep…you guessed it. Not for 48 hours either. It's for an entire week and some change. When I asked her how she was going to maintain her composure with all of that traffic, she said, "Girl, this wouldn't be happening at our other house. Luckily, we've got enough room at this one."
Her in-law dynamic is actually what inspired this particular tip because it reminded me that sometimes the holidays are hard simply because we need more space—both physically as well as emotionally. Space to catch our breath and our thoughts. A place to go where we won't have little people constantly crawling all over us or our great-uncle telling us the same five tired jokes for the tenth year in a row.
If you're headed to a relative's place and, when you ask about the sleeping arrangements they say something along the lines of, "Girl, there are enough couches and plenty of floor space", if that makes you already hyperventilate, it's OK if you want to get a hotel room or rent an Airbnb. I'm willing to bet that your family won't agree with me but, that's another thing that you've got to remember about going home for the holidays—you're not in high school or college anymore. You're an adult so, it's not about what they won't let you do; it's about you doing what you know is best. And sometimes, the best way to "respect your elders" is to give everyone some space. Starting with yourself.
Don’t Constantly Be at Home
Speaking of space, if you're going to your parents' place for the holidays and that happens to be where you grew up, this means that you know how to get around, right? No one said that going home meant that you had to sit in the kitchen and shuck peas or clean collards the entire time. Go to a movie. Meet up with some old friends. Plan ahead to be out of the house a little bit while you're there.
And what if you are the one who is hosting? My advice is to not feel the least bit guilty about scheduling a mani/pedi one day or "conveniently forgetting" some stuff at the grocery store that you need to run out and get a couple of times (several if necessary). Sometimes, just an hour of being in your car alone and listening to Donny Hathaway's "This Christmas" or strolling a couple of laps in a mall can rejuvenate you in ways you wouldn't even imagine.
If It’s Your House, Remember IT IS YOUR HOUSE
Something else that I think can be a challenge when it comes to dealing with relatives is everyone learning what it means to respect each other. In fact, something that I referenced in the toxic family article that I mentioned earlier is while a lot of our elders are quick to want to recite "Honor your father and mother" (Exodus 20:12), they somehow seem to have really selective memory when it comes to two Scriptures that say children shouldn't be provoked to wrath (Ephesians 6:4) or provoked to the point of becoming discouraged (Colossians 3:21).
Three points here. One, you are no longer a child. Therefore, you are well within your rights to expect to not be treated like one. Wanting to be treated like an adult is not "disrespectful"; elders trying to treat you like you're not one is. Point two—provoke means "to anger, enrage, exasperate, or vex". If someone is doing that to you, feel free to share the chapter and verse in the Good Book where all are instructed not to do this. And three, if you're hosting—your house, your rules.
Now, I'm not saying that if you've got no problem chillin' with a blunt and some bourbon that you need to puff-puff-pass in front of granddad or if you know your father lives for football that he should be made to watch The Best Man Holiday on loop. But what I am saying is you are the one who is paying the mortgage (or rent), so if anyone shouldn't feel like they need to walk on eggshells, that should be you. If there are house rules, share them. If folks are breaking them—even if it comes to disrespecting you and your feelings—enforce them. They would do it at their place. Trust me.
Choose Your Battles
A wise person once said, "You only have so much emotional energy each day. Don't fight battles that don't matter." Amen and amen. The relative who always has to have to have the last word? Maybe let them. The relative who always likes to tell the embarrassing story of what you did when you were 10? The sooner they tell it and laugh like they never said it before, the sooner everyone can move on. If your mom has a billion questions about the new guy you're seeing and you already know she's going to be hyper-critical—decide what to share, what to keep to yourself and leave it at that. Out of all of the stuff that I shared, I personally believe that family time can be stressful over the holiday season because we don't master the art of choosing our battles before we see everyone.
Abuse is one thing. Never tolerate that. But when it comes to the basically inconsequential stuff? Remember, even if it feels like a year, the visit is only going to be a few days. Accept folks for who they are, focus on making as many great memories as possible, and pre-plan a way to pamper yourself when it's all over. If you do these things, you should survive this holiday season, even when it comes to dealing with the relatives who always seem to want to tap dance on your very last nerve. In short, Mazel Tov. It's Hebrew for "good destiny". I'm sending plenty of that your way, so that you'll get through the holidays with tranquility and a smile. Happy Holidays, sis.
Want more stories like this? Sign up for our newsletter here and check out the related reads below:
How To Navigate Meeting Bae's Family For The First Time
How To Deal With Being The Successful One Of The Family
The Relationships In Your Life That Are Desperately In Need Of Boundaries
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Did you know that xoNecole has a new podcast? Join founder Necole Kane, and co-hosts Sheriden Chanel and Amer Woods, for conversations over cocktails each and every week by subscribing to xoNecole Happy Hour podcast on Apple Podcasts and Spotify.
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- Someone Treats You Like A Child - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- Navigate Family Dynamics During The Holidays - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- What To Wear To Meet The Parents - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
- How To Set Boundaries With Yourself - xoNecole: Women's Interest, Love, Wellness, Beauty ›
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- Avoiding Family Drama - YouTube ›
- Avoiding family drama during the holidays | Family Institute ›
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- Ten Ways to Keep Family Members From Ruining Your Holidays ... ›
- Tips To Avoid Family Drama This Holiday Season – CBS New York ›
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
There’s just something about HBCU Homecoming that just hits different. Whether it’s your first time stepping onto the yard since graduation or you’re a regular at every Homecoming tailgate, HBCU pride is undeniable. It’s a vibrant celebration that unites the legacy of excellence and tradition with the energy and resilience of Black culture.
The experience goes beyond a typical college reunion; HBCU Homecoming is a family reunion, a fashion show, a cultural festival, and a week-long turn-up that embodies what it means to be unapologetically Black and educated. For HBCU alumni, the journey back to the yard each year is rooted in a love and pride that’s hard to put into words but impossible to deny.
From statement pieces to tech must-haves, every item represents the intersection of Black pride and HBCU love, ensuring that you show up to the yard in style and with intention. So whether you’re repping your alma mater for the first time since graduation or looking for fresh pieces to express your HBCU pride, these essentials will have you standing out, because, at HBCU Homecoming, it’s not just about showing up—it’s about showing out.
Thread Goals
diarrablu Jant Pants in Alia Noir
High-waisted, wide-legged, and ready to shut down the yard, the Jant Pants by diarrablu bring a whole new meaning to campus chic. Handcrafted in Dakar, Senegal, these free-flowing jacquard pants are perfect for stepping onto the yard with style and ease—making them a must-have for any HBCU alum’s closet.
Silver & Riley Convertible Executive Leather Bag Classic Size in Olive
This all-in-one luxury bag isn’t a bestseller for nothing. The Silver & Riley essential is made of Italian calfskin leather and thoughtfully designed, as it can be worn in four different ways: a shoulder bag, crossbody, a top handle, and a backpack. Chic and elegant, the Convertible Executive Leather bag is “the bag that every woman needs in her collection.”
Renowned Women's Intuition Cotton Graphic T-Shirt
Renowned
Renowned’s Women’s Intuition Cotton Graphic T-shirt features a bold graphic print inspired by the power and essence of women’s intuition. With its striking design, this all-cotton tee is a vibrant thing, making it a statement piece that celebrates feminine energy.
Mifland Million M Mesh Crop Shirt
Talk about bold, the Million M Mesh Crop Shirt combines edgy style with comfort, featuring Mifland’s signature print on a semi-see-through mesh fabric. Show up and show out in sophisticated flair.
HBCU Love FUBU
Melanin Is Life Melanated & Educated - I Love My HBCU Hoodie
Show off your HBCU love with this piece that represents everything you gained from your alma mater: a top-tier education, a community that lifts you up, and a deep sense of esteem for yourself and your culture. Wear it loud and proud, because being melanated and educated isn’t just a flex—it’s a legacy.
HBCU Culture Spelmanite Sweatshirt in Navy
Spelmanites, rep your Spelman pride with this unisex crewneck sweatshirt, designed for ultimate comfort and a relaxed fit. Made from a cozy cotton/polyester blend, this classic sweatshirt is as durable as it is stylish—making it an ideal piece for any Spelmanite showing love for their alma mater.
HBCU Culture Howard Is The Culture T-Shirt
Rock the ultimate flex by showcasing your Howard U love with HBCU Culture’s Howard Is The Culture t-shirt. This unisex tee offers a comfortable, relaxed fit that’s perfect for celebrating your HBCU spirit without sacrificing style or comfort.
DungeonForward FAMU - Strike Bucket - Reversible
DungeonForward’s Strike Bucket Hat brings versatility and style to the FAMU Crown collection with its reversible design, giving you two looks in one. Featuring a sleek black snakeskin-embossed brim lining and a bold outline Rattler emblem, this hat is all about repping your Rattler pride in style.
DungeonForward Savannah State University - HBCU Hat - TheYard
The Savannah State University HBCU Hat by DungeonForward is more than just a hat—it’s a symbol of Tiger pride and a nod to the culture. Perfect for gamedays, tailgates, or just showing off your HBCU love, this hat lets you carry a piece of the yard wherever you go.
Tech the Halls
Anker iPhone 16 Portable Charger, Nano Power Bank
Stay charged up with the Anker Nano Power Bank, which features dual USB-C ports, a foldable connector, and a compact design, making it perfect for those HBCU tailgates and late-night parties you pull up to.
Drip Check
Wisdom Frame 14 Square Sunglasses
Elevate your look with these angular square-frame sunglasses by Wisdom, bringing an ultramodern edge to any outfit. The sleek design makes them perfect for blocking out the haters while you stunt on the yard.
Coco and Breezy Eyewear Fortune in Gray Turquoise
The Fortune Glasses in Grey Turquoise is a bold statement piece to any Homecoming weekend ‘fit that “embody our fearless and outspoken DNA.” With their color and edgy design, these frames by Coco and Breezy are perfect for anyone looking to stand out and express their unapologetic confidence.
Howard U Lapel Pin
Rep your Bison pride wherever you go with this Howard U Lapel Pin from Pretty AmbVision. Whether adding it to your jacket, shirt, or bag, this pin is the perfect way to showcase your love for your alma mater while rocking your HBCU love with honor and distinction.
Mifland Standard Rucksack Mini
The Standard Rucksack is designed to evolve like that HBCU pride—getting richer, bolder, and better with time. Durable, stylish, and built to last, this Rucksack by Mifland is a timeless piece equipped with versatile carrying options and fully adjustable back straps for ultimate comfort.
Stay Fresh, Stay Blessed
Slip Pure Silk Sleep Mask in Pink
Keeping it cute starts with beauty sleep. This luxurious silk mask is an essential for a reason. If protecting your skin and waking up refreshed is your priority, look no further than this Homecoming essential.
Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier Lemon Lime - Hydration Powder Packets
Stay hydrated and energized throughout Homecoming weekend with this Liquid I.V.® Hydration Multiplier in Lemon Lime. Just add a packet to your water bottle, and bless your body with 2-3 times more hydration than water with every packet. Because staying hydrated is the key to popping up and showing out all weekend long!
Loop Experience Plus Earplugs High Fidelity Hearing Protection
Designed for your hearing protection, these sleek earplugs reduce noise without compromising sound quality—perfect for enjoying the band’s halftime show, late-night parties, and DJ sets. Whether you’re front row at the step show or hitting the yard, your ears deserve to be protected in style!
Black Girl Magic Glass Cup
Sip in style and celebrate your melanin with the Black Girl Magic Glass Cup. Perfect for morning coffee, your favorite iced drink, or showing off your HBCU pride on the yard—this cup is all about keeping it cute while radiating your endless supply of Black Girl Magic.
Glow Up & Show Out
Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30
What Homecoming weekend can be complete without an assist from this beauty find? Formulated to blend seamlessly into melanin-rich skin (no white-cast), protect your glow while you turn up with the Black Girl Sunscreen SPF 30.
Sienna Naturals Issa Rae's Wash Day Ritual Set
Issa Rae’s Wash Day Ritual Set from Sienna Naturals includes the H.A.PI. Shampoo, the Plant Power Repair Mask, Dew Magic, and Lock and Seal to get your crown right. Whether you’re repping your coils or rocking a new color on the yard, these products restore and nourish your strands, keeping your hair healthy, strong, and Homecoming-ready!
54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter
Stay glowing from the tailgate to the after-party with the 54 Thrones Ivorian Cocoa + Ghanaian Coconut Beauty Butter. Infused with African-sourced ingredients, this rich, multi-purpose butter is the answer to keeping your skin soft and radiant through all the festivities all Homecoming long.
Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil
Keep your lips looking luscious and nourished with the Saie Glossybounce Hydrating Lip Oil. Perfect for adding an extra pop to your pout before hitting the yard or freshening up between events, this lip oil is a beauty essential for staying camera-ready all weekend.
Join us in celebrating HBCU excellence! Check out our Best In Class hub for inspiring stories, empowering resources, and everything you need to embrace the HBCU experience.
Featured image by Visual Vic/Getty Images
‘Found’ Star Shanola Hampton Spent $532 On Her Wedding. 6 Reasons Why That’s Beyond Bomb.
A few weeks ago, a girlfriend asked me to name a female celebrity who I personally found to be physically beautiful. Although it took me a second to run through my mental Rolodex, two people who came to my mind were actorsJavicia Leslie (who I first “stumbled upon” via the series Chef Julian) and Shanola Hampton.
As far as Shanola goes, I was first introduced to her via the independent film Things Never Said(which also starred Omari Hardwick). Anyway, it’s always so cool to watch people evolve in their respective fields and Shanola has definitely become a household name thanks to the role that she currently plays inthe NBC seriesFound.
And y’all, my fondness for her certainly went up a few notches after I peeped a few things that she recently shared ina PEOPLE interview. In 2025, she will have been married to her beloved for 25 years (salute!). As she was talking about their wedding day, she shared that they eloped in Las Vegas, that it only cost them $532, that she wore a thrift store dress and “Erykah Badu headwrap” and that she only has one regret.
Because they were “too broke” at the time to afford a full elopement package, they didn’t get a videotape of her nuptials (they do have pics, though). She also said that a big part of the reason for the regret is because she adored her husband, Daren’s vows: “Gosh, if we could only have seen what it was going to be...” INDEED.
As a marriage life coach, something else that I appreciated about the article is when she said, “Yes, you learn and grow and evolve. But you don't change each other by marrying each other." Lawd, if more people really got that, less folks would end up in divorce court (check out “The Right Relationship IMPROVES Not CHANGES You”).
However, the main reason why I’m using Shanola’s words of wisdom as the intro for this piece is because I know far too many couples who either keep putting off wedding plans to save thousands of dollars for a ceremony or they are far too stressed out because they think a big wedding is something that absolutely must be done.
Well, between what you just read and what you’re about to read, here’s hoping that you’ll realize (and accept) that there are all kinds of benefits that come from taking the “less is more” approach — yes, even when it comes to wedding days.
First, the Difference Between a Micro-Wedding and Eloping
GiphyI promise you that I don’t get why so many folks damn near hyperventilate whenever they hear “small wedding” (or micro-wedding which is apparently the popular term right through here). It’s like they are automatically wired to think that means making some wack concessions or that they automatically have to elope. Well, before getting into some actual facts that come from taking the minimalist approach to one’s nuptials, let me just say that just because you don’t end up having 500 people on your wedding guest list or three choices of cuisine at your reception, that doesn’t mean that you have to end up at the courthouse in a pair of sweats.
For one thing, treat yourself to TikTok and put “Black elopements” in the search field. Yes, even if you do elope, you can still dress to the nines (or 12s because you don’t have to spend as much money as you would on a wedding), it can be at another location (like a beach or even a church) and then you have the rest of the day to do whatever you want: post up in a swanky hotel, fly some place that requires a passport stamp for your honeymoon — whatever. And, since you’re eloping, you and your bae can be totally off the grid the entire time.
However, a micro-wedding is a bit different. Basically, it’s what happens when you do pretty much everything that you wanted to do for your wedding only, it’s with a guest list of 50 people or less. And I’m pretty sure you can see the immediate benefit that comes with taking that approach: you’re able to save money — and y’all, since reportedly a whopping 56 percent of couples went into debt just from their wedding alone and financial issues continue to be a leading cause of divorce, well, yeah, don’t diss a micro-wedding. It definitely has its perks.
Okay, but there are other researched and fact-based reasons why it can be a wise move to go smaller as far as weddings are concerned. Here are just six of ‘em.
1. Expensive Rings (Oftentimes) Predict Shorter Marriages
GiphySome of y’all may remember the student last year who went viral on TikTok and then became a news story thanks to his under-twenty-bucks device that let teachers at his school know if their engagement/wedding ring was the real deal or not (chile). Hmph, all it did was remind me of the De Beers origin story of engagement rings and how I will continue to share it until each and every cow comes home. Basically, the company was going broke, it came up with the slogan “a diamond is forever” and folks have been drinking the Kool-Aid ever since. SMDH. And what’s really wild is while people actually think that saving up three months of a salary is a sign of one’s everlasting love, there are articles out in cyberspace with titles like “Why an Expensive Ring May Predict a Short Marriage.”
In this one, it features a study that said the people who spend somewhere between $2,000-$,4,000 have a higher chance of divorcing. The reason? Eh, I’d venture to say that it’s probably not so much about the ring itself but the motive behind why someone wants a really expensive one, how realistic their expectations are about marriage and their financial future, and if they want to be a wife or just a bride — and yes, there is a really big difference, chile (check out “Do You Want To Be A Wife? Or Do You Just Want To Have A Wedding?”). Not to mention the stress that the groom-to-be may have experienced to make the sacrifice (especially if it was above his means). Either way, take note.
2. Smaller Weddings Can Be Exquisitely Intimate
GiphyI have a little love sister who has been engaged for over three years now. Y’all, it can’t be said enough that the purpose of being engaged is to plan your wedding — literally that is what the time is for. Know what else needs to be reiterated? The fact that some studies say that the longer you’re engaged, the more likely you are to divorce. One study gets even more specific than that. It says that if you’ve been engaged for more than 27 months, the intimacy between you and your partner will suffer during its newlywed years and yes, it could lead to a serious breakdown in the relationship.
That’s why I’ve been telling her that instead of her and her fiancé damn near killing themselves to pay for an over-the-top wedding, they can have a smaller one — one that is more intimate and can be just as beautiful. If you don’t believe me, check out Brides' “40 Small Wedding Ideas for an Intimate Affair” piece. Personally, I’ve always liked the idea of renting out a really nice vacation house and having loved ones all stay together while getting married at the same location.
Sometimes big weddings are so big that a lot of the “closeness” is lost and certain moments are a complete blur. With a smaller wedding, the chances of these things transpiring end up dropping…significantly so.
3. The Planning Process Is Far Less Stressful
GiphyI’m telling you, when it comes to this topic, the facts just keep on coming. Boy, there is nothing like working withan engaged couple while they are planning their wedding — if that doesn’t reveal some things about what their relationship is actually made of, nothing will. Hey, but you don’t have to take my word for it.
A few years back, Business Insider published an article entitled, “Wedding planners reveal the 10 biggest red flags that a couple won't make it.” One of the things that it said was, “From unrealistic budgets to family conflicts, there are multiple problems that can arise during the wedding-planning process that can create rifts in a marriage or even lead to divorce.”
Yeah, they ain’t neva lied because if you don’t know how to keep your emotions in check, how to negotiate, how to set boundaries with family members and friends (bookmark that one), and how to compartmentalize your wedding with the rest of your relationship — you shouldn’t ignore that; it’s actually showing you something about your dynamic that you should address prior to jumping any broom.
Anyway, the main moral to the story when it comes to this one is if your wedding is small(er), there is less to plan…and if there is less stress, then your relationship won’t end up having to endure so much pressure. #justsaying
4. Less Folks? Less People to Please.
GiphyAh yes, the bookmark. Listen, if you are a bona fide people-pleaser (check out “How To Stop Being A People-Pleaser & Start Doing You”), the wedding planning process is going to test you in ways that you’ve never been tested before! This will especially be the case if you have some pretty poor boundaries with your loved ones (and/or perhaps his) to begin with. It’s another message for another time that you really need to involve people in the planning process who know that it’s you and your fiancé’s day (NOT JUST YOURS), that they should just be supportive and encouraging (not demanding and entitled) and it only needs to consist of who will make it be about your needs over their wishes.
For now, I’ll just say that when your wedding and guest list are smaller, there are far less people to, well, please. And again, if you are a people-pleaser (or a people-pleaser in recovery) that can really take a load off.
5. Cheaper Weddings Lead to Happier Marriages. Science Says So.
GiphySo, about a decade ago, CNN published the article, “Want a happy marriage? Have a big, cheap wedding.” The gist of it simply stated that “a new study found that couples who spend less on their wedding tend to have longer-lasting marriages than those who splurge.” The first thing that comes to my mind on this one is simply, that some people marry people and others “marry” weddings. Now does this mean that every couple who has an opulent wedding day is shallow and superficial or that they are getting married for the wrong reasons? Of course not. For one thing, some folks can afford to have an expensive wedding (meaning, it won’t put them into debt to have one).
Plus, having extravagant taste doesn’t mean that someone’s love isn’t real. AT THE SAME TIME, THOUGH, having a big wedding thinking that it proves something? It really proves nothing as far as the foundation of a healthy marriage is concerned. Yeah, my biggest takeaway from this point is when you just want to start the “becoming one” process with the man who you love, the price tag really doesn’t matter. They way it should be.
6. Finances Can Go Elsewhere
GiphyLast year, CNBC published the article, “Gen Z, millennial couples say it’s too expensive to get married in this economy.” Boy, and if this doesn’t prove the ultimate point that I’ve been trying to make this entire time, nothing will. Y’all, when you really want to be with your “one”, who cares about how beaded a dress is, how expensive a venue should be or how tall a cake looks — and so, why should you wait damn near forever until you can pay for all of those things? A party is nothing compared to a lifetime partner. That said, STAY FOCUSED.
Besides, all of those thousands that you saved by not having a big wedding can go to things like a downpayment on a house, a really long international honeymoon, a new car, a savings account for your future children, a retirement account — the possibilities really are endless and all of them can help your marriage to have a more solid footing.
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So, if you initially read the title of this and low-key got cynical, maybe now you get just how “onto something” Shanola and her husband — again of almost 25 years — actually were. Smaller, less expensive weddings can be absolutely priceless. For all sorts of reasons. As you just read.
Again, salute to them and, if you are (currently) engaged, wise wedding planning wishes to you.
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