Gabrielle Union Shares The Secret To Being A Great Stepmom
Black love is alive and well, folks. And if you need any reminders, scroll on over to Dwyane Wade's Instagram to catch all the feels.
Whether they're relaxing by the beach or attending high-profile events, Dwyane Wade and Gabrielle Union exude true love, friendship, and all the things we think of when it comes to #couplegoals. But as they say, the grass is greenest where you water it, and in the Wades' case, they have had to overcome their own set of struggles.
Since getting married back in 2014, the couple has battled fertility issues, with Union recently revealing that she's finally been diagnosed with Adenomyosis after years of struggling through intense menstrual cycles and suffering eight or nine miscarriages. The blended family continues to thrive, however, with Union comfortably assuming the role as stepmother to Wade's four boys: sons Zaire, Zion and Xavier, and Wade's nephew, Dahveon, who also lives with them.
Related: Gabrielle Union on Infertility Diagnosis: "My Body Has Been a Prisoner of Trying to Get Pregnant"
The baller hubby recently took to Instagram to gush about his wife's role as a stepmom, stating that this is the actress' "most important role."
"She's a ⭐ in her most important role. I wanna acknowledge my wife and the kids stepmom for being everything that each boy and I have needed her to be. We couldn't have wished for more @gabunion … Thank you for loving us!"
Motherhood is not always for every woman, and sometimes something has to spark inside of you to even consider wanting to become one. For Union, she has previously confessed that she never pictured herself as a mother until she married Wade. Her connection with her stepsons has shown her how precious the act of motherhood can be, and she relishes in her role as a "bonus Mom." She told PEOPLE:
"I never wanted kids...Then I became a stepmom, and there was no place I'd rather be than with them."
Being a bonus mom comes with its own set of rules and regulations. For Union, she recognizes her boundaries as a stepmother, but also believes that it takes a village to raise the children. She wants to be there for the boys, both physically and emotionally, while lifting them up, teaching them valuable lessons, and remaining consistent and present in their everyday lives. She says of her role:
"The secret to being a good stepmom is to stay in your lane, to love them with everything that you have, but never forget that they have parents. Their parents hold the vast majority of the space, and it's your job to lift them up, support them, to have their back and to be an additional responsible, consistent, reasonable adult in the kids' lives. Getting to be a part of shaping our future leaders, watching them be compassionate and apply the lessons that you teach in your household, is so rewarding."
"The secret to being a good stepmom is to stay in your lane, to love them with everything that you have, but never forget that they have parents."
Union credits the way she was raised for this village mentality and even says they don't really use the term "stepparent". She revealed:
"And I found that way, but that comes from just the family that I come from and the way that we were raised, and nobody's left out. Not even stepparents. We don't even call it that!"
Related: 7 Things Every Bonus Mom Should Know
And in a world where race still plays a significant role in our daily lives, Union is fully aware that she is required to have certain uncomfortable conversations with her young, black stepsons. Earlier this year, Union revealed that she had to have a discussion about colorism with the boys, and had to address that the fact that the media has historically put lighter skinned women on a pedestal that causes society to see darker skinned women as less beautiful.
Coming from one of the most beautiful dark skinned women on the planet, I can imagine how uncomfortable yet empowering having this conversation must have been. She told Refinery29 about the time she asked the boys to show her the flyest black girls in their school, and this is what she said:
"Literally, probably about 10 girls I looked at had the same light skin, curly hair, tiny waist, butt, boobs — it was the same girl over and over again...So I asked them to show me the most beautiful chocolate sister they've seen. They say there are none. I was like, 'Why do they get exed out so fast? What is happening in your brain that is causing you to look at these women through a prism that is distorting their actual selves?'"
She also knows that she has to confront discussions about the way society may perceive black boys and men in general. Union says she consistently reinforces in the boys the sad reality that excessive force against black and brown boys at the hands of the police is a real issue in America.
Related: A Conversation With Gabrielle Union On Black Sexuality, Marriage And 'The Birth Of A Nation'
She also shares that she wants her stepsons to be aware that even though they are privileged, they still face the same dangers as any other black man in America. In regards to police confrontations and living in an open carry state, she says:
"Our conversations about race and police are constant. And even if society didn't give us hashtags everyday to prompt us we'd be talking about it...I don't trust our neighbors to not see our teenage boys, our tall teenage boys as children and not as threats to 'put down.'"
Bottom line: raising kids is not easy. From what we can see, Union carries this load with grace and power. When a man is able to not only recognize the strength it takes to raise his kids but reminds everyone how much he appreciates it, that is to be celebrated.
Shoutout to all the bonus moms out there: we see you and we appreciate you!
Featured image by Kathy Hutchins / Shutterstock.com
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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If you’re like many other people who are prioritizing wellness these days, then attending a wellness retreat might be something to consider. Wellness retreats are a cool way to get the relaxation you’ve been missing in a space with like-minded people who share a common goal. I descended upon my first wellness retreat, the Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat, a couple of weeks ago at the Zoëtry Agua Punta Cana Resort in Punta Cana, Dominican Republic.
Zoëtry Agua is part of the Inclusive Collection for the World of Hyatt. It is nestled on a secluded part of Uvero Alto beach, which has crystal blue waters. The resort itself is picturesque, with its thatched roofs and lazy rivers that make you feel like you’re in a cute little village.
Mindy, Body, + Sol Retreat was hosted by Koya Webb, holistic health and wellness coach and yoga instructor, and it also featured other wellness practitioners who combined provided the ultimate gift of relaxation and getting back to oneself.
The first night was a Welcome Dinner that featured a five-course meal and an opportunity to meet our companions for the next three days. The food was impeccable and the only downside was that I wasn’t able to finish it all. The next day, however, was the official start of the classes, and I was ready to dive in.
Aura and Chakra Reading
Aura and chakra reading
Photo courtesy
My first class was an aura and chakra reading led by Laura McCann and James Levinson, an Asheville, NC couple. I’ve had chakra readings before, but never like this. There was a computer, a camera, and a scanner, which I placed my hand on for the reading. After two minutes, I received a 15-page report explaining my aura and chakra reading.
It breaks down what the colors of your aura are and what your chakras say. My main colors were green and yellow, which were defined by a variety of things. The top of my aura was green, meaning I have a social mental state and I’m a natural healer. My aura on my left side was yellow meaning my energy flowing is optimistic and light and so on.
After James discussed the findings with me, I then met with Laura, who gave me aromatherapy oils from their ADORAtherapy line that represented each chakra. She further explained the results of my chakra reading and shared how each oil can assist. Chakras are the energy centers in our body, and there is a total of seven: root, sacral, solar plexus, heart, throat, third eye, and crown. All of my chakras were high except for my heart chakra, which I have since been working on. I may follow up about that in another article.
Sound Bath
Sound bath class
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Next was the sound bath class. It was located in the spa, which was indoor/ outdoor and the perfect setting for this kind of experience. Andrew Francis and Carrie Bailey of Zenden Meditation were the co-pilots in transporting attendees into a place of tranquility. I laid down, closed my eyes, and allowed the sounds around me to bring me into a relaxing state. From the singing bowls to the wind chimes, I was in heaven. I even fell asleep and got some of the best rest I’ve had in a while. It was a beautiful experience. However, remember when I noted it was an indoor/ outdoor venue? I forgot to put on bug spray and woke up pretty itchy. But it didn’t stop me from enjoying the moment.
Tea Party
Art of Tea Ritual Tea Party
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The last event of the day was the Art of Tea Ritual located in the resort’s tea garden. It was everything you could want in a tea party. Delectable treats such as cookies, cakes, and white chocolate-covered strawberries, which are my fave. And, of course, tea. While I got to sip tea, I also got to make my own tea blend. There were many different teas to choose from, like hibiscus to your regular black tea. I decided to mix rose and mint and I called it RoseMint. I didn’t get to try my tea blend until I got home, and I’ll be honest, it’s probably the best tea I ever had. The tea herbs taste so fresh, and I love how fragrant it smells.
Breathwork
Breathwork Class
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The next morning was all about breathwork. If you exercise regularly, then you probably know the importance of breathing. But there’s more to it besides remembering to breathe during your workout. Margaret Townsend is a breathwork facilitator who helps people achieve wellness by consciously changing their breathing patterns. In her class, I learned to change my breathing pattern for energy as well as for relaxation. While I know that breathing is a relaxation tool, I was blown away to learn that it can also energize you. Because it was a different breathing pattern, I was also able to stay present and keep a steady pace.
Yoga
Koya Webb's yoga class
Photo courtesy
The final class of the retreat was evening yoga with Koya Webb, who, as I mentioned earlier, was the host. Her class was held beside the beautiful Uvero Alto beach, which made for a stunning backdrop and the perfect way to end the retreat. It was important for me to get back into my body after not doing yoga for a few weeks, so I was really focused on nailing the moves. However, Koya kept the energy light and fun, evening cracking a few jokes throughout, which made it easy for me to relax and enjoy the moment. She ended the class with a dance break and hugs from our classmates.
The Mind, Body, + Sol Retreat reminded me how important it is to take time to love on myself. Each class was an opportunity to be present and get reacquainted with oneself in the most loving way. Being surrounded by individuals who encouraged my journey was what I needed, and I am so honored to have had this experience.
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