Gabrielle Union Turned Her Darkest Moment Into A Source Of Power
We are not what happens to us, we are what we go through. Even if it seems unfair at the time.
Gabrielle Union is a testament of that. As a rape suvivor, the actress has always been very transparent about many of the experiences she's endured and overcome. And even after being in the spotlight for over 20 years, Gabrielle still hasn't shied away from the responsibility of raising awareness on violence against women. In fact, it is that experience, as well as being a very active stepmother to her NBA superstar husband Dwyane Wade's children that the Being Mary Jane star draws on for her new role in the upcoming thriller Breaking In (in theaters May 11).
Still from "Breaking In"
As co-producer, alongside Will Packer, Breaking In is about a mother protecting her kids from violent home intruders, and she kicks ass and takes names. Gabi recently revealed to Parade that being a stepmom and surviving her attack were crucial to relating to her character in Breaking In.
"I think what I realized through my attack was that when push comes to shove, I'm fully capable of saving myself. My story is pretty well known in the sense that I was raped at gunpoint and when the rapist put the gun down, I grabbed it and tried to shoot him and we had a battle for the gun. And what I did naturally isn't anything that you can be taught. That was instinct."
While she has had training over the years for roles in other action films, pure instinct was really the driving force behind portraying this badass mom. Never mess with a momma bear; they always hold their own.
"So I felt pretty confident that if it's hand-to-hand combat, I'm going to be able to hold my own. And I don't know if that's just years of being an athlete or just that survival instinct that kicked in for me. Since then, I've done other action films and I've had weapons training and hand-to-hand combat training, which I luckily haven't had to use in real life. But I feel like what I know that I can do naturally without any training and the bits of training that I've picked up from different law enforcement agencies and different stunt coordinators, that I'll be able to hold my own in pretty much any situation."
She also talks about what life is like for her helping to raise Zaire (16), Dahveon (16), Zion (10), and Xavier (4), and reveals that staying in your lane while being loving and nurturing is the formula to being a successful bonus mom in a blended family.
"The secret to being a good stepmom is to stay in your lane, to love them with everything that you have, but never forget that they have parents. Their parents hold the vast majority of the space, and it's your job to lift them up, support them, to have their back and to be an additional responsible, consistent, reasonable adult in the kids' lives. Getting to be a part of shaping our future leaders, watching them be compassionate and apply the lessons that you teach in your household, is so rewarding."
Between all of her commitments, she also finds that drawing real boundaries for others is one of the major ways she is able to protect her peace. Saying "NO" is a vital component to happiness, and people pleasing will only end up giving you wrinkles.
"I say no a lot. You're the only person that you need to please at the end of the day. I've come to realize that people who will resent you because you have drawn healthy boundaries that protect your peace and sanity are not people that you need in your life. Living to make those people happy will make you look old."
And if you needed a gentle reminder of the essence of your power, Gabi sums it up very nicely when she says,
"There's a superhero in all of us."
Read her full feature with Parade here.
Be sure to head to the theaters this weekend to catch Gabrielle Union in Breaking In. Watch the trailer below.
Featured image by Getty Images
Michelle Schmitz is a writer and editor based in Washington, DC originally from Ft Lauderdale, FL. A self-described ambivert, you can find her figuring out ways to read more than her monthly limit of The New York Times, attending concerts, and being a badass, multi-tasking supermom. She also runs her own blog MichelleSasha.com. Keep up with her latest moves on IG: @michellesashawrites and Twitter: @michellesashas
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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Another season of Love Is Blind has come to a close, and almost two months later we’re still unpacking the drama that is Clay and AD. The finale, reunion, and post-interviews with Clay and AD after season six of Love Is Blind left millions of people wondering - why couldn’t AD see the signs? Clay told her he had a fear of marriage, his parents experienced infidelity, and he seemed to have many doubts about saying, "I do."
After changing his mind at the altar and hearing AD question why she feels like she’s never enough, I was finished watching. I didn’t need to hear anything else because, at that moment, I realized this wasn’t about Clay; this was about AD feeling inadequate before she ever met Clay.
If I’m honest, I don’t watch much dating television. TikTok keeps me updated with the clips that I need to see in order to be kept in the loop, but it’s difficult for me to watch an entire season of dating TV because seeing Black women settle for less and questioning their beauty is a trigger for me. In many ways, there were points in my life where I was AD, settling and ignoring red flags because I wanted to be loved.
Now, on the other side, it doesn’t feel good to see Black women lower their standards on national television. There have been many hot takes on this couple and who was in the wrong. Did Clay play in AD’s face or did she not listen to the truth of what he told her from day one? Was his reason for joining the show to promote his business and not to find the one?
We’ll never know the truth, but what we can do is learn tactics to better our self-worth. Founder and CEO of The Self Love Organization Denise Francis shared her expertise with xoNecole on what tangible steps to take to improve feelings of worthiness. “Self-love blooms in a garden where self-worth is planted, nourished, and whole. However, when your self-worth is challenged, displaced, or broken, it could be difficult to rebuild," Denise explains.
How To Rebuild Self-Worth
During her self-love coaching sessions, Denise likes to walk her clients through the cornerstones of rebuilding self-worth: grace and self-compassion. To her, self-worth is never lost, it's only displaced, so practicing self-compassion and giving yourself grace is a must. "We tend to place our self-worth in entities and people of ourselves such as relationship status, physical appearance, material possessions, social media followings, what others think of us, and more. Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth.
"Self-worth is not something to be measured by anyone or anything outside of ourselves because we all innately hold value and worth."
"When we place our value into people or things, we tend to feel that we are not enough, worth it, special, or important when relationship status, job titles, friendships, and physical appearances are lost or changed. We then tend to feel lost within ourselves because we’ve placed our value outside of ourselves. Using grace and compassion, you can rebuild your self-worth by returning home to who you are at your core," she concludes.
How To Return Home To Yourself
Denise advises taking a step back and using self-reflection through journaling by answering the following journaling prompts:
First, ask yourself, "What do you tend to attach your self-worth to and why?"
Is it your relationships, your job title, your finances, your appearance, etc.? Why do you think you place so much emphasis on external status? How does it make you feel when you are defining yourself through these entities and/or people outside of yourself?
Then, ask yourself, "Without these things, who am I?"
Once you have your answers, show yourself kindness, remove the shame, and, as Denise says, "Redefine yourself by detaching your value from the things and people you have no control over and no longer serve you. Challenge yourself to define yourself outside of titles and societal values."
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person. You begin to find value in the way you love instead of your relationship status, your compassion instead of your popularity, your drive instead of your income/job title, and your heart instead of your physical appearance," she adds.
"By returning home to your core, you find value in who you are as a person."
"Be intentional with healing your self-worth by leaning into the people and things that nourish your core values. Surround yourself with the people who love and cherish you, they will always remind you just how valuable you truly are."
It all goes back to self-compassion and grace. As Denise explains, leading with those two things as you heal and rebuild your self-worth allows you to reduce negative self-talk that might come up for you. "This weakens thoughts like, 'I am not enough... why am I never enough?'" she shares, "And 'I don't deserve this while strengthening thoughts like 'I deserve better,' 'I am enough,' and 'I am worth it.'"
Denise continues, "Once you return home and remember the irreplaceable person you are, you can rebuild your self-worth by placing it back where it belongs. It belongs to you."
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Featured image by LaylaBird/Getty Images