Gabrielle Union has been a champion for women who have struggled with infertility. The 45-year-old actress has gone into detail about her struggles with getting pregnant, her ineffective cycles of IVF, and has even revealed that she has suffered "8 or 9 miscarriages." And while the We Need More Wine author has been candid about her ordeal, there is no doubt everything she has gone through has taken its toll.
Speaking at the BlogHer conference in NYC, Union recently discussed her struggles but also revealed that she finally has more clarity as to what is actually happening with her body. After a slew of misdiagnoses, the doctors were finally able to pinpoint the exact cause of her infertility: Adenomyosis.
Adenomyosis is a gynecologic medical condition defined as the abnormal presence of endometrial tissue, the inner lining of the uterus, growing within the myometrium, or the thick, muscular layer of the uterus. While it is similar to endometriosis and can occur at the same time, they are two distinct conditions. Like endometriosis, adenomyosis presents with symptoms that include heavy menstrual bleeding, chronic pelvic pain, prolonged and painful periods, pain during intercourse, among other symptoms. 11-12% of women suffering from adenomyosis also experience fertilityissues.
Many of the symptoms she was experiencing were treatable with the use of birth control. Doctors wanted to help her control many of the symptoms, but the end goal of getting pregnant didn't seem to be one of them. The pill became a "mask" for the real underlying issue she was having. For anyone trying to get pregnant, the use of birth control is clearly not the answer, and we're left wondering if this approach did more harm than good. She says:
"Every doctor I saw was like let me put you on birth control. Right? The catch all. Note: if you are on birth control for anything other than birth control, to address or treat any sort of period issue, you are not actually treating or addressing a period or reproductive issue. You are masking it. The pill can mask all kinds of things. It is amazing at preventing pregnancy; not so great with addressing anonymous."
Union always felt that she had been misdiagnosed. The Being Mary Jane star says that she spent a lot of time trying to get pregnant with the help of IVF to no avail. She says she felt like "a prisoner" to her efforts. She said:
"For three years, my body has been a prisoner of trying to get pregnant. I've either been about to go into an IVF cycle, in the middle of an IVF cycle or coming out of an IVF cycle."
Many couples will spare no means in the quest to get pregnant. However, not only is IVF expensive, ranging from $12,000 to $17,000 for one round of which many insurance companies will not cover, it's exhausting. Couple that with being misdiagnosed to begin with, Union certainly has dealt with a lot more than anyone should have to. As someone in the public eye, there are so many people with their opinions and mischaracterizations, and for Union, people were especially insensitive in suggesting that she prioritized her career over starting a family. She told the crowd at the BlogHer conference:
"Towards the end of my fertility journey I finally got some answers, because everyone said 'You're a career woman, you've prioritized your career, you waited too long and now you're just too old to have a kid — and that's on you for wanting a career.' The reality is I actually have adenomyosis...The gag is I had it in my early 20s, and instead of someone diagnosing me, they were like, 'Oh you have periods that last 9 or 10 days and you're bleeding through overnight pads? Not a mere inconvenience perhaps there's something more there.'"
While it is beyond unfortunate that it took this long for her to receive a diagnosis, if she chooses, she still has options. There is a procedure that can greatly improve the symptoms of the condition, which, in turn, can increase fertility rates up to 78% (Myometrium or adenomyoma resection). However, the only real "cure" for this medical condition requires complete removal of the uterus, i.e. a hysterectomy.
Her testimony is shining a light on the complexities of fertility issues and giving other women the chance to see that they are not alone. Union's bravery in sharing her story is remarkable, and there is no doubt that she is giving hope to other women with similar issues. The one thing she would tell other women facing similar issues is:
"Just know if you are out there having fertility issues, you are not alone."
Thank you, Gabrielle, for sharing you story. The strength you have shown us on your journey of infertility and misdiagnoses leaves us inspired and hopeful for a positive outcome in your future.
Gabrielle Union at #BlogHer18 with Samantha Skey on Fertility Challenges & Finding Your Confidencewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images
Some women have their whole wedding planned out, from the bridal gown and venue to the bridal party and playlist. However, KJ was not one of those people. “I didn’t foresee a wedding in my future,” she reveals. “I was just gonna be the boss chick, rich auntie. I didn’t force love in my life until recently. I never had an idea of what a dream wedding would look like, it was easier for me to elope.”
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
And to many people’s surprise, that was their original plan – until Skyh brought up a valid concern. He was raised by his grandmother and thought she should be at the wedding, and naturally, that led to KJ wanting her grandmother to be there as well – then her mom – and later her sister – and, you’ve gotta invite the besties too, right? From there, the guest list continued to blossom. Much like the updo and pop of color bold red lip, she wore on her special day, which was initially on her Pinterest board as a soft glam look with her hair hanging on her shoulders, KJ is okay with changing her plan if it brings her and her loved ones happiness.
So let’s get into the wedding, which took place in Malibu, CA. The first thing you should know about the celebrity couple is that they’re non-traditional. They know, and they don’t care. So, in true unconventional fashion, they shared the morning of the wedding together.
“I woke up with Skyh, we walked our dog, had black coffee, and said good morning to the people who stayed at the venue with us,” she says.
Now, it was time for hair and makeup. While she was getting glammed up, she had Black-owned McBride Sisters wine and champagne (which ties into The Black Experience theme) on deck with her mom and friends, had her besties help rework her vows, retried on every outfit (sis is very Type-A), took photos, and ended the early-celebration with prayer and meditation. It seems very non-Bridezilla, I said.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company,” she explains. “The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
Things moved quickly, and before she knew it, it was time to line up to walk down the aisle.
“Yeah, I was the most unbothered bride ever. Everyone was just so supportive. As entertainers, we go on red carpets all the time. We actually have a production company. The get-ready process was like a day at work, but with people we love the most. Being entertainers, we didn’t feel stressed at all, but my excitement was so high.”
KJ Smith and her bridal party
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
Since everything started with their grandmothers, the couple wanted to ensure they honored them and planned to keep an element of their wedding traditional. Although we’ve all seen the reception videos and photos online, you may have noticed visuals from the wedding itself are harder to find.
“We planned for it to be traditional, but we’re not like that, so we tried to create those moments. We jumped the broom and had a salt ceremony (where the bride and groom individually pour salt into a glass container, symbolizing their lives becoming one.) But honestly, still, nothing was traditional about it.”
She goes on to explain that her mom caught the holy ghost coming down the aisle, her glam team was on deck, and she became so nervous with excitement that she had an anxiety attack – something she struggled with for years, she explains tearfully. Her friends had to literally cheer her down the aisle because of how overwhelmed she felt until she eventually calmed down.
“Skyh was standing there with his hand on his heart; we have our own little language, and I could feel the support,” she shares.
It was surprising to hear all these emotional moments happened before the party we saw online. That is until she once again got into the backstory.
“As a Black woman actress, for so long, it was popular to be mysterious and secretive, but that’s not who I am or what I like. Plus, we both wanted to create an experience for everyone there. We are the people who always host family and friends,” she says. “Like for me, the first order of business was getting sandals for the women so they can dance all night long. We had oxtail, D'ussé, and a coffee and sativa lounge – which is part of Skyh and I’s lifestyle and routine. We wanted to bring them into our world.”
Skyh Black (L) and KJ Smith (R)
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
She went on to discuss the dance routine she did for her husband at the reception, which has taken over the internet. Apparently, that’s another thing that didn’t go according to plan. According to KJ, she had promised a performance at their joint bachelor/ bachelorette party, but her outfit got stolen from her car. So, Skyh ended up performing for her – complete with a strip tease. Still, she never forgot her promise to dance for him.
So, she hired her friend as a choreographer, learned the routine, made friends and family watch it endless times, and attended Beyoncé’s Renaissance show a few days before for a confidence boost. It ended up being a show to remember. But that wasn’t all the night offered. Lil Mo performed, and the guests received special goody bags featuring their favorite Black-owned products like journals, hair care, and more.
“We made sure everyone was taken care of all night. That kind of stuff makes us happy. I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives,” she says.
But naturally, the internet is going to internet, and while there were countless people praising the event and applauding the newlyweds, some thought it was too over the top. I was curious to know her thoughts on some of the criticism.
“It’s cool. We did what we wanted to do. I’ve decided to share my world with people. Just how I went on social media platforms and found inspiration, I want people to do the same,” she explains. “I don’t think it's fair to my supporters not to give that out. There’s so much I wanna share with brides, specifically Black brides. I love that people are adding it to their Pinterest boards."
"I wanted everyone there to experience the joy and love I have for myself, my partner, and for them. I wanted them to feel full and whole, and they had the time of their lives."
KJ Smith
Photo by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
“I’m happy with it because we did what we wanted to do. They can do what they wanna do. Don’t be cruel, though, because you will get blocked,” she said, laughing.
The more I spoke with her, the more her sense of freedom shined through. People are always going to have their opinions, but at the end of the day, it’s you who has to live your life, and it seems like the couple realizes that and embraces that power. She also stressed the importance of not living for others and the lessons life has taught her.
“I’ve been to countless weddings, and I’ve been in countless weddings. I’m a generally older bride. So when women in my demographic get married, and you and your husband are busy working people like us, you deserve to have the one you want to have,” she shares.
“This is what we wanted to do. Our loved ones love and support us. We did so much to honor them, but we also wanted to start our own tradition, legacy, and creation. I'm not going to be pulled back into ideas of the past when I’m trying to create a future with my partner. “
If you’d like to see more of the couple, you probably won’t have to wait long. Although no content is planned yet, she admits to being an oversharer. “Me being open and transparent about my experiences lets people know it’s okay to have flaws; it makes you human, and for many years, I didn’t believe that was okay. I had pressure to be perfect, and I’d crumble every time,” she explains to xoNecole.
Now, she owns her flaws and uses them as a superpower to connect with her community and feel and express her love.
“Some people give us [Skyh and KJ] a hard time because they say we just seem too perfect. I’m like, why is that a bad thing? I love the people I love. From my man to my mama, to my friends - unabashedly. We move through time and space how we want to move. If we did it another way, we’d let ourselves and our union down.”
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Feature image by Stanley Babb/ Stanlo Photography
