I don't care if you've been with someone for several weeks or many years, if there's one thing that should be made a top priority for the entire duration of the relationship, it's both individuals, being extremely intentional, about keeping the romance alive. One way to do that is to cook together.
So, what if you hate to cook? So much, in fact, that there isn't one single thing that you find to be even remotely attractive or appealing (let alone romantic or sexy) about doing it? That's where today's article comes in. Whether you want to save money, stay in for a weekend and/or come up with a quality time date that is both healthy as well as seductive, I've got 10 tips that can make spending a little time in the kitchen hotter (and easier) than it's been in a really long time.
1. Go Grocery Shopping Together
I know I might be the rare one here to be saying this but I'm actually someone who enjoys grocery shopping. A part of the reason why is because I actually like to cook. Plus, for some reason, I'm able to get some deep thinking accomplished as I'm strolling from aisle to aisle. Yet even if you're someone who kinda loathes the idea of going to your local grocery store, something that can make it more bearable is to take your partner along with you sometimes.
There are a few benefits that come with doing this. One, you both can get what you want (rather than relying on each other to get what each of you truly desires). Two, it's an effective way for both of you to stick to a budget (which means, one less financial conversation that will need to be had). Three, look at it as a quality time date and a way for you to plan a sexy meal together. I'm telling you, shopping with your boo can be more fun than you might think. Try it before totally shooting the idea down.
2. Cultivate Some Ambiance
Once you get home and all of the groceries are put away, make sure that you create the right kind of atmosphere to make a dinner for two. Turn off your phones and the television. Light some scented soy candles (soy candles burn cleaner and last longer). Play some R&B music or load up your favorite playlist (just make sure that it's sexy and/or romantic). If your blinds or curtains are open, close 'em (I'll explain why in a bit). Pull out a bottle of your favorite wine. Light one up too, if that's your thing (check out "7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better").
Sometimes, what makes people hate the thought of cooking is it seems more like a chore than a fun activity. By cultivating a chill environment, it can take some of the stress out on the front end which can make it so much more of a pleasurable experience on the back end.
3. Go All Out on the Décor
Question. When's the last time you pulled out your really good dishes? Your fine china or the plates that you totally fell in love with; you know, the ones that you can count on one hand that you've eaten off of. Cooking and dining with your man is as special of an occasion as any, so make sure to pull those out. While you're at it, don't forget about some champagne flutes, a pretty centerpiece for your dinner table (Taste of Home has some cute DIY ideas that you can check out here), some rose petals for the floor around your table and a linen or lace tablecloth.
When you're not eating food on paper plates while sitting on the couch and instead, you're taking things up a few notches even in your dinnertime approach, that can get you all excited about preparing a meal together too.
4. Wear Very Little
Now let's talk about the two of you. While sometimes, dressing to the nines is what the occasion calls for, this time, how about wearing as little as possible instead? I've shared before that several men have told me that while lingerie is definitely appreciated when sex is about to transpire, what they really like is when a woman is in a teddy, baby doll, corset, body stocking or matching bra and panty set — just because.
He can pick out what he'd like to see you in as you do the same for him. Watching each other cook and then eat in your favorite alluring wear can be a visual aphrodisiac all on its own (it also explains why I recommended closing your window treatments).
5. Cook Together
Cooking together can be very romantic; erotic even (as you'll see by the time you finish reading all of this). Plus, there are plenty of articles to support the fact that it's a great way to spend quality time with your partner; it helps to create positive and lasting memories; it helps the both of you to get back to enjoying the simpler things in life; it helps the two of you to sharpen your cooking skills and, it can actually de-stress you both because it gives the two of you the opportunity to discuss things — things that you may not have time for any other way.
6. Keep Things Simple
Even if all of this sounds great but you're reading this like, "OK. But that doesn't change the fact that I still hate to cook," I totally hear you. The idea is to keep your menu simple. Lobster Mac and Cheese. Scalloped Portobello Mushrooms. Eggplant Parmesan. Baked Pineapple Salmon. Chicken Curry. 15-Minute Jacket Sweet Potatoes. Herb and Garlic Cauliflower Orecchiette. Ravioli with Creamy Mushrooms and Asparagus. Thai-Style Peanut Chicken Wraps. Mustard-Crusted Lamb.
All of these are dishes (that I hyperlinked the recipes too; you're welcome) that may seem like they'll take all day to prepare but are actually pretty easy to make (even if you're an amateur) and are in quantities for two. When you realize that not everything requires blood, sweat and tears, it can make you feel better about making meals from scratch.
7. Make Fruit the Appetizer
If you and your partner want to truly impress yourselves, your sexy menu needs to consist of an appetizer and a dessert. And since, if all goes well, the dessert may be something that you don't have to cook at all (if you know what I mean), go with a fruit appetizer. It's sweet. It's refreshing. And it's typically light, so that you're not too weighed down for, umm, dessert later.
Maybe some Strawberry Cheesecake Bites. A Mexican Fruit Salad. A bowl of Frosted Grapes. Some Fruit Salsa with Cinnamon Chips. Or some Lemon Whip Fruit Dip.
8. Experiment with Condiments
After you've enjoyed your appetizer and the meal that you planned, it's now time to pull out some condiments because guess what? Technically, the cooking is now over and again, once you review the recipes that I shared with you, you'll see that it really wasn't as much work as you probably anticipated (especially since you're only doing half of the work because you've got your partner in the kitchen with you).
And just what are the condiments gonna be for? I'll let your imagination run wild with this one. What I will say is if you check out "12 'Sex Condiments' That Can Make Coitus Even More...Delicious", you might be surprised how many condiments are sexy AF. Straight up.
9. Come Up with Some “Special Rewards”
Although I do enjoy cooking, depending on what I'm making, sometimes prepping the ingredients can get on my nerves. Don't even get me on clean-up.
So, if it's not so much that you hate cooking altogether, it's just that there are certain parts of it that you and/or yours can do without, come up with some sort of rewards incentive that will keep the both of you engaged. It could be deep kiss in between bites of chocolate-covered strawberries for every task that's completed or something checked off of y'all's sex list (check out "This Is How To Create The Best Kind Of 'Sex Bucket List'") if one of you agrees to do something that you loathe (like maybe peeling veggies or putting dishes away).
When there's an incentive to do something, that always makes it easier to do and more worthwhile.
10. BE THE DESSERT
By definition, dessert is defined as being something sweet that is served up after the final course of the meal. You know, men find it sexy when a woman can cook. Women find it sexy when a man can cook too. Since you and your boo watched each other do it, there's already been some mental foreplay that's gone down. Now it's just time to take all of that sexual stimuli into the bedroom (or stay in the kitchen, if you please).
If you want some tips on how to make that extra special too, check out "15 Simple-Yet-Kinda-Buck Items To Take Sex To Another Level", "15 Sex Hacks To Take Your Bedroom Action To The Next Level", "12 Absolutely Bomb Sex Techniques To Try Tonight", "So, This Is How To Make Shower Sex So Much Better", "What In The World Is 'Prostate Milking'? And Chile, How Do You Do It?" and "How To Have Mind-Blowing Multiple Orgasms. Tonight, Chile."
All of them can help you and yours end the night off with things being extra sweet. So sweet that you'll want to repeat all of this sooner than later. Promise.
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RELATED
Whether you're planning to meet a certain financial or fitness goal, or you're simply trying to maintain and build on the progress you made this year, having something to look forward to is always a good look. Setting actual goals, according to research, actually leads to more success than just playing things by ear. So here are a few to get you started, sis:
(Disclaimer: Not everything is for everyone, so do like my Granny always says: "Eat the meat. Spit out the bone." Take on five out of the 40 and focus on that for the remainder of the year, or do them all. Either way, this is just to get you started.)
40 Ways To End The Year Strong and Inspired
Money Moves
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1. Increase your retirement (or other savings/investment) contributions by 1%.
Experts have found that you could be leaving money on the table by not upping your contributions when you can.
2. Cancel two to five subscriptions.
You could be missing hundreds, even thousands, of dollars a year due to sneaky price hikes and "updates."
3. Create a "fun" in a high-yield savings account.
This is especially important if you struggle with the dreaded b-word (budget) and will make next year's efforts a lot less intimidating. Even if it's $10 a month, do it.
4. Put on your big-girl panties, and set up automatic transfers and payments for at least one bill.
It reduces the stress of managing bills, lessens the chance of a missed payment---and the fees that come with that---and there can be cost savings for doing so.
5. Invest in a cleaner or housekeeping service.
Bosses who value their time (and mental health) invest their dollars into areas where the time they'd spend doing those tasks themselves could be better used to focus on other money-making projects. (And yes, rest is part of that.) Get a housekeeper, sis, or drop off that laundry, even if it's once per month.
6. Donate to a charity.
Beyond the tax benefits, it's a win-win for the greater good of communities you care about.
7. Review your insurance policies and negotiate a better rate (or move on) before their end dates.
Experts often agree this is a small but mighty step to take each year, especially since insurance rates are competitive, you could be spending more money than you need to (or not enough) and your insurance rates can affect your mortgage payments.
8. Call your loan provider and refinance.
As interest rates fall, “millions of borrowers may be able to refinance and get more affordable payments. As interest rates eased down to 6.5%, about 2.5 million borrowers could already refinance and save at least 75 basis points (0.75%) on their interest rate,” the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau reports. You can also refinance student and other types of loans.
9. Stop buying individual items and stock up via going bulk.
Research has found that, among 30 common products, buying in bulk could save you 27% compared with buying in lower quantities. Water, paper products, and baby products like diapers, toiletries, and garbage bags are the top items where people see the most cost-effectiveness. (This has been a lifesaver for me—children, large family, or not—especially when it comes to toothpaste, deodorant, toilet paper, and feminine hygiene products, saving stress, time, and money.)
10. Go cash-only for the holidays.
If you set smart goals and stick to limits on things like gifts, going out to eat, or groceries, you'll see the benefits of this. Cash-stuffing is one method recommended, but something as simple as taking a $10 bill out for lunch, disabling that card for an hour, and leaving your card in a safe place at the office can give you that mindset jump start to see how far you can take your money without the need to splurge.
Love And Romance
11. Say "no."
There are clear mental and physical health benefits to saying no including the setting of healthy boundaries, creating time and energy for other self-care activities, and protecting yourself from physically harmful situations (i.e. unprotected sex or abuse). Just say it, clearly and simply, when you need to.
12. Set a fun, free, adults-only date night for once a week or twice a month with your spouse.
If busy, high-profile folk have touted the success of this, even you can make the time for quality time with your partner. And it's even better when it costs nothing. The best connections are made doing something chill, challenging, or outside the usual dinner-and-a-movie date. Play a game that allows you to reconnect, take a walk in your neighborhood to chat and laugh, or try a little erotic chocolate/edible liquid/paint episode a la Mea Culpa.
13. Go out with Mr. or Ms. "Not My Type."
I love my man, but if I were waiting out for my "type" at the time, we wouldn't be celebrating seven (going on eight) years together. Sometimes having strict, unrealistic expectations for a spouse (especially related to things like height, physical features, or career path) is what's keeping you alone and lonely.
Take the pressure off and explore all your options. I'm not telling you to stop popping the balloon on the guy who earns $20,000 less than you if that's a hard no that Jesus himself told you to skip. I'm asking you to explore other options and see what else God might have out there for your love journey.
14. Immediately apologize and pray together.
I've learned that always being "right" isn't always ideal when you truly care about someone and you're in a relationship for the long haul. Defaulting to an apology when necessary, even when things aren't 100% resolved, is a good way to prioritize peace and save your energy for more worthwhile battles. Research has even supported the benefits of apologies in relationships, and how couples married for five or more years do it often.
15. Get a Rose and discover true self-love.
Do I really have to explain this? You've gotta know what satisfies you, and how better to figure that out than to practice self-love in the bed by yourself? You can also try this with a partner, but as a woman who got on this train very much later in my sexual activity journey. I have a lot more learning to do on my own, and even in a satisfying relationship, I like to find out new things about myself, by myself.
Figure out what you're into, watch what you want to watch, and read what you want to read to define pleasure for yourself. There's a freedom and empowering element there especially if you're used to prioritizing pleasing your partner.
16. Be direct and have the "money talk" with bae.
Money issues are one of the leading causes of divorce, so you need to have those conversations before you even think about marrying someone. And true, nobody can predict the future so you won't be able to avoid some challenges altogether, however, talking with your potential spouse about how they view money, their spending habits, and the pain points in terms of their approach to money management can at least give you a glimpse into what's in store if you do walk down the aisle, move in with them, or decide to share a bank account/business/child with them.
17. Invest in the "paid" version of that dating app.
I know plenty of successful, married folk who did this and met "the one" as a result. Let's be honest: The free version is for playing around. I had a lot of fun with my "free" profile back in the day, trust me. Upgrade that photo, profile, and package, and see if the quality of your dating adventures changes when you're serious about finding a true partner. Dating coaches and matchmakers cosign this.
18. Solo travel to meet that long-distance connection.
Sometimes, your perfect match isn't within 100 miles of you, and that's okay. Make it an adventure, enjoy the memories, and book that ticket. I met my man this way and it's been a whirlwind escape ever since. If you're not comfortable traveling solo, travel or (network to plan travel) with a group via Facebook.
Career And Business
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19. Schedule coffee or virtual meetups with smart people from your graduating class, previous employer, or current employer.
I have gotten many freelance opportunities by doing this. It's as simple as connecting and offering value (or simply learning how you can better equip yourself to do so.) It's also a great way to expand your network, spark new friendships, or find out about new job opportunities.
20. Invest in a well-made suit.
I don't care what industry you're in, a suit says "power," and it's not as old-school or out-of-style as you'd think. Plus the whole experience of looking for a new one (or getting one tailored) is fun and affirming. Try these options. I swear, anytime I wear a blazer, I'm treated like a celebrity or boss, especially when traveling. I was once upgraded to first-class wearing a yellow blazer outfit, and the airline professional literally said, "You look like somebody important. Here you go."
21. Volunteer for a worthwhile project or cause that's important to your company.
If you're overworked and underappreciated, skip this one, but if you truly have the time, love what you do, and want to advance, this move is clutch. Volunteering for extra projects got me where I am today in media because I had foresight, and knew that was the only way at the time to leverage relationships, and I was able to challenge myself to learn skills that 20 years later are still bankable. That VP you can't get a meeting with will be at that gala your company is planning, so join that committee, sis.
22. Write down why you deserve a raise and ask for it in your next one-on-one.
Gather those receipts (ie sales increase numbers, KPIs met, deals closed, people acquired via recruitment, the impact of systems updates, or other tangible success metrics) and ask for that raise before the first or second-quarter budgets are being finalized.
23. Instead of quitting, write down your exit plan.
While revenge quitting is set to be a thing next year (and maybe you're among those who will be leading the trend), try the better boss move and quit with a real plan.
24. Start automatically separating that estimated self-employed quarterly tax estimate.
If you have side hustles (or you're collecting 1099 income,) baby, you do not want to neglect those quarter tax payments. Talk to a professional, do your research, and set up automatic transfers to an account specifically for paying these at the appropriate due dates.
25. Sign up for a free one- to 11-week course related to your industry—or the industry you want to be in next year.
Institutions like Harvard University and platforms like Coursera offer free courses that can enhance your skills. You can also invest in certificate courses with accredited colleges as well as tech training.
26. Hit "Easy Apply" for 10 dream jobs listed on LinkedIn.
While you shouldn't solely rely on this when actively job-seeking, using this convenient LinkedIn option is a great way to get into the habit of applying for positions. And if you're already employed, you should still be "dating" other employers if you're looking to make a move in the next six months. Keep your interview skills sharp, practice toughening up for the "nos," and get a bit of an ego boost in the process.
Self-Care And Wellness
27. Pre-schedule three month's worth of massages.
Oftentimes this is cost-effective since some spas offer deals for multiple bookings. Also, it makes an act of self-care deliberate and important, not an option. When you get that reminder call, you'll know it's real.
28. Fire that therapist and try another one.
Cultural competency in mental health support is one major problem that can hinder Black women from even bothering with therapy. And who wants the added stress of spending multiple, paid sessions explaining why something is a microaggression? Cut the cord and move on to try someone else, either via a Black women therapists channel or recommendations from others.
29. Join a small group at church.
Bedside service ain't gonna cut it and neither is going to the usual Sunday service. Join a smaller group and upgrade your efforts to connect, network, and elevate spiritually. Even if virtually, take a step to dig a bit deeper with more targeted Bible study and discussions.
30. Say no, even to loved ones.
This is on here twice, for a reason. Saying no is the simplest, most powerful micro-action you can take today to make 2025 better. No explanations. No guilt. Say no.
31. Choose one "luxury" beauty product for skincare and stick to it.
This was trending big on social, especially for millennials hitting their 40s. There's just something so freeing about not giving in to every trend and sticking to the basics that work, especially when there are quality, healthy ingredients involved. Put those orders on auto-renew.
32. Sign up for a new sport or fitness class just for fun, not for results.
It's great to be on a weight-loss or weight-lifting journey, but try something just for the fun of it. Switch things up with a couple of these fitness activities.
33. Book a staycation.
Leave the passport at home and explore a nearby community or another town in your state. There's so much enrichment in your own backyard right here in the U.S., and you don't even have to break the bank.
34. Pre-schedule your mammograms, Pap smear, and peri-menopause checkups for next year.
Take control of your health by pre-scheduling essential appointments like mammograms, Pap smears, and peri-menopause check-ups for 2025. Prioritizing these screenings early ensures you stay on top of your wellness and make time for self-care in the new year.
35. Cut off support of beauty and wellness professionals whose customer service is below standard.
This is another one that many Black women have been vocal about—from unrealistic pre-appointment requirements, to booking fees, to long waits, to unsavory in-salon experiences. Spot the red flags early, and just stop accommodating foolishness. Support salons or experienced stylists who are kind, have proper systems in place and value your time.
36. Schedule five to 10-minute moments of silence on your calendar.
Again, wellness is not optional, and if it's not on my calendar, it's not official. Sit quietly. Pray. Meditate. Or do nothing. The benefits of silent moments are almost endless.
37. Download a meditation app.
If you've found that meditation is difficult to schedule or to even start, an app can help. Try this, this, or this one, and take that step to embrace something new to enhance your wellness routine. If you're tired of downloading apps, create a playlist for meditation via Amazon Music or Spotify and schedule a reminder to do it once a day or week.
38. Invest in a healthy meal prep or delivery service.
Time is emotionally expensive, so save as much of it as possible. Getting into meal prep to keep to your goals is a great way to save time, stress, and effort. The health benefits of meal prepping have also been proven via research.
39. Create a positive playlist on Spotify, Amazon Music, YouTube, or other streaming platform.
It can be podcasts, music, affirmations, or somatic sounds. It's a game-changer. You can even set an alarm to wake you up to start your day with the positive playlist. Not into creating your own? There are plenty to choose from with a quick search.
40. Set up reminders for Alexa (Siri or other AI) to remind you, "You are loved," and "You are okay."
This simple effort can boost your endorphins and remind you that you're indeed, not alone, and you will be okay, regardless. To set mine up, I simply commanded, "Alexa, remind me everyday 'Jesus loves me,'" and like clockwork she does. She almost scared the ish out of me one day when I'd forgotten the reminder was active, but it was the reminder I needed when anxiety had gotten the best of me that week.
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