If there's one thing that I can promise you is consistent about my writing content, it's that I'm ever on the quest to have as many people have as much fulfilling sex, on a consistent basis, as absolutely possible. Today, it's all about some little things that can make a really big difference as it directly relates to sexual pleasure. Some are already in your house, some are up the street at your local grocery store and a few you'll have to order online. Just know that if you're willing to add, even five of these tips, you and your partner will be wondering what the hell took you so long to do just that. So, let's make sex even better with the following 15 things, shall we?
1. Pop Rocks
Wanna bring even more excitement to fellatio? When's the last time you put some Pop Rocks into your mouth beforehand? If you haven't thought about them since you were a kid, they're the candies that create a popping/sizzling sensation.
Between that and the flavor of your choice, Pop Rocks can make going down more appealing to your taste buds while offering up a totally indescribable "vibration" for your partner.
Oh, and if you have a hard time finding them at your local store, you can always get some Pop Rocks on its company website here.
2. Listerine
Speaking of creating cool sensations during oral sex, if you like the taste of mint, try gargling some Listerine and then keeping a little bit of it in your mouth before taking him into yours. It creates a cool menthol feel that also can make him go all the way in…if you know what I mean.
3. Ice Cream
While we're on the topic of creating amazing sensations on genital regions, when's the last time that you had some ice cream put onto your labia during oral sex? If it's your man's favorite flavor, he will be sure to eat it up (pun totally intended). Plus, the cool sensation of the ice cream along with the warmth of his mouth will easily have you climbing the walls. Just make sure to put down a towel or prepare to wash your sheets afterwards. This can make a mess, although it's the best kind of one.
4. Clit Pump
I know, right? You learn something new every day. Today, for me, it's clit pumps. If you've never heard of them before, they're basically mini vacuums that you place over your clitoris in order to increase blood circulation to it. The benefit? Well, the more sensitive your clitoris is, the easier it is to climax. Many women sing its praises because the combo of the vacuum and oral action happening simultaneously can create the most intense orgasm ever. Cop one here and then report back. #wink
5. Masturbation Sleeve (or Banana Peels)
Never heard of a masturbation sleeve before? That's OK. I'll break it down. Long story short, it's the kind of sex toy that a man puts his penis into that feels somewhat like a vagina or even a mouth. Some come with lube. Some vibrate. While it might initially sound like the kind of game only one can play, a lot of couples enjoy them because they say it's great when it comes to mutual masturbation or oral sex. Men's Health once did a feature on this entitled, "I Tried 6 Male Masturbation Sleeves, and This One Was Definitely the Best". It might be able to point you into the right direction of which masturbation sleeve to get.
On the other hand, if money is tight or sex gadgets aren't really your thing, some people are all about using banana peels as an alternative. Yep. Literally putting their package in between a peel. Hey, if the grapefruit trick worked, I don't see why a banana peel wouldn't.
6. Delay Spray
Whether your man struggles with premature ejaculation, it takes you a bit longer to "get there" or your stuff is just so good that he sometimes releases before either of you planned, something that he might want to try is Delay Spray. If you've never heard of it before, it's the kind of spray that relaxes the sensitive nerves in his penis so that he can go for a longer period of time. The key is to apply the spray 10-15 minutes prior to intercourse. And if you're wondering — it will not affect your vagina, you can use it even if oral sex is going to happen (after the spray is applied; just wait about 10 minutes) and it can go on a flaccid or erect penis. If it's piqued your interest, you can purchase a bottle by going here.
7. “Honey Oil”
A couple of years ago, when I wrote an article onfall-themed sex, one of the things that I shouted out was cinnamon oil. Chile…chile. It's sweet, it's warm and it's such a non-sticky way to enjoy "tongue-cleaning" — and getting cleaned. Along these same lines, adding a teaspoon of honey to one-third cup of sweet almond oil, zapping it into the microwave for 10 minutes and then applying it to each other's bodies and licking it off can be pure bliss. There's honestly no other way to put it.
8. Cuffies
If low-key bondage is totally your thing but handcuffs are uncomfortable as hell, there are some cool cuffs known as Cuffies. What makes them a standout item is they are super strong yet because they are made out of silicone, they are uber comfortable too.
The real bonus? They're only $18. Definitely worth having in one of your nightstands, if you ask me. If you're interested, you can cop a pair here.
9. Necktie
While you're waiting on your Cuffies to arrive in the mail, a more-than-fair substitute is a necktie. It's soft. It's sexy. And it can double up as a bondage tool or a blindfold. Preferably both.
10. CBD Oil
Last fall, I wrote an article for the platform entitled, "7 Proven Ways Weed Makes Sex So Much Better". One of the things that I shouted out in it is CBD lube; not only does it make things wetter, the properties in CBD can also heighten sensitivity in the genital region. Along these same lines, CBD oil is dope because it helps to relax your body's blood vessels, so that blood flow is able to increase and your orgasms can intensify. Using it as a warm massage oil is the perfect way to up the ante as far as foreplay goes. Not "maybe" — definitely.
11. Partial Clothing
Most of the men I know, when it comes between choosing lingerie or nudity, they are totally doing for Door #2. However, I think there is something that is really sexy about having sex while partially clothed. A dress with no undies underneath. Breasts that are exposed with the bra still on. Panties moved over to the side. To me, it sends the message of, "You're so damn hot that I don't want to waste any more time trying to get all of your clothes off." And sex that is full of that kind of passion? It never misses.
12. “Sex Gratitude”
Out of all of the things on this list, perhaps my favorite one is this particular tip. If you want to have some truly incredible sex, the more dopamine that's surging throughout your body, the better. That's because dopamine is a type of neurotransmitter that sends messages back and forth between your body cells.
On the sex tip, dopamine is great because it plays a significant role in why and how we feel pleasure. Well, keeping this in mind, did you know that something that naturally triggers dopamine in your system is gratitude? When we express it and hear it, our brain releases a bit of dopamine which causes us to feel really good. So, whether it's during the act of foreplay or sex itself, tell your partner what you appreciate about them, especially sexually. I'd be shocked if he didn't return the favor and that the words you both hear won't prove to be the ultimate turn-on.
13. Open Blinds
If you consider yourself to be a closet exhibitionist (you like to be watched) yet you've never been bold enough to do something along the lines of having sex outdoors, a happy medium could be to open up some blinds in a room in your house. Whether it's in the day when the neighbors could actually see what's going on or at night when not a soul is looking, it's a simple way to "scratch the itch" without taking a really big risk.
14. Memory Foam Mattress Cover
Whether you have a squeaky bed or a house full of kids (check out "How To Make Sex Easier (& More Fun) When You've Got Kids"), don't let either stop you from getting as buckwild as you wanna be. A very easy and affordable way to "quiet your bed down" is to put a memory foam mattress cover on top of your mattress. Also, if you've got some box springs or a metal frame, spray some WD-40 on it could get your bed to shut up so that you can turn up as well.
15. “Sex Rewards”
I'm pretty sure you've heard of sex coupons before. Sex rewards are similar in the sense that you literally find fun and creative ways to "reward" for your partner for a job well done. If he makes you cum three times in a row, he gets his favorite meal prepared the following day. If you get into his favorite position, he runs the errands for you that you hate. The objective here isn't to use sex as a form of manipulation so much as an incentive to get excited about things outside of the bedroom. After all, rewarding people is one of the most effective ways to get them to do even more for you — or in the case of sex, to you. And what could possibly be wrong with that? Exactly.
Join our xoTribe, an exclusive community dedicated to YOU and your stories and all things xoNecole. Be a part of a growing community of women from all over the world who come together to uplift, inspire, and inform each other on all things related to the glow up.
Featured image by Giphy
It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Waiting To See If They Are ‘The One?’ These Dating Tests Will Prove If Bae Is A Keeper Or A Counterfeit.
We’ve all been there: you meet the special person who sweeps you off your favorite stilettos. The rose-colored glasses are glued on tightly, and the butterflies in your stomach are fluttering and leave you woozy in infatuation and hope.
You can’t wait to dive into the group chat and gush to your girlfriends that you’ve finally met someone worthy of the goodness of you. And then the caveat hits. “I dunno, girl, I hope they are the one. We’ll see.”
While some women resort to the auspices of time sorting their nebulous love life out, the rest of us with little-to-no patience for wasting precious time, scram to our arsenal of weeding out mechanisms, aka relationshiptests.
Deploying CIA operative-level strategic tests just to prove whether bae is a keeper or a counterfeit may conjure a hard eye roll, deep sigh, or exhaustion–because who really wants to add one more task to an already booked and busy agenda? No one wants to play mental gymnastics when love should ideally come effortlessly. But the more intentional and prudent you are in the initial stages of dating–the more time, energy, and resources you save in the long run. (Not to mention, save on any potential heartbreak).
Here are four tried-and-true relationship tests:
The Soup Test
If your momma, auntie, or granny ever warned you, “Never buy a man a pair of shoes, because they’ll be the same shoes he’ll walk out of life with,” and yet, you proceeded without caution because you were so desperately in love that you bought him Jordans for his birthday on credit anyway, then you already know that gifting bae accouterments–anything from a homecooked meal to material goods–is a defining factor to test whether he’s a seat filler or the main attraction.
One judicious woman on Threads has coined her relationship test as “the soup test.” She suggests, “If you wanna know if someone actually likes you or views you as a convenience/space filler, try the soup test (as long as you’re open to getting dumped lol).”
She hypothesizes, “If you make your situationship something nice to eat as a gift (soup, a nice dinner, banana bread, etc.), they will likely break up with you within the week.”
Meanwhile, the person who does value you and desires a long-term relationship will appreciate you and your thoughtful efforts.
Both men and women are confirming that the Soup Test has merit. One woman shared, “I was seeing a guy for a couple months and made him cupcakes for his birthday. I never got the cupcake holder back…”
One bold man admitted, “Broke up with my last girlfriend after she tried to cook a meal for me in my flat after looking after my pet while I was away. She thought it would be a sweet thing for when I got home, I felt like it was part of a pattern of her trying to make my space ‘our’ space and over-inserting herself into my life. So I guess this is anecdotal evidence from the other side that ‘the soup test’ works 🤦🏼♂️. Still feel like an arsehole.”
The Sick Test
Taking wedding vows, promising to love your spouse “in sickness and in health,” isn’t just for married folks; it’s a great temperature test to unequivocally determine if the person you’re dating cares for you and has imprinted you as a meaningful part of their future.
I’ve been using the “sick test,” for nearly a decade, when I noticed how the vast majority of the men I was casually dating (and had high hopes that it would evolve into more) would disappear during my quarantine and resurface once I was back to good health. Only in rare instances, did a couple of long-term partners show up in my time of need, or display deep empathy.
Like my platonic male friend who I had zero attraction for. He’d send both me and our mutual girlfriends care packages whenever we were under the weather. Naturally, upon reflecting on the countless ways he showed up for me, like none of his predecessors, I fell in love with him. His generosity ignited a relationship that lasted four years.
The sick test taught me that if you tell the person you’re dating about your infirmities and they say, “Aww, feel better,” girl, run! Delete, block, and move on because if he or she doesn’t care about you at your lowest, there will likely be more areas of your life that they will be absent or unsupportive in.
Conversely, when you’re the one with a robust roster, the sick test can immediately give you clarity on who to kick to the curb. In the initial stages of meeting two guys–one was a talent manager, the other was an entrepreneur–I’d gone on lovely dinner dates with both guys when the talent manager abruptly became sick and had to cancel our second date. I gave him a long list of healthy natural remedies to quell his flu and wished him well.
Around the same time, the entrepreneur with who I had undeniable chemistry and visions of birthing his children, had also come down with a cold, and though I had a jam-packed work schedule and lived 35 miles away from him, I eagerly offered to buy the same healthy natural remedies I did for the other guy and trek out to his house to make sure he got them.
And then it hit me – I had to snip the talent manager from the short-listed roster. Once I came down with a nasty cold months later, and the entrepreneur was by my side to take care of me, it confirmed that the sick test facilitated the best man winning me over.
The Provision Test
If you are seeking a provider, discerning whether they have a provider spirit before you co-sign the lease, start a family, or say “I do,” will save you tremendous time and effort. Many women often ask, “How do I know if he’s a provider?”
Internet dating guru, Leticia Padua, aka SheraSeven advocates to test to see if a man is a provider by asking him to fulfill a financial need.
“If he offers to do something for you financially; If you come up with a fake problem that costs money to solve, and he solves it.”
A girlfriend of mine was dating a successful Black engineer for a few months, and she had a real problem to solve. Her engineer beau boasted that he was great at building things, and if she ever needed anything to let him know. As such, when she ordered a brand-new orthopedic bed that required assembly, she decided to see if he was a man who was committed to his word and would fulfill her need.
When he asked her what her weekend plans were, she lamented that she needed to spend considerable time assembling her oversized bed. He brushed off her laborious task and said they’d connect the following weekend. It wasn’t until she subsequently broke the courtship off and voiced her concern over his lack of help that he said he would have assisted her if she had asked.
Though she failed to directly ask for his help, a true provider would’ve heard her problem and provided a solution. He would’ve paid for a service like Task Rabbit or rolled up his sleeves since he flaunted that he was “a great builder.” Men who are bonafide providers are generous givers who love to solve a problem. While men who prioritize themselves, are takers who will do the bare minimum or not even lift a finger when you need their help.
The Removal Prayer
Social media is abuzz with endless anecdotes and comedic skits sharing the consensus of the infamous prayer that will expeditiously usher in newfound clarity to the situationship or relationship you’re in.
Coined as “the removal prayer” it’s a simple request, petitioning God to reveal if the person you’re dating is The One. When you can’t see the forest from the trees, the removal prayer mashes the gas pedal on sifting through the frogs and your prince.
But as with any test, you must brace yourself for what happens next. If you don’t have the strength to cut the wrong one off, don’t worry, God will discard them before you can say “amen.” I can’t tell you how many dates I wasted hoping, waiting, and wishing it would work out. After trying every draconian measure in the playbook, including abstinence, I was still coming up immeasurably short. One day, I threw up my hands and relinquished my miserable dating life to God.
Upon exchanging numbers with any new suitor, I began to always ask God to reveal their true character and intentions, and to remove them if they are not “The One.” Ever since then, I’ve witnessed countless counterfeits masquerading as husband material, surreptitiously vanish.
Sometimes, it stings when the one you had lofty hopes for evaporates into the air–especially if you’ve invested several months or years. But it’s better to cut your losses sooner than later and create a healthy space for the right one to find you.
Let’s make things inbox official! Sign up for the xoNecole newsletter for love, wellness, career, and exclusive content delivered straight to your inbox.
Featured image by Getty Images