Maybe you meet him at a networking event. Maybe even on Tinder.
You exchange contact information, chat for a week or two, and begin to feel a genuine connection with the person on the other end of the line. The anticipation of finally meeting up for a date slowly builds, so you set up a day and time to finally go out. In preparation, you go all out: nails done, hair done, everything did. The air of romance and the potential to be briskly swept off your feet and ride off into the distance with your knight in shining armor makes you feel like the next Meghan Markle.
And then, pause.
He wants you to just come over and "catch a vibe". This, ladies, is what is being labeled as "the pre-date". The new but not-quite-so-new way for a guy, or girl, to "temperature check" and feel you out with the goal of gauging whether or not you are quote-unquote "worthy of a real first date where real coins are spent." Simply put, it's testing the waters to see if he can get the goods without spending the money and/or making a real emotional or spiritual investment.
For millenials, there is no shortage of verbiage to explain away the foolery. We've had to deal with "ghosting", "breadcrumbing", "the slow fade", "benching", and now THIS?? Has "let's meet for drinks after work" replaced the traditional dinner and a movie first date? If you ask Twitter, it sure has. A debate has been sparked which might leave you wondering if there is any hope left in the dating world.
So, what is a pre-date?
Most are NOT here for it and have strong opinions on the type of men that would have the audacity to suggest such a thing. Some are even trying to intellectualize the phenomenon. But in true Twitter fashion, the responses turned out to be quite hilarious:
I don’t think Pre-Date Twitter was gonna have too many dates to worry about anyway, maybe we should just let them p… https://t.co/2EX8PH4Nbw— Jamilah (@Jamilah)1527501567.0
I was just having a conversation with a friend of mine regarding dating in a big city this weekend before I stumbled upon this trending topic. Let's be real, in today's world, the options for men are endless and the dating pool is quite deep. Sometimes it feels like they are treating women and dating as if they were shopping right out of a catalogue.
With the swipe of a finger, these guys have the proverbial pick of the litter.
Pre-dating is the product of this and many other things, but when did we as women have to prove our worth just to enjoy a meal and a good conversation with someone who was also seemingly interested in us, too? It's almost like a twisted role reversal in which women are now required to woo and court the men of this generation.
Pre-dating is a credible thing if you ask me— themagicone_ (@themagicone_)1527610064.0
So, do we give in an accept a pre-date from time to time knowing the potential pitfalls of the interaction? Are we all ready to dump tradition just to catch a "vibe"? Perhaps I am a little rusty at this dating game, but I've been a victim of the pre-date. And while it hasn't worked out in my favor, I learned from it. I learned what I'm willing to accept in the beginning stages, what I value about myself, and what I offer in the dating realm.
And I've also learned just how many guys are really about this pre-dating life.
That is why it is so important to carve out what you truly desire from this dating game. Whether you write it out in your journal or specify it on your Bumble profile, that reminder can serve as a guideline on how you chose to move in this dating world.
Make no compromises when it comes to what you truly want out of life, because if it's not on sale, don't offer any discounts.
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