If you're not a social butterfly, networking solo can feel like a job interview. Regardless of what kind of networking event you attend, you have to dress to attract the "right" kind of attention, know how to answer and ask the right questions and have a bomb "about me" pitch.
And while that all sounds good, putting this into effect may be harder to do. So what are some key tips to networking?
Dress Your Best
You move differently when you feel like you're looking good. And whether we like it or not, the way we dress and carry ourselves sends a subconscious message to those around us. Dressing your best isn't about looking like someone else, it's about looking like your higher self, to present as your higher self. Whether it's making sure your hair is in a hairstyle that will stay in tact all night or wearing your favorite dress, put your best foot forward in fashion.
Get Clear On Your Networking Goals
Why are you networking? What's your career or job goal? Who's attending the event that you really want to see? What questions do you want to ask about the topic of discussion? When you're clear on your "why," you have a clear compass on what you need to do to achieve your networking goal.
Have An Elevator Pitch
An elevator pitch is a brief synopsis of who you are, what you do, what your goal is and why you're there. Your pitch should be tailored to where you are. If you're attending a creative/entrepreneurial event, then talking about a technical job isn't going to strike a chord with other attendees – but that side project you've been working on after work will. What's always a good throw-in for networking events is where you're from. This can spark a conversation, especially if you are somewhere away from home. Practice your pitch ahead of networking to assure you're not talking too fast or too low.
Talk To The Person Next To You
How often have you gone to a panel event or conference where there was a guest speaker, and made the speaker your only agenda in hopes of landing a connection? Now how often has this turned out to be a failed 30-second convo? Sometimes the biggest connection you can make is the one with the person (or people) closest to you. Strike up a conversation about how the event is going or something interesting the speaker said or even where to get good food in the area. You never know who you're sitting next to and how a relationship can evolve. And if you see someone who's alone, take their oneness as an open window to connect with them too!
Be Yourself
The most important thing is to be yourself. You want to build genuine connections with people who will get you, so why not bring your true self to the forefront to begin with? Give your input and opinion in conversations when you feel like it without the fear of worrying what people will think about what you said.
Everyone will not resonate with you, but by putting yourself out there you'll find at least one person you can vibe with for the night.
Remember The Names of People You’re Talking To
Whether you have to write it in your phone notes or say it every time you talk to them, don't forget names! Remembering someone's name does two things: 1) It helps you to get more personal and comfortable talking to the person and vice versa 2) It can help you stay focused on the conversation or to strike up one again when you walk away.
Exchange Contact Information
Don't strike up an interesting convo with someone and walk away thinking you'll see them later only to find they left shortly after your chat. Exchange information! Business cards aren't outdated just yet. Make sure to have yours handy and if the person doesn't have one, ask for their contact information and the best way to follow up with them. Some people are more active on LinkedIn than email, so this may be helpful to know.
Look For Future Events Hosted By The Organizer
If you signed up for an event with an organization via email, then you'll more than likely be notified of their future events and may even run into the same people again. Get familiar with the event organizers. It may even be helpful to connect with them to learn of similar networking opportunities, and ways you can be involved with their organization to grow in community on a deeper level.
Follow Up
Once you make your connections, follow up with them post the event 24-48 hours after meeting them. Don't send a generic email either, make sure to include a personalized touch to your message that connects with something you discussed. A sure way to keep the conversation going is to offer help or share an article on something related to what you talked about.
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- Tips on attending your first networking event alone - Tech Girl Rising ›
- 6 Tips on How to Network for Introverts - The Muse ›
- 5 Networking Tips for Introverts | HuffPost ›
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- Tips For Success: Attending A Networking Event Alone | TalentEgg ... ›
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- 15 Useful Tips for Attending an Event Alone (And Actually Enjoying It) ›
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Ding. Ding. DING.
A life coach by the name of Thomas Leonard once said that “Clarity affords focus” and, believe you me, when it comes to dealing with other human beings, if you don’t get clear on where you stand when it comes to your interactions with them, you can very easily find yourself “focusing too much” on those who don’t deserve it and too little on those who absolutely do. And y’all, this lil’ PSA couldn’t be more relevant than when it comes to what I call “casual friendships.”
Let’s dig — and for some of us, dig our way out of — what it means to have a casual friend, so that you can get clear on if you really need those in your life…and if so…why?
Article continues after the video.
It Can’t Be Said Enough: Always Remember What “Casual” Means
GiphyThere’s a reason why I decided to share two videos by mental health coach Isaiah Frizzle at the top and bottom of this article. It’s because a lot of what he shares in both of them complements a piece that I wrote for the platform last year entitled, “This Is Just What Purposeful Relationships Look Like.”
It’s the author M. Scott Peck who once said, “Until you value yourself, you won't value your time. Until you value your time, you will not do anything with it” and please believe that the older (and hopefully more mature) you get, the more you tend to see just how valuable — and fleeting — time is; and that is what plays a huge role in motivating you want to only involve yourself with people, places, things and ideas that will honor your time — and when something is casual? In my opinion, it’s highly debatable that it’s worth much of your months, days, hours, or even too many of your minutes.
The main reason why is addressed in an article that I wrote back in the day entitled, “We Should Really Rethink The Term 'Casual Sex.'” The gist? When it comes to relationships, “casual” is certainly not a favorite word of mine because I know what it means. Have mercy — why would you want to invest your time, energy, and emotions into something that is, by definition, apathetic, indifferent, careless, lacking emotional intimacy, and/or is without purpose?
I don’t know about y’all but that sounds like a complete and total crap shoot to me — especially if you are going to go so far as to consider this type of dynamic a true friendship (check out “Ever Wonder If A Friend Is Just...Not That Into You?,” “6 Signs You're About To Make A Huge Mistake In Making Them A Close Friend,” “5 Signs Of A Toxic Friendship That Is Secretly Poisoning Your Life,” “12 Friend Facts That Might Cause You To Rethink (Some Of) Your Own,” and “Less & Less Of Us Have Close Friends These Days. Why Is That?” ).
To me, when you decide to call someone “friend,” it means that they are loyal, reliable, consistent, trustworthy and willing to be there to support you to the very best of their ability — even if it’s inconvenient to do so sometimes (check out “Life Taught Me That True Friendships Are 'Inconvenient'”). How in the world can you expect that from something that has the word “casual” in it?
And you know what? That actually segues into my next point about casual friendships pretty darn well.
Ponder the Purpose “Casual Friends” Serve in Your Life
GiphyA couple of years ago, Verywell Mind published an article entitled, “How the 4 Types of Friendship Fit Into Your Life.” The four that it listed were acquaintances (which I actually don’t consider to be friends; check out “6 Differences Between A Close Acquaintance And An Actual Friend”), casual friends, close friends, and lifelong friends. After reading the piece, I think they consider casual friends to be the “pleasure” friends that I mentioned in the article, “According To Aristotle, We Need ‘Utility’, ‘Pleasure’ & ‘Good’ Friends.”
And although I certainly get that, I think my “cause for pause” is calling those people “friends” when they probably should be called something like an associate or possibly even a buddy instead. Why do I feel this way? Well, I’ve shared in other articles that I think social media has jacked up vocabulary words and their true meaning on a billion different levels.
Take “friend,” for example. Facebook had us out here calling everyone we connected to on their platform “friends” when some of them, we’ve never even spoken to before — and I personally think that influenced, affected and perhaps even infected our psyche to the point where we will call folks, both online and off, “friend” even when they haven’t earned it and/or who possibly don’t deserve it.
That said, do I think that we all could use lighthearted interactions that don’t go very deep and are filled with not much more than fun? Sure. However, if we were to move this over into a sexual thing — those types of people would probably be called a sneaky link, and there is nothing significant or substantial about ‘em. In fact, if anything pretty much automatically comes with an expiration date, sneaky links would have to be it.
And that’s kind of the point that I’m trying to make about a casual friend — so long as you know that the word “casual” is being used to describe them, while you may enjoy the people who fit that bill, they aren’t really anything that you can or even should fully rely on. Instead, take them for what they are and don’t really expect much more than that. Otherwise, you could be in for some profound levels of disappointment. And who wants that?
Final point.
How a Casual Friend Can Become a Huge Red Flag
GiphyI’m telling you, y’all gonna quit clowning Tubi. LOL. To me, the best way to describe it is it’s the Cricket of current streaming apps. What I mean by that is, back when Cricket (the cell phone service) first came out, people, like me, who used it service got incessantly clowned because it was seen as a bootleg provider. Now it’s owned by AT&T, and as someone who has rocked with them since I was in my 20s, I don’t have one regret for doing so. Cricket has always been good to me, chile.
And Tubi? Well, when you get a chance, check out CNBC’s article, “CEO at 33, Tubi’s Anjali Sud on success hacks she learned at Amazon, IAC on way to top of Fox streaming” — take note of the moves the streaming app is making and the quality of programming that is transpiring in real time.
Anyway, I find myself bringing up Tubi more and more in my content because it helps to amplify some of the points that I like to make. This time, it’s a movie that’s (currently) on there calledRight Man, Wrong Woman. If you haven’t seen it before, I don’t want to give too much of the film away. What I will say is that the main female character, she had a casual friend and then she had a close friend.
That casual friend—the one who liked to kick it all of the time—was a lot of fun; however, dealing with her came with a ton of semi-unforeseen consequences. Meanwhile, the close friend? She’s what the Aristotle article (that I mentioned earlier) would call the “good friend” because she tried her best to hold her friend accountable.
And really, it shouldn’t be a shock that the casual friend turned out to be a plum trip because if someone is loads of entertainment and pleasure and yet they are indifferent towards you, they make careless decisions around you and/or they don’t really make known the purpose for you being in their life other than to pass some time — where really do you and that person have to go past drinks after work or dinner on a rooftop restaurant from time to time? And if that is all that the two of you are doing, again, why are they deserving of the word “friend”?
Hmph and don’t get me started on the lack of reciprocity that typically transpires when it comes to dealing with people like this because, while they won’t mind you spending your coins on them, taking their calls in the middle of the night or listening to all of their issues — when it comes time for them to show up for you, they very well may gaslight you into thinking that you are being dramatic, clingy or “doing the most.” Why? Well, it’s mostly because the two of you never really established what the hell the both of you are to one another.
And so, while you’re somewhere taking them seriously, they are out here seeing you casually, and as much as it might hurt to hear, that doesn’t automatically or necessarily make them a bad person. You shouldn’t expect much where no clarity is involved. After all, casual is just that: CASUAL.
____
I’m hoping that you can now see why I entitled this piece in the way that I did. It’s because a red flag is pretty much a warning, and to me, a casual friend is about as big of an oxymoron (again, to me) as casual sex is. Friends and sex are both too intimate to be seen or treated casually. Oh, but if you step out and take that risk, you could find yourself getting far more involved than the other individual ever wanted to go, because casual is how things have always been. “Friend” was simply to get you more mentally and emotionally invested. SMDH.
American columnist Walter Winchell once said, “A real friend is one who walks in when the rest of the world walks out.” A wise person once said, “One good friendship will outlive forty average loves." Former President Ulysses S. Grant once said, “The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity.” Does any of this sound casual to you? Yeah, me neither.
Again, I’m not saying that you shouldn’t have people in your life who aren’t on deep levels. I’m just saying that you might want to consider putting them into another category than friend, because what friends do for people? There ain’t nothin’ even remotely casual about it, sis. Not even a lil’ bit.
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