Is Dating App Fatigue A Thing? A Dating Expert On How To Avoid Feeling Burned Out
In an attempt to have a hot girl summer, I found my way back to the dating apps. After a bunch of swiping up, down, left, and right, I was left with several “matches” that would eventually need tending to. Sifting through the various profiles and sending screenshots to my friends seemed fun at first but quickly got overwhelming. The matches, the clever one-liners, and the need to keep up conversations with multiple men (especially after a long day at work) —it all became too much. Then once the novelty of messaging strangers wore off (plus one pretty bad Hinge date), I began avoiding the apps like the plague.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I fully believe that online dating can lead to real-life love. I know women who have met their boyfriends and husbands on dating apps and I love that for them. It’s just that when I begin to skim through various half-hearted conversations with men that I’ve only “met” digitally, my eyes instantly start to glaze over. It’s like wanting to watch something really good on Netflix but after scrolling through so many movies, you’re quickly hit with decision fatigue and decide to watch reruns of Living Single instead (or is that just me?).
Whether it happens online or IRL, I do feel that true love exists…however, to help mitigate any potential app burnout, Kiaundra Jackson, licensed marriage and family therapist, shares her expert advice on how to best navigate the world of digital dating.
In your expert opinion, have you ever heard of dating app burnout? If so, what causes it?
“Dating app burnout is definitely a real thing! Honestly, being burned out from dating, in general, is common as well. Dating can be an exhausting task for many. So, when you factor in apps, everything gets heightened,” Kiaundra explains.
"Dating app burnout can be caused by: The overwhelming amount of different dating apps and trying to figure out which is the right one for you, the sheer number of profiles you have to scroll through and read, discerning who gets past the app and gets your personal contact info, figuring out if and who you should go on a date with or follow-up date and safety concerns (catfishing, being taken advantage of, etc.).”
Can you provide 3 to 5 tips on how folks can avoid dating app burnout?
1. Monitor or limit the time you are on the app. For example, “I will only spend 15 minutes creating/editing my profile per day or I will only swipe 25 people per day and then get off.”
2. Know your non-negotiables and stick to them. It is important to know what season you are in and to make sure you are only dating partners who align with that. If you want to just have fun and sleep around, then make that clear. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, then do not date someone who is not looking for something serious at this time.
3. Don't compare yourself to others. You can speak with tons of people who have different experiences with dating and dating apps. You might hear horror stories but you might hear stories where folks have found the love of their life. Don't be swayed either way. Just know that your path is your path and your experience is unique to you!
Do you have any other best practices for using dating apps?
1. Don't be afraid to initiate. It is okay to make the first interaction or check-in but just make sure it is then reciprocated.
2. Be safe. Share your dating location with a friend, do not allow them to pick you up from your home.
3. Be honest. If you are not vibing with someone or it seems like it isn't a good fit, it is okay to tell them that so you both can move on.
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Featured image by Drazen_/Getty Images
ItGirl 100 Honors Black Women Who Create Culture & Put On For Their Cities
As they say, create the change you want to see in this world, besties. That’s why xoNecole linked up with Hyundai for the inaugural ItGirl 100 List, a celebration of 100 Genzennial women who aren’t afraid to pull up their own seats to the table. Across regions and industries, these women embody the essence of discovering self-value through purpose, honey! They're fierce, they’re ultra-creative, and we know they make their cities proud.
VIEW THE FULL ITGIRL 100 LIST HERE.
Don’t forget to also check out the ItGirl Directory, featuring 50 Black-woman-owned marketing and branding agencies, photographers and videographers, publicists, and more.
THE ITGIRL MEMO
I. An ItGirl puts on for her city and masters her self-worth through purpose.
II. An ItGirl celebrates all the things that make her unique.
III. An ItGirl empowers others to become the best versions of themselves.
IV. An ItGirl leads by example, inspiring others through her actions and integrity.
V. An ItGirl paves the way for authenticity and diversity in all aspects of life.
VI. An ItGirl uses the power of her voice to advocate for positive change in the world.
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You've Never Seen Luke James In A Role Quite Like This
Over the years, we've watched Luke James play countless characters we'd deem sex symbols, movie stars, and even his complicated character in Lena Waithe's The Chi. For the first time in his career, the New Orleans-born actor has taken on a role where his signature good looks take a backseat as he transforms into Edmund in Them: The Scare—a mentally deranged character in the second installment of the horror anthology series that you won't be able to take your eyes off.
Trust us, Edmund will literally make you do a double take.
xoNecole sat down with Luke James to talk about his latest series and all the complexity surrounding it—from the challenges taking on this out-of-the-box role to the show's depiction of the perplexing history of the relationship between Black Americans and police. When describing the opportunity to bring Edmund's character to life, Luke was overjoyed to show the audience yet another level of his masterful acting talents.
"It was like bathing in the sun," he said. "I was like, thank you! Another opportunity for me to be great—for me to expand my territory. I'm just elated to be a part of it and to see myself in a different light, something I didn't think I could do." He continued, "There are parts of you that says, 'Go for it because this is what you do.' But then also that's why it's a challenge because you're like, 'um, I don't know if I'm as free as I need to be to be able to do this.' Little Marvin just created such a safe space for me to be able to do this, and I'm grateful for everything I've been able to do to lead to this."
Courtesy
Them: The Scare, like the first season, shines a light on the plight of Black Americans in the United States. This time, the story is taking place in the 1990s, at the height of the Rodney King riots in Los Angeles. While the series presents many underlying themes, one that stands out is Black people and the complicated relationship with the police. "For the audience, I think it sets the tone for the era that we're in and the amount of chaos that's in the air in Los Angeles and around the country from this heinous incident. And I say it just sets the tone of the anxiety and anxiousness that everybody is feeling in their own households."
James has been a longtime advocate against police brutality himself. He has even featured Elijah McClain, the 23-year-old Colorado man who died after being forcibly detained by officers, as his Instagram avatar for the past five years. So, as you can imagine, this script was close to his heart. "Elijah was a soft-loving oddball. Different than anyone but loving and a musical genius. He was just open and wanted to be loved and seen."
Getty Images
Luke continued, "His life was taken from him. I resonate with his spirit and his words...through all the struggle and the pain he still found it in him to say, 'I love you and I forgive you.' And that's who we are as people—to our own detriment sometimes. He's someone I don't want people to forget. I have yet to remove his face from my world because I have yet to let go of his voice, let go of that being [because] there's so many people we have lost in our history that so often get forgotten."
He concluded, "I think that's the importance of such artwork that moves us to think and talk about it. Yes, it's entertaining. We get to come together and be spooked together. But then we come together and we think, 'Damn, Edmund needed someone to talk to. Edmund needed help... a lot [of] things could have been different. Edmund could have been saved.'
Check out the full interview below.
Luke James Talks Ditching Sex Symbol Status For "Them: The Scare", Elijah McClain, & Morewww.youtube.com
Featured image by Getty Images