In an attempt to have a hot girl summer, I found my way back to the dating apps. After a bunch of swiping up, down, left, and right, I was left with several “matches” that would eventually need tending to. Sifting through the various profiles and sending screenshots to my friends seemed fun at first but quickly got overwhelming. The matches, the clever one-liners, and the need to keep up conversations with multiple men (especially after a long day at work) —it all became too much. Then once the novelty of messaging strangers wore off (plus one pretty bad Hinge date), I began avoiding the apps like the plague.
Now, don’t get me wrong, I fully believe that online dating can lead to real-life love. I know women who have met their boyfriends and husbands on dating apps and I love that for them. It’s just that when I begin to skim through various half-hearted conversations with men that I’ve only “met” digitally, my eyes instantly start to glaze over. It’s like wanting to watch something really good on Netflix but after scrolling through so many movies, you’re quickly hit with decision fatigue and decide to watch reruns of Living Single instead (or is that just me?).
Whether it happens online or IRL, I do feel that true love exists…however, to help mitigate any potential app burnout, Kiaundra Jackson, licensed marriage and family therapist, shares her expert advice on how to best navigate the world of digital dating.
In your expert opinion, have you ever heard of dating app burnout? If so, what causes it?
“Dating app burnout is definitely a real thing! Honestly, being burned out from dating, in general, is common as well. Dating can be an exhausting task for many. So, when you factor in apps, everything gets heightened,” Kiaundra explains.
"Dating app burnout can be caused by: The overwhelming amount of different dating apps and trying to figure out which is the right one for you, the sheer number of profiles you have to scroll through and read, discerning who gets past the app and gets your personal contact info, figuring out if and who you should go on a date with or follow-up date and safety concerns (catfishing, being taken advantage of, etc.).”
Can you provide 3 to 5 tips on how folks can avoid dating app burnout?
1. Monitor or limit the time you are on the app. For example, “I will only spend 15 minutes creating/editing my profile per day or I will only swipe 25 people per day and then get off.”
2. Know your non-negotiables and stick to them. It is important to know what season you are in and to make sure you are only dating partners who align with that. If you want to just have fun and sleep around, then make that clear. If you are looking for a long-term relationship, then do not date someone who is not looking for something serious at this time.
3. Don't compare yourself to others. You can speak with tons of people who have different experiences with dating and dating apps. You might hear horror stories but you might hear stories where folks have found the love of their life. Don't be swayed either way. Just know that your path is your path and your experience is unique to you!
Do you have any other best practices for using dating apps?
1. Don't be afraid to initiate. It is okay to make the first interaction or check-in but just make sure it is then reciprocated.
2. Be safe. Share your dating location with a friend, do not allow them to pick you up from your home.
3. Be honest. If you are not vibing with someone or it seems like it isn't a good fit, it is okay to tell them that so you both can move on.
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