Quantcast

I Didn't Believe In Online Dating Until I Met The Love Of My Life On Tinder

Dating

I'll be the first to say that Tinder gets a bad rep. It's been deemed the "hookup app" from those looking for something fun to do on any given night, and though it can certainly be used for a weekend rendezvous or a risqué meet and greet, for those who are really looking for someone special, it can be the answer to your solving single prayers.


When I see stories about social media and dating they are typically horror stories, but my experience has been the opposite--I actually found love through Tinder.

Around this time last year, I was preparing for one of the worst let-downs ever; the guy I was in love with had a wife, a girlfriend, and me... Horrible. When his girlfriend (whom I was told was his groupie) filled me in on what was going on, I cut things off. I had accepted a position with an amazing company and would be moving soon anyway. It hurt, but I had amazing friends to distract me. One weekend, while en route to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, my friends suggested that I download Tinder. I had heard of it, but I was over love and trying.

My friends suggested it for a good laugh, and if you have ever been on the app you know that you see a little bit of everything and definitely things that are worthy of a screen shot and conversation in your friends only group message. So I swiped right, entertained a few guys, and unmatched some more, but one day--about a month after downloading the app--I got a message and continued a conversation with a guy that wasn't like the rest. Just like me he was educated, intelligent, and open to love if it led to that. We messaged each other for 11 hours, which led to him asking for my number. We talked until 5am, a stretch for someone who is a grad student, but I didn't want to stop talking to him. The very next day, he informed me that he was passing through where I lived to pick a friend up from the airport, and he asked if I wanted to meet. I prayed I wasn't being catfished, but something about this felt right. We met, and just like the conversations on the app and the phone call, we clicked right away.

The pictures didn't do him justice; I was in awe. We talked all night and has an amazing time. After that he came to see me almost every other day until I went on another girls trip/conference. I knew I was catching feelings fast, but it felt like nothing I had ever experienced. We talked through my travels even more than before and he didn't miss a beat. He picked me up from the airport upon my return and took me directly on a date. His effort was something that I had never experienced, and after having my heartbroken was something that was needed. We spent so much time with each other that not only were we falling for each other, but we were becoming best friends. Although I initially told him I was moving and that we should just be friends, that quickly went out the window as we decided that we wanted to make it official.

That was almost a year ago, and being his has been one of the best decisions that I have ever made.

Who would have thought that swiping right would have led to this? I am in love with my best friend, and I met him on a dating app.

I owe Tinder for my happiness, and if you're open to love there's a chance that the right one may just be a swipe away.

For those who are beginning to jump back into the dating pool and are looking for something real over temporary satisfaction, here are a few tips on how to make Tinder work for you. (Yes you!)

1. Don't Fall For the Wrong Type

Realize that Tinder is full of all types of people. Depending on the area that you are in you may not see what you define as prince charming on the first swipe. But this can give you the opportunity to explore people that are outside of your comfort zone. Someone who is not from your hometown, not the same ethnicity as you, or someone who you normally wouldn't talk to. Thats a good thing, comfort zones sometime hinder us and keep us away from an awesome catch or at the least bit an interesting good time.

2. Don't Get Caught Up In the Swipe Right Hype

Tinder gives us plenty of options to swerve someone we are not interested. Utilize this option! From swiping left to un-matching, if you aren't feeling the vibe, let it go. Its cool, there are plenty of fish in the sea waiting to be swiped.

3. Let Their Actions Do the Talking

So you're swiping away and you're getting that “I'm ready for something more than just Netflix and chill" feeling. How do you know that the person who matched with you is possibly feeling the same? Conversation indicators! If your conversations are normal, you're talking about your background, your goals, things you like, things you don't, and this leads to the question of a date, this person is probably interested in something more that can lead to something serious. If the conversation leads to something sexual extremely quick, that is a big red flag. If the conversation leads to them asking to come to your house after five minutes of conversation, that is probably also a red flag.

4. Move At Your Own Pace

Conversations are going well, and you're getting tired of going back and forth to the app to communicate. He asks for your number, but when is the right time? Honestly the right time to give your personal number to someone is when you feel comfortable doing it. That could be a day, it could be weeks, or longer. It honestly depends on you. But there is a handy feature called Google Voice, where you can create a phone number that is forwarded to your phone and you can text and talk without ever giving out your personal number. I have some friends that have used this option for a precaution.

5. Go Public With It

If everything is a hit and you get to the point where mutually you are ready to meet and to go on a date, the biggest thing that I would suggest is meeting in a public place and making sure that someone knows where you are going and the name of who you are going with, just as a safety measure. My first official date with my Tinder boo was dinner and a movie, but it could be as simple or extravagant as you both desire.

6. Keep Calm, It's Just A Date!

Last but not least, set out to have fun! Dating is a fun experience, and even if the person doesn't end up being “the one", at least the person became a story to tell your friends about!

Update:

The love of Maurisha's life is now the answer to her forever. In 2017, Tinder Bae put a ring on it in an unforgettable way. Since he was a drum major back in the day, he decided to pop the question at the Magic City Classic and she said "yes"! The couple recently made things official-official by tying the knot in February 2019.

Maurisha Ross/Instagram

And this August, the two soulmates will be welcoming their first bundle of joy. Congrats to the beautiful couple!

Maurisha Ross/Instagram

Originally published January 31, 2017; Article has since been updated.

ACLU By ACLUSponsored

Over the past four years, we grew accustomed to a regular barrage of blatant, segregationist-style racism from the White House. Donald Trump tweeted that “the Squad," four Democratic Congresswomen who are Black, Latinx, and South Asian, should “go back" to the “corrupt" countries they came from; that same year, he called Elizabeth Warren “Pocahontas," mocking her belief that she might be descended from Native American ancestors.

But as outrageous as the racist comments Trump regularly spewed were, the racially unjust governmental actions his administration took and, in the case of COVID-19, didn't take, impacted millions more — especially Black and Brown people.

To begin to heal and move toward real racial justice, we must address not only the harms of the past four years, but also the harms tracing back to this country's origins. Racism has played an active role in the creation of our systems of education, health care, ownership, and employment, and virtually every other facet of life since this nation's founding.

Our history has shown us that it's not enough to take racist policies off the books if we are going to achieve true justice. Those past policies have structured our society and created deeply-rooted patterns and practices that can only be disrupted and reformed with new policies of similar strength and efficacy. In short, a systemic problem requires a systemic solution. To combat systemic racism, we must pursue systemic equality.

What is Systemic Racism?

A system is a collection of elements that are organized for a common purpose. Racism in America is a system that combines economic, political, and social components. That system specifically disempowers and disenfranchises Black people, while maintaining and expanding implicit and explicit advantages for white people, leading to better opportunities in jobs, education, and housing, and discrimination in the criminal legal system. For example, the country's voting systems empower white voters at the expense of voters of color, resulting in an unequal system of governance in which those communities have little voice and representation, even in policies that directly impact them.

Systemic Equality is a Systemic Solution

In the years ahead, the ACLU will pursue administrative and legislative campaigns targeting the Biden-Harris administration and Congress. We will leverage legal advocacy to dismantle systemic barriers, and will work with our affiliates to change policies nearer to the communities most harmed by these legacies. The goal is to build a nation where every person can achieve their highest potential, unhampered by structural and institutional racism.

To begin, in 2021, we believe the Biden administration and Congress should take the following crucial steps to advance systemic equality:

Voting Rights

The administration must issue an executive order creating a Justice Department lead staff position on voting rights violations in every U.S. Attorney office. We are seeing a flood of unlawful restrictions on voting across the country, and at every level of state and local government. This nationwide problem requires nationwide investigatory and enforcement resources. Even if it requires new training and approval protocols, a new voting rights enforcement program with the participation of all 93 U.S. Attorney offices is the best way to help ensure nationwide enforcement of voting rights laws.

These assistant U.S. attorneys should begin by ensuring that every American in the custody of the Bureau of Prisons who is eligible to vote can vote, and monitor the Census and redistricting process to fight the dilution of voting power in communities of color.

We are also calling on Congress to pass the John Lewis Voting Rights Advancement Act to finally create a fair and equal national voting system, the cause for which John Lewis devoted his life.

Student Debt

Black borrowers pay more than other students for the same degrees, and graduate with an average of $7,400 more in debt than their white peers. In the years following graduation, the debt gap more than triples. Nearly half of Black borrowers will default within 12 years. In other words, for Black Americans, the American dream costs more. Last week, Majority Leader Chuck Schumer and Sen. Elizabeth Warren, along with House Reps. Ayanna Pressley, Maxine Waters, and others, called on President Biden to cancel up to $50,000 in federal student loan debt per borrower.

We couldn't agree more. By forgiving $50,000 of student debt, President Biden can unleash pent up economic potential in Black communities, while relieving them of a burden that forestalls so many hopes and dreams. Black women in particular will benefit from this executive action, as they are proportionately the most indebted group of all Americans.

Postal Banking

In both low and high income majority-Black communities, traditional bank branches are 50 percent more likely to close than in white communities. The result is that nearly 50 percent of Black Americans are unbanked or underbanked, and many pay more than $2,000 in fees associated with subprime financial institutions. Over their lifetime, those fees can add up to as much as two years of annual income for the average Black family.

The U.S. Postal Service can and should meet this crisis by providing competitive, low-cost financial services to help advance economic equality. We call on President Biden to appoint new members to the Postal Board of Governors so that the Post Office can do the work of providing essential services to every American.

Fair Housing

Across the country, millions of people are living in communities of concentrated poverty, including 26 percent of all Black children. The Biden administration should again implement the 2015 Affirmatively Furthering Fair Housing rule, which required localities that receive federal funds for housing to investigate and address barriers to fair housing and patterns or practices that promote bias. In 1980, the average Black person lived in a neighborhood that was 62 percent Black and 31 percent white. By 2010, the average Black person's neighborhood was 48 percent Black and 34 percent white. Reinstating the Obama-era Fair Housing Rule will combat this ongoing segregation and set us on a path to true integration.

Congress should also pass the American Housing and Economic Mobility Act, or a similar measure, to finally redress the legacy of redlining and break down the walls of segregation once and for all.

Broadband Access

To realize broadband's potential to benefit our democracy and connect us to one another, all people in the United States must have equal access and broadband must be made affordable for the most vulnerable. Yet today, 15 percent of American households with school-age children do not have subscriptions to any form of broadband, including one-quarter of Black households (an additional 23 percent of African Americans are “smartphone-only" internet users, meaning they lack traditional home broadband service but do own a smartphone, which is insufficient to attend class, do homework, or apply for a job). The Biden administration, Federal Communications Commission, and Congress must develop and implement plans to increase funding for broadband to expand universal access.

Enhanced, Refundable Child Tax Credits

The United States faces a crisis of child poverty. Seventeen percent of all American children are impoverished — a rate higher than not just peer nations like Canada and the U.K., but Mexico and Russia as well. Currently, more than 50 percent of Black and Latinx children in the U.S. do not qualify for the full benefit, compared to 23 percent of white children, and nearly one in five Black children do not receive any credit at all.

To combat this crisis, President Biden and Congress should enhance the child tax credit and make it fully refundable. If we enhance the child tax credit, we can cut child poverty by 40 percent and instantly lift over 50 percent of Black children out of poverty.

Reparations

We cannot repair harms that we have not fully diagnosed. We must commit to a thorough examination of the impact of the legacy of chattel slavery on racial inequality today. In 2021, Congress must pass H.R. 40, which would establish a commission to study reparations and make recommendations for Black Americans.

The Long View

For the past century, the ACLU has fought for racial justice in legislatures and in courts, including through several landmark Supreme Court cases. While the court has not always ruled in favor of racial justice, incremental wins throughout history have helped to chip away at different forms of racism such as school segregation ( Brown v. Board), racial bias in the criminal legal system (Powell v. Alabama, i.e. the Scottsboro Boys), and marriage inequality (Loving v. Virginia). While these landmark victories initiated necessary reforms, they were only a starting point.

Systemic racism continues to pervade the lives of Black people through voter suppression, lack of financial services, housing discrimination, and other areas. More than anything, doing this work has taught the ACLU that we must fight on every front in order to overcome our country's legacies of racism. That is what our Systemic Equality agenda is all about.

In the weeks ahead, we will both expand on our views of why these campaigns are crucial to systemic equality and signal the path this country must take. We will also dive into our work to build organizing, advocacy, and legal power in the South — a region with a unique history of racial oppression and violence alongside a rich history of antiracist organizing and advocacy. We are committed to four principles throughout this campaign: reconciliation, access, prosperity, and empowerment. We hope that our actions can meet our ambition to, as Dr. King said, lead this nation to live out the true meaning of its creed.

What you can do:
Take the pledge: Systemic Equality Agenda
Sign up

Featured image by Shutterstock

Lawd, lawd. I'm assuming that I'm not being too presumptuous when I start this all out by saying, I'm pretty sure that more than just a few of us can relate to this title and topic. I know that personally, there are several men from my sexual past who would've been out of my space a lot sooner had the sex not been…shoot, so damn good. And it's because of that very thing that you'll never ever convince me that sex can't mess with your head. The oxytocin highs (that happen when we kiss, cuddle and orgasm) alone can easily explain why a lot of us will make a sexual connection with someone and stay involved with them for weeks, months, years even, even if the mental and emotional dynamic is subpar, at best.

Keep reading... Show less
The daily empowerment fix you need.
Make things inbox official.

"Black men, we're in constant warfare. Every day is a fight outside of my house, so why would I want to come home to more fighting when that is the very place where I should be resting? There are loved ones who I don't speak to as much anymore because they aren't peaceful people. A huge part of the reason why I am happier without my ex is she was rarely a source of peace. The older I get, the more I realize that peace really is the foundation of everything; especially relationships, because how can I nurture anything if I'm in a constant state of influx and chaos? Guys don't care how fine a woman is or how great the sex may be if she's not peaceful because there is nothing more valuable than peace. If the closest person to me is not a source of it, that can ultimately play a role in all kinds of disruption and destruction. No man wants that."

Keep reading... Show less

This article is in partnership with Staples.

As a Black woman slaying in business, you're more than likely focused on the bottom line: Serving your customers and making sure the bag doesn't stop coming in. Well, there's obviously more to running a business than just making boss moves, but as the CEO or founder, you might not have the time, energy, or resources to fill in the blanks.

Keep reading... Show less

When Ngozi Opara Sea started Heatfree Hair almost a decade ago, curly and kinky extensions weren't the norm on the market as they seem to be today, especially if you wanted those textures in quality human hair. Beauty supply stores mainly sold synthetic curly hair, and there was a surge of renewal for women who were just beginning to embrace natural styles, taking to YouTube to experiment with new techniques and styles.

Keep reading... Show less

No one is excited about paying taxes, but for the most part, they're unavoidable for the working woman. Yet, not everyone has to pay quarterly taxes. You may have to get acquainted with quarterly taxes depending on how you earn money and who signs your paychecks. Not only is it essential to know if you should pay quarterly tax payments, but you need to know what your tax liability is and the deadline to submit your taxes — unless you want the IRS visiting.

Keep reading... Show less
Exclusive Interviews

Exclusive: Find Confidence With This Summer Workout Created By A Black Woman For Black Women

Tone & Sculpt trainer Danyele Wilson makes fitness goals attainable.

Latest Posts