I'll be the first to say that Tinder gets a bad rep. It's been deemed the "hookup app" from those looking for something fun to do on any given night, and though it can certainly be used for a weekend rendezvous or a risqué meet and greet, for those who are really looking for someone special, it can be the answer to your solving single prayers.
When I see stories about social media and dating they are typically horror stories, but my experience has been the opposite--I actually found love through Tinder.
Around this time last year, I was preparing for one of the worst let-downs ever; the guy I was in love with had a wife, a girlfriend, and me... Horrible. When his girlfriend (whom I was told was his groupie) filled me in on what was going on, I cut things off. I had accepted a position with an amazing company and would be moving soon anyway. It hurt, but I had amazing friends to distract me. One weekend, while en route to New Orleans for Mardi Gras, my friends suggested that I download Tinder. I had heard of it, but I was over love and trying.
My friends suggested it for a good laugh, and if you have ever been on the app you know that you see a little bit of everything and definitely things that are worthy of a screen shot and conversation in your friends only group message. So I swiped right, entertained a few guys, and unmatched some more, but one day--about a month after downloading the app--I got a message and continued a conversation with a guy that wasn't like the rest. Just like me he was educated, intelligent, and open to love if it led to that. We messaged each other for 11 hours, which led to him asking for my number. We talked until 5am, a stretch for someone who is a grad student, but I didn't want to stop talking to him. The very next day, he informed me that he was passing through where I lived to pick a friend up from the airport, and he asked if I wanted to meet. I prayed I wasn't being catfished, but something about this felt right. We met, and just like the conversations on the app and the phone call, we clicked right away.
The pictures didn't do him justice; I was in awe. We talked all night and has an amazing time. After that he came to see me almost every other day until I went on another girls trip/conference. I knew I was catching feelings fast, but it felt like nothing I had ever experienced. We talked through my travels even more than before and he didn't miss a beat. He picked me up from the airport upon my return and took me directly on a date. His effort was something that I had never experienced, and after having my heartbroken was something that was needed. We spent so much time with each other that not only were we falling for each other, but we were becoming best friends. Although I initially told him I was moving and that we should just be friends, that quickly went out the window as we decided that we wanted to make it official.
That was almost a year ago, and being his has been one of the best decisions that I have ever made.
Who would have thought that swiping right would have led to this? I am in love with my best friend, and I met him on a dating app.
I owe Tinder for my happiness, and if you're open to love there's a chance that the right one may just be a swipe away.
For those who are beginning to jump back into the dating pool and are looking for something real over temporary satisfaction, here are a few tips on how to make Tinder work for you. (Yes you!)
1. Don't Fall For the Wrong Type
Realize that Tinder is full of all types of people. Depending on the area that you are in you may not see what you define as prince charming on the first swipe. But this can give you the opportunity to explore people that are outside of your comfort zone. Someone who is not from your hometown, not the same ethnicity as you, or someone who you normally wouldn't talk to. Thats a good thing, comfort zones sometime hinder us and keep us away from an awesome catch or at the least bit an interesting good time.
2. Don't Get Caught Up In the Swipe Right Hype
Tinder gives us plenty of options to swerve someone we are not interested. Utilize this option! From swiping left to un-matching, if you aren't feeling the vibe, let it go. Its cool, there are plenty of fish in the sea waiting to be swiped.
3. Let Their Actions Do the Talking
So you're swiping away and you're getting that “I'm ready for something more than just Netflix and chill" feeling. How do you know that the person who matched with you is possibly feeling the same? Conversation indicators! If your conversations are normal, you're talking about your background, your goals, things you like, things you don't, and this leads to the question of a date, this person is probably interested in something more that can lead to something serious. If the conversation leads to something sexual extremely quick, that is a big red flag. If the conversation leads to them asking to come to your house after five minutes of conversation, that is probably also a red flag.
4. Move At Your Own Pace
Conversations are going well, and you're getting tired of going back and forth to the app to communicate. He asks for your number, but when is the right time? Honestly the right time to give your personal number to someone is when you feel comfortable doing it. That could be a day, it could be weeks, or longer. It honestly depends on you. But there is a handy feature called Google Voice, where you can create a phone number that is forwarded to your phone and you can text and talk without ever giving out your personal number. I have some friends that have used this option for a precaution.
5. Go Public With It
If everything is a hit and you get to the point where mutually you are ready to meet and to go on a date, the biggest thing that I would suggest is meeting in a public place and making sure that someone knows where you are going and the name of who you are going with, just as a safety measure. My first official date with my Tinder boo was dinner and a movie, but it could be as simple or extravagant as you both desire.
6. Keep Calm, It's Just A Date!
Last but not least, set out to have fun! Dating is a fun experience, and even if the person doesn't end up being “the one", at least the person became a story to tell your friends about!
Update:
The love of Maurisha's life is now the answer to her forever. In 2017, Tinder Bae put a ring on it in an unforgettable way. Since he was a drum major back in the day, he decided to pop the question at the Magic City Classic and she said "yes"! The couple recently made things official-official by tying the knot in February 2019.
Maurisha Ross/Instagram
And this August, the two soulmates will be welcoming their first bundle of joy. Congrats to the beautiful couple!
Maurisha Ross/Instagram
Originally published January 31, 2017; Article has since been updated.
Exclusive: Melanie Fiona On Making High-Vibrational Music & Saying Yes To Partnership
Melanie Fiona is back! After taking a little more than a decade-long hiatus, she has officially made her return to music and blessed us with two singles, “Say Yes” and “I Choose You.” While both singles are very different from each other, they both reflect who she is today and the type of music she wants to make. In our conversation, the mom of two expressed what she learned during her time away.
“It's interesting, even when I said it is like coming back, I don't ever feel like I really left because I was always still performing. I've still been public. It's not like I went into being this recluse person or version of myself, but the thing that I really learned in this process is that I think things take time,” Melanie says in a xoNecole exclusive.
“I think often we're so caught up in it, being on the timing of demand or popularity, or, like, striking while the iron is hot and the thing that I've learned is that everything is on God's time. That's it. Every time I thought I would have been ready, or, like, things were taking too long, I had to reship some things, personally, professionally, in my life. I also gave myself permission to make a living, not just make a living, but make a life for myself.”
Making a life for herself included getting married to Grammy-nominated songwriter Jared Cotter, starting a family, and embracing new landscapes, such as podcasting as a co-host of The Mama’s Den podcast. She also began doing more spiritual work and self-care practices like meditation, sound healing, Reiki, acupuncture, and boundary setting, which allowed her to get in touch with her inner voice.
“I wasn't putting out music, and I wasn't experiencing a number one record, but I was being a number one mom,” she says.
“I was experiencing things that were allowing me to heal and get in touch with myself so that I could make new music from a space of joy and freedom, and excitement again because I definitely feel like I did lose some excitement because of just politics and industry and what it can do to your mental health and even your physical health. So giving myself the space to really just say, ‘Hey, it's okay. Everything's right on time.’”
The joy and excitement are felt in one of two new singles, “I Choose You,” which is more of a lovers rock vibe, a tribute to Melanie’s Caribbean roots. While the Grammy award-winner is known for ballads like “It Kills Me” and “Fool For You,” she is becoming more intentional about the music she makes, calling it high-vibrational music. She says her music is a “reflection of my life,” as it captures every facet, from hanging out with friends to riding around in her car.
“Say Yes” has the classic R&B vibe Melanie is known for. However, both songs are inspired by her relationship. Melanie and Jared got married in December 2020, and the Toronto-bred artist dished on their relationship. Fun fact: he is featured in the “Say Yes” music video.
“When we first started dating, I had come into that relationship post a lot of self-work. I had gotten out of a long-term relationship, I had a year and a half to date and be by myself and do a lot of work on myself alone. And when we met, I remember feeling like this has to be my person because I feel it,” she says.
“And so when we went into that relationship, and we started dating, I was very clear. I was like, I know what I want. I'm very clear on what I need, and I'm not going to withhold my truth about myself in this process because of pride or fear of rejection. I know you love me, but I'm coming with my heart in my hand to let you know that if we're gonna get there, we have to put fear aside and say yes. So that was kind of like my open letter to him, which is why the video is us having a conversation.”
Melanie also shares that saying yes to her partner has empowered her in many ways, including motherhood and showing up for herself. Her new EP, also titled Say Yes, will be available at the top of 2025.
Check out the full interview below.
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Feature image by Franco Zulueta
Entertaining Like Ayesha Curry: Expert Advice For Holidays Done Right
Be prepared to wow the crowd.
It’s officially the holiday season, which means parties and gatherings galore. Between Friendsgiving, Christmas, and New Year's Eve celebrations, many of us are preparing to host loved ones in our homes one or two times between now and the end of the year. No matter the occasion or season, hosting for family and friends is a labor of love. But we can also agree that entertaining can be overwhelming, especially for first-time hosts.
As a seasoned host and entertainer, Ayesha Curry knows something about creating a memorable event for loved ones. Whether preparing for an intimate dinner with your immediate family or hosting a larger crowd, your guests will think you are a pro this holiday season with her tips on everything from welcoming guests to setting a beautiful table.
Q: What is your top tip for hosting?
Ayesha Curry:Part of being a great host is spending time with your guests, which means you can’t be stuck in the kitchen. Prep is key! I usually serve wine with the meal, but a cocktail or mocktail is a great way to greet guests. I prep the garnish the night before and batch the drink just before guests arrive. When the party begins, I pull everything out of the fridge and am ready to serve.
Writer Note: If you would like to offer non-alcoholic beverages for your sober or sober-curious guests, I love Saint Viviana Cab. It maintains full-body cabernet and flavor; no one will ever guess it’s alcohol-free. You can easily create a signature mocktail using Bittermilk’s Smoked Honey Whiskey Sour mix.
Q: Do you suggest any prep for serving or cooking?
AC:I lay out all my serving dishes and utensils the night before with little post-it notes saying what goes where. That way, I’m not digging around for anything. For more elaborate menus, I lay out quarter sheet pans and label them with tape according to the dish. I prep and measure everything for each recipe and then load each sheet pan with everything needed to make the dish. I wrap each tray in saran or foil, stack them, and place them in the fridge. Pull out the sheet pan you need when cooking, and everything is ready. It’s something I learned at the restaurant that saves so much time.
Q: What’s one item that should always be on a dinner party menu?
AC: Bread or roll with butter is excellent for holding guests over if the kitchen is delayed.
Q: What’s one non-menu item you should always have on hand?
AC: For a non-menu item, wine!
Q: How do you decide on a theme or menu for a gathering?
AC: It all starts with the occasion and the guest list. If it’s a group that doesn’t know each other very well, I may get more elaborate with the theme to help break the ice. For a group of friends or family who don’t get to see each other very often, I usually keep it simple so the evening can be all about catching up. A great playlist, good wine, and a family-style menu are all you need.
Q: Should attendees be expected to bring a gift?
AC: If I’m hosting, I’m not expecting gifts. The gift is taking time to come over and enjoy a meal with me! But bringing something to enjoy at the gathering, like a bottle of wine, is always appreciated.
Q: What are three affordable gifts that guests can give a host?
AC:A bag of excellent coffee is a beautiful gift for a host. Sweet July’s House Blend Coffee is sourced from all-female co-ops, so it’s a gift I love to give to the women in my life. Whether it’s being served after dinner or just for the host to enjoy on their own, you can’t go wrong with a bag of high-end coffee.
Fresh flowers are great if you have a host who likes total control over the food and beverage menu. Go for something neutral in color that can work with any décor.
The Sweet July Olive Oil and Balsamic Vinegar set is my go-to host gift. Bottled in Napa, it’s a gift any foodie will appreciate - and use!
Q: What are some creative tablescape or decor ideas that you love?
AC: I like to keep my dinnerware neutral and classic (like this ceramic collection in nutmeg) and infuse color and texture through linens. For centerpieces, I want to use what I have in my yard. If it’s summer, it might be flowers or greenery, but interesting branches can also look architectural in tall, clear vases next to tapered candles in the colder months. There’s no need to spend a ton of money on flowers.
With Ayesha’s tips, you can create a holiday gathering that your family and friends will cherish forever.
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Featured image by Getty Images