

We talk a great deal about standards in relationships and “wishlists” so to speak. This typically leads to the question of if people’s checklists for their significant other are unrealistic, shallow, or just generally impossible. I’ve learned to refrain from critiquing people, but especially Black women, for their set of standards that they’re unwilling to compromise on. I’ve observed that Black women are the only ones who are questioned for having and maintaining standards – even seemingly superficial ones.
So though a standard or non-negotiable might not be my criteria for men, more power to the sista who has the gumption to ask for and receive exactly what she wants out of her partner. But, in my own experience, I’ve learned that many people will compromise. Tera Stidum, online dating coach of She Dates Savvy, highlights this sentiment to xoNecole, stating, “It’s not unusual for people to compromise values, boundaries, and standards in a relationship. There are times when those compromises may actually be beneficial to the person and the relationship.” The question then becomes – what is deemed as ‘acceptable’ compromises? And more than that, what is non-negotiable when it comes to selecting a partner?
A great example that Stidum provides of when compromise looks okay in relationships is the following scenario: A single [person] with a height requirement who decides to open their height standards and finds herself/himself in the best relationship ever, just by shifting a standard. She adds, “I believe things become problematic when the compromise is of values and boundaries, which essentially make us who we are or our belief system.”
According to our dating expert, any expectations, standards, or boundaries that fall within these categories are non-negotiable: “Any compromises in the areas of sexual boundaries, religion, alcohol use, drugs, and even whether to have or not have children are the types of non-negotiables that should not be compromised under any circumstances. These areas can lead to deep fractures in a long-term relationship, including resentment and breakups.”
So, what exactly do those look like, in specific terms? Well, here are the five non-negotiables i.e. standards you should not compromise on.
1. Children
This is relatively self-explanatory but I’ll reiterate that this is a non-negotiable as parenthood for some people is literally as fulfilling as careers. If you and your potential partner don’t share the same values of wanting to have children, it is likely to lead to lots of resentment down the line, since it’s such a large chunk of one’s values and purpose (for some). Obviously, this is for people who desire children and deem parenting to be a valuable opportunity FOR THEM. Again, not everyone feels this deeply about parenting but for those who do…dassit!
2. Religion
Are you more spiritual than religious? Is it important to you that you and your partner are able to have conversations where God is at the center and a relationship based on faith? Are you agnostic and wish to have a partner who respects that? Is important that your partner isn’t faith-based too? Religion is yet another extreme value held when presented in a person, which means that this will factor into so many other aspects of your lives together. This includes but is not limited to the aforementioned topic of…children. That’s the biggest beef right there is, how will a couple who don’t share the same religion raise their children?
3. Sex and Sexual Boundaries
I will stand on this until the day I die but talk about sex and talk about it often in your relationship. Many couples will avoid this topic because they think there are more important things when, in reality, sex proves to be just as important. You truly cannot set more in-depth sexual boundaries without discussing things that you all enjoy in regard to sex. Perhaps, your partner has a fetish or kink you’re not aware of. You want to create a safe space to be able to discuss these things openly so that it doesn’t pop up 30 years into a marriage and it feels out of left field.
The sooner you can discuss the fluidity in sexuality with your partner, the sooner you will know how to structure your relationship, whether it be dissolving the relationship altogether, opening the relationship, or setting up space in time to explore these sexual differences (while respecting boundaries) in a monogamous relationship.
4. Alcohol and Drug Use
Even the smallest of differences between a person who smokes marijuana frequently versus one who doesn’t have the ability to hinder the growth of a relationship. Think about cigarette smokers and the depths that they may go to for a smoke. The money spent, the lingering smell in the house, sitting in uncomfortable environments just to smoke – consider the lopsidedness of the dynamic and the constant compromise necessary–now replace cigarettes with drugs or alcohol. If you’re more into a sober lifestyle and your partner isn’t on the same page, that clash in lifestyle could cause problems in the future and vice versa.
5. MONEY
Finances are one of the largest, if not the largest, disruptions in relationships. And while I do think the non-negotiable pieces of this particular non-negotiable vary from person to person, there are certain things you simply must not compromise on. It is imperative that you speak to your partner about finances early and often (if you’re on Black Twitter, you’ve seen the discourse around $50 dates – you know what it is). Seriously, from Twitter, I’ve come to see the value in dating in your tax bracket if you have certain standards for your partner financially. Whether you want $300 dates and surprise vacations or a summer house in addition to your year-round home, or just want to meet the basic criteria for being financially well-off, there does need to be some commonality here.
The need to be transparent about debts and budgets is also important. For example, are your approaches to money compatible? Furthermore, she adds a major red flag in regards to finances we should keep our eyes peeled for is a scenario of a partner who judges you for the way you spend money despite it being money well within your budget. Typically, when this does occur your partner might try to make you feel guilty for your lifestyle/spending. Many people fail to realize that money is the root of so much trauma, which can lead to more drama and trauma in relationships.
Stidum recommends considering these questions when discussing finances with your partner:
- What's your financial picture?
- Would you consider yourself a spender or a saver?
- How do you handle financial emergencies?
- What are your thoughts on couples and household bills/responsibilities?
- How much debt do you have?
- Do you owe any taxes or child support?
- Do you pay your bills as they come or at the beginning of the month?
- If you thought I was spending too much, how would you have that conversation with me?
How to Communicate Your Standards in a Relationship
First off, Stidum suggests referring to your standards or non-negotiables as a wishlist. “Consider this to take the negative [connotation] away and instead of calling it a ‘non-negotiable’ list, share your ‘wishlist’ with your potential partner. This list will give you an opportunity to share what you’re seeking in a positive manner, versus negative, with the label ‘non-negotiable’ – it sounds so final and, well…non-negotiable.” But generally speaking, “complete honesty” is recommended.
The She Dates Savvy dating expert states, “I believe in complete honesty from the beginning–no matter if it means the person will walk away or not. I believe once you know you’re interested enough in someone that you can imagine yourself with them long-term, you need to communicate your non-negotiables. You are not saving yourself or your potential partner any troubles by not sharing with them very early on. One of the big non-negotiables I’ve seen come up with clients is when a woman is celibate. The question is always, ‘Tera, when should I let him know?’ and my reply is always, ‘As soon as you can. Immediately!’ Why? Because that’s a decision she has made and not his. So if he is not interested in a celibate relationship, she should disclose that immediately so he can determine if a celibate relationship is one of his non-negotiables.”
Relationship Stages and Its Impact on Standards and Compromise
I asked our expert how relationship standards and non-negotiables might look different depending on the stage of the relationship. Ultimately, while it shouldn’t look different, it does – and this tends to go back to the lack of openness early on. Stidum explains, “In the dating phase, some daters have not really allowed themselves to be completely vulnerable with their prospective partner, so therefore I’ve witnessed people cutting off a potential partner because of non-negotiables. Surprisingly, I believe people are more forgiving of non-negotiables once they are in a relationship or engagement phase, because at that time they are weighing out things like ‘time together’ or ‘how will this look if we break up’ or ‘I don’t want to be single again’ so they find themselves more accepting of their non-negotiables than they were in the dating phase.”
If you walk away with nothing else from this, please do leave with the courage to ask and discuss the seemingly hard stuff early on – it doesn’t get any easier just because you’ve buried it. More than anything, being upfront is the key to building a solid, authentic relationship that can sustain the test of time. Regardless of what your relationship looks like, opening up this dialogue will create a more rosy, harmonious aspect between yourself and your partner.
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Motor City native, Atlanta living. Sagittarius. Writer. Sexpert. Into all things magical, mystical, and unknown. I'll try anything at least once but you knew that the moment I revealed that I was a Sag.
Your May 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Blooming Softly & Trusting Divine Timing
May is about being patient, nurturing your dreams, and creating beauty in your world. This is a more stable and generous month than the chaos that April brought, and we get an opportunity for closure, healing, and rejuvenation this month. We are still amid some important retrograde transits, but these are ones we can navigate better by grounding our energy in the present moment, and not allowing ourselves to stress over the what-ifs.
With the Sun in Taurus for most of the month, May reminds us that there is beauty in finding your peace and not allowing anyone to disrupt that.
Pluto goes retrograde in Aquarius from May 4 until October 13, and this will be a time of remembering your power when it comes to your purpose, innovations, and the ability to attract support into your life. Mercury moves into Taurus on May 10, making this a good time for negotiations, creating new plans financially, and sticking to your word on something that holds value to you. The Full Moon of the month occurs in Scorpio on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year, signifying growth and seeing the beauty in your life.
This Full Moon is all about letting go of what doesn’t feel authentic or resonate with you emotionally, and about experiencing more closure and healing within relationship matters.
Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and we enter air sign energy, which is good for communication, business, and coming up with inspiring and new ideas. On May 24, Saturn enters Aries, beginning its new transit where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn in Aries is bold, direct, and straightforward, but so are its lessons. There is a gift in resilience and finding your strength during this time, and this transit will show you where your power is, but it may challenge you to confront self-limiting behavior in the process.
Mercury enters Gemini on May 25, and Mercury loves being here. Mercury in Gemini is the creative genius, and this is a month of aligning yourself with this energy. On May 26, we have a New Moon in Gemini, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want a communication breakthrough in your life, and what new ideas you want to start planting the seeds for. This is a good New Moon for networking, exchanging ideas, having more fun, and getting inspired.
Article continues after the jump.
May 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
The impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
Taurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
May is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
Cancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
This month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
May is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
Overall, May is about embracing your freedom while honoring the people and connections that help you grow and make you feel more secure in life.
LIBRA
This is a month of feeling empowered and ready to take on anything that comes your way, Libra. You are inspired by the progress you are making in your life right now, and with Venus in your 7th house of love, you are being well-received. This is a month of finding your balance between your path and the growth of your relationships, and there is a sense of support, harmony, and love in your life in May.
You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
However, Saturn also enters your 7th house of love this month, where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn empowers and helps you grow, but you can also feel a little more challenged within your relationships during this time. The more you can own your wants and needs, the more you can find vulnerability and support within your relationships. On May 26, a New Moon in a fellow air sign occurs and happens in your 9th house, creating a chance at a new adventure and an opportunity to discover some new inspiration.
SCORPIO
May is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
May is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
May is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
Your guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
Allow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
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Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney & Jill Marie Jones On 'Games Women Play' & Dating Over 40
What do you get when you mix unfiltered truths, high-stakes romance, and a few well-timed one-liners? You get Games Women Play—the sizzling new stage play by Je’Caryous Johnson that’s part relationship rollercoaster, part grown-woman group chat.
With a powerhouse cast that includes Claudia Jordan, Demetria McKinney, Jill Marie Jones, Carl Payne, Chico Bean, and Brian J. White, the play dives headfirst into the messy, hilarious, and heart-wrenching games people play for love, power, and peace of mind. And the women leading this story? They’re bringing their whole selves to the stage—and leaving nothing behind.
From Script to Spotlight
The road to Games Women Play started over 20 years ago—literally.
“This script was written 20 years ago,” Jill Marie Jones said with a smile. “It was originally called Men, Money & Gold Diggers, and I was in the film version. So when Je’Caryous called me to bring it to the stage, I was like, ‘Let’s go.’” Now reimagined for 2025, the play is updated with sharp dialogue and modern relationship dynamics that feel all too real.
Demetria McKinney, no stranger to Je’Caryous Johnson’s productions, jumped at the opportunity to join the cast once again. “This is my third time working with him,” she shared. “It was an opportunity to stretch. I’d never been directed by Carl Payne before, and the chance to work with talent I admire—Jill, Claudia, Chico—it was a no-brainer.”
Claudia Jordan joked that she originally saw the role as just another check. “I didn’t take it that seriously at first,” she admitted. “But this is my first full-on tour—and now I’ve got a whole new respect for how hard people work in theater. This ain’t easy.”
Modern Love, Stage Left
The play doesn’t hold back when it comes to the messier parts of love. One jaw-dropping moment comes when a live podcast proposal flips into a prenup bombshell—leaving the audience (and the characters) gasping.
Demetria broke it down with honesty. “People don’t ask the real questions when they date. Like, ‘Do you want kids? How do you feel about money?’ These convos aren’t happening, and then everyone’s confused. That moment in the play—it’s real. That happens all the time.”
Jill chimed in, noting how the play speaks to emotional disconnect. “We’re giving each other different tokens of love. Men might offer security and money. Women, we’re giving our hearts. But there’s a disconnect—and that’s where things fall apart.”
And then Claudia, of course, took it all the way there. “These men don’t even want to sign our prenups now!” she laughed. “They want to live the soft life, too. Wearing units, gloss, getting their brows done. We can’t have nothing! Y’all want to be like us? Then get a damn period and go through menopause.”
Dating Over 40: “You Better Come Correct”
When the conversation turned to real-life relationships, all three women lit up. Their experiences dating in their 40s and 50s have given them both clarity—and zero tolerance for games.
“I feel sexier than I’ve ever felt,” said Jill, who proudly turned 50 in January. “I say what I want. I mean what I say. I’m inside my woman, and I’m not apologizing for it.”
Demetria added that dating now comes with deeper self-awareness. “Anybody in my life is there because I want them there. I’ve worked hard to need nobody. But I’m open to love—as long as you keep doing what got me there in the first place.”
For Claudia, the bar is high—and the peace is priceless. “I’ve worked hard for my peace,” she said. “I’m not dating for food. I’m dating because I want to spend time with you. And honestly, if being with you isn’t better than being alone with my candles and fountains and cats? Then no thanks.”
Channeling Strength & Icon Status
Each actress brings something different to the play—but all of them deliver.
“I actually wish I could be messier on stage,” Claudia joked. “But I think about my grandmother—she was born in 1929, couldn’t even vote or buy a house without a man, and didn’t give a damn. She was fearless. That’s where my strength comes from.”
For Jill, the comparisons to her iconic Girlfriends character Toni Childs aren’t far off—but this role gave her a chance to dig deeper. “If you really understood Toni, you’d see how layered she was. And Paisley is the same—misunderstood, but strong. There’s more to her than people see at first glance.”
Demetria, who juggles singing and acting seamlessly, shared that live theater pushes her in a new way. “Every moment on stage counts. You can’t redo anything. It’s a different kind of love and discipline. You have to give the performance away—live, in the moment—and trust that it lands.”
Laughter, Lessons & Black Girl Gems
The show has plenty of laugh-out-loud moments—and the cast isn’t shy about who steals scenes.
“Chico Bean gets a lot of gasps and laughs,” Claudia said. “And Naomi Booker? Every scene she’s in—she’s hilarious.”
But the play isn’t just about humor. It leaves space for reflection—especially for Black women.
“I hope we get back to the foundation of love and communication,” said Demetria. “A lot of us are in protector mode. But that’s turned into survival mode. We’ve lost softness. We’ve lost connection.”
Claudia agreed. “We’re doing it all—but it’s not because we want to be strong all the time. It’s because we have to be. And I just want women to know: You can have peace, you can be soft. But stop bringing your old pain into new love. Don’t let past heartbreak build walls so high that the right person can’t climb over.”
Final Act: Pack the House
If there’s one thing this cast agrees on, it’s that this play isn’t just entertainment—it’s necessary.
“Atlanta is the Black entertainment hub,” Claudia said. “We need y’all to show up for this play. Support the arts. Support each other. Because when we pack the house, we make space for more stories like this.”
Games Women Play is more than a play—it’s a mirror. You’ll see yourself, your friends, your exes, and maybe even your next chapter. So get ready to laugh, reflect, and maybe even heal—because the games are on.
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