According to an old Italian proverb: perfect is the enemy of the good, and a diamond with a flaw is better than a pebble without. As a single woman in her mid-twenties, I contemplate the truth in those theories when it comes to my dating life.
In romance, I truly believe that a relationship shouldn't equal compromise, but that may very well be the reason that I am still a single woman in my twenties (with no prospects). I'm at a point where I wonder if checking off all of my ideological boxes on my romantic checklist are as important as having a man that cares about me. What if I stopped looking for Mr. Right and started getting comfortable with the idea of "Mr. Right-For-Now"? Sure, it's great that I have high standards but are my expectations keeping me from getting a man?
I'm reminded of the age-old question, should a woman settle for a man that doesn't meet her standards? Keri Hilson was confronted with the same question recently when she posted this caption on Instagram:
"Sure I'd like to be married someday—but not enough to do it with the wrong person. So if you EVA see 'Keri' walk down that aisle, even if I'm old & grey…you can rest assured—I didn't settle."
As kids, we're innocent enough to believe that one day, "the one" will sweep us off our feet and carry us off into the sunset. As adults, we understand that the one can easily turn into "the three" after a few unfortunate and failed attempts at finding love. Surely we'd all enjoy walking down the aisle with the man of our dreams, but are these projections in today's millennial-centric world unrealistic?
Keri says "nah", and she had a word for a commenter who suggested that her expectations for romance may be a little too high. She replied:
"To have a man compliment my life, who is equally yoked in the things that MATTER like loyalty, virtue, depth, compassion, and love & respect for God, someone who understands healthy relational boundaries & pushed me to be my best self while supporting each other's dreams? Someone who truly loves himself & has dissolved his own ego? Someone who has evolved from his lower self & constantly evolving? Someone who has learned his lessons & strives to be a great human being? Someone who holds my heart carefully & treats me well? Who values & honors love? Someone who is wide enough to lead me? Nah. And I don't think God puts anything our hearts that we are not capable of having."
@KeriHilson said a word today 📝 https://t.co/XwxtEf7TKe— clover clementine (@clover clementine) 1537291876.0
Do I believe that the perfect man is going to ride in on his white horse and carry me off into the sunset? No. Do I think that I deserve a man who can meet my needs emotionally, sexually, spirtiually, and physically? Hell yes. And I'm not settling down until I find the man that can do exactly that.
Keri had a point when it comes to millennial dating. As women, we sometimes choose to suffer with a partner that's inadequate out of the sheer fear of ending up alone. Instead of settling down with a man that fits our standards, we settle for a man that is in violation of all of our non-negotiables.
And all because, "I love you."
When I discovered that self-love was more important than all the I love you's in the world, my life opened and my settling stopped. Self-love means not denying yourself everything you know you deserve, including the man of your dreams.
I don't believe in "Mr. Right", but what I have found is that the love you find in Mr. Right-For-Now will never be enough to sustain you.
Featured image by Prince Williams/WireImage