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Maybe It’s Time (To Consider Dating Outside Of My Race)
As I grew up, my mother was clear, "Don't bring no white person home."
She told me. She told my brother. Her warnings began before I ever considered having a boyfriend - and definitely before I considered inviting one to our home.
At my first real "big girl" job in DC, a friend and I would walk to lunch together. He was much older and a father figure to me. I can remember many times that he pointed out the men glancing my way. He would ask if I noticed this or that person looking fondly in our direction. I would say no. Eventually, he caught on and asked if I would ever date outside of my race. I explained that I never even considered it an option. I tried to say this without sounding racist or prejudiced - although I knew in my heart that it sounded exactly that way.
I would give white men, and men of all races besides Black, cursory looks at best. I just didn't consider them for me - as if I were diabetic and they were a sugary sweet that would send me to the hospital. Although I had never dated outside of my African American race, I believed the wives' tales I'd heard. They'll fetishize you. They only want you so they can brag to their friends about what it's like to be with a Black woman.
Even though I had a diverse group of friends and enjoyed their company, I didn't allow myself to consider that I could date outside of my race. But I'm starting to see and feel something in the zeitgeist that tells me this conditioning is hurting us.
I can remember in early college noticing that my Black male friends weren't afraid to notice women of other races. They liked what they saw. They compared demeanors and physical attributes.
I felt that was taboo. And I felt a little bit hurt that they could see beauty in a place I hadn't allowed myself to explore.
We would joke, "You only like them because they are submissive. You only like them because they believe your dumb lies." But whatever the joke, my Black male friends had allowed themselves to step outside of their community's expectations. I believe it is time for Black women to reclaim their time; their desires; their curiosities; and their lives.
We tell ourselves we can be and do and have whatever we want. But if we are refusing to consider that we may find love in a shade and a hue and a culture that is not originally our own, we are closing ourselves off from the possibilities of life. Granted, the relationship might not work. He might be a jerk. He might be better or worse than what you've experienced before. But you should get out there and live a little.
Recently, singer Chris Brown came under fire for his "Need a Stack" song lyrics where he declares he "only f*** Black bitches with the nice hair." The collective was offended and his response to the backlash reeked of insensitivity and colorism. I'm not surprised. Anyone paying attention knows what the women look like who have been associated with him recently. But if that's his preference, what's the rub?
I think it has something to do with a latent resentment that our men allow themselves to explore and express preferences. And so often our women don't always feel we have the same liberties.
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In The Misadventures of Awkward Black Girl, Issa Rae suggests that Black women and Asian men should consider dating. She posits that Black women are deemed too independent/difficult and Asian men are emasculated - why not consider each other? I haven't always been ready to hear that type of advice, but now I am. I have overlooked and ignored potential suitors to appease society's expectations but I'm the only one following those rules. My Black male counterparts are throwing caution to the wind and dating who the f*** they want.
I don't have a problem with Chris Brown's preferences. I like chocolate chip cookies; maybe you prefer cake. But if you never allow yourself to consider dessert, I guess you would be a bit resentful of all those who do indulge. I wish preferences weren't seen as an attack on others. And I wish more Black women, speaking to myself mostly, would feel enabled to look beyond our upbringing and conditioning.
There might be a good relationship waiting for you just outside of your normal dating pool.
I wonder why it has taken me so long to get here. I see myself as progressive and open-minded yet I blindly accepted people's pronouncements over who I could date. I would never allow that type of limitation in other areas of my life like my education or career. Adjusting my thinking on this issue is erasing the vestiges of conditioning that no longer serves me. I am aligning with my spirit.
To give myself permission to do what my male counterparts do is freeing. I will say yes to life and to relationships that nourish me. I will focus on shared values over shared skin tones.
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This article is sponsored by Hulu.
UnPrisonedhas returned for its highly anticipated second season, delving deeper into the complex dynamics of the Alexander family.
The series premiere comes a year after its debut season garnered rave reviews from fans and critics and earned record-breaking ratings for Hulu's Onyx Collective brand. UnPrisoned's success can be attributed to its raw, relatable themes and comedic appeal.
Inspired by creator Tracy McMillan's life, the show follows Paige (Kerry Washington), a therapist and single mother whose life takes an unexpected turn when her father, Edwin (Delroy Lindo) --who was released from prison-- moves in with her and her teenage son, Finn (Faly Rakotohavana).
Throughout UnPrisoned's first season, viewers witnessed how Edwin's incarceration deeply affected Paige's life and relationships. In the series, Paige unpacks her trauma through interactions with her inner child and her online followers. Meanwhile, Edwin is overcoming specific struggles with his own past that led to his life of crime, including a dysfunctional upbringing and his mother's arrest. As the Alexanders attempt to reconcile, new challenges arise.
This new season promises to further explore their unconventional family dynamic. Here are several compelling reasons why season two of UnPrisoned should be on everyone's watchlist.
The Alexander Family Life Is Still In Shambles
UnPrisoned's second season resumes where the series left off, with Paige grappling with the fallout from her troubled therapy practice and Edwin navigating life independently after moving out. Meanwhile, Finn faces his own challenges. The teenager is battling anxiety and seeking information about his father—a topic Paige avoids discussing.
The Alexander Family Are Attending Therapy To Resolve Their Underlying Issues
Amid the chaos in their lives, the Alexander family decides to mend their bond by confronting their past traumas. They seek professional help and attend therapy sessions with a “family radical healing coach,” played by John Stamos, a new cast member. This collective effort aims to unravel the complexities of their shared history and strengthen their relationships.
The process of unraveling each character's internal conflicts and their potential impact on future relationships may clash with Paige's textbook therapy approach. While Paige is used to being in the therapist's seat in both career and family, this forces her into the unfamiliar role of a patient during therapy sessions. This shift would compel her to look in the mirror and try a radically different approach.
The Alexander Family Learned A Big Lesson During A Therapy Session
In therapy, the Alexanders are tasked with addressing their individual traumas to salvage their remaining relationships. One of the family therapist’s eccentric suggestions was an exercise involving a family wrestling match. During this session, Paige faces tough questions about her refusal to share information about Finn's father.
While it's unclear whether this scene is reality or fantasy, the image of the family duking it out in the ring certainly makes for hilarious yet compelling television.
Paige Tries Dating Again Following Failed Relationships
Amid her life's chaos, Paige decides to step back into the dating field. However, her many attempts have left her with mixed results. The dating apps have turned out to be a fail, and an outing with her ex Mal (Marque Richardson), who is also her father's parole officer, doesn’t go quite as expected after he brings an unexpected guest – his new girlfriend.
The situation takes an awkward turn when Mal's new partner learns why the former couple split, partly due to Paige's self-sabotage.
UnPrisoned Is A Perfect Balance Of Comedy And Drama
As a dramedy, UnPrisoned takes a comedic approach to its heavy subjects. The show takes us on a ride with Paige's dating misadventures and navigating a friendship with her ex.
Other lighthearted moments include Edwin's attempts at CPR based on online videos and, of course, the antics of the Alexander family's unconventional new healing coach.
The second season of UnPrisoned is now available on Hulu.
UnPrisoned | Season 2 Trailer | Hulu
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Mariee Revere On Her History-Making Million-Dollar Sales And The Future Of MoonXCosmetics
If the name Mariee Revere sounds familiar, it's probably because you heard of her beauty and skincare brand, MoonXCosmetics, or you may have heard about her history-making achievement of making $1.8 million in less than eight minutes. But before starting her million-dollar brand, Mariee was just a teenager trying to cure her acne.
While she grew up in the skincare capital of the world, South Korea, Mariee didn't really experience breakouts until her senior year of high school. Like many people who get their first breakout, she didn't know what to do, and there weren't many products out there at that time. So she decided to experiment. What she didn't know was that what she came up with would ultimately be her ticket to success.
"When I graduated high school, I moved back to America, Georgia, and I ended up making, like, the oil, the Rose Galore oil, which is like the staple product of my brand. I don't know what made me make it, but I did, and it literally cleared my face up," she tells xoNecole in an exclusive interview.
"I end up selling it as a body oil first because, obviously, I'm 17, [and] don't have any background as an esthetician or anything like that. I just made a product that worked for me, but people bought it and was using it, and I reformulated it, and then it just stuck like with me."
While MoonXCosmetics is known for its facial products, it wants to expand to body care and home. It just released its new product, Moon-Gel body wash, and it's only up from there. As Mariee continues to grow the brand, it's more than likely that she will see more history-making moments. And so far she has.
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When asked if she feels pressure to obtain more of those milestones, she says yes and no. "I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more," she says.
"I want to say more reach than more like fast-paced sales. I do want that. Obviously, every girl wants that, but I do want to have a better overall reach for my brand because I did take two years off so I was able to learn, [and] study a lot of different things. See how things have changed from 2020 to now."
"I did $1.8 [million] again, and then I did $2 million but I feel like now, currently, I don't look at that as one of my goals anymore because [of] the headache and just everything that came with it, but I was thankful and blessed to have that milestone, but now I'm looking for more."
Another part of expanding for any company is hiring people. Finding the right person to help you can be a hassle, especially for business owners who are used to doing all the work themselves. Mariee can relate to this, and she touched on this topic in her documentaryThe Million Dollar Story. She recommends having someone be your "right-hand man" who you trust to handle the ins and outs of the company.
"I could say, definitely get, like a right-hand man to help you within the process because that really was what helped me. I never had a job. I literally was 18 now, being like, you know, the boss of over 30+ employees at one point in time, and I didn't know anything. I didn't know anything about no W-2s, no taxes, no clock in, clock out because all I [have] ever known was my brand," she explains.
"So I definitely partner with people who are very skewed and versed in those areas, and they helped me get through it. Even to this day, I still have my same person helping me with hiring, firing, [and] doing everything that I can right now because I'm still learning. But obviously people get jobs young, so they have way more experience than me, but still learning."
And though she is still learning, one thing she makes sure to stay on top of is being consistent. Consistency is what trips many people up when it comes to achieving goals, but Mariee says it's all about scheduling. Whether it's when to post on social media or email marketing, scheduling it out can make a world of difference. That same practice also works when planning out her future goals for the company.
"Right now, future goals would be to drop at least five more products before the end of the year. We always do outreach, where we do drives and all that, but definitely do way more this year, she says. "Then really dive into body [care], and then hopefully open up MoonXBody underneath MoonXCosmetics to let that branch out and be open and definitely get back consistent."
For more information, visit moonxco.com.
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