

Talking about money matters is taboo.
Disclosing how much money we make or being open about how much debt we owe is not on the list of topics to talk about at Brunch on Sunday. It makes people uncomfortable, and as someone that has had a love-hate relationship with my finances, I understand why. Most of us are trying to navigate our monthly financially responsibilities, chase our dreams, and build our futures.
When I moved cross-country for my residency at BuzzFeed, I was swimming in over $10,000 in credit card debt (most of which came from self-funding Mae B).
My financial struggles made it hard for me to wrap my head around starting over in a new city where the median rent is $2,480 per month for a two-bedroom apartment. I knew that surviving on my hourly rate was going to be tough. I also knew it would be even more of a challenge if I went into this new chapter of my life afraid to sit down face to face with my finances.
So, I sought counsel from the one person I knew would help me get things in order: my dad. For years, my dad would try to get me to sit down and unpack where I was financially, but I was embarrassed and afraid that he'd scold me for not being smarter about my money. I spent years and thousands of dollars chasing my dreams of being on-camera and investing in building Mae B. I also spent years saying to myself, "If I just book this gig or if this product is a bestseller, I'll be able to pay off everything."
Looking back, using potential nonexistent income to justify overspending, even if it was to make my dreams come true, wasn't reasonable. Making your dreams a reality costs money. Nearly ten years later, I realize, I didn't have to be a starving creative to bring those dreams to fruition.
Financial planning is the key to success in life and building a career.
The first thing I did to start the process of gaining control of my financial situation was to sit down and look at all of my debt, monthly bills, my FICO score, and my projected net income each month. For years, I dreaded looking my debt. In my mind, I felt that if I just made my monthly payments and looked a way that somehow my debt would magically disappear. I was wrong.
Here is how I'm taking control of my financials while chasing my dreams:
Draft An Excel Spreadsheet
We're lucky to live in a digital world that allows us to check our account balance in seconds. But, what happens when you go out over the weekend, those pending charges hit your account, and the next thing you know you're staring at an overdraft fee? Annoying, right?
I no longer use an app to curate my finances. I use an old school excel spreadsheet. I set my budget on the first of every month, and each Sunday, I check in to see where I am for the month. Seeing my bills, debt, and disposable income has helped me organize my money —and save twenty percent of my income each month (I'll talk more about that later).
Mint offers some great free budget templates that can act as samples you can work with when creating your own budget.
Get Rid of Lingering Credit Card Debt
I have carried the shame of digging myself into a $10,000 debit hole for longer than I care to admit, but now that I am looking my credit card debt square in the eye, I feel empowered. After looking at each credit card, the outstanding balance, and its interest rate — my dad recommended I focus on paying off my Discover card first. Why? Well, it has the highest interest rate out of all of my cards. With a twenty percent interest rate, I was never going to pay off my balance paying my seventy dollars minimum payment each month. Each month, I have a recurring payment of $150, and I often contribute more if I have money left over for the month.
Have Multiple Streams of Income
If the objective is to secure the bag, you must have multiple streams of income. In a panel, Paula Madison (If you don't know her, you should) gave the best advice. She said your full-time job should be your side hustle. Now, that doesn't mean neglect the nine to five that keeps the lights on and food on the table, but there is value in pursuing things you're passionate about outside of your job.
As a freelancer, I can bounce from gig to gig, but freelancing also has its flaws. No health insurance, no job security, and when our contracts are up (usually three to six months), you have to find your next job. So, I always have an extra stream of income. It's a great way to impact your savings, pay off your debts, and build on something you love. I used to think of extra income as throw away money, but now I see it as extra money to save. There are opportunities everywhere to make a few extra dollars, whether you freelance write on the weekends or bake cakes for a few parties each month.
Plan For The Future
When you're young and ambitious, retirement might not be a top priority. CNN Money released a reporting stating that sixty-six percent of millennials have nothing saved for retirement. As a millennial that only has a few thousand dollars saved for retirement, I can relate. I also recognize this is something I need to fix. If I don't start saving for retirement now, I am mapping out a financial path similar to the one I was on for the last ten years. I have opened an IRA, but if I'm honest, I'm still learning how to save properly for retirement. With guidance from my financially savvy dad and articles like this one, I think I am headed in the right direction.
We can't forget to grow our savings account. It is a rule of thumb that we should save at least twenty percent of our monthly income. With student loans, health care (my premium is almost $300 a month.), and unforeseen expenses that can be hard to do. Instead of waiting until the end of the month to save twenty percent, I break my earnings down for the week like I do my expenses for the month. I pay my bills, shop for groceries, and whatever is left over at the end of the week, I save. Sometimes it's only ten percent of my earning, but it's something.
Trim The Unnecessary Spending
When I started my new gig in LA, I was throwing away money on morning coffee, fifteen dollar lunch dates, and UBER since I am one of the only people in LA that doesn't drive. If I was going to stay the course and continue to work on my finances, I had to rein in the miscellaneous spending. I saw the most significant difference in my monthly expenses when I cut out UBER and started taking public transportation. Taking public transit in Los Angeles isn't ideal. It's slow and dirty, but the bus stop is right outside of my house. Each morning, I take a bus to a train and walk a mile to get to work.
A commute like that coupled with the homelessness I take in every day does wear on me (Los Angeles County has the second largest population of homeless people of any region in the United States), but it keeps me humble. Not to mention, I am saving nearly ninety dollars a week. I have cut out all of my excess spending, including online shopping, three dollar morning coffee, and fifteen dollar lunch dates, and have committed to meal prepping each Sunday. I am living a no-frills lifestyle, but I don't mind. I am learning to be financially disciplined.
I understand that sacrificing now will set me up to live a debt-free, financially healthy life later.
I don't have this financial game down just yet, but the key is starting somewhere. If that means cutting weekend brunches, saving fifty dollars more each month, or picking up a job to bring in extra cash, small changes can make an impact. In the last six months, I paid off one credit card, saved twenty percent of my earnings (My savings account has never looked so good!), and changed my relationship with money.
Take it a day at a time, and if you have an off month don't beat yourself up about it. We're human, and it takes time to create new habits.
- How to Get Out of Credit Card Debt - NerdWallet ›
- Credit Card Help: 8 things you must know about credit card debt ... ›
- How to Pay Off Your Oppressive Credit Card Debt - Credit.com ›
- Settling Credit Card Debt | Consumer Information ›
- Credit card debt can be bad for your health ›
- Credit card debt hits record high ›
Bianca Lambert is a proud Atlanta native soaking up the Los Angeles sun. She is the founder of Mae B: a stationery company for women of color and a digital content creator on a mission to elevate the voices of women of color everywhere.
Devale Ellis On Being A Provider, Marriage Growth & Redefining Fatherhood
In this candid episode of the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker talked with Devale Ellis, actor, social media personality, and star of Zatima, about modern masculinity, learning to be a better husband, emotional presence in marriage, fatherhood for Black men, and leading by example.
“I Wasn’t Present Emotionally”: Devale Ellis on Marriage Growth
Devale Ellis On Learning He Was a ‘Bad Husband’
Ellis grew up believing that a man should prioritize providing for his family. “I know this may come off as misogynistic, but I feel like it’s my responsibility as a man to pay for everything,” he said, emphasizing the wise guidance passed down by his father. However, five years into his marriage to long-time partner Khadeen Ellis, he realized provision wasn’t just financial.
“I was a bad husband because I wasn’t present emotionally… I wasn’t concerned about what she needed outside of the resources.”
Once he shifted his mindset, his marriage improved. “In me trying to be of service to her, I learned that me being of service created a woman who is now willing to be of service to me.”
On Redefining Masculinity and Fatherhood
For Ellis, “being a man is about being consistent.” As a father of four, he sees parenthood as a chance to reshape the future.
“Children give you another chance at life. I have four different opportunities right now to do my life all over again.”
He also works to uplift young Black men, reinforcing their worth in a world that often undermines them. His values extend to his career—Ellis refuses to play roles that involve domestic violence or sexual assault.
Watch the full episode below:
On Marriage, Family Planning, and Writing His Story
After his wife’s postpartum preeclampsia, Ellis chose a vasectomy over her taking hormonal birth control, further proving his commitment to their partnership. He and Khadeen share their journey in We Over Me, and his next book, Raising Kings: How Fatherhood Saved Me From Myself, is on the way.
Through honesty and growth, Devale Ellis challenges traditional ideas of masculinity, making his story one that resonates deeply with millennial women.
For the xoMAN podcast, host Kiara Walker peels back the layers of masculinity with candid conversations that challenge stereotypes and celebrate vulnerability. Real men. Real stories. Real talk.
Want more real talk from xoMAN? Catch the full audio episodes every Tuesday on Spotify and Apple Podcasts, and don’t miss the full video drops every Wednesday on YouTube. Hit follow, subscribe, and stay tapped in.
Featured image by YouTube/xoNecole
6 Tabletop Sex Positions That'll Unlock You & Bae's Most Primal Desires
Something I will never tire of is finding new ways to bring new layers to intimacy. A wall you use as momentum, a bathroom sink to help you keep your balance as he worships you on his knees, a shower that is usually for cleansing but evolves into a sacred ritual of shared intimacy.
My favorite kind of sex is the kind of sex that prioritizes pleasure and connection. So, technically and thankfully, I can say most of my sex life has been quite pleasurable throughout the years. But the memorable encounters for sure take the cake. One such encounter actually took place on a kitchen counter, and with it unleashed inhibitions in ways I never anticipated while unlocking levels to top-tier sex. And that, that involved a kitchen counter.
Why Kitchen Counter Sex Just Hits Different
What is it about having your hips pressed into the edge of a kitchen counter that lets out something so primal in you? The cool-to-the-touch feel of the countertop against exposed skin as you rise to meet him again and again. The urgency in every movement. The playfulness of repurposing an everyday space for something far more erotic. If you’re looking to bring that energy into your own sex life, keep reading for positions and tips to explore.
1. The Bounce House
They don’t call it Bounce House for nothing. In this position, the penetrating partner lies flat on their back on a sturdy table or counter while the receiving partner straddles them, knees bent and facing away. With their hands gripping the edge of the surface for support, the receiving partner slides or bounces at their own pace, owning the rhythm, the motion, and the view.
According to sex therapist Michael Aaron, Ph.D., who spoke with Women’s Health, the receiving partner placing their legs between their partner’s creates a tighter sensation, while staying fully astride allows for more bounce and range of motion. Either way, this one puts the receiver in full control, and you know we love a good woman on top position. Pleasure and power? Say less.
2. The Bicycle
Well, you know what they say about riding a bike. In the case of this table top position, it's the receiving partner who is the rider...but not in the way you think. While lying back on a sturdy surface or a table, the receiver will bring their knees toward their chest, bending them as if in a cycling motion. The penetrating partner stands at the edge of the surface, grabbing the receiver's ankles, and guides themselves inside, slowly so as to savor the moment. This angle puts everything on display for the penetrating partner while allowing for deep, connected thrusting for the receiver.
To take things up a notch , the receiving partner can touch themselves or flex their thighs to control the depth or the rhythm. Because, who says only one person gets to have control?
3. Counter Offer
How could we be at the table and not use it to eat? Enter: Counter Offer. In this oral-focused sex position, the receiving partner perches on the edge of a counter or table, lying back or sitting upright with legs parted or bent for comfort. The penetrating partner kneels or stands between their thighs, depending on the setup and the kind of attention they’re ready to give. No doubt, this one’s all about access and intention.
With the vulva front and center, the height makes it easier to maintain eye contact, use hands freely for things like breast play or incorporating toys, and take their time with every moan-inducing taste. And that’s on five, six, seven, ATE.
4. Standing Doggy
Standing Doggy is what happens when a classic like doggy style gets an upgrade. Instead of being on all fours on a bed, the receiving partner bends over a hard surface like a table or counter, keeping their hips aligned at its edge. The penetrating partner stands behind and enters from the back, using the angle to go deeper and create a strong, steady rhythm. This one offers maximum control and visual appeal, especially if the penetrating partner reaches around for a little extra clitoral stimulation throughout thrusting.
This angle can get intense quickly, so bonus points if the receiving partner engages their pelvic floor muscles or shifts their weight to adjust how the pressure hits, especially if your goal is to hit that G-spot sweet spot.
5. Top Shelf
Men's Healthcalls this one "Yourself on the Shelf," but we like to call it "Top Shelf" because it's giving full view, full grip, and climax potential that's hard to top. The receiving partner sits on the edge of a sturdy table or counter while the penetrating partner stands in front of them and slowly slides in, thrusting while keeping them in position. From there, legs can wrap around their waist, arms can encircle their back, and the closeness at peak ecstasy? Chef's kiss.
If you have the core strength, add lifting to the menu for the final strokes leading to orgasm. Otherwise, allow the surface to the heavy lifting and enjoy the pleasure.
6. The Thumper
What better way to remind yourself that you're both the snack and the entrée than with a little tableside service courtesy of The Thumper? This position has the receiving partner kneeling on a sturdy table or counter (keyword: sturdy), hands gripping the edge or braced in front for support. The penetrating partner can then either kneel behind them (if there's room for two), or stay anchored on the ground with both feet planted on the floor (similar to the previously mentioned Standing Doggy). It all depends on the mood.
Kneeling on the table offers just the right amount of leverage for deep, steady strokes. The receiving partner can play with tightness by either keeping their knees closer together for a snug grip, or open their knees wider to invite more access, depth, and stretch. The Thumper is versatile that way, and the most important thing? The receiver gets to be the main course. Yum.
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