

Believe you me, I've had my share of dates that were, let's just say, less than impressive. But I always try my best to give credit where credit's due and when it comes to what inspired this lil' write-up, it was an article that I happened upon entitled "29 Women Reveal Their Absolute Worst First Date Stories".
MAN. One woman said she went on a first date with a guy who gave her a heads up that $10 was her limit on the menu. Another woman said that her date brought a friend who was 1) dressed up like Michael Jackson and 2) decided to do a concert for people as they waited in the ER (right…the date ended in the emergency room). Another woman said that she experienced one of the worst kisses ever while trying to tell her date about her mom being in the hospital (awk-ward). Still, another woman talked about how a dude spent the entire date reminiscing about his exes—how he lived with all of them and when they broke up, he had to go back to live with his mom. Then he proceeded to ask her about the size of her own place (SMH…this guy).
But the one that probably inspired this piece the most is the lady who went out with a guy who stole gas (she knew because he pulled up to her house with the hose still attached to his car's tank). Yeah, that sucks but, guess what? She's been married to him for 22 years now (just wow)!
Although dating—let alone marrying—someone who does a criminal act is a bit of a red flag for me personally, it does co-sign on something I do personally believe. No matter how much a date sucks, that doesn't mean that it can't come with its own silver lining or two.
Before you roll your eyes and click off of this, give me about five minutes (give or take) to explain where I'm coming from. Then think back on some of your own bad dates and see if you can pull some actual benefits out of them. Perhaps ones like the following:
You Can Figure Out What “a Date” Is to You
Personally, I don't get down with that whole, "If you don't have any expectations, you won't be disappointed" mentality. I say that because the people I know who claim to live like that are actually some of the most jaded and cynical people I've ever encountered. At the same time, I do think that a lot of us find ourselves unnecessarily disillusioned because we assume that just because we think that something should go a certain way that everyone else has the same mentality.
Absolutely not. Recently, I watched a video of Savannah Chrisley talking about how chivalrous her new fiancé was to the point that, on her first date, he called her dad, Todd to say he would call him once he picked her up and again once he dropped her off. Savannah also said that she hasn't touched a door since they've met. Meanwhile, I know folks who stay in relationships with guys who've never paid for a date (at most, their guy will do Dutch) and hasn't done anything to write home to dad about.
Why do women put up with Column B? I think a part of the reason is they don't really think about what a date means to them—what standards they have. For instance, do you want to be picked up? Do you want him to plan the date himself? Do you always want him to pay?
A good thing that can come from going on bad dates is it can give you clarity on what you expect, moving forward. Like, if you want a man to go through the effort to plan the date and the next guy asks you out and says, "I dunno. What do you want to do?" -- you can already decide if he's worth two hours on a Saturday night. Or not. If you want chivalry to be in full effect but the guy doesn't open a single door, maybe there doesn't need to be a second date.
You’ll Learn How to Sense Red Flags Quicker
They say that hindsight is 20/20, but just think about all of the time, effort and energy (not to mention all of the blood, sweat and tears) that could be spared if we learned how to recognize red flags in someone out the gate.
Some first date red flags—a man who shows up late (he doesn't value your time); a man who flirts with your server (he's disrespectful); a man who orders for you (unless he already knows what you like, he's too pushy); a man who checks his phone (he's flippant and distracted); a man who brings up sex too quickly (ugh…just ugh) and a man who's all talk and no listen (he's confrontational and probably a know- it-all).
Some after the first date red flags—he's an exaggerator (that's a step away from being a liar); he never really makes plans in advance (again, he doesn't value you as much as he should); he doesn't make good on his promises (he can't fully be trusted); he always makes the date/relationship decisions (he's inconsiderate and selfish) and you're doing most of the work to make the relationship work (he isn't all in).
If you experience any of these things on your date, it's uncomfortable and unfortunate, there's no doubt about that. But sometimes, seeing these kinds of flags spelled out in black and white can help you to realize how to detect them quicker…just in time for the next date, with the next man.
It Has a Way of Making You a Better Communicator
Sometimes dates are a dud, not because the guy isn't attractive or a gentleman; it's just that there doesn't seem to be much of a connection. Sometimes, that's because something within the communication is a bit off.
If you were to be honest with yourself, that might not have been all on him. It can be challenging to strike up conversations with someone that you barely know. If you totally feel where I'm coming from, it can't hurt to think about what you would do differently, communication-wise, on your next date. What would you like to know? What kind of questions would you ask? How would you approach awkward moments of radio silence?
Although it would be nice if all dates flowed seamlessly, this is not a rom-com, it's the real world. Sometimes there needs to be a plan of action, even as it relates to communication.
It Can Boost Your Confidence Levels
There are the kind of dates that, even as you're on them, you end up telling yourself that you probably won't go on a second one. Not because anything is wrong per se; it's more like something doesn't feel quite right. Then there are the kind of dates that makes you get up to call a ride before dessert is even served. Either the guy is rude to the rest of the staff or the stuff he says (or asks) you is totally inappropriate.
Column A sucks but Column B is much worse. There still is an upside, though. When a bad date happens and you decide that you deserve more (column A) or better (column B) and you make a conscious decision to not go on another date (column A) or continue the one that you're currently on (column B), the boundaries that you set can be super self-affirming. It can remind you to not settle for less, even when it comes to a two-hour outing.
It Can Also Make You More Empathetic and Compassionate
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Suppose your date was a set up and 20 minutes into it, you think to yourself, "Yeeeeah, this isn't gonna work." Maybe you're not physically attracted to him. Maybe you don't feel a spark or any real chemistry. Maybe he's already said or did something that has automatically made you want to friend zone him. Before you text one of your girlfriends to call you so that you can cut your date short, now is the time to implement the Golden Rule. How would you feel if he abruptly left you in the middle of the date because there was no romantic connection?
Another good thing that can come out of a bad date is it can test your level of empathy (putting yourself in someone else's shoes) and compassion (wanting to relieve the suffering that someone may be experiencing). If you put these two things into practice, it will only benefit you in the long run because even when you do meet "the one", you're going to need to extend empathy and compassion to him in order for the relationship to go the distance. (Just ask any married person that you know.)
You Will Get a Better Sense of What You Want
One of my favorite dates of all-time consisted of going zip-lining in the morning and a four-star dinner in the evening. Everything was a total surprise. At the end of the all-day-date, I asked the guy how he came up with the idea. He said he wanted us to both do something we'd never done before together and, because some of our best memories consisted of being around food, he then wanted us to enjoy a new high-scale restaurant. The proactiveness, the thoughtfulness and the reasoning behind it all caused me to raise the bar of expectations when it comes to dates moving forward. No longer do I just want dinner and a movie, simply because I now know, firsthand, that men can be a lot more creative than that—when they want to be.
So, when another guy thought bringing fast food over to my house to watch On-Demand was the idea of a first date, his visit got cut short. His lack of investing into the date was like…a forecast into what our future would be like.
So yeah, to me, another benefit that can come from a sucky date is it can provide you with clarity regarding what you want from dates (and relationships), moving forward. #givethanks
It Can Make YOU a Better Date
Something that I think far too many of us overlook is, whether a date is good or bad, it can be a teachable moment. It can reveal to you what your expectations and triggers are. It can show you how good (or not so good) you are at engaging another individual. It can help you to discover the strengths that you have in dealing with others, along with your weaknesses.
Keeping all this in mind, if you take nothing else from this lil' write up, at least be willing to use your bad date experiences as an opportunity to learn more about yourself. If you do that—and I mean really do that—you significantly increase your chances of heading bad dates off before they even begin. Guaranteed.
Featured image by Getty Images
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It's kinda wild that, in 2025, my byline will have appeared on this platform for (what?!) seven years. And yeah, when I'm not waxing poetic on here about sex, relationships and then...more sex and relationships, I am working as a certified marriage life coach, helping to birth babies (as a doula) or penning for other places (oftentimes under pen names).
As some of you know, something that I've been "threatening" to do for a few years now is write another book. Welp, October 2024 was the month that I "gave birth" to my third one: 'Inside of Me 2.0: My Story. With a 20-Year Lens'. It's fitting considering I hit a milestone during the same year.
Beyond that, Pumas and lip gloss are still my faves along with sweatshirts and tees that have a pro-Black message on them. I've also started really getting into big ass unique handbags and I'm always gonna have a signature scent that ain't nobody's business but my own.
As far as where to find me, I continue to be MIA on the social media front and I honestly don't know if that will ever change. Still, if you need to hit me up about something *that has nothing to do with pitching on the site (I'm gonna start ignoring those emails because...boundaries)*, hit me up at missnosipho@gmail.com. I'll do what I can. ;)
Your May 2025 Monthly Horoscopes Are All About Blooming Softly & Trusting Divine Timing
May is about being patient, nurturing your dreams, and creating beauty in your world. This is a more stable and generous month than the chaos that April brought, and we get an opportunity for closure, healing, and rejuvenation this month. We are still amid some important retrograde transits, but these are ones we can navigate better by grounding our energy in the present moment, and not allowing ourselves to stress over the what-ifs.
With the Sun in Taurus for most of the month, May reminds us that there is beauty in finding your peace and not allowing anyone to disrupt that.
Pluto goes retrograde in Aquarius from May 4 until October 13, and this will be a time of remembering your power when it comes to your purpose, innovations, and the ability to attract support into your life. Mercury moves into Taurus on May 10, making this a good time for negotiations, creating new plans financially, and sticking to your word on something that holds value to you. The Full Moon of the month occurs in Scorpio on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year, signifying growth and seeing the beauty in your life.
This Full Moon is all about letting go of what doesn’t feel authentic or resonate with you emotionally, and about experiencing more closure and healing within relationship matters.
Your May 2025: A Monthly Overview
Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and we enter air sign energy, which is good for communication, business, and coming up with inspiring and new ideas. On May 24, Saturn enters Aries, beginning its new transit where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn in Aries is bold, direct, and straightforward, but so are its lessons. There is a gift in resilience and finding your strength during this time, and this transit will show you where your power is, but it may challenge you to confront self-limiting behavior in the process.
Mercury enters Gemini on May 25, and Mercury loves being here. Mercury in Gemini is the creative genius, and this is a month of aligning yourself with this energy. On May 26, we have a New Moon in Gemini, and it’s time to set your intentions for where you want a communication breakthrough in your life, and what new ideas you want to start planting the seeds for. This is a good New Moon for networking, exchanging ideas, having more fun, and getting inspired.
Article continues after the jump.
May 2025 Horoscopes for Every Zodiac Sign
Keep reading for your sun, moon, and rising sign below to see what May has in store for you.
ARIES
The impact from April is finally behind you, and you get to move forward this month, Aries. After a month of retrogrades and Eclipses, you are starting to see the progress of what you have been working towards financially this year. The Sun is in your 2nd house of abundance, self-confidence, and values this month, and you are putting your dreams here first.
With Venus also in Aries for the entire month of May, you are feeling the support within and without this month, and this is a beautiful month unfolding.
On May 24, Saturn enters your sign, beginning its transit in Aries, which will last for the next few years. Saturn is the master of tough love, and you are going to be learning a lot about yourself during his time and going through a growth spurt. The New Moon of May is at the end of the month on May 26 and will be giving you the answers and clarity you have been looking for, highlighting open communication in your life. Overall, this is your month of fewer obstacles and more progress.
TAURUS
Taurus Season is officially underway, and you are the main character right now, Taurus. Remember that. This month is about trusting your intuition and the timing of things, and knowing that things are working in your favor. With Venus, your ruling planet, in your 12th house for the month, you are seeking a lot of closure and culmination right now and are healing what was. Mercury enters your sign from May 10 until May 25, and it’s all about the perspectives you are gaining right now.
Don’t be afraid to ask the important questions and get down to the bottom of things that have been worrying you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 7th house of partnership, and you are closing the door on what has not been working for you in love. You are seeing the clarity of what you need within your emotional world and how you want to navigate the changes you have been through here now.
GEMINI
May is a new beginning for you, Gemini. You have a lot of energy and vitality with you this month, and you are ready to accomplish some personal goals and intentions of yours. For most of the month, the Sun is in your house of closure and healing, and you are finding yourself rejuvenated from the transformations you have been through. Gemini Season officially begins on May 20, and with the Sun in your sign, nothing is holding you back from shining and living in your truth right now.
On May 25, Mercury enters Gemini until June 8, and Mercury loves being in your sign, as this is your planetary ruler.
Mercury in Gemini is forward-thinking, quick, and intelligent. You are coming up with solutions to previous challenges or obstacles, and overcoming something that has felt restrictive mentally. Before the month ends, there is a New Moon in Gemini on May 26, and this New Moon is one of the best times of the year for you to set your intentions and manifest your dreams. Remember you are worthy of what you are setting out to accomplish this month, Gemini.
CANCER
Cancer, this month requires you to slow down, take care of your health, and allow things to come to fruition the way they are meant to. There is a chance you could be overthinking more than usual this month, and you are being reminded that there is only so much that is in your control, and to give yourself some more grace. The Full Moon in Scorpio on May 12 will help you gain a little more clarity of the heart and is going to be a time of feeling the love and appreciation in your life.
Saturn enters your 10th house of career on May 24, remaining here over the next few years, and you are getting an opportunity to grow and discover where you may have been limiting yourself professionally, socially, or within your aspirations in life. This time is all about reminding yourself that you deserve recognition for the work you do, but that you must also be the one believing in yourself as well. On May 12, there is a New Moon in your house of emotional healing, and you are seeing the gifts of alone time, safe spaces, and tending to your creative inklings at the end of the month.
LEO
This month is an opportunity for a new beginning in love and progress within your emotional world, Leo. You are learning to trust your intuition more, and you are putting more of your energy into your heart’s desires. With the Sun in your 10th house for most of the month, you are shining in your truth and remaining confident in your goals in life.
Venus is in your house of adventure for the entire month, and this is a good time for experiencing romance while traveling or getting out of your comfort zone a little.
Saturn makes a significant move from Pisces into Aries at the end of the month and enters your 9th house. With Saturn here, you will be learning more about what mental growth and clarity mean to you, and this is a good time to dedicate yourself to higher education, traveling, gaining a new perspective, and honoring your integrity and values. The New Moon of the month is on May 26, creating magic within your friendships and community.
You are leaving this month with hope in your heart and new plans for the future.
VIRGO
May is a month of abundance and fruition for you, Virgo. Your dreams and intentions are coming to fruition, and you are owning that which you have created for yourself. With Venus in Aries, this is a good time for seeing support in your life financially, dedicating yourself to your commitments and responsibilities, and seeing the gifts in that. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in your 3rd house of communication, and this is an intuitive time for you, giving you the strength needed to close the chapter on what you don’t resonate with anymore.
On May 24, Saturn enters your house of shared finances, rebirth, intimacy, and resources, and over the next few years, you will be learning the importance of connecting with people who truly have your best interest at heart, and not committing to what feels unstable. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your house of career, and this is a good time to manifest and set your intentions for where you want to see professional growth in your life.
Overall, May is about embracing your freedom while honoring the people and connections that help you grow and make you feel more secure in life.
LIBRA
This is a month of feeling empowered and ready to take on anything that comes your way, Libra. You are inspired by the progress you are making in your life right now, and with Venus in your 7th house of love, you are being well-received. This is a month of finding your balance between your path and the growth of your relationships, and there is a sense of support, harmony, and love in your life in May.
You are owning your authenticity and living in your truth fully, and this energy is magnetic.
However, Saturn also enters your 7th house of love this month, where it will remain for the next few years. Saturn empowers and helps you grow, but you can also feel a little more challenged within your relationships during this time. The more you can own your wants and needs, the more you can find vulnerability and support within your relationships. On May 26, a New Moon in a fellow air sign occurs and happens in your 9th house, creating a chance at a new adventure and an opportunity to discover some new inspiration.
SCORPIO
May is about believing in the impossible, Scorpio. It’s time to take a leap of faith in yourself and to remember your power. You are seeking a new beginning in your life, and with the Sun in your 7th house of love for most of the month, you are being supported and encouraged in the process. Pluto, one of your ruling planets, goes retrograde in your house of home and family from May 4 until October, and you are gaining clarity on the people and support systems you can rely on more.
The Full Moon of the month is in your sign on May 12, and this is the Flower Moon of the year. You are in full bloom and ready for whatever is next for you, and this is beautiful. Previous intentions and goals come to fruition for you overall in mid-May, and there is a lot to look forward to right now as you are getting excited about it all. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini in your 8th house, creating a sense of empowerment through what you are looking to change and transform in your life right now.
This month is about not being afraid to take more risks and doing things your own way.
SAGITTARIUS
May is a beautiful month of magic, success, and good fortune, Sagittarius. You are feeling lucky this month and are attracting success to you in many different areas of your life. Venus, the planet of love, is in your 5th house of romance for most of the month, and you are enjoying your life, feeling the love within your heart, and expressing yourself freely in May. You are a magnet for your manifestations, and dreams are coming true for you this month, Sag.
On May 12, we have a Full Moon happening in your house of endings and closure, and you are closing out a big chapter in your life this month.
You are letting go of old pain or emotional experiences and choosing not to repeat a pattern that left you feeling hopeless before. On May 26, we have a New Moon in your sister sign, Gemini, enhancing your need for love, connection, and relationship development this month. This is a great New Moon to set your intentions for what partnerships you want to see grow, heal, and come to fruition for you. Overall, May is your month of fruition, balance, and believing in the magic in your life.
CAPRICORN
May is about slowing down and allowing yourself to find the answers you have been looking for, Capricorn. This isn’t the time to rush your progress or doubt where you are in life. The Sun is in your 5th house, and this is good for finding more time for fun, pleasure, self-care, and asking your heart what it needs. With Pluto going retrograde in your 2nd house of values and income, you are being reminded to hold yourself with integrity and to know that you are worthy of the things you are asking for.
The Full Moon on May 12 is a beautiful time to connect with loved ones or those who inspire you. The universe wants to show you that you are not alone this month and that you deserve to live a life where you can enjoy yourself more and manifest your dreams, rather than believing everything needs to be a challenge to be worthy. Saturn, your ruling planet, then enters your 4th house of home and family, and over the next few years, you are going to be rediscovering what home means to you.
AQUARIUS
Your guidance for May is to trust that what is falling from your life or changing for you is doing so for your benefit, Aquarius. Trust that what is happening is happening for you and not to you, and don’t doubt that you will rebuild from this. With Pluto going retrograde in your sign from May 4 until October 13, you need a break from some of the confusion you have been feeling in your personal life, and you are getting a chance to gain a new perspective this month.
Use this time to get inspired by change rather than let it bring you down, and ground yourself in the present moment more.
Saturn enters Aries in May, where it will remain for the next few years, helping you grow in the areas of your life that have to do with communication, networking, transportation, siblings, and education. You will be learning a lot during this time and will be finding new outlets for self-expression and communication. Before the month ends, we have a New Moon in Gemini occurring in your 5th house of romance, pleasure, hobbies, and entertainment, and after a month of navigating endings, changes, and closures, you are ready for a fresh start and are receiving one in love now.
PISCES
Allow what is to be, be, Pisces. May is a month of allowing yourself to trust the timing of the universe and not giving up hope that things are going to turn out beautifully for you. On May 12, there is a Full Moon in fellow water sign, Scorpio, and this is a time to get inspired and see the benefits of closure. This Full Moon is about gaining a new perspective and not doubting what is clearer to you now, that you are worthy of a new beginning.
On May 24, Saturn moves into your 2nd house of income, and you are going to be moving through a journey of developing financially, and working on maintaining stability while building new foundations in your life. The New Moon in Gemini at the end of the month is about setting your intentions for your home and family life and creating some new energy here. Overall, May is your month of breaking ground on the things you want to create for yourself and trusting the timing of how things are unfolding.
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Featured image by Kyra Jay for xoNecole
Lizzo Talks Confidence: 'I Love The Person I've Become Through It All & I Think That's The Real Prize'
Lizzo is reflecting on her healing journey while giving the girls advice about confidence. The "Truth Hurts" singer has faced unfair criticism throughout her career for being a plus-size woman who embraces her curves. However, she recently went through a body transformation, which she calls a "weight release," and was criticized yet again.
But through it all, we've seen her hold her head high and continue to collect checks and awards. Lizzo stopped by The Breakfast Club recently and opened up about self-love, confidence, and healing.
When co-host Charlamagne Tha God asked Lizzo the difference between confidence and healing, The "Still Bad" artist replied, "I think people can fake confidence, but you can't fake healing. You can't be fake healed."
Lizzo explained how faking confidence can actually help you in the long run. "There's a lot of people who walk around and they can pretend to be confident and actually, I think that's what confidence's intention is, is to be used a little artificially. The fake it to you make," she said.
"Then, eventually you get there because my confidence, I had to force it. I had to fake it for a long time because I didn't grow up in a world where they were like, 'you're beautiful' and 'your body is beautiful' and 'we like you,' 'we like your personality.' 'Yeah, you watch anime and listen to rock music, we accept you.'
I was very like 'other' and I think I had to be like, 'no, you are good enough,' 'you are worthy of love,' 'your body is beautiful,' even when I didn't believe it. I think that eventually, if you say something enough, it can come true. You can manifest it, you can create your reality and I think I got there by faking it."
When it comes to dealing with negativity, Lizzo is learning to let the not so nice comments roll off her back and give grace. "People are as kind to others as they are to themselves and if somebody is throwing hatred or saying something mean-spirited about somebody, just for the sake of doing it, I can't imagine how you talk to yourself," she said. I can't imagine how you think about yourself and treat yourself when no one's watching and for that, Ive already won."
She added, "I love the person I've become through it all and I think that's the real prize. That's the real reward."
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