

Are Dating Apps Lowering Our Standards?
It's finally Friday and I've just punched into work with my Starbucks coffee in one hand and the other smoothing down my edges one last time before settling at my desk.
As my computer loads, my mind wanders to the upcoming weekend. Should I get dressed up and go out, or make a face mask and finish off that $6 bottle of wine taunting me in the fridge? For a second, I picture myself sitting across from a man in a dimly lit restaurant, feeling as badass as Rihanna, while he caters to me before any waiter has the chance to. The thought vanishes as quickly as it came though, remembering that this is real life and in real life, I am single as a dollar bill.
This snap back to reality is made worse by also remembering that at any moment now, my coworker, Candace, will be bursting into my office to give blow-by-blow details of the date she went on last night. Part of my morning ritual begins with listening to her relive events of the night before, starting with the same preface each time, "So I met this guy on Tinder."
I brace myself in preparation for the roller coaster of anxiety I am about to have while she tells me she met up with a stranger, possibly slept with the stranger, and realized that she made a mistake by going out with a stranger.
Because more often than not, she finishes her recaps saying something like, "This is why I'm so over men and their sh*t."
This sentiment is echoed by frustrated, single women everywhere who put themselves out there only to be disappointed, embarrassed, hurt, or a combination of all three. From sliding into DM's and swiping left or right for a match, social media has definitely changed the dating game. Swiping through apps like OkCupid, Tinder, or Plenty of Fish, you'll come across dozens of suitors that you may not have encountered otherwise.
But are these apps making dating more convenient, or over-saturating our dating pool?
On one hand, it's optimistic to assume that you are increasing your chances at love by making yourself visible to a broader audience of men. A bigger pond, a wider net, a better catch, right?
Nope.
"When human beings are offered many choices, they're actually less likely to make a decision or selection," Michelle Jacoby, dating expert and owner of DC Matchmaking and Coaching, said. In fact, Jacoby said that having unlimited access to first dates in the palm of your hand can give you "Dating ADD."
In other words, the dynamic of breezily swiping through potential baes can quickly result in more impatience, more judgement, and less effort.
Where is the lie?
For anyone who has used a dating app, consider the thoughts that swirled around in your mind while you decided which way to swipe. Were you turned off by a corny quote they used? Were you unimpressed by their clothes, the quality of their selfies, or their surroundings? Did you see all the reasons why this guy isn't in your league, and swipe right anyway because maybe, just maybe, there's more to him than meets the eye?
In her studies, Jacoby also noted that this online dating trend produces a lot of first dates, but slim chance for many second dates. Several of Jacoby's clients have reported that they often experience ghosting from a date they met online, a complete disconnection from someone they thought they would speak to again.
To be honest, I am totally guilty of ghosting. No warning or explanation. I was one of those awful people who went on a first date with someone I "met" through an app, then proceeded to block their number and social media profiles without so much as a, "it was nice meeting you."
The guy wasn't even the creepiest or most self-absorbed person I had met, but, I couldn't silence the voice in my head that told me I shouldn't have invited a stranger into my world so easily. A few short conversations and two funny GIFs is all it took to forget my standards. If I continued to go on dates this way, would I lose sight of my standards and hopes for the husband of my dreams altogether?
Going out on more dates also means you are probably getting dressed up to spend your own money. Men who frequently rely on dating apps to meet women are less likely to pick up the check, and that's if he even offers to take you to a restaurant. Millennial men are shying away from the whole concept of sit-down dates, choosing to "just hang out" at your place instead because their expectation of you is already low.
They didn't initially have to work for your attention or your time, so they aren't going to work to keep it, either.
When Jacoby was dating online 10 years ago, she said it was common for men to send two- to four-paragraph introductions to spark conversation. These days, a simple, "Hey, what's up?" is expected to reel you in. Then, you're stuck staring at dry, three-letter "wyd" messages and you'll respond, depending on how bored you are, until you give up on the dead-end conversation.
My mom told me about fairytales, or rather, a time when chivalry and etiquette were as natural as checking your phone. My mom is a southern belle who I imagine has always had eligible bachelors falling at her feet, but she would surely disagree, saying that her skinny legs made her too lanky, or that her thick-rimmed cat-eye glasses made her look too nerdy.
Yet, none of those things stopped guys from treating her the princess treatment on date number one.
My mom never liked to go into great detail about the dates she went on before meeting my dad, but most of what she revealed sounds like this: if it had rained so much the streets flooded, her date carried her so that she didn't ruin her shoes stepping in puddles; if the floor was too sticky, he put his jacket down so that the surface didn't ruin her shoes; if her shoes were hurting her feet too bad to walk, he'd give his socks so that she didn't ruin her toes.
My mom would always underscore the ultimate flaw that diminished any chance they could get married, because that was the whole point of any date she went on – deciding if this man was worthy enough of to be called her husband. It's not that she didn't look to simply have fun sometimes, but she knew to keep her energy and personal space sacred.
Virtually every date she agreed to go on was an audition for a leading role, and without the proper qualifications, a man couldn't get the spotlight on stage for a minute.
Dating apps try to expedite your love life, but in the end, you might find yourself feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and ready to throw in the towel by the time the universe has sent The One in your path. As Black women, we sometimes get the feeling that our dating pool is already small and shrinking every day, but our love lives will not dwindle to nonexistence from being selective. Our energy and emotions should be protected, only accessible to those who have put in the effort to receive our vulnerability.
Discovering true love won't always look like a fairy tale Disney movie, but how many frogs are you willing to kiss before you find your Prince?
Featured image by Getty Images
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Reina Camille is a writer and storyteller from Sacramento, CA. Camille loves the finer things in life, like sipping wine at bookstores and shopping at department stores. Keep up on Instagram: @reinacamille and reinacamille.com
Smile, Sis! These Five Improvements Can Upgrade Your Oral Hygiene Instantly
This article is in partnership with Sensodyne.
Our teeth are connected to so many things - our nutrition, our confidence, and our overall mood. We often take for granted how important healthy teeth are, until issues like tooth sensitivity or gum recession come to remind us. Like most things related to our bodies, prevention is the best medicine. Here are five things you can do immediately to improve your oral hygiene, prevent tooth sensitivity, and avoid dental issues down the road.
1) Go Easy On the Rough Brushing: Brushing your teeth is and always will be priority number one in the oral hygiene department. No surprises there! However, there is such a thing as applying too much pressure when brushing…and that can lead to problems over time. Use a toothbrush with soft bristles and brush in smooth, circular motions. It may seem counterintuitive, but a gentle approach to brushing is the most effective way to clean those pearly whites without wearing away enamel and exposing sensitive areas of the teeth.
2) Use A Desensitizing Toothpaste: As everyone knows, mouth pain can be highly uncomfortable; but tooth sensitivity is a whole different beast. Hot weather favorites like ice cream and popsicles have the ability to trigger tooth sensitivity, which might make you want to stay away from icy foods altogether. But as always, prevention is the best medicine here. Switching to a toothpaste like Sensodyne’s Sensitivity & Gum toothpaste specifically designed for sensitive teeth will help build a protective layer over sensitive areas of the tooth. Over time, those sharp sensations that occur with extremely cold foods will subside, and you’ll be back to treating yourself to your icy faves like this one!
3) Floss, Rinse, Brush. (And In That Order!): Have you ever heard the saying, “It’s not what you do, but how you do it”? Well, the same thing applies to taking care of your teeth. Even if you are flossing and brushing religiously, you could be missing out on some of the benefits simply because you aren’t doing so in the right order. Flossing is best to do before brushing because it removes food particles and plaque from places your toothbrush can’t reach. After a proper flossing sesh, it is important to rinse out your mouth with water after. Finally, you can whip out your toothbrush and get to brushing. Though many of us commonly rinse with water after brushing to remove excess toothpaste, it may not be the best thing for our teeth. That’s because fluoride, the active ingredient in toothpaste that protects your enamel, works best when it gets to sit on the teeth and continue working its magic. Rinsing with water after brushing doesn’t let the toothpaste go to work like it really can. Changing up your order may take some getting used to, but over time, you’ll see the difference.
4) Stay Hydrated: Upping your water supply is a no-fail way to level up your health overall, and your teeth are no exception to this rule. Drinking water not only helps maintain a healthy pH balance in your mouth, but it also washes away residue and acids that can cause enamel erosion. It also helps you steer clear of dry mouth, which is a gateway to bad breath. And who needs that?
5) Show Your Gums Some Love: When it comes to improving your smile, you may be laser-focused on getting your teeth whiter, straighter, and overall healthier. Rightfully so, as these are all attributes of a megawatt smile; but you certainly don’t want to leave gum health out of the equation. If you neglect your gums, you’ll start to notice the effects of plaque buildup, which can irritate the gums and cause gingivitis, the earliest stage of gum disease. Seeing blood while brushing and flossing is a tell-tale sign that your gums are suffering. You may also experience gum recession — a condition where the gum tissue surrounding your teeth pulls back, exposing more of your tooth. Brushing at least twice a day with a gum-protecting toothpaste like Sensodyne Sensitivity and Gum, coupled with regular dentist visits, will keep your gums shining as bright as those pearly whites.
Try This “I Am” Manifestation Technique To Make Your Desires A Reality Faster
We all have a dream life that we spend our free time daydreaming about. You know, the one with a loving partner, high-rise apartment, thriving career, and endless abundance. But as much as we can dream about it, there has to be a little extra sprinkle of “magic” to make it become a reality, and that’s when manifestation comes in.
The uptick in manifestation techniques is nothing new to the internet. Since The Secret and the Law of Attraction became available on YouTube in the early 2010s and fast forward to today, where #manifestationtok and #spiritualtok surging in popularity, it’s clear that there are a number of different ways to get what you want out of life with the right action, affirmation, and visualization.
Still, with so many ways to manifest, from scripting to the 3-6-9 Method, it can be hard to know which one to lean into. But there’s one new technique that’s promising to yield “instant results,” and we’re curious about it.
The "I Am Sure" Manifestation
@hothighpriestess Replying to @A I M E E 🖤 lG: hothighpriestess 🤍 this is the “I am sure” method #iamsuremethod
The “I Am Sure” manifestation gained traction this summer by TikTok creator Sara Perl of @hothighpriestess, who initially introduced the method.
In her original video breaking down the concept, she detailed the steps to use the technique for those looking to “manifest overnight.” To do so, start by stating “I am sure,” followed by “your desired manifestation in the present tense.” If there’s a job, promotion, or text from a crush that you want, then you’d say, “I am sure that I got X job,” or “I am sure that I make a $100K salary.” Repeat this out loud 10 times, or for faster results, write them down on a piece of paper and say it back to yourself whenever the desire comes up.
Using your words and speaking in the present tense, affirmatively, “puts you in the frequency that has that desire,” as Perl states. “We know our thoughts create our reality, but our words create our reality even faster.”
No matter how you choose to manifest your dream life, there’s nothing like channeling a powerful affirmation and some faith to get what you desire. In every instance, though, allow yourself to dismiss any doubt that may try to cloud your hopes in good things coming into your life, and don’t hold too tightly onto the “how” or “when.” Trust the process and know that the “thing” that you desire is just waiting for the perfect time to enter your life.
Happy manifesting.
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Featured image by Tassii/Getty Images